You’ll find her workin on her latest video. And we can’t wait!

Brad and Angie’s kiddies aren’t so well-behaved…

Beautiful jewelry that’s eco-friendly is the perfect V-day gift!

A red-carpet look for less? Yes, please!

What is UP with all these baseball players?!

Amy Adams isn’t as sweet as we thought.

Adorable ideas for a DIY Valentine’s Day!

Spring’s coming! Get the perfect trench for less…

Guys may not dig Holly Golightly, but we sure do!

Heidi and Seal at Disneyland!

Spencer and Heidi keep talking. Burn hole in my brain.

Tom and Katie are still married…and happy.

Rhode Island mandates domestic violence education in schools.

Sarah Palin damns us all to hell. See ya there!

Lakisha Jones (from American Idol) got married…and everyone is really excited.

Leo can’t be anything but sexy.

No more sexy time for Brad and Angelina.

God, we wish we worked at airport security right about now.

Women don’t let this recession get in our way of beauty!

Justin Bobby and LC? NO WAY!

Happy (sorta) Birthday, Miley Cyrus!

Do you experience drunk-o-vision?

Amy Winehouse’s nose says, “I QUIT!”

Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz (fashion) emergency.

Did Joe Biden have a little work done? (We knew it!)

I hate Halloween. I have always hated Halloween. One of the first pictures anyone ever took of me is in a pumpkin costume at age 4, crying my eyes out. I don’t hate other people who like Halloween, but the holiday itself makes me so pissed that when prompted to write a Halloween article I refused to write a positive one.

So if you want to hear about why Halloween rocks you should go somewhere else because I f*cking hate it and I’m about to make you hate it too by listing some reasons why it’s terrible and should be canceled.

Costumes: Yah, I said it. F*ck costumes. I have never trusted motherf*ckers in costumes. Why are you wearing that? People in costumes can do anything they want, and often do on Halloween, because it’s basically the official Holiday for burglary and assault.  That’s really what I want, a day where it’s impossible to spot criminals because everyone is wearing a godd*mn mask.

I don’t even like people at Disneyland and sh*t wearing costumes. Ask any nerd which day was the worst in high school and I guarantee you that Halloween is up near the top of the list. “I sure wish I knew who was beating the sh*t of out me right now, beyond ‘guy in gas mask’ and ‘guy in hockey mask!’”

Additionally, wearing costumes is probably the most uncomfortable thing ever. It’s hot and you can’t hear sh*t and you can’t run away from other people in costume without making a ridiculous shuffling noise. F*ck costumes. Unless you’re on a stage or in a movie, no costumes ever. Street performers shouldn’t be allowed to wear costumes. No one. EVER.

Candy: Yah, that is exactly what we need, an excuse to shovel more diabetes-inducing sugar into our insatiable legion of fat children. Candy on Halloween teaches people two things, how to gorge yourself, and how to beg. Why not call a spade a spade, call it ‘Insulin Day,’ and just chop everyones’ foot off right now.

TV Programming: On Halloween, every channel on the dial shows whatever scary movie they have in the vault, all night. As someone who’s imagination is more then enough to literally make me sh*t when alone in a dark room, the last thing I want is every Friday the 13^th, Halloween, and Nightmare on Elm Street playing all at once.

Haunted Houses: I don’t really feel the need to elaborate on this. Haunted Houses, hay rides, and other various haunted locales go from boring (high school) to grotesque (every haunted house run for profit) with no middle ground to actually enjoy yourself. F*ck haunted houses.

“CLEVERNESS”: It’s in quotes and caps for a reason. That’s about as subtle as people are on Halloween. LOOK HOW FUNNY/SEXY/EDGY I AM.

People dress either in lingerie (I’M A SEXY CAT/BUNNY/CONSTRUCTION WORKER/COP/DENTIST/CHEF/PERSON WHO WORKS AT HOME DEPOT), go ‘edgy’ and do something so tasteless they know it’s gonna start a fight once everyone is drunk enough (‘dude are you seriously going as someone who’s HIV positive?’), or ‘clever’ — which usually amounts to going as a hotdog or a tampon or a giant sperm. Also, anything phallic that comes with its own retarded catchphrase. Everyone has crap ideas on Halloween. The night literally destroys creativity and feeds off tacky bullsh*t.

You’re probably wondering if I go out at all. I do. I dress as a Pokemon and throw bricks through car windshields.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

Watch the Couric/Palin interview here. One word: Oy.

Suri Cruise has no friends.

Parents just don’t understand….

Drew Barrymore eats Ed Westwick’s face.

McCain cancels on Letterman…tsk tsk tsk.

Justin Long can’t seem to hold onto a lady.

Apparently the 90210 girls DO eat!

Britney Spears channels Posh Spice.

Kirk Cameron is making a comeback.

Threesome for LiLo and Sam…and Mickey Mouse.

Looks like Hef’s Viagra ran out… he loses another one.

Is Tina Fey a bad role model for women?

Michael Lohan’s thoughts on Samantha Ronson and her toilet paper preferences.

Perez Hilton writes a song. If you value your sanity, do not click here.

Last summer I was back home in LA visiting my parents when the Third Pirates of the Caribbean movie was released. I was waiting for them to join me at the Santa Monica Promenade (known for its’ wackos) when I noticed a crowd gathering around a man waiving a poster. Oh yes—he was protesting the Pirates movie. His poster, which reminded me of my 10th grade English projects (glue stick, grainy photos, and hastily written captions), was a tearful outcry against the rehabilitation of the pirate as a historical figure.

The guy was definitely nuts, but as much as I hate to say it, he did have a point.

What did you think when you saw the title of this piece? Captain Jack Sparrow? Hook? Tim Curry’s Long John Silver?

Don’t get me wrong, I love pirate movies and the whole pirate genre (so much so that I had my second tattoo done at a pirate themed parlor but that’s besides the point…). But unfortunately outside of Disneyland, the whole Yo Ho Yo Ho A Pirates Life for Me isn’t what piracy is all about.

Meet the Pirates of Somalia:

Instead of the Black Pearl, these pirates are cruising the seas in small fishing boats (known as ‘Volvos’ actually)…Gone are the cannons and cutlasses, replaced with deadlier automatic rifles and rocket propelled grenades…

On Friday, April 4th, 10 such pirates attacked the Le Ponant, a French luxury yacht in the Gulf of Aden. While no passengers were on board, 30 crewmembers are being held hostage.

This is an all too regular an occurrence in Somalia

Last month, the Danish company Svitzer Korsakov paid $700,000 in ransom for the return of its tugboat and crew of six.

In May 2007, pirates attempted to hijack a ship chartered by the UN food relief agency.

According to the BBC, in fact, within Somali coastal waters, pirates seized over 25 ships during 2007.

“Okay”, you might say, “So what? As long as I’m not taking a cruise in the Indian Ocean off Somalia why should I give a hoot?”

I’m glad you asked.

Think about Darfur; the war, the rapes, the poor economy, the horror. As my article a few weeks ago discussed, Somalia in many ways is . The country has been at war since 1991 and pirates are greatly exacerbating and perpetuating the situation.

Many international organizations that would like to donate food and medical supplies are prevented from doing so thanks to piracy. Following that incident in May 2007, aid was suspended for a time to Somalia due to the security risk.

Piracy also feeds the cycle of lawlessness—if most people aren’t following the law, it becomes financially/socially/etc. untenable to remain law-abiding even if you wanted to (i.e. giving bribes in many countries). This cycle perpetuates political dysfunction, preventing the country from attaining stability and peace.

So what can we do?

Help Somalis stop fighting. Once peace is established then the government will have a slightly better chance at fighting off the piracy.

Check out the Institute for Multi-track Diplomacy’s work on Somalia. They have some of the best credibility on the issue so if you’re interested in making a difference check them out first.