Foreskin may be the only uncharted territory Americans have no desire to conquer. In our country, circumcision is common enough that a foreskin-free penis is the expectation, but elsewhere, that’s hardly the case. Though it remains the most common elective operation globally, the majority of men in the world don’t undergo it. Surprised? Dismayed? Completely alarmed that you can no longer take a European lover?

Don’t be.

The ever-proper Charlotte York may have once compared an uncut penis to a shar pei, but there’s no reason why you should be repulsed by foreskin.

Countless girlfriends of mine cringe at the thought of penises au natural, but my own varied sexual experiences have familiarized me with the lesser known peen and I’m on a mission to demystify it. Here’s some good news to start: uncut penises are pretty much the same as their counterparts. And yet, Americans and those with less colorful sexual pasts continue to treat foreskin as something of an anomaly and even a defect. I’ve isolated foreskinphobia into a few easily identifiable (and refutable) myths: Read More »

For those of us in long distance relationships, or those of us are not near our significant others during this long winter break, it can be hard to keep in touch sexually when we can’t physically get it on. My guy and I are over 700 miles apart and recently found a fun and kinky way to keep ourselves occupied.

And it involves a cellular.

Yes, the topic is taboo and everyone feels all weird about it, but phone sex is a great way to stay close in a relationship even when you’re miles apart.

While some may be too shy to start talking dirty over the phone lines, I have a few tips to keep in mind when trying out phone sex.

First off, relax!! (Editor’s Note: A glass of wine may help…) Phone sex is something to have fun with, not get all worried about. If you’re nervous, just try thinking of what would happen if your partner was actually there. Take a deep breath and ask something general such as, “What would you do to me if you were here?” This might be easier to say then just asking “Wanna have phone sex?” because you end up taking the pressure off of yourself to start the convo, making him answer first instead. Read More »

I remember the first time I slept at my ex’s apartment. He ran out to get some pizza and I asked if I could use his computer to check my email.

“Yeah, just don’t look at my browsing history, k?”

Right – because you can tell a girl that and expect her not to wonder why on earth you would make that request!

He wasn’t out of the room for 30 seconds before I did just that. And the first site on the list? MamaLovesC*ck.com.

For real.

It was at that moment that I began to wonder just how prominent porn was in guys’ lives. I mean, I always knew they looked at it, but how often? For how long? And why, especially when they have a girlfriend spending the freaking night?

I asked a close friend for the answers. What did I find out? More than I ever wanted to know. Read More »

We’ve seen this look all over town. From Audrina Partridge to Rachel Zoe to just about every other trendsetter out there, everyone who is anyone is rocking the Beret. When I first spotted Justin Bobby sporting this cap last year, I thought he was just covering up his dirty, greasy hair.

But no. He was actually wearing those floppy, knit caps to make a fashion statement (while also covering up his dirty, greasy hair).

Just like many major trends this season, the Beret is one I just don’t know about. The hats are cute – no doubt about that – but do girls in LA really need to wear a knit hat in the summer? And don’t those things give off more of a “I was too lazy to wash my hair” vibe than anything else?

What do you think? Do you love or hate the beret?

Unlike most people who only have their birthdays to celebrate every year, I am fortunate enough to have two days in my honor:

March 21st – the day my mother pushed me out of her womb

October 15th – National Grouch Day

Whereas I am always shunned, yelled at and abused for being a “royal bitch,” today I, and others like me, am celebrated for my general moodiness. I am finally vindicated for my annoyance at my roommates leaving their sh*t all over the house, for those mother-effers who can’t figure out what a turn signal is, and for the jerks down the street who keep playing that same damn Lil Wayne song over and over and over.

I don’t have to be ashamed for yelling at the Subway dude who put mayo on my 6 inch turkey on whole wheat with “absolutely no sauces, spices or mayo,” or for pushing the bitch at the bar who cut me in line and then got the last Amstel Light.

No. Today is my day. MINE. A day for me to be who I am and for those around me to celebrate it by leaving me the eff alone. Do not hug me, sing to me, or send me a card; all I want on this day is acceptance of my grouchiness.

And maybe for you people to clean up the damn kitchen. Is that too much to ask?!

Friday night: You’re at a crowded bar, and have to pee. Fearing the toilet seat, you pop a squat, clench your thigh muscles and hold onto the walls while you unleash your last five beers. You make sure you wash your hands (sometimes twice, depending on how filthy the pub is), and maybe even reach into your purse for some hand sanitizer, just to be safe.

Saturday night: You’re at a frat party. You just won three consecutive games of beer pong. You don’t think twice about drinking your cups, despite the fact that you’ve seen the ball land in other peoples’ used cups, roll along the basement floor, and watched the ball pass between thirty-something unwashed hands.

What gives?!?

Obviously, beer pong isn’t the most sanitary party game out there. But you have the “water cup,” right? That cup of tepid, dirty water is totes gonna disinfect that old, recycled ping pong ball (that was most likely found under someone’s bed 10 minutes before party time). Or not.

Some microbiology students at George Washington University decided to test exactly how detrimental to your health beer pong can be. If you like beer pong, you may want to skip this article. Read More »

There are a lot of traditional expectations of women to which I don’t match up with smoothly. For the most part, I don’t even care to bother meeting up to these expectations. Except for this one thing:

I wish I could be cleaner.

I don’t have a neat-freak bone anywhere in my body. I’m not convinced that I even want a neat-freak bone. But when I walk into some friends’ homes and everything is immaculately clean…it makes me wonder why I too can’t prioritize cleaning.

In order for me to clean, I really need to be expecting guests. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not DIRTY. I don’t leave food out, I do the dishes, take out the trash, blah blah. Oh, and I bathe. But I’m A-OK with leaving my shoes, jackets, purses, etc. all over the living room and I don’t mind if my roomies do, either. I don’t care if there’s makeup all over the counter and the bathroom floors aren’t spotless. Did I miss a memo somewhere?

It doesn’t even ‘run’ in my family. My family is actually very neat and they often argued with me over being somewhat of a slob growing up. I guess I just can’t see why cleaning is more important than sitting on the couch.

It’s not something I necessarily learned from my friends, either. In fact, my friends are kind of the people who make pay attention to the fact that I’m not like them. Take my good friend, Cara, for example. She mops her floors incessantly. When we get into her place from spending the evening out she literally – no f*cking joke – mops the floor. Am I crazy for thinking this is crazy? Read More »

Do you like brushing your teeth with toilet bowl water?

Because if like most people, you keep your tooth brush on the bathroom sink — that’s essentially what you’re doing.

Yummy.

After coming across the article “The 16 worse places to stash your stuff” in Prevention magazine, I felt enlightened and educated. But mostly I felt nauseas . Apparently, when you flush, the 3.2 million microbes per square inch of germy-gunk in your toilet bowl is propelled as far as 6 feet, settling on the floor, the sink… and your toothbrush.

Fix it: Keep your toothbrush in a cabinet

Some other tidbits to keep you healthier, slimmer and not so icky. Read More »

It started like any other night. My roommates and I were too lazy to cook anything and too cold to leave the house for carry-out, so we ordered in some good greasy Chinese food. As the eight of us gathered around our kitchen table to dig in, I looked outside and noticed someone standing in the dark out on the driveway we shared with our next door neighbors.

“Look, Matt’s outside on the phone,” I called the rest of my roommates to the window.

The next door neighbors were a group of 8 boys that we were really close to. Seeing neighbor Matt outside, my roommates and I immediately started banging on the window and waving at him. Matt turned to look at us and we screamed and knocked a little harder. I started laughing; Matt was staring at us pretending to masturbate. [No, there is no really fun way to put that. And yes, it was really funny at the time.]

“I don’t think he’s pretending, Lauren” My roommate looked at me, concerned.

“Um. I don’t think that’s Matt,” another of my roommates chimed in. Read More »

Since it isn’t the real thing, I suppose it doesn’t need to look like the real thing? Right?

That’s up to you to decide.

And if you decide you’d rather receive pleasure from something that looks like an octopus at ” a rave,” or you’d like to get down in the bath tub with your bath time playmate…You have that option as well.

There’s somewhat of a stigma when it comes to women masturbating. It’s rarely talked about among friends, it isn’t as expected, if you will, as it would be if it were a man. So the fact that distributors are now creating vibrators that can easily be disguised as lipstick, comes as no surprise.

But can you imagine if you whipped lipstick out your purse for your Grandmother to borrow and her lips started vibrating?? Oh my. It may be tricky, but you have to be diligent about hiding it in the right place. Read More »