Question? Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. tuffyluvcc [at] gmail [dot] com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I was dating this guy for a 3 years who was really awful to me, and I don’t know why I stayed, but I did. He always called me horrible names like ‘b*tch’ and ‘whore’ for no reason -  we fought all the time, and he accused me of being a horrible person. He wouldn’t let me hang out with my friends, and I was basically supporting him financially.

Last month he started getting a little physical. He pushed me during two different arguments. The final straw was when he put his hand on my throat during a fight. I got really scared and ended things.

For a month he called, texted and emailed nonstop. Until last week. He stopped all of a sudden, and I thought he had finally got the clue.  I hadn’t heard from him in a week when he suddenly showed up at my 21st birthday party. He knew about it, because I had invited him prior to our falling out. Even though I told him not to come when I broke up with him, he showed up and it was really weird. He bought me a present–this is the first time he has bought me anything– and hung around staring at me. I was uncomfortable and ended up going home early.

Now he thinks I’m dating someone new (I’m not), and he told me in the past that he would really hurt me if I ever was with someone else. I’m scared, but I don’t want to make a huge deal about it in case I’m wrong. Also, it’s embarrassing. What should I do?

Freaked Out

Dear Freaked Out,

CALL THE POLICE.

I am so not kidding. You SHOULD be freaked out. I’m freaked out, too. We’re all freaked out. This guy is potentially dangerous. Don’t take any chances, you hear me? There are too many tragic stories where a woman is too ashamed to report a man who ends up taking her life. You need to go to the police station and file a report. Get a restraining order if they’ll give you one. Change your locks. Change your phone. Ask the police for advice.

But please don’t wait. This guy sounds erratic, and he’s already been physical. Tell your friends what’s going on, so they can be on the lookout too. ALWAYS have someone walk you home or to your car or wherever you’re going–you don’t want to take any chances until things have been resolved.

You need to trust your gut here. He’s making you feel unsafe. That’s because this is an unsafe situation. You need to take all the help you can get. File the report and keep the police updated with everything he does that intrudes on your personal space. Do not give this guy an inch.

You only get one life. Take care of it. You were brave to end it with him. Don’t let him intimidate you–keep being the brave, strong woman you always were.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

We get a TON of emails here at CC HQ to help with this project and talk about that campaign and promote some big weekend sale. While we mostly ignore them (especially the emails we received asking us to promote anti-wrinkle cream to college students), there is always  one that grabs our attention and inspires us to get involved. So with no further ado, let’s talk about a project that will hopefully make a difference in the lives of women.

Dreaming Tree Films teamed up with Mary Kay this year, “to create Mary Kay Inspiring Stories to empower & inspire women (ages 18-34) nationwide to take a stand against domestic violence, the #1 cause of injury to women. Today through June 30 Mary Kay Inspiring Stories is hosting a nationwide online search for women who want to apply for their chance to be flown to Hollywood, in August, where they’ll team up with female celebrities to make movies with a mission. The celebrities involved will be announced shortly, however all share a commitment to educating and preventing domestic abuse. Those women selected will have days to bring their documentary & the inspiring stories of women who’ve faced domestic violence to life. No experience is needed to apply or be selected (women will learn the ins and outs of moviemaking in Hollywood). After production wraps the films will premiere in late September, on the cusp of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Following the premiere and throughout the month of October, millions across America will have the chance to view, vote and support the documentaries online. A $20,000 shelter grant will be given out in the name of the film crew behind the documentary that receives most of America’s vote. “

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[The following post is courtesy of our homegirls over at YourTango. They’ve been through it all and know just about everything about love, so we thought we’d bring their expertise to you. Enjoy!]

Rihanna may think that she’s back to making sweet music together with her battering boyfriend, but she is sadly mistaken if she thinks he will never hit her again.

Men who batter rarely do it once, even if they are rich and famous. So if you’re in a relationship with a guy who has pushed, hit or slapped you once, take it as a warning sign. You can expect him to do it again and again.

Here’s everything you need to know about batterers, from domestic violence experts Diann Ackard, a PhD psychologist on the board of Break the Cycle, an organization specializing in the treatment of domestic abuse, and Candice Hopkins, director of Love is Respect, the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline. Read More »

Say, have you heard of Camille Paglia? If not, good news: it turns out that you are not old. You’ve also, apparently, managed to avoid the massive headaches that she’s been inflicting on thinking people for the better part of the last two decades. Now, for the bad news: she’s back, and she’s aiming to annoy the world once more.

Here’s the deal: Camille Paglia was the Ann Coulter of the ‘90s. She wrote a book, Sexual Personae, which dealt “shockingly” with issues of sex and gender, in that it basically re-iterated the talking points of idiot wife-beaters across the nation. (Here’s a sample quote: “If civilization had been left in female hands, we would still be living in grass huts.”) This book turned her into a popular media personality, and spawned countless essays and TV appearances; she was the go-to girl when conservatives needed to call upon some random crazy to bash women.

The peak of her career, of course, came when she took it upon herself to defend rapists, by saying that women who got drunk or wore skimpy clothes in the presence of men deserved to be sexually assaulted, because men simply could not be expected to contain their awesome sexual power. In her words, “woman’s flirtatious arts of self-concealment mean man’s approach must take the form of rape.” Read More »