Celebretard Showdown: Lady GaGa vs. Katy Perry

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I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

Nary has there every been a time in fashion when everyone looked so confused.  In one city block you can walk past an early 90’s blazer, liquid leggings a la the 80’s, gorgeous leather oxfords from the 40’s, a dress from sometime in the future, and a million other things that make me wish for an unlimited platinum credit card.  I love it.

What I don’t love is an outfit which looks like an advertisement for Skanks-R-Us or some strange, preppy love child of Hot Topic.  In my book, the two worst offenders are Lady GaGa and Katy Perry.  That is, when they’re wearing clothes.  And it seems clothing (or the lack there of) is the least of their problems… Read More »

I’m Pale, Get Over It: A Fair-Skinned Manifesto

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I was born with a skin-tone that falls somewhere between “fresh milk” and “blank paper.” I’ve heard every “where are the Seven Dwarves?” and “Ah! You’re blinding me!” joke in existence, replacing my joyful anticipation of summer with an ominous dread. As girls with non-glow-in-the-dark skin flounce down the street in their shorts and minis, my legs have been relegated to hot, dark jeans.

In years past, in order to reach the deep, savage “normal-people” color I have so longed for, I have resorted to the religious application of self-tanners, which, while making me darker, have also made me smellier. And we all know nothing is more appealing to a man than a girl who smells like chemicals and has weird, orange-streaked sheets. And to top it all off, after my daily self-tanning regimen, there would almost inevitably come the cruel mockery of the phrase “you’re so light!”

Sigh. Read More »

Style Idol: Glamour Goddess, Dita Von Teese

dita7.jpg[Celebrities get paid to look good and serve as a style guide to all us common folk, and part of looking good is flaunting their totally awesome fashion sense. Each week, I will be highlighting my Style Idol of the week: a celebrity who consistently shows keen fashion sense and whose closet I would raid in a heartbeat.

Of course, no celebs are immune to the occasional “what the hell were they thinking?” moment, but for the most part, these celebs look foxy and fabulous and inspire us all to do the same.]

Dita Von Teese is famous for her infinitely sexy burlesque act (I actually saw her perform at a small party a few years back, and let me say, it is quite spectacular), and for having been married to freakish Marilyn Manson. Lately, however, she has been getting a new sort of notoriety: for her fabulous style.

Dita stands on her own as the Diva of Retro. She pulls off this look with vintage-inspired clothing, dramatic coloring and her signature pin-up hair and ruby red lips. She is a dream for many couture designers such as Marchesa, Vivienne Westwood, Roland Mouret and Christian Dior/John Galliano, as their gowns perfectly hug her amazing and almost unbelievable hourglass figure. She accentuates the beauty of her classic looks by adding fun and flirty accessories like sky-high heels and funky hats.

Dita embodies glamour like no one else and makes it look effortless in the process; that’s enough for me (or anyone) to consider her a Style Idol of our time. Read More »

Candy Dish: Bromance Is In The Air Tonight

brayrod102.jpgAw, such sweet bromance

Understand the economy with Chris Farley movies

At last, something to do with your ex’s testicles once you cut them off

Celeb camel toe AND mom jeans alert

Disney on Depressants

Howard Stern ties the knot, Mr. Kelly Ripa officiates, celebrities now control the universe

Britney channels the other Madonna

Diddy is afraid of Palin

It’s official, Kate Moss has a golden vajayjay

The sham is almost over…

Dita Von Always Looks Awesome

St. Tyra declaws a catfight

Holly finally realized Hef is old

Candy Dish: TMI, Amy Winehouse

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Dear God, I wish I didn’t see this. Can someone please get this woman into rehab? (Or my bikini waxer?)

With airline ticket costs soaring, some people are coming up with more creative ways to travel.

Thank God for United States Postal Workers; delivering our mail…and finding old ladies trapped under cars.

Mini Me isn’t so mini…if you know what I’m sayin’.

Women aren’t the only ones with a biological clock.

Everyone loves bacon!

Retro Sexy: Dita Von Teese does it best

Corey Haim just can’t win.

John McCain hates bloggers. Well, Mr. McCain: we hate you too.

Candy Dish: Madonna and JT = Hot

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OMFG!!! Madonna and JT are HOT in her new video

Mariah trumps The King

Oh hey, Jamie Lynn Spears is still pregnant

When I think gold lamé leggings, I think Woody Allen

McDreamy for McAvon

Hillary is f*cking Obama

Heidi Montag is, like, totally a feminist hero

Dita Von Teese: former hardcore porn star, blonde

Leno apologizes over gay remarks

Science explains what therapy doesn’t: mama’s boys

Note to Jamie Lynn Spears: Juno is just a MOVIE!

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Jamie Lynn Spears is giving up her baby.

• Super-sexy celeb hair makeovers

• Why is Bill Maher not on this list?

• Cameron Diaz and Eva Mendes love to burp and fart

• Let your soul glow with Mr. Rays Hair Weave.

• If you don’t know this band, you should.

• The best worst collection of Olan Mills photos ever

• Nobody’s interested in Ashlee Simpson’s nose

Say bye bye to John Mayer the blogger

• Dita Von Teese is the new Wonderbra Wondergirl.

Panic at the Disco is hitting the road.

Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood? Pukesville.

ew2.jpgYou know, I have to say, I never liked the guy. I always thought he was a geek hiding behind weird songs and freaky clothing. No matter what he did, he could never convince me that he was anything less than lame.

Thanks to this article, I have recently changed my stance.

I no longer think Marilyn Manson is lame. I think he’s SUPER FANTASTICALLY LAME.

The man/boy/Lipsticked Wonder recently left his pretty and age appropriate wife for a girl who is almost twenty-five years younger. Yup. Seemingly normal Evan Rachel Wood is currently getting cozy with the guy, allowing him to not feel his age—which is 38—in case you were wondering. “She likes the same things as me.” Manson recently told some French magazine, “She understands I like to get up when night falls and go to sleep at dawn.”

Ugh. Please. This guy takes himself so seriously it makes me want to puke. Almost as much as picturing him naked.

Evan, Rachel, whatever people are calling you these days, wake up and smell the pasty white face make-up! He’s a loser with a huge head. You can do better.

What do you think about this unlikely pairing?

Dita Von Teese Gives Away the Farm

Ohh, burlesque, how I love you. You’re just like porn, but with a sense of humor. You twirl scarves and finger fringe and lolligag in giant champagne glasses. You skip to Stealers Wheel and swivel hips to Johnny Hawksworth. You toss horn-rimmed glasses asunder and let down your hair before tearing buttons from blouses and revealing boned corsets. You’re such a tortuous tease!

And speaking of teasing, what about your current spokeswoman, Dita Von Teese? You couldn’t have picked a better representative for your culture. A 22” waist – which can be laced down to a 16 incher – with raven hair and milk skin… all she needs is seven or so dwarves and she’d be Snow White incarnate.

That said, I am devastated to see that she has crossed that delicate, seemingly ineffable line between bare burlesque and pure pornography. After spending years leaving just enough to our imaginations, she has spread her legs for the latest issue of Penthouse. The fantasy has been destroyed. Meh.

At least she still looks beautiful.

What do you think about Dita Von Teese al’ natural?