I’m an avid dieter, but that’s really only because I’m an avid eater. My love for food is more passionate than I’ve been in some relationships, and that’s okay. Now I write about it and can share my concept of the Top Three.

The Top Three are the very three foods I would choose if I were given only that many to eat for the rest of my life with no detrimental effects on my health or waistline. Yes, I hypothesize random things like this on a semi-regular basis. Judge away. You can justify yours however you want, but here are mine and why I love them so:

1) Movie theater popcorn. I can’t say no. If I go to a movie and don’t overpay for that greasy, glorious popcorn, it’s not a real theater experience for me. I would substitute it for a meal. Clearly this is horrible for you, so my fix when I’m being calorie-conscious is to make 94% fat free and douse it in I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Spray. If this doesn’t do the trick, and I’m really craving the grease, I’ll sometimes melt light butter/something to the effect of the low fat buttery spreads in a bowl and drizzle over my popcorn. Yes, I’m adding unnecessary fat, but at least I know how much I’m putting in and I’m controlling it. I don’t have one of the oil dispensers in my apartment, and therefore have to behave a little bit.

2) Ice cream. I could probably eat myself sick on Moose Tracks or anything Ben and Jerry’s. Read More »

Dear Friend On A Diet,

I am so proud of you for making such a positive, health conscious change in your life. Also, you look hot. However, that does not mean that I want to know the calorie/fat/transfat content of the food I am CURRENTLY EATING.

I am trying to be very supportive of you, not asking you to share an order of nachos, not pushing you to match me beer for whatever low-carb crap you are drinking. This is what good friends do. And for this I am rewarded with a play by play of your diet and exercise habits, including handy tips for me! Ahem. There are several things I would like you to understand before I continue:

1. I understand. I have been a very successful dieter in the past, and I know how your every thought becomes consumed with what you will eat in the next meal, day, week. Been there, obsessed over that.

2. A follow up to #1: I KNOW all this. I have been a dieter. A good one. A well-researched one. What do I say when you tell me the fiber content of a cereal that I already know?! I don’t need to one up you, but if I express polite interest (“oh, really? Fascinating.”) it will only encourage you and make things worse for me, the disinterested yet diplomatic friend. Please, appreciate my situation, and help me avoid it. Read More »