There are only two things I didn’t do enough in 2008: read about Barack Obama, and drink. And, like any two problems, it turns out you can fix those with a simple drinking game. But I don’t this to be some namby-pamby Johnny-come-lately one-night drinking game. For better or worse, I want this drinking game to last as long as Barack Obama is the president. For the next four years, I want Obama streamed directly into my life. And I want to be really, really drunk.And unless our national situation shapes up soon, you probably will, too. So:

The 2009-2013 Barack Obama Presidential Term Drinking Game.

- Drink every time Obama shoots a three-pointer as a publicity stunt. Drink again if he makes it.

- Drink every time an annoying conservative blogger photoshops Obama in a compromising political situation. Chug if it’s hilarious, like “PHOTO EVIDENCE: HUSSEIN OBAMA SHOWN WITH MINIATURE TALIBAN RADIO TRANSMITTER AND 40 VIRGINS UNDER TURBAN.” Chug and sob if FOX decides that bad photoshops are “news.”

- Drink every time Obama is implied to have planned or caused the following events: the economic crisis, 9/11, the Iraq insurgency, the Pearl Harbor bombings or the assassination of Julius Caesar.

- Drink in celebration every time one of the Big Three auto industries makes a full-featured, attractive, affordable electric car (please get out of the car, first).

- Alternately, take a shot every time one of the Big Three goes bankrupt or gets bought by Toyota.

- Drink every time any senior Democrat says “worse before it gets better.”

- To avoid mass pan-American blackouts, times when Obama says “hope” or “change” will be reduced to one-quarter of a drink each.

- Drink every time Obama pisses off the Russians (missile defense system in Poland, anyone?) Drink again if Putin responds with more shirtless martial arts videos.

- Drink every time Obama is hotter shirtless than Putin anyway.

- Drink whenever Michelle Obama is compared to Jackie O.

- Drink whenever Barack Obama is compared to JFK, and drink to calm your nerves whenever you see him in an open-air venue (was anyone else inexplicably terrified during the election night speech?)

- Drink whenever Obama is shown with any kind of nasty un-Presidential personal technology.

- Drink whenever Obama’s cabinet is described as a “second Clinton administration,” a “throwback,” a “dynasty” or anything similar. Chug if Bill Clinton ends up with an official Obama administration post.

- Drink every time someone paints an Obama mural in a European city.

- Drink a Shirley Temple every time Obama makes a speech in a predominantly Muslim country.

- Take one drink for every point Obama’s public approval ratings fall below 50%. Hopefully, this one won’t kill anyone outright through alcohol poisoning.

- Drink every time the Obama girls don’t get arrested for drunk driving or fake IDs. Heh, heh.

- Pound a few shots if, upon taking office, Obama turns out to be an evil overlord and replaces the Washington Monument with a giant statue of himself. Pound a few more if the statue shoots lasers from its eyes.

- Finally, until the Dow makes it back over, say, 10,000, drink every time you’re able to afford it. Obama might be smiling up a storm in office, but the next four years could be rough.

Print a copy, keep it in your pocket. Be ready whenever, wherever. And play responsibly, yeah?

But, we in the youngest (and perhaps extremely influential) voting demographic also reserve our right to party! And after all the ballots are cast, tonight is shaping up to be the biggest party night in America. So after you’ve done your civic duty, grab your friends and get ready to watch the returns with these creative suggestions:

The Setting:

Make sure you have the essentials: a television and ample seating room. But why not spruce up the space for the occasion? If you’re lucky to have the day off from classes today (as we do at my school– thank you, Fordham!), take a few minutes to make some posters! Rasterbator is an online application that will make any image you choose into a poster up to 20 meters in size. (The image will be blown up and printed out in pieces on regular 8 1/2 x 11″ sheets of paper, so you just assemble the sheets like a grid.) It’s really quick, extremely simple, and only requires the internet and a printer.

The Games

Take it a step further by printing two posters (one of Obama and one of McCain) and grabbing some construction paper. Cut out 50 squares from construction paper and label them with the names of each state. Have your guests tack each respective state onto the poster of the candidate who wins it, to keep track of election returns.

If you and your friends are rooting for different candidates, make the night interesting with a little friendly (yet apolitical) competition! While waiting for the results of the election to unfold, pass the time with a few innocent games. Ask your McCain fans to wear something red, and your Obama fans to wear blue. Play team versions of 20 Questions, Catch Phrase, or Charades. If you have outdoor space, hold a Three-Legged Race or a Tug-o-War, depending upon how many people you can gather for your party.

Not into physical exercise? It’s ok; we’re not either. Drinking games are more our speed, so grab a couple cases of beer (or some red and blue booze!) and play this game until you puke we elect a president.

The Food

There’s no better way to celebrate democracy than with some classic American grub. Fill up while the votes pile up with some hamburgers! Order out or make your own ‘Bama Burgers/ Palin Patties. And for the vegetarians among us, serve up a (Bi)Partisan Pizza Pie with this healthy recipe.

And how about some election-themed desserts? Try following this recipe for sugar cookies and buying red and blue icing. As you’re watching the election returns, eat a red cookie every time John McCain wins a state, and a blue cookie every time Barack Obama wins a state. (You can also do the same with cupcakes.) If baking isn’t your thing, why not pick up a few tubs of vanilla (or other white-colored) ice cream, and some red and blue food dye. Guests can display their party pride (or just their patriotism) with tinted ice cream.

Food, drinks and games – even if your candidate of choice doesn’t win, tonight is gonna be fun. And if he does…well, let’s dance.

What can I say? I’m very passionate.

Which made things a bit difficult for me recently when I met a wonderful guy…whom I soon found out was a Republican (ew). I wanted to like him – really I did – but was it really possible to be with someone who votes for the other party? I mean, it may be just a vote, but doesn’t it all tie back to someone’s beliefs, morals and passion?

I tried to stick it out, but I couldn’t get myself past the fact that he declared his love for Fox News within the first 5 minutes of my arrival.

Don’t get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with Fox News. And there is nothing wrong with Republicans. But someone who makes a bold statement about his love for Fox News is not someone I want to be with. It is one thing to date someone who votes for the other team; it is quite another to date someone who votes for the other team and then declares his love for said team from every pedestal/mountain/tall chair he can find.

At that point it becomes less about political party and more about values and common interests. It is not that I hated him for voting for Bush (which, in fact, I did), but rather that my idea of a fun Saturday looked completely different from his. I like to walk in the park, hit up the farmer’s market and peruse the aisles of Trader Joe’s. He wants to listen to Rush Limbaugh on the radio while he drives his gas guzzling Hummer to a Pro-Life rally downtown.

Like everything else in life, when dating someone out of your political party moderation is key. If your prospective mate is a more moderate member of the Republican Party, that’s fine; while you may have differing views on tax breaks for the wealthy, the more important issues – the ones that come from deep inside you and dictate who you are – may still align. But if he’s a Bush loving, gun toting, anti-abortion activist, you may want to pack your things and get out. And, perhaps, consider picking up a more liberal lookin’ guy at the polls tomorrow.

Seriously, this is what John McCain used to look like? Politics aside, he’s not the sexiest old man. But – DAMN – he used to look like this? I can see how he wooed that lovely wife of his.

An historic election is only 19 days away. No matter which candidate you support, it is more important than ever to get involved and assist in electing our next president. Students and young people across the country are taking their role in this election and the political process very seriously. From volunteering for the party of their choice to registering voters, and everything in between, our generation is getting involved like never before.

And some are going even further.

David Modigliani, a Harvard grad with an MFA from University of Texas, is an ordinary 20-something who went to extraordinary lengths to involve himself in the political process. Modigliani saw an issue in the Bush administration and politics in general and wanted to get the real story.

“I started this project because I felt duped. I didn’t know Bush wasn’t from Crawford, Texas. When I found out that he’d moved to Crawford in 1999, a couple of months before announcing his candidacy for President, I realized how well the creation of a folksy, aw-shucks small town political persona had worked. I consider myself an educated citizen, but I could have sworn he was actually from Crawford. I had bought the narrative without thinking twice.

I wanted to see this town he’d made into a symbol. And I wanted to make a film indicting him for it.

As it turns out, I found something much more compelling – the people of Crawford, Texas itself. It’s been thrilling to see audiences meet these characters – to see the ways in which their lives change profoundly over the years. So, thankfully, CRAWFORD is not a film about George W. Bush – who wants another one of those? – it’s about a tiny town thrust into big time politics. It’s a look at the Bush era through the eyes of the people who’ve had a front row seat. It’s about a town that goes from 15 minutes of fame to ground zero for 20,000 protesters — becoming a microcosm for national conflict in the process.”

So he made the film. And now you can watch it right here. For free.

This movie is not about Democrats or Republicans; it is about politics, lies and is more than relevant during this election season. So watch it, own it, talk about it, then get to the polls; you don’t have to make a film to have your voice be heard.

Man. I wish. Actually, the second presidential debate was pretty boring, especially compared to the mud-fight we got when Palin and Biden duked it out. So what happened last night? The candidates mostly stuck to the same guns they’ve been waving all election: McCain pounding home his foreign policy experience (and his opponent’s lack thereof) and Obama preferring to stick to what many see as a more “in-touch” attitude on domestic concerns. Lots of stump speech sound bites were recycled, and, as usual, there wasn’t that much actual debate.

McCain started the night in a rougher place than before, as the flailing economy and sliding poll numbers gave the Republican senator plenty of ground to catch up on.

It wasn’t a problem for him overall, though; he managed to fight Obama to a standstill on most issues, (including the economy, and it’s hard going being a Republican on the economy today), and nobody blew themselves out of the water with embarrassing gaffes. Nothing last night is going to change the dynamic of the race, though, and that’s not terribly good news for McCain.

Some particularly good (or bad) moments for each candidate:

THUMBS UP:

- Obama connecting with the people. During the audience questions, Obama fielded one on the bailout from “Oliver” pretty handily: “Well, Oliver, first, let me tell you what’s in the rescue package for you. Right now, the credit markets are frozen up and what that means … is that small businesses and some large businesses just can’t get loans. If they can’t get a loan, that means that they can’t make payroll. If they can’t make payroll, then they may end up having to shut their doors and lay people off. And if you imagine just one company trying to deal with that, now imagine a million companies all across the country.” Simple — perhaps too simple — but an effective way to turn an abstract issue into a real chummy sort of thing, and a nice response to silence critiques that Obama is too “professorial”.

- McCain’s snappy response on whether he’d wait for the approval of the UN Security Council before aiding Israel in the event of a military crisis. This debate featured lots of qualifiers to stances and lots of question-dodging. Like it or not, McCain’s definitive answer — “let me say that we obviously would not wait for the United Nations Security Council” — was a welcome moment of clarity, especially when contrasted to Obama’s milquetoast response involving “using all the tools at our disposal.” The “Straight Talk Express” shtick carried McCain through the primary, and more moments like this would have helped his performance.

- McCain’s cute jokes. Obama’s got the style game all sewn up, but McCain does have a certain gravelly charisma when he loosens up a bit. “Hey, I’ll answer the question,” he quipped after a particularly long-winded Obama response, and while it’s pretty obvious that nobody really answers questions straight-on in a presidential debate anyway, McCain managed to sound a lot more appealing when his smiles came easily.

-Obama sets his priorities. Stealing a little bit of the Straight Talk thunder, Obama was up-front about his priorities: environment first, health care second, education third. McCain dodged the same question, responding, as if in a fairy tale, that “we can do them all at once”.

THUMBS DOWN

-Obama makes faces. Obama spent a lot of time fuming after particularly pointed McCain barbs — the issue of tax reform in particular had him clearly riled up. Righteous rage is appealing sometimes, but it often looked as if McCain had a better handle on his own body language between questions.

-McCain’s less-cute jokes. “Did we hear the size of the fine?” interjected McCain, after Obama discussed his tax plan. We get it, Obama never stated it explicitly, but shoving a joke in at the end of the opposing side’s rebuttal just felt petty. Similarly, the crack about how nice it was to finally see Obama in a town-hall setting felt petulant and bitter.

THUMBS EH?

-Obama defers to Michelle. “What don’t you know and how will you learn it?” went the last question. Obama’s response? “My wife, Michelle, is there and she could give you a much longer list than I do. And most of the time, I learn it by asking her.” Am I the only person that thought Obama was referring to his prowess in the sack? I am? Okay. Fine.

-McCain has many heroes. Invoking the GOP greats is a fine strategy, but both President Reagan and Teddy Roosevelt were “my hero” at different points in the night, according to McCain. I’m surprised he didn’t go further: remember, Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. Or how about pioneer of laissez-faire economics Adam Smith? Or why not me? I’m great. Sheesh.

In today’s Photoshoped world, it’s hard to tell which buzz-worthy pictures are fake, and which ones are actual hilarious moments caught by a camera…

We’re sincerely hoping this one is legit.

Lots of people were inspired and made hopeful by Hillary Clinton’s relative success as a candidate, which was undeniably historic; even if you preferred Obama’s policies (as I did), Hillary Clinton made it possible to believe that someday, some woman might be elected President of the United States. Many of the same people were disappointed when Obama picked Joe Biden, Long-Time White Dude, to be his running mate. He could have chosen Sebelius! Hell, maybe he could even have chosen Clinton! What is Grandpa doing at the party?

Then, John McCain picked Palin as his VP.

You see, the press has been operating, for many months, under the following three assumptions: 1) women supported Hillary because she was a lady, 2) women who supported Hillary hated Obama, 3) these women (who, one must assume, are Democrats) are so fuzzy on the whole “politics” thing that they will vote against Obama even if it means supporting a candidate who has basically nothing in common with HRC, because women always vote with our emotions and simple logic (as in, “if you can’t vote for HRC, vote for the most similar candidate”) is beyond us.

If you believe all this, then nominating a lady on the Republican ticket was a super-savvy move! Women, the theory ran, would be so blinded by vagina that we’d rush to vote for McCain and his Special Lady Friend, and we’d ignore the fact that, in his years as a senator, McCain has persistently voted against the rights and interests of women.

So yes, at first, I was insulted. (“Does McCain really think I’m going to vote against my own interests because he’s picked Token McLadypants?”) Then, I was despondent. (“Oh, my god, people are going to fall for this, my right to choose is DOOMED.”) Now, however, as more and more information about Sarah Palin surfaces, I am absolutely ecstatic. Because Sarah Palin is her own – and her party’s – worst enemy.

Let’s pick an issue. A simple issue. Something like… oh, let’s say, birth control. Sarah Palin has stated publicly that she will not support education about birth control in public schools. Then, of course, her 17-year-old daughter got knocked up. Gosh, it sure seems like some education about birth control could have prevented that! Or perhaps, if her birth control failed, some EC – though it’s unlikely Palin would support that, since evangelical Christians (of which Palin is one) tend to believe that it constitutes abortion (which Sarah Palin is adamantly against) even though there’s no evidence that EC can terminate a pregnancy once it’s begun. Then again, by talking about “evidence,” we’re veering dangerously close to the realm of science, to which Sarah Palin is also opposed: she has supported teaching creationism (or, as it is also known, “Magic Jesus Studies”) in public schools, and doesn’t believe in global warming.

Let’s move on. Surely, since Sarah Palin is opposed to birth control and abortion, she’ll support teenage mothers who choose not to abort their unplanned pregnancies, right? I mean, they represent everything she’s working so hard to create! Wrong: Sarah Palin chose to cut funding to the Passage House center for teenage mothers. To be fair, she also cut funding to several other programs aimed at helping at-risk or troubled teenagers, and apparently did almost nothing to address the failing educational system of her state, so she seems to be against children in general – at least, once they’ve left the womb.

Voters will be glad to know that Palin isn’t wasting taxpayers’ money. Instead of spending it on things like education or support for people in need, she’s concentrating on the essentials, like shooting wolves from helicopters.

Yes.

That’s right.

Sarah Palin supported a government-funded program to SHOOT F–KING WOLVES FROM GODDAMN HELICOPTERS. You get in the helicopter, fly over some wolves, and shoot them. This is a favorite hobby of hers, apparently! She wants taxes to pay for it! You cannot make this up. This is one more step in Sarah Palin’s lifelong campaign against nature, which also includes a proposal to drill in wildlife reserves, and probably a “kicking baby squirrels to death” initiative we haven’t heard about yet.

So, yes: Sarah Palin hates children, animals, and knowledge, is wrong about pretty much everything, and is usually wrong in a spectacularly bizarre fashion. She’s probably her party’s greatest liability at the moment. However, even if she doesn’t become our next Vice President, there’s a chance that she could end up running a country. She has extended her support to the Alaskan Independence Party, which wants Alaska to secede from the United States, so she could very well wind up becoming the new Empress of Coldsvania. This, combined with drilling in wildlife reserves, means that in a few years, we may actually invade Alaska in order to get control of its oil.

We’ll have to watch out for the Alaskan army, though. They’ve got those wolf-shooting planes.

[IMAGE 1: The terrifying maw of Sarah Palin, taken from uberdesi.com]

[IMAGE 2: Sarah Palin wins yet another victory over the Godless caribou that plague our nation. Yes, it's really her. She's "pro-life," you see, which explains why she spends so much time killing things. Image from the Sydney Morning Herald, www.smh.com.au]

I digress.

Anyway, the democrats got all pissy and whiney about the ad and made some comments that didn’t do anything to help the situation, but I’m sure they’re still whining about it, not being productive, you know, the usual. I didn’t really see the problem with the ad, mainly because I was psyched about Paris Hilton being president.

I’m not really wild about either candidate, so I’m going to have to say we all write-in Paris Hilton for president for 2008. Mostly, because who couldn’t do a better job than what’s his name? Also, because she would hopefully implement some great policies that would bring this country out of it’s depressing state.

She’s a perfect representative for America. She has tons of super sweet connections with people, even if the majority of her network is people she’s given blow jobs to. She’s concerned with appearances and does not approve of anything “not hot,” like terrorism, hate crimes, animal cruelty and flannel. She doesn’t seem to care about either the Democrat or Republican party, but she does party, thus making her the perfect middle ground this country needs.

I’d start tuning into C-SPAN if she passed a law that mandated everyone in the House of Representatives to bring a tiny pursedog or other cute animal to every meeting. I’d watch her speeches, even if most of them were interrupted by her answering text messaged on her bedazzled BlackBerry. I’d even watch her speeches if they were filmed in Night Vision!

Maybe John “I Just Wet My Depends” McCain has a solid point. Maybe all this country needs is a little hotness. So, who’s with me?

“Hilton ’08: Yes, We CAN, bitch! Loves it!”

Everyone is so busy talking about a Hillary Clinton VP spot they seem to be forgetting that there are a lot of other great contenders out there who could be Barack Obama’s number two. Considering how nasty the nomination fight got, it’s not hard to imagine a situation in which Obama would pick one of these qualified party members above his ex-nemesis. Check out these top three VP candidates:

Kathleen Sebelius, Governor of Kansas – Coming out of an eight-year run in the Kansas House of Representatives, Sebelius was elected the state’s Insurance Commissioner and rattled the status quo when she refused to take campaign contributions from insurers. She is currently serving her second term as Kansas Governor. Sebelius says she is personally pro-life, but supports abortion rights; she opposed capitol punishment; and as governor she has made education and the environment her top priorities. She’s a great candidate because she can help lure back the women voters who say they won’t vote Democratic now that Hillary is out.

How you know her: If you happened to watch the Democrat’s response to this year’s State of the Union you saw Sebelius speak and, by gosh, is she boring!

Bill Richardson, Governor of New Mexico – With a resume as long as this guy’s it’s no surprise his name as been mentioned in the VP chatter. He has served as an Ambassador to the United Nations, a U.S. Representative, and as Secretary of Energy to President Bill Clinton. As an Ambassador he represented the US in UN talks between Israel and Palestine, so he’s got John McCain beat when it comes to international relations and experience. He’s also a great candidate to help bring Latino voters to Obama’s side, a group who overwhelmingly voted for Hillary.

How you know him: He was hoping to be president. He ran against Obama and Hillary,but was overshadowed and dropped out in January.

Wesley Clark, retired Army General – Just because he was a big Hillary Clinton supporter during the primaries doesn’t mean he’s out of the running. His resume is even longer than Richardson’s. Going back to the very beginning–– Clark was a valedictorian at West Point and a Rhodes Scholar, he served in the Army and in the Department of Defense for thirty-four years, and he commanded the Allied Forces in Kosovo while he was Supreme Allied Commander Europe (just one title below Ninja-Pirate-Superhero-Man). He outranks John McCain, by a lot, and as someone who grew up in, and currently resides in, Arkansas, he can help get some of the white Southern vote.

How you know him: He participated in the 2004 primary but dropped out and endorsed John Kerry.

Personally I’d like to see Stephen T. Colbert, of South Carolina, get the nomination. But I guess that’s why I don’t work for the DNC…

[all images from wikipedia]