However, tomorrow morning, reality will set in. It breaks my heart, but you will discover you are not actually Lady Gaga, and you do have a term paper due on Friday. And you probably will have a hangover. I don’t think I can help you with the first two crises, but I do have a comprehensive guide to putting that hangover to bed.

Do your morning-after woes make you curse the day you were born? Never fear, there’s a recipe for that, and it’s simple enough not to compound that throbbing headache. Whip up these recipes tonight before going out. Your aching body will thank you tomorrow.

Got a searing headache?
You’re probably dehydrated. All those shots and Four Lokos have a diuretic effect on the body, meaning you lose water. So think like an athlete and grab some electrolyte-replenishing sports drinks to clear up that fog!

The remedy: Buy a bottle of Gatorade and pour it into an ice cube tray. You can place popsicle sticks in the cubes for a treat in the morning (especially nice just to suck on if you’re feeling nauseous too), or use the cubes to make a slushie. Pour them into a blender with some fresh fruit (I like pineapple), and churn away!

Got an upset stomach?
All that drinking can make your digestive system go bananas–which is why you should have some! They’re a binding food that represses stomach acid.

The remedy: Who says you can’t have pudding for breakfast? With this healthy, vegan-friendly recipe you’ll forget your stomach troubles.

Ingredients:

1 banana, broken into chunks
1 (12 ounce) package soft silken tofu
1/4 cup confectioners’ sugar
5 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
3 tablespoons soy milk
1 pinch ground cinnamon

Instructions: Blend all ingredients together until smooth, then refrigerate before serving.

Body aches galore?
It feels like you just went for a marathon tune-up at the gym, but the only weights you were carrying were twin 40s, you’re not alone. The combined effects of dehydration and very little sleep can leave your muscles feeling lethargic and sore. Get your strength back with a little protein and cysteine, a non-essential amino acid that some say counter-acts the byproducts of metabolized alcohol in the body. Get a healthy dose of both with some eggs!

The remedy: Even most college freshmen can make this recipe without access to a kitchen, if you have a hot-water boiler and a toaster in a common room. Perfect for those hangovers where you can’t even make it out of your dorm to the dining hall, make some poached eggs on toast for an alternative to the hum-drum fake-egg omelets in the caf.

Ingredients:

• 2 eggs
• Dash of pepper
• Salsa
• Bread
• Hummus (optional)

Instructions:

Fill the hot water boiler about two thirds of the way and let it boil. Once it’s hot enough, turn the heat down so it’s no longer a “rolling boil” (i.e. bubbling madly). In a separate bowl, crack open the two eggs. Gently pour the contents of the bowl into the boiling water, being careful not to splash (try to gingerly slide the eggs in). Let the eggs cook about 5 minutes until they become solid and can be easily removed with a spoon. Serve on warm toast (prepared on the toaster) with salsa for dipping and garnish with a bit of pepper.  Get creative if you like and spread hummus on the toast for more protein.

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, like our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like how to deal with HPV

Q: I just started having sex and all of my friends tell me I have to pee after. They say that if I don’t pee I can get a UTI. The problem is that I never have to go. I try every time – I run to the bathroom and sit there but nothing ever happens. Is that bad? Do you HAVE to go after? Is there something wrong with me that I can’t go?

A: Your friends are giving you good advice. In general, it’s a good idea to pee after sex. Sex can introduce bacteria where it shouldn’t be, up inside the normally sterile urethra (the tube from the bladder to the outside world). Urinating flushes out an bacteria that may be lurking near the opening to the urethra, just dying to crawl inside and wreak havoc with a urinary tract infection (UTI).

That said, if you don’t have to go, you don’t have to go. Although I would question why you don’t. Assuming you spent more than 5 minutes in the sack, a well-hydrated person would have likely collected at least a wee bit of urine in the bladder. If you never have to pee after sex, you may not be hydrating enough. In general, you should be drinking the equivalent of about eight 8oz glasses of water (or other healthy liquid, such as herbal tea or green juice) per day. If you’re not drinking enough, this also increases your risk of UTI’s. Drinking a glass of water before sex should fill up your bladder and help you flush things out.

So, no. There’s nothing wrong with you. But it sounds like increasing your fluid intake would be a good preventative health strategy for you. Drink up- and try to pee afterwards. And if nothing comes, don’t stress out. You’ll likely be just fine, girlfriend!

- Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

I hate you, Jack Daniel.

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – yes, even that – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I don’t know if you’ll know this but I was wondering if you had any advice for curing a hangover? I always feel super crappy for days after a long night out and I don’t know what I can do to feel better. I drink a lot of water and try to get a lot of sleep but nothing helps!

You know bodies – do you have any ideas?

A: Oh, I hear you. We’ve all been there. Unfortunately, there is no magic home remedy (although I can tell you that hungover medical students have been known to hook themselves up to bags of IV fluid, which I’ve been told works wonders!).  To some degree, a hangover is just par for the course – one of those lessons the Universe likes to teach us to keep us out of trouble. But assuming the deed is done, what can you do to minimize your suffering? Here are a few tips:

1. If you’re conscious enough in the midst of your drinking binge, make sure to alternate your alcoholic beverages with non-alcoholic ones to help your body stay hydrated in the presence of such a strong dehydrator.
2. After you’ve thrown up in the cab and rid yourself of any strays who might have followed you home, down a very large glass of Gatorade, which can help replace the electrolytes you’ve lost. If you can keep it down, chug two or three glasses.
3. Avoid caffeine. Coffee will not help sober you up. It will just make you a jittery, nervous drunk. Because it also dehydrates you, it will only worsen your hangover.
4. Although people may tell you to take two aspirin or a dose of Tylenol before you hit the hay, both can cause more harm than good. Aspirin can irritate the stomach and make you more likely to wind up praying to the porcelain gods. And Tylenol can be toxic to the liver, which is likely busy trying to break down alcohol. Try some extra B vitamins instead.
5. Sleep in.  Call in sick if you must. Your body needs rest to repair itself.
6. Forget the hair-of-the-dog advice. Unless you’re an alcoholic in the midst of withdrawing (in which case you’ve got bigger problems and need help), a little nip of alcohol in the morning is likely to just prolong the agony.  Try a virgin Bloody Mary instead.
7. Get something into your stomach in the morning, even if you don’t feel like eating. Your stomach gets pretty beat up when you’re binging, and food helps to coat it.
8. Take ibuprofen or naproxen in the morning to fight off your headache. You tummy will likely have settled down by then and can handle the medication. Take it with food so it doesn’t sit on an empty stomach.
9. Take a shower. It’s likely to perk you up and get the stink off you.
10. If you can stand it, get outside and move your body. It gets your blood flowing and provides welcome endorphins to help you fight the after-effects of too much booze.

Keep in mind that hangovers are our body’s way of responding to an overdose. Because our livers can’t keep up with the alcohol we put in, the whole body rebels. Do your body a favor and stave off hangovers the best way – prevention.

–Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

So you went out hoping to have a wild night of drunken fun with your friends. And you totally did. And then you woke up the next morning. And felt like you were going to die. Yep, we’ve all been there: the lovely hangover.

Nausea, headache, stomachache, you name it. Your day is wasted because you just don’t want to can’t move. Without wanting to vomit. Sitting in your bed all day just seems like the best option. Well, that and eating a big, delicious stack of pancakes. And a bagel. And some pizza you found on your floor.

But what if you have to be somewhere? What are you supposed to do about it? Let’s settle this debate between what really cures a hangover, and what is just making you fat.

Coffee
No, no and no. Okay, so who doesn’t need their daily cup to get the day started? Well, you sure don’t after a night of drinking. Caffeine is a diuretic similar to alcohol and can make you even more dehydrated than before. Save your Starbucks run for later and choose water instead.

Eggs
Eggs provide energy, but also contain something called cysteine, which breaks down hangover-causing toxin acetaldehyde. So, if you aren’t so-nauseous-that-just-standing-makes-you-hurl, go scramble up a few.

Bananas
Bananas provide lost electrolytes and contain potassium, replenishing the body with the potassium lost from alcohol’s diuretic effect. Don’t like bananas? Try a kiwi instead.

Exercise
You may think that “sweating the tequila out” is a good idea, but it’s not! (Editor’s Note: Thank. GAWD. I didn’t want to have to start hitting the treadmill with rum pumping through my veins.) Light cardio (a brisk walk…to get a Gatorade) is good to get the blood flowing, but intense cardio exercise is not advised.

Fruit juice
The fructose, or fruit sugar, in juice gives your body the vitamins and minerals that were lost the night before because of the alcohol. Studies show that fruit juice also increases the rate at which the body gets rid of toxins.

Hair of the dog
I cant believe I actually have to explain this one, but whoever thought more of the “hair of the dog that bit you” helps cure the effects of alcohol…well that’s just not right. Drinking more alcohol just leaves the liver with more toxins to have to deal with, duhhh. Plus, I don’t know about you, but after a night of heavy drinking, the mere thought of alcohol makes me wanna vomit. Literally, like the sight of a beer cap is all it takes.

7 Hours in front of the TV
It may feel really good to lay around and catch up on some Tori and Dean Home Sweet Hollywood, but this is doin’ nothing for your liver (or your brain, for that matter).

Listen – hangovers suck. But they do happen. The best thing you can do is just drink up (no, not alcohol), cook yourself a yummy breakfast, and remember how sick you feel the next time you drink again. Usually that doesn’t work (“IT JUST TASTES SO GOOD! LET’S DANCE!”), but it’s worth a try. Good luck!

Ole Henriksen Blue Blackberry Enzyme Mask – sephora.com $32

So your whole body is dehydrated (hence that pounding headache) but while you are rehydrating with vitamin water don’t forget to replenish your skin too! This mask has loads of antioxidants from blueberries and blackberries. Bonus feature – this mask is gentle enough to use under the eyes, where you need it most!

Clinique All About Eyes – clinique.com $28.50

New year’s was a blast but now your eyes look like you are a reject from the Thriller video. Clinque helps you out with this fantastic eye gel. Not only does it depuff but also gets circulation going which means it brings a little light to those dark circles.

Alison Raffaele Consealer – alisonraffaele.com $23

Masks and eye creams can’t work 100% at getting rid of your dark puffy circles. You’ll still need a heavy duty undereye concealer to look presentable. The tough part is finding something heavy duty that doesn’t look like spackle. Alison Raffaele’s True concealer is just such a magical product. It goes on smooth, hides the dark puffy stuff but still looks natural. You can cover the bags without looking like you raided Liza Minnelli’s makeup drawer!

C.O. Bigalow Menthe Lip Shine – Bath and Body Works $7.50

Now that your skin is glowing again and your eyes are bright, throw on a lip gloss that also covers up your rank breath. Super cheap, super shiny and minty to boot. Any leftover nastiness on your breath is covered up by this delightful minty gloss. Now you are fully prepared to get out the door and look great, even if you still feel crappy.

I can’t even believe how much I have been getting done since taking a break from drinking. From my music to my work to running an extra mile every day…I just have so much more energy. Of course this is for a lot of reasons. Alcohol drains your body, yes, but it also makes for poor sleeping patterns. Usually, after a night of drinking, I wake up at least twice in the night to get water since I’m so dehydrated from the alcohol. And, of course, it’s a lot harder to get things done in the morning when I’m just trying to focus on anything other than my hang over.

So yesterday was another testament to my ability to get crap done when I actually have both hands free because I’m not wasting one of them on clasping a beverage. I got a lot of work done in the morning. Then I went running and felt strong through the whole work out. I had practice with a guitarist, made an amazing bacon/pepperoni/jalapeno pizza. Then I worked through the night-on both writing and music-and didn’t lose my energy until around 4 am. It amazed me, to be honest.

But I’ll admit…alcohol is not at all out of my mind…nor is it hardly out of sight. My roomie, who is on this mission with me, sat by my side in our living room last night spewing out phrases like:

“Damnnnn. A beer would be good right now.”

and

“Dude. I can’t wait to drink.”

We may very well be true alcoholics for how obsessive we have been over this-but our will power is strong!

Tonight at midnight, my quest is over. I will spend the rest of the day contemplating exactly what sorta booze I will be chugging at the witching hour.