So you are not going on spring break… I share your pain. I will be returning home, where it is also cold, to substitute teach bratty kids instead of drinking pina coladas in the sun. FML.

It sucks listening to everyone talk about their plans, but it will suck more when they all come back with sweet beach tans, and I, well, still glow in the dark. Seriously, the other day my best friend called me pasty (harsh, but true).

And this, my friends, is why I am looking for a bottled glow.

Tanning beds scare me with their cancerous connotations. Spray tans scare me too; I don’t want to look like I have a bad case of Lindsey Lohan. So I am going to suggest to you some of the best self tanners out there. I know – self-tanners sound pretty intimidating as well. I will admit I had a horror story experience with one in the 8th grade. Here’s me, so excited to wear my new green halter top, turned totally orange, passed my crush walking down the street. Ultimate humiliation. But, don’t let that turn you off of self tanners! That situation was caused by a serious lack of knowledge about what I was doing or what kind of product to use.

The great thing about the products below is that while they are not an instant bronze color, they will gradually give you a natural looking, healthy tanned glow. Hopefully this will help you keep up with your Spring Breakin’ roommates without coming back to campus looking like the orange eighth grade version of me. Read More »

Remember back in the day when you looked like THIS and didn’t look like an overly-browned asshole?

According to AskMen.com, you’ve dropped from the 12th most desirable woman to 21 – so basically it’s statistically proven that you’re looking not-so-hot with your faux-glow skin and mousy locks.

I get it…you’re with John Mayer now and Nick is with Vanessa but come on…you’ve looked like an asshole BEFORE so what happened to your sense of style and taste? Your boobs are popping out of your dress and the color of your skin is so fake that I’m sure if you sat down on a white chair, you would leave a mark.

For future reference, when applying self-tanner (especially if you’re quite pale) it’s best to mix in a moisturizing lotion to dilute the color until you know how dark it will turn on your skin. Read More »

It’s no wonder young women of today are plagued by the constant pressures to be perfect, slim, and “beautiful”—whatever that means. Last I heard beauty was in the eye of the beholder, but apparently I’ve been mistaken.

Beauty is now and always has been in the hands of the fashion and entertainment industry; misleading the women of our country and others across the globe, for decades, with their lies, fabrications, and digitally-altered images of perfection.

I’ve always known that the many faultless models, spread far and wide across the pages of magazines, were air-brushed and loaded with makeup; but never had I imagined just how computer-generated these ladies truly were. Read More »