If you are reading this it means that you are still alive. Congrats on surviving another (or your first!) Welcome Week! Don’t worry; those bruises will be long gone by Parent Weekend.

It’s been a great week and we at CC Headquarters have been quite busy while all of you lucky ladies are out enjoying your last week of freedom. After all, who else was going to guide the young, innocent incoming freshmen?

Without us, they never would have known how to deal with difficult roommates, how to tell if a prof was good, how to break the ice with strangers, how to cook when all they have is a mini fridge and hotpot, what to wear to the first day of class, how to handle all the weirdness of college, and the rest of the shiz that makes up college life.

And if we were out getting our drink on, who would have taught you all you need to know about condoms? Or why you maybe shouldn’t have drunk sex?

We are like guardian angels over here. Where are our wings, damnit?

It’s amazing we even had time to catch the Democratic National Convention, or find out who McCain chose as his VP.

And now it’s over, along with our sweet, sweet summer.

Have a great Labor Day Weekend!

Who cheats on GEORGE CLOONEY?

No need to leave campus – ever. The big brands are comin’ to you.

The Democratic National Convention would only take a day if it weren’t for all the clapping.

The question on everyone’s mind: how do I store my sex toys?

Save a tree (or a thousand)!

Set your DVR – Lord knows you won’t be home on a Saturday night at midnight – Michael Phelps will be hosting SNL on September 13th.

Low Alcohol beer? Why on earth…?

New Orleans just can’t get a break.

Get to know America’s Next Top Model’s most – er – unique contestant.

He asked his GF out via Facebook relationship status.

A two-headed baby. For real.

The 30 porniest American Apparel ads.

The Democratic National Convention kicked off last night (which you may not have watched because, you know, The Hills was also on…)

Michael Phelps claims to be “too busy” for a girlfriend.

Vote for the hottest nun!

The 10 Most Shameless Product Placements in movie history.

Our gal pal, Jennifer Hudson, will be doin’ her thang for Barack Obama.

Fall TV is coming back! But who can remember where we left off?

Hate latex? Try the spray-on condom.

Dolly Parton is alive…in case you thought otherwise.

6 places where men go to meet women.

Finally, my chance to take down Spencer and Heidi…with my fists.

During next month’s Democratic National Convention in Denver, Colorado, hundreds of the city’s homeless will be given movie tickets, passes to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science and the Denver Zoo in an attempt to spare them “being caught up in the mayhem” of the convention. The Colorado Coalition for the Homeless will also be providing bus passes to get to events outside walking distance to facilitate the exodus. Read More »