Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like the ultimate cure for a hangover! – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I don’t really know how to ask this so I’ll just get right to it. I’m still a virgin and I’m the only one left in my group. All my girl friends lost their virginity this year and have been telling me how much it hurt. Now I’m scared! Is it really that bad? And is there anything I can do to….prepare? Or should I just buy some cats now and grow old as a single, virgin spinster?

I’m really freaking out here.

A: Ok, hold up. It is definitely not time to start hoarding cats. Unless you really like cats, in which case, stock up! But don’t throw in the towel on sex just yet. Every woman is different when it comes to what your first time feels like. If you’ve been wearing tampons, riding horses, and straddling balance beams in gymnastics, your hymen may already be broken, so it might hurt less. On the flip side, if you’re very tiny and trying to insert a junior sized tampons sends you through the roof, you might face some serious discomfort.

But even if you are in the latter group, there are things you can do, especially if you’re in a relationship and can anticipate when it will happen (which offers your best shot at a good experience, in my opinion. Losing your virginity to a beer-sloshed one-night stand who can’t remember your name doesn’t bode well for gentle, compassionate connection between you and your partner. But then, you know that.).

My patient Adrianna had so much pain just from foreplay that she avoided sex until she was twenty-nine. (Every Christmas she would send me a card with the Virgin Mary on it and sign it “Love, the Virgin.”)  Always in serious relationships, she would put it off until that inevitable moment when she knew she would either have to lose her virginity or break up with the guy. Every year, when she reached that fork in the road, she broke some poor guy’s heart, rather than ‘fessing up to her fears.

Then she met Ed, and he swept her off her feet.  After he proposed, she approached me, begging me to help her give it all up to Ed.  Here’s what I told her to do:

How To Lose Your Virginity As Painlessly as Possible

1. Purchase a good sexual lubricant like Astroglide or K-Y Jelly.

2. Begin to prepare weeks, even months in advance. (Note: preparation also includes getting comfortable and intimate with your own body!)  The vagina is an elastic organ designed to fit a baby through it.  Your virginal vagina may not like being stretched by an erect penis, but it’s willing to negotiate. Begin by starting to dilate the vagina with the smallest thing you can insert into your vagina comfortably – a pinkie finger, a junior sized tampon, or a thumb. Lube it up and gently insert it inside the vagina.

3.  Notice the muscles that surround your vagina. Are they tense or relaxed? Does the object or finger slide easily into the vagina, or does it hurt? Make a conscious effort to release the tension from those muscles. Hold the object in for 10 minutes.

4. If that doesn’t hurt at all, try gradually increasing the size of what you insert into your vagina- a super-plus sized tampon, two fingers, or a small dildo. Repeat the exercise with the larger object until you find something that begins to stretch you and feel uncomfortable. When you reach that point, hold the object still for 10 minutes, and repeat this every day until it no longer hurts. (Don’t forget the lube, which is key). You may bleed during some of these exercises, which is nothing to worry about, as long as the bleeding is slight.

5. When you notice that it no longer hurts to insert that object inside, go bigger. Keep increasing the size of what you place into the vagina until you can accommodate a dildo that mimics the size of your partner’s penis.

6. Once you can keep the dildo in place for 10 minutes without pain, try moving it in and out of you, mimicking what your partner would do during intercourse. Go slowly, and make sure you have control of how the dildo moves. Feel free to play around with other types of sexual stimulation or other sex toys during this process. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun! Feel free to invite your partner in for the party, if you feel comfortable. If not, make it a private affair until you’re ready for the big night.

7. When you can do this without pain, you’re ready for the main event. Encourage your partner to have fun with foreplay. The more aroused you feel, the less likely it is to hurt.

8. Spend a moment taking deep, relaxing breaths. Concentrate on relaxing the muscles around the vagina to make way for your lover to enter you. Visualize your vagina as a flower gently opening to receive the love you share with your partner.

9. When you’re ready, lube up and try a woman-on-top position, which gives you more control over the depth of penetration and the speed of the thrusting. Take it slow. Listen to your body. Warn your partner that you may not be able to finish the job. If need be, you can ask him to stop and take care of him in other ways, if you know what I mean.

Remember: practice makes perfect. It gets better with time – I swear. If your first time isn’t glorious, don’t be discouraged. My first time was God-awful, but in time, our bodies learn what to do and you’ll be making beautiful music in the sack before you know it.

Hope it helps!

Wishing you a gentle, safe, loving, nurturing cherry-pop,

Dr. Lissa

Talking sex with your doctor isn’t always easy. Whether you are afraid she or he will judge you,  you just don’t feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of your life between the sheets, or you can’t think straight with a speculum between your legs, many people get tight lipped in the doctor’s office. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have questions.

We thought we’d help and every Thursday our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person and didn’t really trust the Yahoo community to answer for you. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I’ve been on the pill (normal combination pill) for 3 years. I am very happy with it. I never miss a pill, but I take it at very different times during the morning. Does this decrease the effectiveness?

A: It’s always better if you can take your pill as close to the same time as possible, but if you normally take it at 8am and the next day, it’s not until 11am, that shouldn’t make much difference. The one exception is very low dose pills like Yaz and Mircette (pills with 20 micrograms of estrogen). In this case, it’s more important to try to remember to take your pill at the same time.

Q: I was also wondering, is it possible to use the pill with the Mirena IUD? Would you recommend it?

I hear you, sister. I’m assuming you DO NOT want to get pregnant! While I appreciate the sentiment, I would not recommend using a Mirena IUD with a birth control pill. Both contain hormones that act differently. And since both the Mirena IUD and oral contraceptives are highly effective, I don’t see the reason to assume the risks of both. If you’re particularly worried about pregnancy and want to use double protection, consider condoms plus the Pill or condoms plus an IUD. But adding two hormonal methods together can really mess up your system.  

Q: And finally, when I’m having sex with my boyfriend we sometimes start without condoms and then later he’ll pull out and put a condom on and continue. How effective is this in preventing pregnancy when used in combination with the pill? We’re in a monogamous relationship & have been tested, so I’m not worrying about STDs.

A: If you’re religious about taking the pill, and you’re using the withdrawal method and you’re sort of using condoms, chances are good that you will be protected from pregnancy. But mostly, that’s because of the Pill, which in and of itself is highly effective. In general, withdrawing before ejaculation is not an effective method of birth control because sperm are present in the pre-ejaculate released before orgasm.  So if you want to do everything possible to protect yourself, put the condom on before you start fooling around and leave it on until you’re done and can safely remove it.

It’s all about assessing your own personal risk tolerance. No birth control is 100%, which means that sex can always result in pregnancy. That said, it sounds like you’re being very conscientious to try to avoid an unwanted pregnancy, and I commend you for that.

Is your partner opposed to wearing a condom during sex? My gut tells me that maybe you would be feel a bit more comfortable if he did. If so, maybe it’s worth having a chat with him about this. Remember, it’s your body, and if anybody gets pregnant, it will be you. Listen to your heart, and honor your body.

Get to know more about Dr. Lissa on her website, www.owningpink.com

[The following post is courtesy of Vanessa Cullins, M.D., Vice President of Medical Affairs at Planned Parenthood. Upon speaking with Vanessa and asking for information on STDs we began discussing HIV/AIDS. Naively, I mentioned that college kids are safe and know to protect themselves against this deadly disease. Turns out, I was wrong, and thinking that way is incredibly dangerous.]

Once in a while, we get a variation of this question via e-mail: “I’m a woman in college, and I’m wondering if I still need to be worried about getting HIV. Isn’t it pretty much under control by now?”

HIV/AIDS is definitely still a threat — especially among young people and women. Today, women account for more than one-quarter of all new HIV/AIDS diagnoses, and women of color are especially affected by HIV infection and AIDS. The growing complacency about this deadly disease is alarming.  You cannot tell from looking at someone whether that person is infected with HIV or any other sexually transmitted disease (STD). That is why all sexually active people need to protect themselves against HIV.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that more than 56,000 women and men are infected with HIV every year. And the American College Health Association has found that the rate of HIV infection among college students is about the same as it is for the general public. It seems that a lot of people — especially women — aren’t getting the message.

So what’s a girl to do?

First, get tested regularly. Know your status and the status of your partners. Planned Parenthood Federation of America has partnered with MTV and the Kaiser Family Foundation to launch the GYT — Get Yourself Tested — campaign. Visit http://gyt09.org to get information you can rely on about STDs, including HIV, and find your nearest testing location.

Second, plan your safer-sex strategy. Condoms used correctly and consistently are the best protection against HIV and other STDs, including HPV, gonorrhea, and chlamydia. Condoms reduce the risk of HIV infection substantially.  In fact, aside from abstinence and other forms of intimacy that result in no contact with another person’s genitals, condoms are the best protection against HIV.  Some studies show that about one out of two college students used a condom the last time they had sex. That’s good. But it also means that one of two didn’t.  And that’s not good — that’s a whole lot of people playing Russian roulette with contracting HIV/AIDS.

Having a good safer-sex strategy means knowing your risks and deciding which ones you are willing to take.  Here’s a step-by-step walk-through of some of your options:

•    Use a latex or female condom during vaginal, oral, and anal sex.
•    If you are not using a condom, it’s safer to have oral sex than vaginal or anal sex.
•    Rubbing against your partner, whether clothed or naked, is safer than sexual intercourse. Rubbing against your partner clothed is even safer.
•    If you and your partner are engaged in mutual fondling, it is safer to wash your hands before touching your own genitals.
•    Masturbating alone or together — or having phone sex or cybersex — is the safest sex option.

But the most important safer-sex strategy of all is to assume that all potential partners may be infected — and then take precautions.  The reality is that people will lie in order to have sex.  Another reality is that many people with HIV don’t know it!  Given these odds, you can’t rely on anyone else to protect you.

Remember: all sexually active people are at risk, and we need to protect ourselves.