Yet, knowing all of that, I am still really embarrassed to have watched the trash also known as, I Love Money.

This show is trashier than The Real World, I Love New York and From G’s to Gents (yes, I have watched one episode of that train wreck) combined. I mean, seriously? Is VH1 for real with this show? There are just a bunch of REALLY dumb, really trashy people living in a house together…and having sex with other people in the room. And the names? Whiteboy? The Entertainer? DESTINEY?

I don’t know if I am watching TV or visiting a strip club.

I am not quite sure of the premise of the show, but I assume it is for all these freaks to try and win some money. And on last night’s episode, that somehow included making themselves cry with the aid of onions, cayenne pepper (that some moron RUBBED INTO HER EYES) and even some girl asking a dude to smack her in the face while her teammate tried (so hard) to be upset that she was away from her son.

Yeah. Seriously.

The Gold team ended up winning the tearjerker, which sent the Green team into a hizzy. I guess they lose a lot? I felt bad for them, especially that dude who has like no nose hairs left because he plucked them all out attempting to tear up.

So, after the competition everyone decides to get completely sh*tfaced and dance around topless throwing food at one another. Meanwhile, some dude is trying to save Destiney (cuz the whole team hates her), but gets mad cuz his brilliant plan doesn’t work.

The Gold captain (Paymaster?) now has some sort of power to take three people out and figure out which one she wants to save. (Note: choosing someone to leave is also called being “bounced.” Like a check? Get it? How cute!) And in attempts to stay in the game, some blonde chick with big boobs tries to make out with her. Toasty (what does that name even mean?) and the three people chosen by the Green team (Destiney, Real and Brandi C.) head out to the beach and go snorkeling.

And there are sharks. But I don’t care about that. I need to know: WHO IS GONNA STAY??? (Notice the sarcasm.)

There is some talking and then Real gets some one-on-one time with Toasty. The conversation did nothing except make me wonder if there is something wrong with that girl. Like, mentally. Is she slow?

Ok, so (finally!) after a load of wasted time watching people fight and stupid commercials, we find out that it’s time for Destiney to bounce. Goodbyyyyyye, Destiney!

And with that, I hate myself. I want that hour of my life back. I want my dignity back. I want everyone at the gym to know that I was only watching that show for work. NOT for pleasure.

Never again. Never.

Last time, Heather and the exes tore through the house and stupid Megan finally went home.

Morning: The final four + Heather and Destiney’s hat remain and they all depart for Vegas in a learjet. I forgot that they did the Vegas thing during the first cycle of this show. No shock that they are staying at the Hard Rock. Good thing that everyone’s over 21.

Daisy’s neck tattoos are super prominent today. The girls suite has a table full of presents – what, no stripper pole?

Bret-o-gram – Jessica and Destiney have to change into some golf outfits and meet Bret downstairs. What a boring date.

Heather decides that they need to 80s it up. Seriously? Oh, she’s not serious. Ha. Even she knows that the 80s are out. They look re-f*cking-diculous.

Heather, Daisy and Ambre do what they do best and get wasted. Daisy says that she’s hooked up with Bret like “500 times.” Have you had time to hook up 500 times?

Ambre’s only made out with him. Daisy and Heather talk alone – she says that she doesn’t feel like any of the other girls are competition. She asks Heather who she thinks isn’t right for Bret and Heather says, “I don’t think any of you are.”

Heather and all of her jewerly then talk to Ambre, who admits that of all the girls left,she’d be most worried about Daisy going out on a date with Bret. Daisy’s admitted to being in debt from her boob job! Ha! I love Heather’s advice of taking down Daisy ROCKS.

So evening golf – as I said, they look ridiculous. Destiney is NOT hot, but Bret loves her. No one needs to stretch before golf. Stop it, Destiney.

Jessica is good at golf and, no surprise, Destiney sucks.

Destiney gets annoyed that Jessica keeps doing well and kissing Bret, so Destiney bends over in her skirt to get Bret’s attention again. Good thinking.

So the boring golf date ends, which will be followe by a date with Ambre and Daisy. Daisy’s rude to Destiney when she returns and so Destiney decides that they were probably never friends…yeah. That mind never rests, does it, Destiney?

Ambre is nervous and she’s gonna throw Daisy and her debt carrying tits under the bus. Bret says that he chose AJ’s Steakhouse for dinner because “the girls need some meat.” Oh, shut up.

Bret wants to ask some ex-boyfriend questions because he feels like someone is lying. Bret asks Daisy about living with Charlie – he doesn’t have a job, she does. Daisy doesn’t understand how this issue is not settled. How about because t’s freaking weird and you can’t form coherent reasons for you two to still be living together?

Daisy says that she hasn’t gone out with another guy in two years. But you have one night stands, right? Oh, you dont? Bret doesn’t believe that she could go without sex for two years. And we are in agreement. Why are you crying? Bret’s not yelling at you.

“We’ve been through crazy ass sh*t.” That’s your explanation?

“Well why don’t you tell me what some of that crazy ass sh*t is.” Thank you, Bret.

Daisy says that she was pregnant, had an abortion, and he stayed with her to make sure that she was okay…so that’s heavy. I feel kinda sorry…

Ambre brings up the $ for supporting him, boobs, the apartment.

Shockingly, Daisy makes awesome money dancing. But yet – “I have tons of debt.”

Back in the room, Heather tells Jessica and Destiney that Daisy doesn’t see them as competition. Heather riles up Destiney – which doesn’t take much – are you throwing a tantrum on the pool table? Haaa!! Where did you get that pink cowboy hat? Poison’s 1989 tour? Was that C.C.’s?

Date ends and the girls are all together. Daisy tells them how she had to talk about Charles. Daisy, why is it hard for you to tell everyone about it – like this situation makes sense in any way to someone who is not you?

Did someone tell someone else to STFU?

So Ambre and Destiney are going to make Daisy cry. Don’t mess with Ambre. Jessica is wearing one of Destiney’s hats and just listening to the crazy.

Ohhhhh, Ambre goe OFF on Daisy and I love it. She’s right – oh, Daisy don’t roll your eyes at Heather. What – did she throw a drink in Daisy’s face? Wooooah. I looooove this! This is what I’ve wanted all season!!!

Big John comes in and they are going into Bret’s suite for drinks. He’s got a private black jack table and everyone is too somber to – sorry, I lost track of that thought once I saw that Destiney has rhinestones on her hat.

Daisy tells Destiney to STFU and you don’t tell that to a crazy B*tch. Here we go. I wouldn’t mess with that level of psychotic rhinestoned hat crazy.

Bret calls Big John over to deal with their bullsh*t. Don’t BS to my Big John’s face.

Stop screaming and crying, Daisy. They are weak for believing Heather? You’re life is retarded.

Oh, Bret comes out pissed. He wants to talk to Daisy alone and he’s done. The rest go back to their room.

Stop crying. Time for Daisy to spill it.

She cries on Bret and I can’t believe that he’s falling for the tears. And Daisy reenters the snake pit. But Ambre’s done so I guess it’s bed time.

Next day – Destiney looks better without all of that make up. She looks good first thing in the morning – seriously. She’s worried about pissing off Bret last night. You should be, crazy.

Heather goes into see Bret to talk about the girls. Bret’s concerned about how aggressive Destiney is, he tells Heather that it’s too hard with Heather around to get to really know them from this point. So she’s leaving. What? I don’t think so.

She’s going to get a pass tonight, you watch.

Bret calls in Jessica – his doubt about her is that she’d get hurt in Bret’s world. What? Your world is cowboy hats, beer and tits. She’s actually there for YOU. Deal with it, Bret.

Daisy meets Bret and he doesn’t feel like he knows her whole story. SPILL IT, Daisy. A couple of years ago, Daisy had befriend C.C. – he was calling her? Befriended??? In what way? No physical relationship??? You lie. She’s totally a groupie. That’s no more to her than that. Daisy, what could you have done in your life that Bret Michaels would reject you over? He’s slept with 4389071895 women. Unless you’ve been with 4389071896 guys, I think that you’re fine.

They are going to Body English for eliminations. Was the suite not good enough?

Destiney drops the stupid hat for a fake flower in her hair. Better.

Daisy don’t talk and cry; you cannot do both and blink all at the same time.

He calls Daisy – and are you seriously keeping her? She is spasming – she looks even worse. I cannot believe that he did that. The sex must be amazing.

Ambre gets the second pass. Poor thing – she likes him so much.

Is this process that emotional that everyone needs to cry?

Down to Jessica and Destiney. He fears that Jessica’s young and innocent. Destiney has a quick temper – he fears that she’ll be crazy backstage and cause him to lose fans and deal with a lawsuit.

Don’t get rid of Jessica. Don’t.

Destiney is called down – I hate you, Bret. How could you do that to Jessica or to yourself? Jessica and Ambre were the only ones left who were there for you and NOT dancing and TV and bullshit.

Wow. Amber says, “It’s down to two rocker chicks and Ambre.” More like two groupies, but close enough.

I can’t believe that I’m wrong about Heather making a permanent return. Eh, I don’t count her out.

Next time: they are back at the house and the family comes to visit. And I bet Ambre’s going home next.