A growing sense of disdain for Dubya didn’t cut it. Being able to register at the DMV just didn’t do the trick either. P. Diddy couldn’t get us to do it, for Christ’s sake. So just what will it take to seriously win the youth vote? We are, after all, 20 million strong and dammit we deserve to be wooed!

I, for one, would like to see an increase in, shall we say, “game” from candidates both blue and red. McCain, obviously, has taken a step toward this lofty goal by recruiting the support of one of our high holy leaders. Sorry, Obama, that you have neglected to secure such a prestigious pledge of loyalty from the chosen generation (us, duh) but feel free to borrow any of these gems that I think would increase voter turnout for those of the youthful persuasion. You see gentlemen, the key to our hearts is to manipulate our basic dependence upon the following:

Natty Lite

Slap some platform positions on the back of those bad boys and cover up the saddening nutrition facts–we don’t need to see that anyways. I consider this a double-edged sword. Not only would the important issues be readily at hand (provided you go coozie-less), but additionally, voters can appreciate the conversational lubrication that is cheap beer. As inspiring as 4.2% alcohol can be to philosophical convos (if you drink, don’t EVEN pretend you’ve never been there post bar crawl!) that stuff takes a while to imbibe, making those discussions last just a wee bit longer. Now that a pseudo intellectual discush has gone down, both candidates have enjoyed spirited (literally) debate over their issues that should inspire sober consideration come November.

Facebook.

Okay so beyond groups, events, Flair, etc., Facebook remains a largely untapped renewable resource that neither of the candidates have considered drilling off the coast of. I, however, have pondered many a time just what my life would be like should bumper stickers ever be converted into useable currency. The first guy who figures out how to do this (come on Congress, I know you’ve thought about it too!) could easily channel the power of a demographic that has more disposable free time than disposable income. Split it down the middle of the “recently popular category”– McCain gets all proceeds from those vintagey pastel ones with witty quips and Obama nabs all those concerning Edward Cullen, whoever he is. Convert those bad boys to campaign donations and hot damn we might just end world hunger.

Pizza.

A dietary need for everyone from Rhodes Scholars to Stoners, and all of us in between. If only the powers that be had thought to harness this essence of cheesy, carby goodness. So it may seem a little unorthodox, but hey, this is def a ground breaking race. So to demonstrate just how far you would go to serve your people (sit down McCain) I’m almost positive that door to door delivery of pies is the way to go. It proves you’re omnipresent (watch out terror!), punctual (30 minutes or it’s free!) and dedicated to the needs of your public (fatty deliciousness.)

Thirsty Thursdays.

A hallowed staple of coeds across the nation, Thursday nights are a beacon of hope throughout a heavy week of exams, papers, and lectures that make it seem like Friday will never come. So we said f*ck it, started the weekend early and vowed to slog through hungover Friday classes. I think this kind of pluck and determination should be recognized by the men fighting for our loyalty. Personally, I feel that there’s a lot to be said for the ability of wasted people to recall song lyrics– attend any AYCD with a Dave Matthews Cover Band and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

Boys, I’m thinking you should use the power of blind conformity to your advantage and have O.A.R. write your campaign songs from now on; let the sound of your manufactured ideals pour into your ears from the mouths of random drunks of our great country. Conversely, I am a staunch adversary of drinking and driving, and I’m sure you both are too. To reinforce your standpoint, I suggest you put your money where your billion dollar defense budget is: pay our cab fare for the ride home!

So there you have it: our necessities. And unless you can find a way to guarantee state sponsored booty calls (this would be a good time to consider Spitzer for a running mate) you just won’t get any closer to secure the “youth vote.” Of course I realize that these are highly generalized (some might even suggest degrading) paths to our vote, but so far the best anyone’s come up with is MTV cramming their airtime with veejays and celebrities urging us to “rock the vote.” So, ya know, until the grown ups figure out we’re capable of intelligent thought and all, any more brilliant ploys our future president can use to earn our vote?

I remember freshman year when I was stressed beyond all belief, had 2 midterms a day for 3 days, and basically stopped sleeping. By the end of day 2 my bed turned into a dumping ground for everything from clothes to empty food containers to looseleaf papers and textbooks. With nowhere to even entertain the idea of sleep, I very nearly had a mental breakdown.

So, while you may think it’s totally worth it to let the mess grow until it’s time to go home for Thanksgiving, these quick and easy organizing tips will keep you sane enough to get through midterms, finals and (most importantly) those Friday night impromptu pre-game sessions!

Step One: Get a (big) garbage can and USE it!

I don’t think you’re stupid but I am going to assume you’re lazy. So, this is why I say you must get a big garbage can and throw away everything you don’t need. Old notes, papers that are cluttering your desk, old chinese food containers. Get it out of the room!

You live in a virtual shoebox, right? It’s time to accept the fact that you only have room for the essentials: a bed, desk, that handle of Georgi that you’re hiding from the RA in the back of the closet. That’s it. Then? Take the trash out (regularly)!

Feel better yet?

Step Two: Everything has a place…keep it that way.

While it may seem like a daunting task, it’s time to organize your closet.

Unless you’re made of money and consider the girls of Gossip Girl to be fashion amateurs, this won’t take you more than an hour or two. You know why? Easy! The Great Closet Overhaul of 2007 doesn’t involve color coding your closet and labeling your shoe boxes, it simply requires you to gather up all of the piles of clothing around the room and make a place for them.

Buy some cheap hangers and start hanging! This means dresses, sweaters, blouses, belts, and dress pants. All of your t-shirts, sweat pants, underwear and jeans can go in drawers. And when it comes to laundry, use that pop-up clothes basket I know you own! FYI: dousing your dirty clothes in Febreze and letting them air out for a few hours doesn’t count as doing laundry (although it totally works in a pinch).

Step Three: Make your dorm your own.

This may sound contradictory to the whole de-clutter thing that I feel so strongly about, but in order to feel good about your dorm you have to make it feel like your home. What to do?

Read up on Feng Shui and make some simple adjustments to your room set-up. Find some novel ways to hang things on your wall (and I’m not talking about that James Dean poster everyone else has…). Hit two birds with one stone (clutter and decoration)!

When it comes down to it, what matters most is that you feel comfortable and clear-headed when you are in your room. Considering your dorm acts as a bedroom/living room/kitchen, it’s important to utilize the space and feel good about being there!

Not to mention, you’ll want to be ready when your hallmates come over for an unexpected visit.

Now tonight, take a few hours and make your room your own! You’ll thank me when you’re knee deep in Biology notes and all you want to do is take a nap!