My parent’s, friends, family and cat understand:come August 1st, I will loyally sit on my couch with snacks galore, cell phone/GChat/Facebook turned off, eyes glued to the TV. Why, you ask?

Two words:
Shark Week.

Maybe you’ve never heard of it before.  Maybe you’re scratching your head because it sounds like a cheap ’60s horror flick.  Maybe you really just don’t care and will resort to watching numerous Jersey Shore reruns on MTV. If that’s the case, I hope you accept my deepest of apologies, because you are missing out on the greatest thing to happen to TV since, well, TV.

What makes Shark Week so damn wonderful? Why should a bunch of college girls give up going to the beach to watch the beach on TV? Simple:

It’s Like Watching a Car Crash
Who would ever think sitting on your couch and watching a bunch of 1,000 pound fish swim around the ocean with their bloody mouths half open would be entertaining? This guy. You can’t look away. You sit down to watch a quick Shark Episode (there are six new ones this year) and you literally cannot leave.  I’m serious. Your life slows down, and suddenly you’ve been sitting on your couch for 5 hours watching sharks give you the stank eye through the high-def screen.

The Serial Killer Syndrome
I read in a book once that people are fascinated with serial killers because they’ve never met one themselves.  Not in a way where they want to meet one, but in a weird way we feel like they don’t exist. I think the same things goes with sharks.  We know they exist, but we’ve never come face to face with a living, breathing, blood thirsty shark. (And those who have most likely didn’t live to tell the tale…) That means, watching a week fulfilled with stories about them is like a creepy and addicting fairytale. And it’s great. Read More »

Life isn’t black and white. As much as we wish we simply loved or hated things, there is often that whole annoying gray area in the middle. Like how we love the idea of a monokini, but we just don’t know if we can pull it off. Or how we love making money babysitting, but hate giving up a Saturday night. Damn you, gray area; you make decision-making that much more complicated!]

Anyone who knows me knows not to call on Tuesday nights. Not only is it Biggest Loser night, but it also happens to be the best night of my week because of one thing only: The Real Housewives. I don’t care if they are from Orange County, Hot-lanta or New York, I can’t get enough of these women.

Yet now that The Real Housewives of New Jersey are on the (polluted) horizon, I’m starting to feel a little confused inside about my love for couture catfights and $16,000 handbags.

Yes, ladies, I’m torn. It’s time to break it all down. Read More »

So, three weeks later, I’m still recovering from the worst. surgery. of. my. LIFE.  I can walk and sleep without wanting to die, but sitting for long periods is hell on a few fractured ribs and one which only half-exists, so I’m still spending most of my time lying on my side, watching TV or reading.

I have been reading some great books, but I’ve also been watching some horrible television.  Seriously, people.  There are shows dedicated to moving walls with holes in them and the jumpsuit-clad morons who try to jump through.  There are shows that obviously employ monkeys to write their dialogue.  There are shows that are politically based and hours long and amount to nothing!  Even HBO and Showtime can’t save me, because besides a few great series, the movies they show during the day should never have been made in the first place.

But wait!  There is some salvation – in the form of lesser known networks and their even lesser(er?) known shows.  Shows that are fantastic but rarely seen by the normal person.  Let me use my time on the couch to your benefit and educate you on the Top 5 Shows You Don’t Know Exist But Are Awesome.

Anthony Bourdain, No Reservations (Travel Channel): We’ve featured Bourdain a few times on our site, mostly because he’s an OGIF  (Old Guy I’d Like To…).  But here’s the thing, his show is actually awesome.  Unlike a lot of TV cooks, Bourdain seems to fully understand what it is to apreciate all types of food, and is pretty fearless when it comes to A) traveling around the world and B) eating random things from random places.

Bourdain isn’t interested in comfortable hotels and beaches, he wants the raw and real experience of each place he visits.  Because of this, No Reservations tends to be less about weird food and more about the people of this world; how different we are, and how weirdly the same.  Bourdain’s narration is funny, deep, and often pretty badass…plus?  He can’t stand Rachel Ray. Obviously, the guy knows what’s what in this world. Read More »

I do not swim in the ocean. This is not because I hate the beach. I mean, I do hate the beach but that hatred has nothing to do with why I don’t swim in the Atlantic or Pacific. I don’t swim in those bodies of water because sharks live in the ocean and sharks eat people.

My fear of being eaten alive by sharks has become so irrational that I cannot swim in a pool alone without thinking of being thrashed about. Of course, the obvious starting point for this fear is Jaws. But lots of people have seen Jaws and can swim in the ocean just fine. For me, the real cause of of my phobia is Discovery’s Shark Week.

I’ve been watching this week long event since I was 14. My parents originally thought that watching the “edutainment” would lead me to realize that my chances are getting attacked and killed by a shark are less then dying in a car accident. To that, I submit two responses…

1)Hah! Propaganda spread by the shark-controlled media.

2) Regardless of chance, I would rather not swim in the ocean then EVER be that .5%.

You think Shark Week is trying to educate you on how misunderstood Sharks are, but if you read between the lines, you will see the truth. Here is a breakdown of one day’s (literally, Monday the 28^th) worth of Shark Week shows.

Sharkbite: Surviving Great Whites

People share stories on how they got pieces of themselves eaten by sharks. Title suggests you can survive an attack. The truth? Sharks let these people go to lure you into the water. Read More »

Sometime in the spring, a buddy of mine sat me down and made me watch an episode of “Man Vs. Wild” on the Discovery Channel. For those of you who’ve been living in a cave for the past year (or perhaps living in one of the ridiculously remote places that the show chronicles), the show follows a British bloke named Bear Grylls as he teaches you how to survive if, God forbid, you found yourself stranded in the middle of Nowheresville, Alaska, or the Australian Outback.

Generally, all he has with him are the clothes on his back, maybe a canteen for water, and a knife. Oh, and his cameraman, which I assure you I’ll get back to.

I have to say, I was pretty impressed from the get-go. The first episode I watched featured Bear trying to survive in the Serengeti, as he informed viewers how to go about avoiding lions and rhinoceros’ while trying to find civilization. Cool stuff. Read More »