Depending on what stage of life you’re in, your version of “ranking” the opposite sex will be different. For instance, if you’re in the post break-up or rebound stage, you’re probably seeking the confidence boost that comes with banging bagging a total hottie. After my first love broke my little heart way back when, I hunted for potential suitors until I found myself a Chad Michael Murray look alike. Did he make me laugh? Not once. Was he smart? Eh. Did he bring anything else to the table besides discussing Colt McCoy? Nada. But was he hot? Sweet Jesus, was he ever. And that was all I cared about at that point. Read More »

Let me begin by thanking Cosmopolitan magazine for being the basis of my sex education knowledge. My conservative mother would not sign the “allow your child to take the sex ed” waiver…so I had to turn to Cosmo in the midst of my confusion and all of my wildest sexual fantasies were brought to life, or at least written on a shiny page.

So thank you, Cosmo, for your use of girly language that made everything seem way better than it actually is. For example, having an “ice cream sandwich with my man, naked”…umm no. You forgot to mention that the chocolate sides are apt to getting stuck between my teeth, therefore my go-to “flash him a sexy smile” move is instantly ruined when he mistakes me for a homeless woman and not a sex-kitten eating an ice cream sandwich.

Among the many overrated things I’ve learned from this magazine, my sex-loving friends and boyfriends over the years are certain sex positions. Don’t get me wrong here, I love sex. All day, any day. I love challenging sex, lovey-dovey sex, breakup sex, make-up sex…Okay, you get it, I like sex! In my years of sexual escapades, I’ve tried my fair share of different positions. Let me tell ya, some were mind-blowing, scream out-loud amazing. But some just didn’t make the cut. (Some did and we discussed our fave positions last week!)

Below is my list of least favorite sex positions (and no, Cosmo failed to mention that some are less pleasing than others):

Reverse Cowgirl: I know, I know! Some girls are really into the whole “my ass is in full view of your face” positions. But I, however, am not.

Position rundown: He’s laying down on his back, girl is sitting upright on his junk facing away from his head, legs on either side of his hips as if she’s a “cowgirl riding her cowboy.” It sounds worse than it is, I promise. For one, no clitoral stimulation (unless he’s going to get “handsy” with you). Two, did I mention your butt is in complete full view? As in, your raisin and all that? Somehow I just can’t feel sexy knowing he can literally see more of me than I’ve ever been able to see. And finally, since I’m not facing him, I’ve got too many things to look at and distract me! His TV playing re-runs of The Real World, a painting (for the artsy boy) or his Bob Marley poster (for the college-guy). Needless to say, as hyped-up as this one is, it doesn’t make the cut for me.

Read More »

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

The aftermath of my most recent break-up was all at once depressing and pathetic. Like, beyond the most depressing and pathetic Lifetime movie that you’ve ever seen. (And I can say that with certainty since I watched every single one on a particularly dark Saturday-somehow-turned-Monday-and-I-haven’t-left-my-bed-in-36-hours moment of darkness.) It was depressing because everything I did and saw and watched and thought about reminded me of him. Pathetic because I spent days on end crying over my computer as Dave Matthews blasted from the speakers, stalking his FB page and the FB pages of every single girl who showed up in his pics/commented on his Wall;  and constantly returned home from class or work or a run, certain he’d be waiting for me on my porch with a dozen hydrangeas in his arms and a sheepish “I’m so, so sorry” look on his face. (Did I mention I’d make excuses to leave the house just so I could come home and discover him there? Yeah, I blame it on all those Lifetime movies.) Read More »

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

There are many major firsts in a new relationship: the first kiss (“He didn’t stab me with his tongue or slobber on my face, thank god!”), the first time he sees you naked (and enjoys what he sees, despite that cellulite you’ve been nitpicking for years), the first “time.” But to most girls, there’s nothing bigger than the first time he utters those infamous words:

“Uh, so, my parents are coming to visit and, uh, wanna come to dinner with us?”

Meeting the parental units is big. Really big. Freaking HUGE.

For some (read: guys) it’s a moment of worry. How does any guy win over his girlfriend’s overprotective father? How does he look that (scary) man in the eyes knowing the things he’s done to his daughter between the sheets (and, very likely, 30 minutes before the dinner reservation)? How does he prove to both parents that he’s a good guy with a good future that is good enough for their little girl, all while trying not to splatter marinara sauce on the new white button down he bought for the occasion?

Yeah, it’s a daunting task and one I’ve seen go down the tubes faster than my Jimmy John’s sandwich after taking 6 tequila shots too many. Why my ex boyfriend thought it was a good idea to tell my dad about his “legendary” trip to Bangkok’s Red Light district is beyond me…. Read More »

Men and women operate differently.

That’s an understatement if I ever heard one, but really it’s the simplest way to explain a complicated situation. It’s an answer to an age-old question. It’s the reasoning behind Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus.  It’s not an absolute, that’s for sure. But for the most part men and women operate on very different wave lengths for a number of different reasons. And because of that we can sometimes get our signals crossed. Because of that we do things that baffle the other sex. Things that annoy the other sex. Things the other sex really wishes we didn’t do…

But I’m not here to discuss out faults. I’m here to discuss their faults.

The things they do that drive us crazy.

10. The sports obsession.  Sports are a big deal for guys. And I can even understand why when they’re the ones playing but I will never fathom the deep obsession and devotion to certain sports teams. I understand that it exists and I respect that. But I just don’t get it.

9. Inability to remember dates. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Parties. It doesn’t matter what the date is or how long they’ve known about it. Men can never remember dates. I guess they’re big picture people rather than attention to detail people, like say, a lot of women.

Read More »

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

I can vividly remember buying my first thong. I was at the mall with my BFFs and they were going on and on about how much guys love them and “OMG, they are SO comfortable!” I started thinking about my crush Joey (aren’t all high school crushes named Joey?) and how he’d fall madly in love with me once he saw me bend over and my hot pink thong peek out over the top of my low-rise jeans. The next thing I knew, I was at the Victoria’s Secret register, arms full of 5 for $25 lacy thongs.

And the next thing I knew after that, I was waddling around my high school, my butt jiggling, with the constant urge to yank that thin strip of fabric out of my ass.

A few years later, after giving up on thongs completely and resigning myself to panty lines, my BFFs starting singing the praises of boy shorts. Thongs were out and now guys couldn’t get over how great a girl’s ass looked peeking out of a pair of boy shorts. So, once again, I gave in (this time thinking about my crush Dave) and stocked up.

And then I spent the next 4 weeks running to the bathroom every 5 minutes to smooth out my undies that had bunched up under my jeans. (I now totally get what it means when people talking about getting their panties in a bunch. Ouch.)

Finally, in a moment of clarity (or a moment of picking my wedgie and discovering a group of boys walking behind me, laughing), I made a conscious choice: no longer would I choose my underwear based on what random guys claimed to like in Cosmo.  Who are these guys, anyway? And regardless, they’re not wearing it (hopefully), I am, and I’m gonna wear what I like, dammit! Read More »

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

So last week I listed off the 7 things about guys I really don’t understand. At all. Like male genitalia…. why does it always look so….alien-like? The purpose wasn’t so much to have someone explain them to me as it was to get a few virtual high fives from all my fellow confused ladies. But then I saw what left my male counterpart scratching his head (as opposed to the usual, his balls) when it came to us ladies and I realized this topic required further action.

I needed to explain our side of the story. Make guys understand why we do the things we do. Help break down barriers between men and women and change the way we interact forever! OK, really, I just needed to get the last word.

So without further ado, I’m going to explain what guys think is totally unexplainable. Watch out, now! Read More »

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Benjamin Franklin once said (I know, I can’t believe I’m quoting Benjamin Franklin either) “Nothing is certain but death and taxes.” B. Frank was a smart man and he made a good point, but I’d like to add one more certainty to that list: confusion from the male gender.

It’s no secret that guys confuse us. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t need The Dude to explain them to us, or the entire relationship self-help aisle at Barnes and Noble. We wouldn’t spend hours trying to decipher what they meant in that last text message or find a way to ask every single person we knew why he’d ask to walk us home and then never call again. We’d all be blissfully happy and problem-free with our long-term boyfriends who are open, honest and straightforward.

But, alas, as great as some guys may be, they are still incredibly mysterious creatures that continually find new ways to confuse the the sh*t out of us. (Well, not literally. I’m not even sure that’s possible.) And while every day brings more confusion, there are 7 main things about guys I’ll never understand. Read More »

To state the obvious, we as people make decisions based on their potential outcomes.  We evaluate each possible cause and effect scenario while maintaining focus on what is “right vs. wrong” according to society. (Well, when we’re sober, at least.) The concept of “doing the right thing” is ultimately what steers our actions.  In short, the decisions we make in life do not directly correspond to the things we necessarily want.  We embrace the idea of free will, but can we ever really be “free” when we are constantly restricted by our own self-limitations?

When evaluating the main driving forces of our decisions, the power of guilt seems to be a leader in the race. On a day-to-day basis, we are forced to do things out of guilt.  If our actions could hurt someone else, we opt out of doing things we may personally want just to avoid the guilt.  And of course, we are often left to feel guilty for an infinite amount of time over our regrettable actions.

In this theory, however, it is hard to determine if this “we” means “we as people” or “we as women.”  A recent study by psychological researchers in Spain indicates that women in fact, do feel more guilt than men.  Beyond the conclusion that men are from Mars and that women are from Venus, the study has proven that we are actually genetically different when it comes to this emotion.  Neuroscientist Simon Baron-Cohen writes: “The female brain is predominately hard-wired for empathy. The male brain is predominately hard-wired for understanding and building systems.”  (And yes, before you go Googling, he is related to Borat, they are cousins.  So much for credibility…) Read More »

Not only does Beyonce have some sick moves, but the lady knows what she’s talking about. Her other song (you know, the one that doesn’t talk about putting a ring on it), If I Were A Boy, got me thinking: what would it be like to be a guy for a day?

Even more, what would it be like if a guy spent a day in my boobs shoes?

Life is quite different when you have a va-jay, so it would be an interesting experience. I know it is far from possible – unless you are willing to make a long-term change – but I asked a guy anyway. Has he ever thought about it? What would he learn? How different are men and women, really?

See what he had to say (before we started fighting): Read More »