Hey Dude,

I’ve been dating a guy for about a year now, he is 27 years old and I’m 24. We haven’t had any arguments because we’ve generally been very open and honest with each other. We’ve done the whole meet the family and discussion of the future talks… However, my problem is that recently he hasn’t been speaking to me (it’s been almost a month!).

It started with us having plans for New Years Eve, but when those fell through he decided to hang out with his friend rather than make new plans (he didn’t even invite me). I was upset over this that night (night before NYE) and he decided he needed some time away instead of discussing the issue. I thought giving him some space would be a good idea because originally we were only seeing each other on weekends (for about 3 months).

When a week had past and I had not heard from him, I grew worried. I found out that I could not contact him – he would ignore my texts, calls and emails. When I called him on a private number, he hung up on me. This went on for about two weeks on odd days before I decided to wait for him to contact me. He ended up saying that he felt that he could not offer me anything and that he ‘didn’t know me’.

The last message he sent was about picking up his things from my apartment – I didn’t even know if we’ve broken up! When I ask him about it, he ignores my messages.

I know he has a history of severe depression, including many suicide attempts. We’ve broken up once previously which lasted a week, but he was admitted into the hospital. He has been seeing a psychologist, yet refuses to take any of their advice. He’s said he loved me and I love him. I don’t want to give up on this relationship, but I don’t know what to do.

Thank you so much in advance,

Amanda

Dear Amanda,

I can’t thank you enough for writing in. It sounds like your boy’s in real trouble and he’s not accepting the help he’s being offered, from you or his therapist, at least. This is the most difficult place to be put in and one of the most dangerous.

A lot of people suffer from depression. Some are as severe as his, and some have been so depressed they’ve hurt themselves and tried to go a step further.

What’s happening to him is nothing you can control. Your love isn’t going to be his cure. Your affection isn’t going to be what heals his pain. The person who can most help him is himself and that’s if he believes he can be helped, which it sounds like he’s battling with.

There are people who don’t want to be saved. And until they can do, you can only weather the storm, love them, be there for them however you can, but you have to be careful that you don’t get dragged so far down the rabbit hole that you can’t climb back.

It’s terribly easier than people admit to fall into someone else’s abyss. We feel like we can’t abandon the ones we care about. We especially can’t when we think that if we do, they’ll possibly use that as their scapegoat to make an attempt to leave this world. But even if they do, you’re not to blame. How he treats himself is a psycho-emotional and potentially chemical issue.

You have to figure out where the line is for yourself: Where’s the point where YOU need a break? Where’s the point where you have to re-accept that what you’re involved with isn’t something you can fix, and you can’t let guilt or love or a combination trap you in something that could lead you to irreparable harm. I’m not suggesting he’ll get violent with you, I’m concerned that you’ll blame yourself for one or more of his attempts, or at a certain point, a “successful” attempt (one of the oddest phrases in the English language, I sh*t you not).

Some people don’t want to be here and we can’t always figure out why. Some people are in constant pain and don’t believe they deserve to or don’t have the strength, at least for a time, to try to heal. That doesn’t make them less deserving of love. What it doesn’t do is make you feel like you’ve got a lot of choice in the situation, or control. But you DO have choices.

You can assert with him what kind of treatment you do and don’t deserve from him. You can decide you need a break from him and use the time to focus on yourself rather than on his all-consuming issues. There’s a point you mustn’t let yourself reach and it sounds like you’re approaching it.

His pain doesn’t take anything away from the fact that you have needs, you deserve to be treated with respect and with affection. If he’s unwilling and incapable you may need to take some space. We always want to think that there’s some combination we can find to unlock the disease and heal them, but it’s not about US healing THEM in the first place. And sometimes, you have to respect someone’s wishes and continue to leave them be to fight with their “demons” as they chose to fight them.

Stay safe. Keep a hard eye on your own needs and how they are met and how they are not being met. Right now, it doesn’t sound like he’s capable even remotely of meeting you anywhere near halfway. Is that something you deserve? Is that something you can accept? Is that something you should accept? These are questions you’ll ask yourself day in and out. And they’re questions you’ll have to keep asking yourself as long as you’re with him. You don’t give up on people, but you shouldn’t give into them either.

There’s only so much you can take and only so much you should take. You have to decide where that tipping point is and if you reach it, you may have to make the bravest decision of your life: to let him go or to sacrifice yourself, perhaps nobly and perhaps pointlessly.

You’re strong enough to do what you need to do for you.

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Recently, I’ve been struggling with my sex drive. Specifically, my utter lack of one. That’s not a problem I expected to confront, as I’ve always had a pretty strong libido. But I had a less than stellar summer – between my quasi-forced celibacy, feverishly searching for a new place to live, my soul-crushing job, and an utterly disgusting diet, I wasn’t at my best. Then autumn arrived, and I moved into a gorgeous apartment with my boy, I came to peace with my lame job, and I started eating better. All the pieces were coming together, but I still founding myself saying “no” to sex far more than saying “yes.” As you can imagine, this didn’t sit well with the beau, and I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the situation either.

It’s normal for stress to kill anyone’s libido, but beyond stress, I had also fallen into a bit of a depression. Every day, I woke up finding new and exciting ways to hate myself. I blamed everything that was wrong in my life on myself, on my decision-making choices. Subconsciously, I was telling myself I did not deserve to be happy, or to have pleasure, and that definitely extended to my relationship and my sex life. I didn’t believe I deserved my great boyfriend, I didn’t think I deserved arousal or orgasms. I don’t think my story is terribly unique. A low libido, though usually associated with menopausal/post-menopausal women, but it definitely afflicts women our age. Poor mental health, birth control, anti-depressants, physical pain during sex, and bad relationships can all contribute to a low libido. This isn’t an issue that tends to come up, even though it’s common among young women.  Our culture is so hypersexualized and there’s this expectation that everyone our age is either getting it in or thinking about getting it in. So when I wasn’t doing either, I felt isolated and anxious. That anxiety, combined with the guilt I already felt about not wanting to be intimate with my boyfriend, made conquering this problem seem insurmountable.

I was afraid to tell my boyfriend the whole truth about why I didn’t want sex. I would say I didn’t feel sexy, or that I was tired, or that I was premenstrual and nauseous. I was blaming my lack of libido on superficial reasons instead of the fact that I was depressed, that even if I were well-rested and looked like Rihanna, I would have still not been in the mood. Eventually, after he admitted that he was starting to become really unhappy about the lack of physical intimacy, I told him the truth about the reason behind my lack of libido. And he was so supportive. He appreciated my honesty and that I was finally willing to be communicative. He was already aware that I am prone to bouts of anxiety and depression, so it wasn’t the catastrophic discussion that I had imagined it being in my head. Just talking about it helped me feel so much better. Now that I wasn’t hiding anything from him, this wall that had been steadily rising between us crumbled down, and I have been steadily, and without any unwanted pressure from him, getting my mojo back. There is definitely something to be said about being totally open communication.

That said,  not all problems can be merely be talked out. If your lack of sex drive is interfering with your sex life and your personal happiness, you might want to consider seeking advice from a medical professional.

Earlier this year, a study presented at the American Psychological Association reported that the number of college students on psychiatric medicines – like those administered to people with depression and anxiety – have increased more 10% over the last decade. To support this finding, a similar study reported by NPR also showed that roughly one out of every four or five students that visit a university health center for an unrelated illness are found to be depressed. These findings indicate that a large number of college students, possibly your friends and classmates, could be suffering from this emotional disease. And while this may be both startling and upsetting, another finding shows that it can also negatively affect other areas, like sexual relationships, as well.

A more recent study published in the Journal of Psychology, Health and Medicine, found that depression is closely linked to risky sexual behavior among teen girls. Dr. Puja Seth and colleagues at Emory University found that depressed girls were “less likely to ask a partner to use a condom, were much more afraid to talk about condoms with a partner, had more sexual partners and were more likely to have intercourse while high on drugs or alcohol” (Kathryn Stamoulis, Depressed Teens Have Riskier Sex.”)

Experts attribute this finding to psychomotor retardation, one of the many symptoms of depression. This means that normal, everyday activities may be challenging or exhausting to those suffering from depression or anxiety. Moreover, it may seem like a great amount of effort for a depressed girl to talk to her partner about protection. Another possible explanation for the finding is lowered self-esteem, another symptom of the emotional disease. A teen girl may not think that her health is worth the effort or may worry that her partner will leave her because of the request.

Regardless of the possible reasons for the connection between depression and risky sexual behavior, it is important to understand the warning signs of depression. These include, although are not limited to, consistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, frequent crying, loss of interest in activities, changes in eating or sleeping habits, feelings of guilt, fatigue, lack of motivation, or thoughts of death or suicide. It is also important for all women to take responsibility for their sexual health either through taking contraceptives and/or wearing protection.  Depression and sexual diseases are no laughing matters and it is vital that we take care of our friends, classmates, and ourselves.

With school pressures up the wazoo paired with the changing of the seasons, it’s understandable that my peers and I might not be as happy as we could be.  So, the fact that my school is so demanding and does have such a high rate of suicide brings me to the topic of this article: how to obtain a whopping dose of happiness the natural way.

1)   Light in the morning and darkness in the evening is just the best for saying sayonara to the blues. Make sure to get some rays of sunshiny goodness in the morning (as close to dawn as possible) to prevent depression and to treat depression if you’ve got it.  It is now known that light therapy is wondrous for treating all types of mood disorders, not just Seasonal Affective Disorder.  A 2005 metanalysis (a study which combines the results of multiple independent studies) of bright light therapy for depression found that “bright light treatments are efficacious, with effects equivalent to those in most antidepressant pharmacotherapy trials.”  Woot! That means bright morning light works just as well as antidepressant medications, but with no side effects!

On the same note, don’t go all Edward Cullen on yourself  (sorry Twilight haters) and not get any sleep.  Staying up late or pulling an all-nighter is pretty much equivalent to just asking moodiness to come find you.   Not only this, but studies show that staying up late makes you more inclined to eat late at night, thus increasing the odds of gaining weight, thus making you more inclined to dislike the way you look, thus making you more likely to become unhappy.

2)   Socialize, socialize, socialize. Being around friends is so important for well-being (and maybe even your GPA!).  If you are feeling extra stressed, put down that textbook and take a coffee break with a friend.  You will be surprised how good it feels to have a therapeutic venting session with your girls (or guys) and you will be able to get back to studying in a good mood, which can improve concentration and might just increase your test score.

3)   Eat foods that are naturally bright and colorful. For your brain to adapt and respond to stress, you need to fuel it with foods high in antioxidants, like the always awesome vegetables and fruits.  Without enough antioxidants, our brains literally become “toxic or rancid.”  Ewwww. I am not kidding.  Our brains are made up of fat and lipid peroxidation is a chemical reaction that occurs as fats become rancid.  Free radicals are highly reactive particles that accumulate in the cells of our brain and when that happens, byproducts of peroxidation build up and our brains really do begin to decay.  These byproducts have been linked to depression, heart disease, asthma, Alzheimer’s and more. So, arm yourself with antioxidants and fight those free radical bitches.

4)   Move those limbs. Run. Walk. Climb a tree.  Put on some music and dance around your room in your underwear a la Cameron Diaz in Charlie’s Angels (a personal favorite). Just move. It is simply not healthy to study for hours on end in a chair.  When you exercise, your body releases feel good endorphins, which are opiate-like substances, secreted by the brain.  They have the same painkilling mechanism as morphine, so they can produce a sense of euphoria when the endorphins bind with the brain’s receptor sites.  Better yet, exercise with a friend and get a double dose of happiness.

5)  Ingest some fatty-acids.  Scientific research overwhelmingly supports the notion that fatty acid balance plays a role in mental well-being.  Scientists who study diet and its relationship to depression have consistently found that patients with mood disorders have reduced levels of omega-3 fatty acids.   Omega-3 fats are found in fish, but fish on the market can be highly polluted. Take a DHA supplement or purified fish oil to get a clean, non-polluted helping of those omega-3s.

6)   Put things in perspective! This one might be the most important thing you can do.  When you are old and your hair is a lovely shade of gray (gasp!), are you going to give a Twinkie what your score was on a silly little biology exam? Or even the GPA you graduated college with? I don’t know about you, but my answer to this question is hell no.  While I am an advocate of trying your hardest, don’t freak if your best isn’t the score you had hoped for.  And don’t judge yourself, attempt to analyze your overall intelligence level or compare your test scores to classmates. Just work hard, do your best, and say C’est la vie to that exam.

7)   If all else fails, just Google pictures of cute puppies and kittens. Works every time.

Need more tips health tips? We got you covered...and toned…and healthy.

Question for La Tuff? Answers may be available at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com. While supplies last. Void where prohibited.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost five months, and until recently, it has been amazing.  About a month and a half ago I began taking the pill – Loestrin 24 Fe – out of necessity.  The condom broke a few times and I had to take Plan B.  At first I was pleased with it.  My skin’s clearer, my hair (which had thinned in recent years) is thicker, and I haven’t had any weight gain.  There’s only one side effect.  But it’s a BIG one. I’ve been an emotional wreck. I’m crying on and off frequently and not am as talkative/friendly/outgoing.  In general, just not myself.

I know my boyfriend (and also my bff/roommate) sees a big difference and it’s definitely put a strain on things.  I get unreasonably upset if we have to cancel plans or can’t hang out.  I’ll get teary during a phone conversation and have no explanation for what’s wrong.  We used to have so much fun together but my change in personality has put a damper on things most of the time.  I’ve tried explaining my situation, and I know he tries to be understanding, but he just doesn’t know how to deal with me.  I don’t know what to do anymore.  Should I forgo the pill and go back to condoms or wait it out and see if the side effects subside?  I can’t imagine another pill having the same positive effects and no negative side effects.  Any advice is much appreciated, as the clock’s a-ticking and I don’t know how much longer he’ll be willing to put up with my shenanigans.

Please Help!!
BC Bitch

Dear BC Non-Bitch,

Before we talk about Lo-Lo and/or other birth control pills, let’s just quickly address your little condom issue.

Girl, why does the condom keep breaking? This is not good. Something is going wrong, yes?

Lots of people think they know how to use a condom but then find it’s often not staying on or that it’s ripping. If this is the case–YA DOIN IT WRONG. No big deal, though: Learning to use a condom effectively is simple. Check out this article from Planned Parenthood to make sure you’re using condoms correctly.

And, please, kids, let’s give a round of applause for BC Non-Bitch! She absolutely did the right thing: she used condoms (YES!!! You go, girl!!!) and then, when they failed, she sought out Plan B! Proud of you!!!

Okay, now let’s get to this birth control pill business. Loestrin 24 Fe is low-dosage and has a lot of nice little benefits, like the stuff you’ve noticed. According to the company’s Patient Prescribing Information, Loestrin 24 Fe can, in fact, cause both “nervousness” and “depression.” This is true of all birth control pills, because of the hormones involved, but different people have different levels of success with different pills.

The way I see it, you have three options:

(1) Wait until the end of the third month of taking it to see if your body will adjust. Tuffy does NOT recommend this option. That is a looooong time to wait, given the circumstances.

(2) Switch back to condoms. This, of course, would be after you and your boyf BOTH re-learn to use them, just to be safe. [By the way, you should STILL be using condoms if you're on birth control! You still want to be protected from diseases, right?!?!?!]

(3) Go back to your doctor and explain your symptoms. This is the option Tuffy highly recommends. You may just need a different pill.

Again, though, please use condoms in addition to any future birth control pill you take. The pill only prevents babies from being made; the condoms prevent the clap.

Also of note–be sure to never smoke while on any birth control pill. It’s very dangerous for your heart and overall health.

Good luck, girl!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

It’s not something they’re proud of, but Cornell University has long been known for their high rate of student suicide. They experienced a bit of reprieve from the tragic trend between 2005 and 2008, but this school year hasn’t been quite as positive.

Since the beginning of the year, Cornell has reported six suicides, with three in the last month.  It’s gotten so dire that, as a temporary measure, they have even placed fencing on campus bridges.  The University is aware that the issue is much larger than physical blockades, and that a long-term solution needs to be implemented.  For the time being, security guards will be posted along the bridges as well.

Reading this tragic news disturbs me greatly and raises an array of questions on several tangents. 

The most obvious question that has always circulated, is why Cornell?  What about this particular school leads to such a trend? There are some theories relating to the “demands” of the school, and the physical isolation, but it is hard to believe that these reasons are explanatory enough.  Considering that there are certainly other demanding schools, and other schools that are in isolated locations, there must be something else.  So, what else is it?

It is also interesting to look at how it affects potential students.  Does it stop students from applying? Or do they ignore it and apply anyway because of the prestige of the school? If so, why or why not?  Furthermore, how do parents feel about their children applying to a school that is known for high suicide rates?

More specifically, I have to wonder how effective the fences will be.  Not that I am an expert by any means, but logic would lead me to believe that if a student was serious about taking their own life, they could probably find another means to do so.  Will the fences prevent suicide, or will students take alternate routes if they are honestly committed to doing so?  As tragic as it is, this could be a possibility.

These questions of suicide and elevated suicide rates may never be answered, but at least trying to find an answer may lead to some conclusions and preventative measures.

While the scientists behind the study link depression to the amount of time spent in a virtual world, I have a few of my own theories as to why the Internet is making us all very, very sad.

1: Checking on the Ex.  If you are about to say that you have never fallen prey to Facebooking our ex you’d better grab a fire extinguisher, because your pants are on fire.  After a break-up, as detailed by Ted Mosby on “How I Met Your Mother,” there is a clear winner and a clear loser.  And of course, you want your ex to be the loser.  So you’ll casually click on his Facebook, just to see how he’s doing (i.e. hopefully read a bunch of depressing status updates regarding his horrible life since you guys broke up, maybe some encouraging wall posts from his friends trying in vain to get him out of his depression of knowing that there was no one else for him than you…) and what do you find? NEW PICTURES OF HIM AND SOME GIRL?!  IT’S ONLY BEEN A WEEK!  WHO IS THIS “JESSICA”??!  You click through the entire album at least twice, only to find that this little witch is now apparently dating your vile ex, and (after a small amount of clicking) she’s just gorgeous and cool and perfect.  <Insert depressing Status Update here.>

2: Online Shopping. You avoid the expensive stores in the mall because you know you can’t afford them, but there’s no avoiding that amazing Botkier bag or Louboutin pump that you happen to come across while absentmindedly surfing the web in lecture. And seeing it there, taunting you with its beauty, sends you into a deep fit of depression when you know you can’t afford it.

3: Hey, I’m Doing So Much Better Than You! Even though you know that Facebook trawling is just as harmful as it is helpful (if not more so), you still can’t stay away.  So you see in your Newsfeed that one of your old classmates is putting up pictures from their trip abroad this summer.  Oh it’s no big deal – they just spent a month in Paris in cafes and then trekked down to the coast of the Mediterranean and spent a couple of weeks on the beach.  Oh and there another friend spent, like, two months surfing in Australia.  And this friend over here just changed their work info; oh they’re just casually working at NYLON now…while you are currently in a snow covered dorm boiling water on the sly for oatmeal.  Depression.

4: WHAT TIME IS IT?! You may think that the internet is just good for killing time between things that you’re doing, but what if those other activities become the things that you’re using to kill time between your Internet time?  It starts with Facebook (everything starts with Facebook now); you’re just casually clicking around, “catching up” with friends and, suddenly, you happen to catch the time. “How is it possible that I’ve been on Facebook for an hour?” But then you feel the need to start catching up on shows you missed last night on Hulu, which shouldn’t take long since these shows are only about 20 minutes long. But then you happen to glance at the clock again and, “ARE YOU KIDDING? HOW DID I LOSE TWO MORE HOURS ON THIS NONSENSE?!”  And now you’re depressed and anxious because all of this mindless clicking means you missed out on everything. Including writing that paper, which will now have you up all night.

5: What social interaction? Admit it: you’ve IMed someone in the same room as you. If that’s not depressing, I don’t know what is.

Well, this kid's screwed.

Sixth grade was a rough year for me. I was sitting at the semi-popular table at lunch and was delusional enough to think I was the cat’s pajamas. Looking back, I simply was not. Maybe because I used phrases like “the cat’s pajamas.”  And now, a Swedish study is telling me that my unpopularity will cause me to suffer from heart disease and diabetes later in life and I will most likely start doing drugs and try to kill myself.

If I had known this when I was 13, I would have combed my hair on a more regular basis.

The study, which is most definitely making me want to eat enough candy to put me in a diabetic coma/do drugs/crawl into my bed and cry, was done by Stockholm University and the Karolinska Institute and assessed children in sixth grade for their degree of “popularity, power and social status.”

Now, I have to ask: What kind of power were they expecting from a 13-year-old child? His ability to convince a girl in his class to go 7 Minutes in Heaven with him?

Popularity is such a trivial theory. And no, I’m not just saying this because I’m bitter that I’m at greater risk for alcohol dependency than others. Popularity in middle school ran parallel to who had the best desserts in his or her Power Rangers/My Little Pony lunchbox. By eighth grade, you were considered a cool girl if you had boobs and a cool guy if you were allowed to touch them. If you made it to second base, you were destined to be popular in high school. And if you went to an all-girls high school like I did, well no one was popular in that case.

I got to college and finally came to terms with my own social status, wherever I happened to fall on the social food chain. But now I’m learning that I can never truly leave my unpopularity in the past, as it will have a long-term impact on my identity, behavior and ambitions.

Currently, I feel pretty good about myself. No sign of diabetes and no one has had to talk me off the ledge just yet, but who knows. Perhaps the time I split my pants during a talent show performance and my entire middle school laughed me off the stage will be the cause of my ultimate demise 20 years from now.

I need more tissue.

Newsflash: No one likes to be dumped. It’s the ultimate feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and just not good enough.

Welcome to the last month of my life. After spending the last year hoping to do so, I finally reconnected with my high school sweetheart — someone I had tons of history with and who knows me better than anyone. After many, many ups and downs, it turns out that college life (even when it was the summer) was just not conducive to our relationship. I could sugar coat it saying that “we broke up,” but the truth is that I was dumped. Ouch.

At this point I should probably clarify that I’m not hating on this guy (or even angry), especially since his reasons for ending it were completely justified. That being said, losing the person you’re closest to is just not an easy thing to do. Not only are you losing what you had in the relationship, but oftentimes you could be losing a best friend as well.

So what do you do? As much as it might feel like your world is ending, spending more that 3 days in your pajamas on the couch watching P.S. I Love You calls for a heartbreak intervention. While the sting of being relationship sh*t-canned will stick around for a little while, it’s important to get back on your feet. I hope these tips will help.

Don’t play the blame game. While it’s really easy to start hating on the SOB who broke your heart, it’s important to remember that relationships often end. Unless your man cheated on you (in which case, I hope you dumped his ass), the breakup is quite possibly nobody’s “fault.” Chances are that you’ve both made some mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and for sure nobody is perfect in a relationship. As much as it sucks, sometimes things just don’t work out.

Reach out. You don’t have to do this by yourself. Your friends and family members have most likely experienced a break up or two, and they might have a few words of wisdom. (Or at least a bottle of Jack.) Sometimes, even having someone to sit and watch TV with you will help you feel less lonely and allow you to get all those feelings off your chest.

Remember that it’s okay to be sad. I know, it’s tempting to pull out the sour grapes and act like you don’t care – but it’s okay to be upset. In a way, it’s like grieving, and you just need to let the emotions run their course. Cry if you have to cry, scream if you have to scream, eat three Costco cakes if you have to eat three Costco cakes… Having your heart broken is a lot like riding a roller coaster, but it’ll be over eventually.

Cut off contact. I really hate this one, but it’s a necessary evil. Texting him “I’m so sorry” a million times isn’t going to make him want you back. Even if your guy pulled the “we can still be friends” card, being friends for the first little while could be a little too painful for you. What if he starts dating someone else? Give each other a little space for a couple weeks and if you both agree, slowly start making contact again. Just remember: being friends doesn’t mean you’re going to start dating again, so if those are your intentions don’t do it. But if you value this person enough to just be friends, give it a shot.

Don’t Bad Mouth. Sure, the douche-bag forgot your birthday (twice) and you’re glad to have him out of your life, but try to be mature. This is especially important if you have mutual friends. Once you start bad mouthing each other, they will feel like they’ve been put in the middle, and nobody wants that. Even though you’re resentful, there was a point in time that you loved this guy. You wouldn’t want him telling his friends all the embarrassing things that are wrong with you – do him the same courtesy.

No Regrets. Sometimes after a relationship ends, it’s easy to look at the time spent together as a waste. Try to remember all the positive things you will take with you long after this guy is out of your life. Memories are good things to hold on to, so try not to regret them. If nothing else, hopefully this experience has taught you what you really want out of a relationship.

Remember it will be okay. I’m not gonna lie, the first few days suck. A lot. It feels like your life is over, and you just don’t know what to do with yourself. They call it being heartbroken for a reason. It’s not a fun thing to experience, but have a shower, get out of your PJs, and eventually things will get better. You may feel like your ex was perfect for you, but just remember that the real perfect guy would want to be with you too.

How do you get over a breakup?

Is this recession going to be a depression?

Miley Cyrus is single, y’all.

What not to say on date numero uno.

Did Chris Brown steal Kanye’s lady?

A final tribute to Billy Mays.