"We're fine! We've got diplomas!"

Yesterday, President Obama urged students to stay in school.  He said that you can’t drop out of school and expect to drop into a good job. Well, apparently, you can’t drop into a good marriage either.

According to National Affairs, there is a higher divorce rate in non-college-educated couples vs. those who earned a degree. I wonder why that is? My personal opinion is that after four years of whoring around school and testing the waters, college grads were finally able to pick their favorite brand of life-partner.

Alternatively, maybe they honed their patience skills after spending four years battling academia. Years of exams, presentations and thesis papers have made marriage look like a piece of cake, comparatively.

Yet maybe college grads have a lower divorce rate because after sharpening their minds and taking a logical look at the institution of marriage, they opt not to marry at all. Saving themselves from expensive weddings, shared checking accounts and intrusive in-laws all together.

Most likely, though? Those divorced non-college grads probably never made it to college ‘cuz they got married at 18 before they knew any better and realized too late an X-box-playing husband isn’t so adorbs after all.

Whatever the reason, stay in school, people. You may not be able to get a job right now, but at least you’ll nab yourself a husband. For life.

So, Jon and Kate’s “big announcement” has been the talk of town for days. And while many people ask “Who the hell are these freaks and why do I care?” all I can say is, “THEY ARE JON AND KATE GOSSELIN, DUH! They have the cutest kids ever and I’ve been watching them since they were BORN!!!”

Ok, so maybe I’m a little invested, but I was there for their first dentist appointment that’s what happens when you watch a show for so long and feel like you get to know a family. That is why people care. We’ve been watching the Gosselin children grow since they were born, so we’ve been dreading the announcement and news of what was going to happen to this once seemingly perfect family

As I settled in to watch and heard of the couple’s decision to separate (and Kate claiming that it had “nothing to do with the show”…yeah right), I felt a sudden drop in my stomach. Although I had already been anticipating this news for weeks, hearing it straight from Jon and Kate suddenly made it very real. In many ways, this unfortunate decision seemed inevitable. Any regular viewer of the show could see the tension brewing between the couple for quite some time, but that didn’t make it any easier. Nor did it stop the tears that welled up in my eyes. I know, I’m embarassed.

I had to turn to a Butterfinger bar to make myself feel better.

It’s just hard to watch a relationship fail, regardless of who it is. And feeling so connected to those kids makes it so much worse. What is going to happen to them? How are they going to take the news? And, if having cameras in their faces/paparazzi stalking them/a mom with porcupine hair wasn’t enough, will this totally eff them up in the future? Read More »

Mel Gibson’s wife filed for divorce last week, so if you like a guy to call you Sugar Tits and talk sh*t about Jews over a romantic candlelit dinner, now’s your chance! Go get em, Tiger!

Lindsay Lohan speaks.

SJP and Matthew Broderick are divorcing?

Seychelles and Smashbox unite!

New tunes from No Doubt!

Eminem is back (back again).

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

“Yeah, Catholic high school was abstinence-only. They never taught us about condoms or cock rings or anything like that.”

At Starbucks:

Man: “I can’t help it! I’m impotent!” (Pointing at the drinks menu) “It’s… this Greek goddess stuff!”

“That’s how you choose who gets to keep the dog after the divorce. You can cheat, you know. Rub bacon on your hand or something like that.”

“Yeah. That’s how you choose who gets to keep the kids, too. I think the bacon thing still works.”

“No, I’m not gay. I just like tickle fights with other men.” Read More »

Jennifer Aniston opens up to Elle UK.

Nick Schuyler, one of the missing boaters has been found!

How does the stimulus plan affect students?

Lindsay Lohan is rotting from the inside out.

In case you were wondering, here are some fun fart facts. Don’t worry; we won’t tell anyone.

Octomom gets a reality show.

Students speeding up undergrad to save money.

Stoner tries to smoke his cat in a bong. Yes, for real.

We heart cropped sweaters.

Even the nice guys aren’t calling back anymore?!

Pink goes Green.

No one wants to see the Jonas Brothers in 3-D?

So you’ve grown up, moved out, and now you’re living on your own. Still, whenever anybody asks where you’re from, you proudly state the place where you grew up instead of your current address. And no matter how much you love your college experience, there is still a comfortable feeling associated with returning home.

Your old bed.

Your old couch.

Your mom’s cooking. Mmmm.

However, no matter how long since you’ve left home, goin’ back never feels the same. Something changes; it may be a tangible difference or a change in emotion, but it’s different just the same.

When I returned home for the first time for Thanksgiving of my freshman year, I discovered the intensity of my mom’s home improvement kick. I drove away from a white house in September and pulled up to a blue one in November. My dingy twin bed was now a queen, complete with a handcrafted quilt and a wool blanket (a welcome change, don’t get me wrong). The pictures of my friends and I were out of site, and my shelves were now ridden with family photos and potpourri.

My room was no longer my room and it just felt weird.

However, there were also changes that run much deeper than my mother’s new home makeover. What would you do if you came home and the family you thought you had was completely different? This happened for me two years after I left for college. My dad took me out to dinner this past summer and told me that he and my mother were separating. The next day, he moved out. I had never lived in that house without him, and having to pick up the phone to talk to him just felt wrong. Read More »

Dear Engaged Friends,

So, congratulations! Have you picked a date? Done the dress shopping? Gone cake tasting? Picked the esteemed members of your bridal party? Great! So if we could take a minute to shift the focus over to me? Yeah.

You’re freaking me out.

Early, early, early 20s are not a time when the general “you” should be worried about marriage, especially when I can’t even decide whether I want to go to grad school or work or what. And yet, you’re kind of making me think I should be worried. I mean, isn’t everybody in the dating game right now, yourselves excluded? Aren’t most pople our age single? Don’t you know that marriage is supposed to be forever and divorces are really expensive and, frankly, so are weddings (especially on the east coast—eep)?

And also, are you going to get all judgy all of a sudden? I’m still the delinquent “single friend” who can’t land a boyfriend for more than a couple months at a shot, I have no life direction as yet (but we’re hoping, any day now, for an epiphany)… Are you going to keep giving me that “I’m judging you without trying to seem that way” look while continually asking how my dating life is going? Because I can tell you already: I’m really not going to meet anyone anytime soon. I’m pretty sure I’m bad at the dating game and I probably can’t even find someone to commit to being my date at your wedding to keep me from looking as alone and pathetic as I apparently am…

No, it’s fine. I’ll be at the bar, don’t worry about it.

Wait; you are having an open bar, aren’t you? Read More »

Remember that girl who claimed she was attacked for supporting McCain? Yeah, one BIG, FAT LIE.

Britney Spears hangs with the kiddies.

Finally, a site that celebrates real women.

Michael Jackson scares the crap out of us.

Al Gore put to work for the election.

These boys are very funny. Maybe they are single too?

Guy Ritchie does what we all do after a breakup: gets his drink on.

Does Paris have a body image problem?

It’s effing FRIDAY, people. Time for some Beer Pong.

So, I really don’t care about what is going on with crazy cheeks Madonna and her soon-to-be ex husband, Guy Ritchie. But everywhere I turn there is news about these two. Any by “news” I mean “really embarassing stories.”

It seems like every hour either Madonna or Guy are coming out with a vicious and, oftentimes, scarring statement about the other.

Guy Ritchie, obviously hurt by his ex wife’s indescretions with A-Rod, has said that Madonna looks like a “granny on stage,” and that having sex with her was like, “hugging a piece of gristle.”

Madonna fired back by calling him “emotionally retarded,” and claiming Guy was “just after my money.”

Just another typical case of post breakup he said/she said.

It doesn’t matter if you are a celebrity or just a college girl scorned by her cheating boyfriend, breakups always cause the gloves to come off and the truth to come out. Especially the most embarassing and hurtful truths. Anyone who knows me knows all about my ex’s issues (“Yeah, cuz sex for 1.5 minutes is GREAT!”), and after my BFF’s particularly painful breakup, the entire campus knows about her ex’s farting issues during sex. Ew.

Anyways, breakups cause pain and pain causes people to resort to just about anything to make themselves feel better. Like talking sh*t. Which Guy and Madonna have mastered.

So I want to know: what are some of the crazier things that have come out after your big breakups? Leave your responses in the comments section below; we wanna know all the juicy deets.