To unnamed questioner from VTEXT: I wanna help you out, but I need a little more information. Mo’ details, pleez.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a close friend in college who is seriously concerned about her likelihood of getting married. She’s never been in a relationship and constantly worries that at the rate she’s going, she’ll never get married before she’s 30! She’s under the impression that she needs to start seriously dating now (at age 20) in order for her to have a family by the time she’s 28. Her mentality seems ridiculous to me since we’re so young still, but she just doesn’t understand that we have plenty of time. I think she’s mostly worried because she doesn’t want to end up like her 25 year old brother who can’t get into grad school, lives at home with their parents, and doesn’t date.

Recently, a close mutual friend of ours had a surprise romantic encounter with this amazing guy and it happened without her even expecting it. This made my other friend feel down that she wants a relationship so badly and can’t make it happen with anyone while my other friend has had smooth sailing.

So Tuffy, what should I do or say to this friend of mine? Should I try to set her up with someone or let her find somone on her own? She’s the most considerate person I know, and I know some lucky guy will see that in her someday, but she thinks that she’s running out of time. She’s been really harsh on herself lately and I can’t stand to see such an amazing person feel so low. Any words of wisdom that I can share with her?

Sincerely,
Helpful Friend

Dear Helpful Friend,

You really are a good friend. I chose this question to answer this week because it’s so heartfelt. Refreshing for ol’ Tuffy to see someone caring so much about someone else. Hearts to you, Helpful friend, hearts.

So, onto your question.

Your friend really is being redonk. At 20 she’s a failed cat lady with purses full of stolen Splenda?! Please. She’s just gotta stop getting so down on herself.

See, guys like confidence. You’ve heard this before. But, kids, you’ve heard it because it’s true. The only kind of men who like insecure women are the unfortunately ever-present creepy controlling asshoops. If you want a real man, you can bet he’s looking for a real woman.

It sounds to me like your friend is just suffering from some major insecurity. Why doesn’t she think she’ll meet anyone? Because she doesn’t think she’s good enough/pretty enough/whatever enough to meet someone who will fall in love with her. But girl, that’s so not true! Judging from how kind you are and how much you like her, I’d be willing to bet your friend is a total sweetheart. That should really help move things along, once she gets more comfortable with herself. But even if your friend was awful and a heinous borscht, she would STILL find the right guy for her eventually. Most people don’t end up alone, kiddo. Almost everyone eventually finds a match.

So help your friend get some confidence. Be her wingwoman! Go out together and have some fun: get dressed up, go dancing (or whatever you crazy kids do these days), and talk to some guys. Once she gets comfortable being herself with guys present, she’s bound to attract some good ones. Remind her that it’s not about finding a HUSBAND–men can smell that kind of desperation a mile away. It’s about just having fun and meeting someone she genuinely clicks with, which she’ll only know when she’s able to drop the insecurity and start enjoying meeting people, even when she knows he’s not The One.

And if she’s not married by 28–so what?! There are SO many happy singles out there who don’t get married till their thirties. It’s a new world, baby! Go do it!

Good luck to you, Helpful Friend, and good luck to your Lucky Friend To Have You As A Friend. I hope you can help her get over her insecurity–and have some fun in the process!

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Creeper [kreep-ur] -noun. 1. A person or thing that creeps. 2. A domestic fowl having malformed, short legs, due to a genetic defect. 3. An individual who stares, lurks or makes awkward and unwanted advances to undeserving women.

Today, College Candy readers, we will be learning about Creepers (definition 3…who may also fall into description #2) and what one can do to deflect their advances. We have all been at a bar or some type of similar venue and had a creeper (of varying severity) approach and had no idea how to handle the situation. Well, here’s your answer.

Stage 1 Creeper (Loosely defined as an awkward guy, your age or older, who won’t stop staring and/or making small talk. Naturally, you have accepted a drink already.)

1. Who wants to come to the bathroom with me?

After accepting a free drink (you earned it, little miss push up bra!), a graceful way of parting is to go to the bathroom. When drinking, it is perfectly acceptable to bring 3-10 girls with you into a bathroom, so your whole crew can be removed from the creeper situation.

2. Ahhh, I love this song!

As soon as you have that free drink safely in your hand, raise it up and toast to your favorite song, turn your back to your friends and get in the middle of the dancing circle. Migrate away from the bar and in time, your creeper will be gone (but that buzz he bought you won’t!).

3. No thanks

Saying no to a drink is incredibly hard for a cash-strapped college lady, but it’s the easiest way to get the point across to someone that you just aren’t interested. You won’t owe him anything and you can get away ASAP. I applaud girls who do this on a regular basis… but can’t say that I am one of them.

Stage 2 Creeper (Loosely defined as an undesirable guy, your age or older, who won’t leave you alone and/or follows your group around. He may have friends, and they may all be drunk, which makes him even harder to get rid of. You may have already accepted drinks.)

1. I love being out of the closet!

Okay, I may have done this, like 2 weeks ago, and it works. I grabbed my friend and said something like, “OMG, I am so glad we are lesbians now!” Our creepers heard this and were either drunk enough to believe we were gay or thought we were immature/permanently disinterested. Either way, we got our point across.

2. Honestly…

All you gotta say is “You can buy me a drink, but honestly, I have no interest in hooking up with you whatsoever.” A friend of mine told me she did this the other night at a bar and the guy who was hardcore creeping felt so bad he bought her a drink and left her alone! Hey, if guys can be sketchily forward with us, why can’t we be forward back?

Stage 3 Creeper (Loosely defined as a generally creepy man, most likely older than you, who just won’t get the hint. These responses are for when you are up Creeper Creek without a paddle (or a tazer), and/or just want to have a little fun. Do not get drinks from this one. Seriously.)

1. You’re the one

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so why not try this counter-intuitive example? Freak him out Wedding-Crashers-style and tell him, after he stops talking/ogling, something along the lines of “My psychic told me I’d meet my husband tonight and he was right!” I am sure he will stay a good 30 feet away from you for the rest of the night.

2. Baby Mama

If you can keep a straight face, tell that creep you are either a) Preggers and unable to drink b) getting a text message from your kids or c) a combination of the two. There is nothing less attractive then the prospect of coming back to your place and being interrupted by contractions or crying babies.

3. GET AWAY FROM ME

The creepiest of creepers are never good with taking hints. If you are hammered or just really fed up/revolted, tell that creeper straight up to GET AWAY FROM YOU. I have a friend who does this a lot, and her hostility sure wards em’ off. And of course, if he still doesn’t get it and starts getting even creepier, get a bartender or bouncer involved.

Anyone else have any other good ideas to ward off creepers?

No matter how confident we are, women are always second guessing themselves. Especially in the looks department. And it doesn’t help that men are all, “blah blah – we love sex – blah blah – we’d do it with anyone.”

What does that say about us? What does that say about the way the guy feels about us?

I was really curious to see if guys really can just stick it anywhere, and if they did not care who they were sleeping with as long as they were gettin’ some. I for one could never imagine sleeping with someone whom I was not attracted to (with or without alcohol), but I’m not a guy.

It seems that dudes will stoop to any level to get laid, but is that the case?

Forget the girl with her heart on her sleeve; wear your uterus on your undies?

Some men are really, really desperate.

Katie Perry eats it on national TV.

Now everyone can look like Heidi Klum. Well, sorta.

Joe the Plumber and Joe Six Pack chat it up.

The greatest college pranks…ever.

Columbia gets erotic.

Travis Barker is out of the hospital!

The most delicious iPhone.

Professor trading cards? It’s real!

Remember that crazy, desperate college grad student from Sacramento who tried to sell her virginity to pay for her student loans (I guess working and saving is just not as profitable)?

Well, looks like she inspired someone because after Johnny No Name blew away the severance pay he was offered when he was let go from his investment banking firm position, he decided to move on to selling his gay virginity online — because whoring yourself out is the must have job of the year.

What is gay virginity, anyway? According to him, it’s a hand job and/or blow job, but absolutely no anal (at least not part of this specific deal), because he’s not gay. Sure, keep telling yourself that.

The real comedy comes when he swears to the bidders he is “HOT” and looks like Adam Brody. Well Johnny, if you’re so “HOT,” maybe you should try to model your way out of debt instead of selling a hand and blow job.

…Just a suggestion.

It may or may not shock you, but where there is one desperate person there is of course a few more; currently Johnny No Name has a high bid of $11,000.

You gotta loves those brothels in Nevada and Rhode Island, thanks to them this is all perfectly legal. I wonder if Mr. No Name’s plane ticket from New York to Nevada is included in the bid?

This is just another piece of evidence that shows how far people will go for money and sex. Would you sell your body to pay off thousands of dollars of student loans?

We’ve talked about Craigslist countless times before. It’s glorious and hilarious and you can buy chairs or sell your cat. However, after a little chat with our hormonal Coed office buddies, we realized that there was an untapped ocean of entertainment on CL known as Casual Encounters. We knew all about Missed Connections (and may have looked to see, from time to time, if anyone had MC’ed us…which they never did), but had always assumed that the Casual Encounters section of Cragislist was full of skeevy people and penis pics.

So yeah, it’s full of skeevy people and ‘peen pics, but it’s also full of the strange and the weird and the desperate. How entertaining!

PS: We changed the titles and photos to fit our liking (and keep nasty ‘peen pics off our site). It’s better this way. Trust us.

Boston Man Really Supports Bush

Hi.

Interested? Let me know

LA Girl Obviously Too Perfect To Be Anything But A Porn SpamBot – But Act Like An Idiot and Email Her Anyway

I’m shy, inexpereinced in almost every way. i enjoy long days playing tennis, cool nights talking and early morning jogs. I am a fun loving, energy filled girl looking for someone who can keep up. I love to do just about anything, but some of my favorite things to do are ride 4 wheelers, hang out with friends, play games, fish, listen to country music while cruising the back roads, bowling, camping, and play sports (soccer, basketball, softball, mud football, etc.) I’m not all energy though, I do like to have quiet evenings at the house, watch TV and just hang out. Send me your pic and I’ll send you mine!

Portland Guy Is [Sexy] Not Homophobic [Sexy] And Really [Sexy] Into the Word Sexy And [Sexy] Light Drinking

I’m hoping to meet a sexy couple for sexy fun times. I’m a bachelor, very open minded and not looking to be in a relationship. I’ve done this before and it really worked out well.

It turns me on when two guys service a lady and all her sexy needs. Im not homophobic if the husband and I touch while servicing her. I love double penetration if the lady is up for it.

If you are a couple who is in shape to HWP, non smokers/light drinkers and STD free then please send me a note with a photo of both of you in it.
I will reply with my photos and contact information.
Hope to hear from you!

Las Vegas Dude Wants You To Taste The Next Level Of Your Sensuality (He also did not lose his brains yet so don’t worry)

I’m an open-minded, but did not lose my brains yet! I like to travel, visit parks, drive for hours. I love roads and trips. I have strong personality and more often than not I know exactly what I want. I was in army and I like things to be in order, but I also learned that often we just need to go with the flow. I like to wear suit (but FL makes it often difficult). I like sports and consider sex as one of them. Any type of sex! I can never get enough.

I guarantee you (as probably other 100% of men in here), I can last… Often because I like to see my partner satisfied first. What it means for you? You get an extra time to try new things, new ideas (please feel free to share). You can feel longer and probably even get a taste of the next level of your sensuality. I’m clean, D/D free. I respect your privacy and your needs. And I ask for the same in return. I like to talk to people and listen to their stories. Would you like to tell me yours?

A Man I Am Seriously Considering Emailing

Hey there, looking for a laid back, drama free girl that is interested in having her feet worshiped in exchange for me doing your chores

(Yes, that is what I am hoping he looks like….)

He Said:

Hmmm. The three-day rule is an interesting phenomenon, and while, like most of these ‘rules,’ I don’t think one needs to hold to it exactly, it does make sense. Basically what you want to do is send a message that you aren’t a completely desperate freak or some over-obsessed ‘I made a doll with your hair’ stalker. This goes for both men and women. Calling right after a date, while direct, says more then just ‘lets get together!’ It says ‘I have nothing to do, ever!’ And that is a warning sign.

One thing that isn’t often mentioned about what we look for in gals is if they have friends and a solid base of activities and hobbies. The last thing we want (assuming we are well-adjusted) is some girl who constantly calls us with updates on her location, what she had for lunch, and what flavor toothpaste she’s considering. We want someone who can go out on a date, have a good time, and then maybe the next day hang out with her friends, or spend some time with their mom, or even just read a book by herself. As someone who values solitude, a girl who likes time alone is very attractive, because it means I will also get time alone.

I think the three-day rule should occur naturally. If you adhere to the three-day rule, but you spend those three days pacing by the phone drawing sketches of you and your maybe new boyfriend/girlfriend together, it doesn’t matter how long you wait, you’re still a nut ball. Also, it doesn’t have to be exactly three days, but some time after the date, to really consider if it’s worth another one, and that definitely makes sense to me.

She Said:

Ugh. The three-day rule. How utterly annoying. Why is it that two people who have a great time on a date have to wait a few days to say so? Why do we have to play some stupid games that waste time instead of having another great date? Why do I have to run to my phone every time it rings in hopes that the guy that I’m crushing on is calling to tell me he’s crushing right back (and find myself disappointed that it’s just my mom calling to tell me she found bagels on sale)?

Yes, I realize that the chase is a very large part of dating. I have been in the situation one too many times where the guy came on far too strong, far too early and scared me off. But, that doesn’t mean that there has to be a ridiculous standard. I mean, who chose 3 days anyway?

This “rule” is unfair. It does nothing more than force people to adhere to a stupid standard so as not to come off as desperate or crazy. It has become a measure by which people decide if the person they met is way too into it/lonely, or juuuust right. I think it’s bullshit. Just because you want to talk to someone you like after the first date doesn’t mean you are crazy, friendless or have no life.

Even though this report comes to us from across the pond, I can totally see those numbers making sense in America as well. Why do women wait longer to reply to texts or missed calls from their crush?

Because we don’t want to seem clingy and desperate.

Society has done a number on us when it comes to our supposed frantic need for a man in our lives. The worst kind of women, magazines and TV shows and movies explain, is the desperate woman.

The girl who’s too eager to fall in love. The chick who’s all too happy to adhere herself to her new man and never let go. The woman who cluthes her cell phone to her chest, checking it every couple of seconds to see if her guy has called, ready to fill his screen with smiley faces and exclamation points.

Therefore, we have this equation:

Replying too fast to a call or text = desperate, desperate = bad, so replying too quickly to even the friendliest of texts?

You got it. Bad.

I’m not sure if guys feel this kind of weird pressure, but for my entire dating life (when I wasn’t with someone long-term) I’ve always struggled with myself when it came to texting or calling someone back.

Part me of says waiting an extended amount of time to reply is artificial and lame, and if I really like someone, I should let them know by replying whenever I feel like it. Another part of me is still nervous about being perceived as desperate and weak, and can’t shake the feeling that a quick response will cause my crush to think I’m an idiot.

So what do I usually end up doing?

Waiting that extra 19 minutes. Just to be safe.

What about you? Are you a text-back-whenever-I-feel-like-it Girl? Are you a Waiter? Does the whole idea of turning communication into a game turn you off?

Let us know!

Do you wait to send a text to someone you’re interested in?