When he arrives at the Palms, in all his hoodie rocking glory, Jeremy storms into the studio like he owns it (in his delusional post-coke bender world, he probably does.) He wastes no time in bragging to anyone who will listen (the people Dina pays to sit around the studio) about how sick of a producer he is. This is the first of many examples of unprofessional behavior that Jeremy chooses to demonstrate. Big surprise, Jeremy’s shamelessly plugging his shiz on Ali & Dina’s pay. Ali–realizing good ol’ Jer isn’t even in the studio with her, but in another room playing his Garage Band mixes for studio execs rolling their eyes at him– gets an inkling that Jeremy be more concerned with his career than hers. GASP!

After closing his tricked out Myspace page, Jeremy tells Ali it’s important that they not waste any time, as they only have 6 hours in the studio and Jeremy has finished pimping himself out to those who do not care. Ali is visibly upset at her whack producer, and I’ve got to say I’m on her side. Yes, I obviously saw this coming from episode one, but not everyone is blessed with the strong sense of prescience I possess (Ok and the editors made it pretty damn obvious). But Ali seems hurt, confused and betrayed: Jeremy was using her. We’ve all been there.

Ali’s natural reaction to this insult is the kneejerk response of any 14 year old girl– passive aggressive sabotage. Suddenly, she’s just not “feelin’” Jeremy’s tracks. I think this is the music industry equivalent of “It’s not you, it’s me.” However, Ali is hesitant to upset Jeremy by telling him his song blows, so she has her vocal coach do it for her… while she sits next to her smirking. After they drag Jeremy away from the camera (he’s been waxing philosophical about his dope beats, Real World Confessional style), they break the news that it just ain’t happening for Ali.

Surprise surprise, Jeremy’s inappropriate behavior continues as he blames Ali for not liking his lame ass song. Their argument gets so heated that Ali storms out of the studio. Jeremy is insulted, but insists that he can go “drop his record” somewhere else.

After he moans and bitches to the entire Studio at the Palms’ staff, Jeremy realizes that Ali has the right to dislike his beats.

He calls Ali to beg for her forgiveness, only to receive the ultimate breakup dismissal: Ali ends this toxic relationship via phone. And she goes the whole 9 yards with “You’re cool and sweet, but it’s just not working out, sorry!” Jeremy, always the epitome of maturity, gets pissed and sulks off down the hallway, hopefully never to return.

Dina, who’s been insisting to us that she does not spend enough time on herself, has just returned from the salon and gym, where she was personally trained by a guy who plays for this team. She also has spent her “me” time attempting to convert Dakota to her immoral ways by introducing him to Hef (whom he politely wishes happy birthday), Holly, Kendra and Bridget. I would like to note that Cody remained the unwavering picture of genteel as he called the Girls “very pretty” and confirms his belief in monogamy (that’s my man!)

Anyways, Dina is slightly dismayed to learn that the recording sesh has gone to Hell in a handbasket during her absence. After all, Jeremy told her it was “gonna be hot” (Incidentally, any guy who speaks like that is absolutely not to be trusted, come on Dina baby!) Nonetheless, Dina says “I told you so” about Jeremy’s sucky song and tells Ali she’ll clean up the mess. I can’t help but wonder if that is the healthiest parenting method, but who am I to question the techniques used to raise future substance abusers and pretend lesbians.

Dina calls Phil Maloof to tell him about the snag that they’ve hit, and tells him “Uh, yea you have a week to find me a new song.” Leaving us all on the edge of our seats to see what happens…

Next Week:

E-man comes back into the studio to pick up the pieces Jeremy left behind and hopefully write Ali a decent track. Everyone seemed pleased with the few he’s already produced, and I am confident that they will sound eerily similar (if not exactly the same).

Cody arranges for Dina a surprise audience of middle aged tourist women for some reason unknown to me. But hey, Cody can do no wrong so I’m sure it will end well. There was also mentioning of Dina’s Rockettes fame, so hopefully we’ll get to experience some cougar high kicking!

Not the actual nuts and bolts of the deed, those always vary, but the way we react afterward.

No matter who we are, our pain tends to mirror each other during these times. We make the same decisions, fall into the same bad habits, give ourselves the same pep talks, and feel the general sh*ttiness so strongly that most of us, by our mid-twenties, have experienced some kind of life really can’t go on moment.

When a girlfriend goes through a break-up, we give advice, comfort her, but most of all, completely understand what she’s feeling. We completely understand, and never really want to go there again (although most of us will, according to the numbers. Damn you statistics! I knew I got a B- in your class for a reason!).

So certain that we all share the same brain when devastated, author Sandra Ann Miller has written a book, A Girlfriend’s Guide to Getting Over Him, in which she lists “10 essential ground rules to prevent the recently jilted from making the most common breakup mistakes”. The rules are listed here.

Although I think she’s in the right ballpark with this little expose,Sandra’s regulations are a tad heavy.

“I will screen all of my calls” she wants us to promise. “I will get caller ID, if necessary, and put “private call block” on my phone. I will not answer the phone unless I know who it is and am sure it’s not him. All other calls will go to voicemail.” Sheesh, lady. Unless the dude you were dating is some kind of psycho stalker with a pension for hunting knives (and in that case, you have no boyfriend skills), I’m not sure you have to buy Caller ID just to make sure you never answer his calls.

If he’s half decent, he should be giving you some space and not calling much if at all. If for some reason he’s harassing you, the solution isn’t Caller ID, it’s a cell phone to his head followed by an order to leave you alone.

No matter how intense the other 9 rules are on this list, there’s one that I think we all need to hear—although the Just-Broken-Up-Me of three years ago would have refused to. “I will not believe this is temporary” the promise begins. “I will see this Error: Break shortcode syntax invalid permanent until proven otherwise.”

That’s the killer, isn’t it girls? When we’re going through something shitty, no matter how bad the other person hurts us, no matter how much we know it’s probably for the best, if we loved them, there’s always a part of our brain that’s going, This is just transitory. We’re gonna get back together soon.

I hate that part. I’ve tried to knock that part out of my head more than once, but have yet to be successful. The hard thing is, this rule is probably the most important. This is the rule that can keep the break-up blues from turning into full-blown break-up depression.

Talking ourselves into the fantasy that we’ll get back together soon does nothing but prolong the pain. We break-up for reasons. No one ends a relationship arbitrarily. Letting the pain and loneliness talk you into forgetting those reasons and reaching for the familiar is hazardous.

Easier said than done, right? Right. Of course it is. Everything is, but the best advice I can give is that if you feel yourself breaking this important rule, stop, breathe, and reevaluate the situation. Remind yourself why the relationship ended. Remind yourself of the negatives. If you need someone else to remind you, find them. If the relationship is worth salvaging, it will be salvaged.

If not, you’re allowed to be in pain. You’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to eat four hot dogs like my recently jilted friend. But you’re not allowed to trick yourself. You’re not allowed to do more damage to your already fragile emotions by sabotaging an action that was made for a reason.

Those’em my rules. And I know all.

…Seriously. Got a plaque and everything.

Golf cart or electric car? It doesn’t matter! It’s adorable!

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On Tom Cruise: “He taps into the zeitgeist,” says Cruise’s business partner, Paula Wagner. He also taps into crazy. And delusional.

Five minute nose job? I need it now!

Missed L.A. Ink this season? Let us catch you up!

Hey, everyone! New buzzword for 2008! FLILF! Yeah…it’s kinda gross to me too.

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Arkansas man nearly throws away a million little girl’s dreams. Or a 4.3 carat diamond. Whatever.

Is oral sex really ‘sex’? Let us know what you think!