President Obama is a better singer than Mitt Romney.

Why you should get dressed everyday.

Celebrity kids are always the cutest.

These three actors are so pretty together.

So what is happening over at “the X Factor”?

Box clutches: Cute… or not?

Amber Rose got a face tattoo.

Neil Patrick Harris is un-Punk-able.

Let’s all get ready for the Superbowl food.

The Textaholic. The movie you’ve been dying to see for weeks now is about to begin and the message comes up on the screen reminding everyone to turn off their cell phones.  The movie starts and as you’re trying to enjoy Jacob’s shirtless bod in Twilight, you’re interrupted by the constant sound of clicking coming from behind you.  It’s two hours tops, people— put the phone away!  If something is really that important, take it outside.

Resolution: Texting Support Group. Enough said.

The Stinker. It may be your best friend or maybe even some random guy in line in a store, but either way— they stink.  Unfortunately, they are so used to their extreme body odor by now that they don’t even notice it anymore.  People may have even told them and they still refuse to jump in the shower once every few weeks.

Resolution: Febreze isn’t just for your mildewy apartment anymore….

The “Do You Like Seafood” Eater. I love to eat and I’m sure a lot of other people do too.  The thing I don’t like about eating is when I’m with someone else and they shovel food into their mouth, start talking, and their food ends up on my plate.  Sorry, do I look like a baby bird that enjoys eating pre-chewed food? No.

Resolution: Ever heard of an etiquette class? Sign ‘em up! And if that doesn’t work, getting a table for 6 when it’s just the two of you and sitting at the other end should send the message loud and clear.

The Less-Than Stellar Roommate. They sound like a wildebeest when they snore, leave sandwiches with living things starting to grow on them under the couch, and make you listen to lovely animal-like grunts coming through the walls (or better yet, across the room in a dorm) when you’re trying to get a good night’s sleep.

Resolution: Two words: Air horn. And I would also highly suggest purchasing ear plugs unless you feel like learning to enjoy noises straight out of the Discovery Channel.

The Attention Whore. Do you know someone that constantly needs all eyes on them 24/7 and expects everyone to drop what they’re doing and focus on them and only them the second they enter a room?  We all do.  Sadly, some people need a wake-up call to realize the world doesn’t always revolve around them.

Resolution: Don’t acknowledge them every second that they expect you to.  After awhile of this, they might have a revelation and suddenly discover that other people in the room may have things to say too! Crazy, I know.

The Creeper. Sometimes it’s hard to resist the urge to stare at people (especially if it’s a cute boy) while you’re hanging out at the mall, or anywhere for that matter. I have to admit, I’m an avid people-watcher myself, but sometimes it gets a little creepy.  Especially if there’s an old man sitting across from you that wouldn’t turn his head away if his life depended on it.

Resolution: Stare back! With big eyes. If he likes it, run away.

The Gossip Girl. She spreads rumors and tells secrets she’s supposed to keep to herself.  There’s nothing more annoying then someone who thrives on causing drama and on top of that, loves every second of making other people’s lives miserable in the process.

Resolution: Give her a taste of her own medicine. I’m not saying go spread around that she’s pregnant with a criminal’s child…but you catch my drift.

The Borrower. One of the best parts about having friends is being able to borrow cute clothes from them.  When someone borrows something, it’s expected that it’ll get returned, but there are always those people who keep “forgetting” that they have something of yours and only give it back when you go fetch it yourself.  And you usually have to rip it out of their dead, lifeless grip.

Resolution: “Borrow” their stuff….and accidentally spill red wine on it. Woops!

The New Year should be full of lots of surprises and lots of fun people.  What are some other annoying people that need a kick in the butt for 2011?

Well, when a week is already stressful enough, you know the last thing anyone needs is boy drama complicating things even more. And after hanging out with my ex last week, he’s clearly been messing with my head. As much as a part of me would love to banish him completely out of my life, I don’t know how soon that will happen. (And to the ladies who commented last week, thanks so much for the support, it’s really nice to know I’m not the only one! If I ever figure anything out, I will let you know immediately!) Instead, I spend my time thinking about him, about me, about what I want, about how annoyed I am that this is what I’m thinking about.

So yeah, I needed a little release. A night to just forget about everything that was on my overflowing plate (of unappetizing things) and just have fun. And I did that last Saturday night. And I might have had a few too many drinks. When me and my girls came back to campus, my drunk self really had to pee. Conveniently enough, the train stop was right next to that older boy’s house (you know, the one who took forever to ask me out). Since he’d been texting me all night already, I just (drunk) dialed him to let me use his bathroom.

Long story short, he was really sweet and took care of me when I was drunk. He took me home to make sure that I got home safe, and put me to bed. He finally (!!) kissed me, and made sure my roommate made it home safely as well. He is a total sweetheart and it didn’t go unnoticed.

I think I really could like this kid, which is adorable and cute and exciting and just the thing to make me feel better. Or is it….

The thing is, I’ve already got enough drama happening right now. Between school, work, the ex, etc., I’m burnt out. There is already such drama trying to figure out what is going on with the boy, and we’re not even dating yet! I don’t know how much more I can take, or if starting something with him will make me happy or more stressed out.

Gah! Just thinking about it makes me frazzled.

Maybe I should just take a hint from this girl and give up boys for awhile. I think she’s seriously onto something.

But I’m also really excited for 2010! And not just the super adorable outfit I have picked out for NYE. A new year (and a new freaking decade!) brings a fresh start and new adventures. It’s a chance to say “TTFN” to the bad – like Tila Tequila, my muffin top, and Hipsters with skinnier legs than me – and “Holla back at me” to the new. Like a working economy, perhaps? Gay marriage? Fat free, calorie free Dairy Queen Blizzards? A girl can dream.

As we creep dangerously close to 2010, I asked the CollegeCandy writers what they are most excited to leave behind in ’09. What about you? Share yours below!

Kim – Stanford: I cannot wait to leave behind the drama that is Tiger Woods. Why is everyone so shocked that a very rich and successful pro-athlete who travels all the time cheated on his wife? That’s just obvious.

Teresa – UCSD: My fake ID!

Megan – Penn State: Definitely the crappy boys of 2009. Hopefully 2010 brings me no heart-breakers or creepers!

Erica – Kent State: Working at the Financial Aid office in the file room at 9 a.m.–ALONE– four out of five mornings of the school week.  Pure torture.

Thu – USC: My home! I’m studying abroad!

Lauren – University of Michigan: Well, I’d like to say the extra junk in my trunk but that ish is clearly coming with me into 2010 (stuffed into some Spanx, of course), so I’ll just go with Speidi. Something’s gotta happen to them soon, right?

Samantha – UC Santa Barbara: Girl drama! The only drama I want is what I’m watching on my trashy reality shows!

Sara C-Fordham: I am hoping, HOPING, that we as a society can come together and abandon the cultural practice of auto-tune in music. It’s just wrong.

Brittany – University of St.Thomas: What am I excited to leave behind in 2009? Between pictures of Michael Lohan yelling in gossip magazines everywhere and Jon Gosselin’s mysteriously sunburned face it is tough to make one decision. But if I had to choose, let us please leave Kristen Stewart behind! If I see her bite her lip or breath loudly on cinematic screen again I may self-combust.  Rest assured, I would not mind if casting replaced Stewart with a Bella that didn’t complain about how famous she is and smirk at how often she gets to stand next to Taylor Lautner. Ugh, see ya never, Kristen Stewart!

Emmy – Loyola University Chicago: CALCULUS!!! Never ever again.

Caitlin – University of Alabama: I’m excited to leave behind a year of serious health problems! Hopefully 2010 will be a year filled with good health-and yay for new health insurance!

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I’m holding out hope that this whole Twitter fad will go away in 2010.

Charlsie – Hollins University: I’m most excited to leave behind this past semester of graduate school applications, GREs, 20 page papers, and insane amounts of work.

Ricki – University of Michigan: I signed up for this class that prides itself on assigning 15 page papers.  I am so ready to leave behind teachers who don’t care that I have a life.

Kelly – Simmons College: Lindsay Lohan being a drugged-out mess. Come on girl; get it together in 2010!

Anna R. – Northeastern University: I’m so excited to leave school for 8 months! I’m doing an internship in NYC from January to June. I also can’t wait to leave behind my last year of being under 21.

Carly – Grinnell: Cannot wait to leave behind the one month of bitter cold winter we’ve had so far in the Midwest. Three more months of it is three too many!

Thank you, television Gods.

For a week there, I thought that my beloved Gossip Girl was destined to go the way of The O.C., becoming a drama where the only superior things were wardrobe choices. But after watching episode two of the season, it seems that the drama and romance we cannot live without is here to stay and growing better by the week.

And the guys are looking so. much. hotter. College did those boys gooood.

Well, for some. For Chuck Bass it was that businessman/entrepreneurial drive that turned up his sexy factor. That boy looks good when he’s holding meetings with rich old guys to get his restaurant/sex club off the ground. Too bad dear old stepsister Serena seems to thwart him at every turn. Poor Chuck finally has a vision and a plan to do something great in the future and Serena goes and ruins it for him.

If she didn’t have such an amazing wardrobe (that orange romper? I die) I’d totally hate her. She’s become the annoying little sister and has a knack for messing everything up. I’m pretty sure the same will be said (in 4 episodes, max) of her new relationship with super hottie, Carter Basin.

On the other side of New York – the lower side – Blair finally discovers that Georgina Sparks is going to be her roommate. As Blair tries to win over the plebeian college kids with overpriced sushi and fine dining, Dan and Georgina embrace the “cheap beer, loud music” lifestyle and find themselves on the top of the college social totem pole (who knew that even existed anyway?). Looks like Prada dresses and headbands with big bows don’t matter at NYU if you can’t talk about alternative music and cool camera angles…but does Dan Humphrey really have what it takes to stay on top? Sure, he managed to save one “wild” college party and humiliate Blair, but if we know anything about B, she’ll bounce back, with not a hair out of place. After all, everyone knows that nobody actually remembers what happens the first week of college, anyway.

And where were Nate and Bree? Spending the whole day in bed, of course. They have to be mentioned because any partially clothed scenes of Chace Crawford are worth mentioning, but that’s about all there is to them.

Things to look forward to: the upcoming war between Blair and Georgina. My money is on Blair, but scenes from next week (naked man in Blair’s bed, evil Georgina Sparks eyes) means that Blair is sure to be stepped on a little bit before she can claw her way back up to the top. Also, Dan’s half-brother is still there, still biding his time, still hooking up with Vanessa. Please just spill your guts already! That drama is long overdue.

Storyline the writers just had to throw in: Lonely boy Dan and re-born Georgina Sparks waking up together after her party. Nobody cares anymore. (Editor’s Note: Excuse me? Nobody cares?! I guffawed! Audibly!) However, I’m sure it’s going to bother Serena, and then maybe we can see some of that Season 1 Dan-Serena sexual tension onscreen. If that’s where this storyline is going, then I’m all for it.

Highlight of the show: Blair crawling into bed with Chuck, falling asleep, and making us all wish we were her. Forgive me for being a sap, but I’m hoping they stay semi-functional for a while. I could use some romance in my life.

Until next week…
You know you love them.

XOXO.
GGR (Gossip Girl Recapper)

I do not miss the anti-fun police.

I’m heading back to my old college this weekend to reunite with friends. And by friends I mean 9am kegstands and a drunken stumble to the football stadium. And as I pack my suitcase full of college t-shirts, flip flops and my cell-phone flask, I’m really starting to miss my college life.

Wait. Who am I kidding? I always miss college life. Every. single. day.

It’s just that knowing I’ll be traipsing through my old stomping ground tomorrow has me extra nostalgic. I’ve spent the past 3 days looking at old photo albums (those are those books that existed before Facebook allowed you to create albums online), drinking to increase my tolerance to college proportions, and crying myself to sleep at 10pm since I have to wake up at 6am to go to work.

After drowning my sorrows in 3 shots of tequila last night, my friends yelled at me to snap out of it. “You’re out of college, woman. GET OVER IT.” But how? How am I supposed to move on from the best 4.5 years of my life (of which, I an only really remember 2.25)? By focusing on all the downsides, of course!

College was the bomb.com, but it wasn’t perfect. There were plenty of things wrong with it, so this week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to remind me share their biggest college pet peeves. Note: I still wanna go back.

Ricki – Univerisity of Michigan: When frat guys pour cheap vodka in Grey Goose bottles and try to pass it off as the real thing.  Boys, we can tell. We’re not that drunk!

Laura – St. John’s : While living down the hall/just across campus from all your friends can be a blast, it definitely sucks when you’re trying to avoid someone (i.e. the BFF you’re fighting with or that guy you hooked up with while you were drunk).  You have nowhere to hide!

Sara C – Fordham: ResLife. Ever notice how the on-campus housing staff want to make it seem like you live in a jail cell, not a home-away-from-home? Thankfully, I live off-campus now, but condescending RAs are THE most annoying thing about college.

Thu – USC: How people have been accepted to a good university and yet still insist on stealing bikes and other property. I don’t get it. Some people just have no integrity.

Kayla – California State University, Sacramento: It’s so annoying to realize that my peers still haven’t grown up. If you still giggle at the word “breast” in an upper-division Human Sexuality course, you need to mature some more.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: How when one person gets sick, everybody gets sick.  We live in way too close of quarters…

Melanie – Northeastern University: I thought people left their uniforms at Catholic School. Apparently not… black spandex, college sweatshirt, UGG boots and big sunglasses. No. Thanks.

Zahra – Northwestern University: I hate how sometimes social life mimics some dramatic show about high school – people make huge deals out of tiny things that usually won’t matter in a week!

Nina – Michigan State University: People’s perspectives of college. I hate when people assume that because I’m in college I must be all about getting wasted and tailgating at the crack of dawn. College isn’t just an endless orgy of alchy and doing the no-pants dance. Sometime between my last shot and my 3am Taco Bell run, I actually go to my classes. And besides, I refuse to start tailgating until at least 9am (beauty sleep, anyone!?).

Katie – Michigan State University: I hate how you can never run into your best friend in four years of being on campus, but you’ll always see that awkward hook-up or the guy that broke your heart… in your classes/living in your dorm.

Charlsie – Hollins University: When I’m taking a shower and someone comes in the bathroom and drops a nasty smelling sh*t. 1) Just because the water is running doesn’t mean I can’t hear what’s going on and 2) I think the smell is worse with the shower going.

Leah – Ryerson University: Those people that are already super pretentious and feel the need to rant on about subjects they know nothing about.  I hope the real world knocks them down a peg.

Carly – Grinnell: I hate how the students are so reluctant to mix with the townies in a really small area. Hello, you occupy the same space! Don’t be afraid to mingle.

Elizabeth – University of Missouri: Dining halls close at 7:30 pm! Seriously, is it a crime to crave overprocessed mush at 8 pm?

Lauren H – The New School: For some reason it seems like people go off to college and forget how to shower and brush their hair. I mean, we all have mornings where we don’t have time, but there’s no way you’re that busy for four or five days straight. It’s hygiene!

Anna – Northeastern University: People who get so stressed out about how many friends someone can bring to a party. I can’t tell you how many times a group has split up so we can get in. If you’re going to let that number of people in anyways, who cares if they’re all together? If you’re worried about it getting crowded, don’t have a bash!

Dannia – Loyola University, Chicago: That you always have to be living in fear that campus security is going to bust up your parties. Even if you’re all 21, they will find a way.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I hate taking the bus up to campus. How many times am I going to be hit on by creepy homeless men??!?!

Kim – Stanford: The one thing I hate most about college is that it eventually will end. Depression to follow.

What’s your biggest college peeve?
Mine: the fact that I’m not there anymore. FML.

As same-sex couples around the country take to the battlefields to fight for their right to marry, American TV is making a mockery of the very thing these couples are wishing for. The collective majority of Americans are against allowing a same-sex couple to enjoy the sanctity of marriage, claiming we should “protect the institution of marriage” and uphold traditional American values. Yet, a new reality show reveals America’s hypocritical nature by turning marriage into a cheap game show.

Hitched or Ditched poses the ultimate ultimatum to a rocky couple: Get married in a week or end it for good. Viewers are drawn to the drama and suspense of whether a couple will say “I do” or be publicly humiliated with rejection. This all or nothing, sh*t-or-get-off-the-pot attitude cheapens the idea of marriage. This show will only reinforce our generation’s cynical attitude that marriages and weddings are nothing more than expensive circuses built around an attention-whoring couple. Something akin to the Speidi extravaganza comes to mind.

This is also an example of why our divorce rate is so high. Couples end up at the alter for all the wrong reasons. They feel pressure from each other or friends and family. They marry to take advantage of the monetary benefits, or they see marriage as an excuse to throw a blowout party in their name. But these are the couples who America roots for. These are the couples who are allowed to participate in a sacred union that is continually denied to legitimately in-love couples.

The same people who are picketing against gay marriage are sitting on their couches and watching America exploit matrimony for entertainment value. Where is the logic in that?

Hitched or Ditched is trainwreck reality TV that cheapens the battle that same-sex couples go to bat for everyday. I, for one, will stick with Who’s Wedding Is It Anyway.

A while back, the editor of this very site put out a query: “Give me a Top 10 list of your favorite High School Movies.” I told her I wanted in – after all, who doesn’t love to indulge in a little HS drama? So I sat down and started listing. Only I discovered that including just 10 was more impossible than winning 8 medals in one Olympic games. And I am no Michael Phelps.

So, I listed 10. The first list of what would soon become many. After posting, many of you seemed quite angry with my decisions. Your comments were full of ALL CAPS and lots of exclamation points!!!! You were upset that I had left some classics off the list. Perhaps you didn’t notice the “Part 1″ in the title, or perhaps you just needed everyone to know of your love of The Breakfast Club.

Not that it mattered; I was clearly coming back for round 2. So here it is – another 10 gloriously angsty high school flicks. Get that Smart Pop ready, ladies; these high school dramas are gonna rock your lockers!

11. She’s the Man
In a take on Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, Amanda Bynes is Viola Hastings. In the many twists and turns of the movie, she enters her twin brother’s private school, tries to make the soccer team to beat her school’s team and make her sexist ex cry, get rid of her brother’s obnoxious girlfriend, fall for her… er… her brother’s roommate, and much more. Whew! Amanda is such a power girl in this movie. It’s nothing like my high school experience (I never did the drag thing), but totally entertaining all the same.

12. 10 Things I Hate About You
Are you kidding? Seriously? This movie is on the top of every list. Another Shakespeare twist done right.
Kat rocks!! The tough, sensitive chick lands the hot, caring, bad boy; the college of her dreams; and the Fender Strat! I want to scream in pure bliss. You can laugh at me, but I know you’re squealing on the inside. 10 Things I Hate About You is just too good to be true. (See what I did there? Get it? No?)

13. Jawbreaker
High school, like life, is a hierarchy. Some are at the top of the list, some at the bottom of the barrel. So it makes sense that Fern Mayo wanted to be like Liz Purr. It’s completely tweaked that Liz’s BFFLs accidentally killed her, made her death look like a sick sexual perversion, and turned poor Fern Mayo into Vylette, the newest member of the clique. Be careful what you wish for.

14. The New Guy
Umm. Eliza Dushku’s wardrobe montage was kinda whack, but if I could snap my neck like Dizzy and make people scared I’d totes do it! It’s the ultimate makeover; why go from Geek to Chic, when you can go from Geek to The New Guy??

15. Say Anything…
Dear John Cusack,
I’m gonna keep on loving you, ’cause it’s the only thing I wanna do.
Love Always,
Donnette
Here’s the deal: when someone asks what’s the greatest thing you ever did for love what will you say? Lloyd Dobler can say anything (almost). The infamous boom box scene where Lloyd stands outside Diane Court’s window and plays In Your Eyes is a top rated classic, but who can forget the date where he’s shivering because he’s happy. And yes, Diane was so deeply touched by his vulnerability that she “spent the night with him” and told her dad about too. If you’ve forgotten, go watch this movie again! Now!

16. Can’t Hardly Wait
I’m LOLing just thinking about this! Typical-guy-misfit-is-enamored-with-teen-queen-and-waits-until-graduation-to-tell-her-after-her-jock-boyfriend-dumps-her-then-she-finds-herself-and-gets-letter-from-misfit-and-tries-to-find-him-but-he-finds-her-and-she-thinks-he’s-a-drunk-creep-and-people-get-abducted-by-aliens-and-Seth-Green-loses-virginity. Whew! Like I said typical. Ethan Embry paves the way for Seth Cohen, Rusty Cartwright, and Paulie Bleeker. Yum.

17. Strike! (Aka Strike! Aka The Hairy Bird)
On one hand, this movie has way too many names. On the other, it’s a Kirsten Dunst flick. Love her or hate her, the girl’s good. At an all-girl prep school in the early 1960s, the girls are flung to the trough of puberty. Ha. So here’s want goes down: Kirsten Dunst and her clique hold meetings and eat stolen ravioli, they have ISSUES: they discuss boys, school, family, the girls who hate them and all of their seemingly massive pubescent drama. I’m already reminiscing…

Anyway, the school decides to go co-ed and Verena (Dunst) became a one-girl revolution. The girls decide to play some games and do some damage when the boys come to visit. This involves bra-stuffing, drink spiking, sex having, cat fighting – your basic no-holds barred war. And don’t you think for a moment that it ends there. The best is yet to come.

18. Carrie
This movie is the reason why I was nice to everyone in high school. Seriously. Okay no not seriously, but it definitely made me fear anyone with that name. Regardless, it’s a fun one to watch (with people that, you know, like you).

19. The Breakfast Club
GREATEST MOVIE EVER!!! Great cast, great costumes, great plot, great, great, great! Since I have no words I’ll let Brian’s (Anthony Michael Hall) letter speak for me.

Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did was wrong, but we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay, telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as: a brain, an athlete, a basket case, princess, and a criminal. Correct? That’s the way we saw each other at 7 o’clock this morning. We were brainwashed.

I am forever devoted to The Brat Pack.

20. Mean Girls

In junior high and high school, I’m sure you’ve encountered these *insert derogatory word here*, but they’ve got nothing on Regina George. She’s sweet and sour, impeccably dressed, and knows how to rock the school. Until Lindsay Lohan comes along. Tina Fey totally hit the mark with this movie and it will forever be a classic. It’s just so…fetch!

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I’m going to be honest: my last break up was over four years ago. So when my editor suggested I do a Miss Manners piece on break ups (“because we all suck so badly at that”), I really had to rack my brains for “polite” ways to conduct a break up. What I found was:

There is no polite way to break up with someone.

Yes, the cold, hard truth is, breaking up with someone is dirty business and – unless the relationship really wasn’t that serious – one of you is bound to end up looking like a mess. While there is no set in stone way of saying, “Hey, it’s over,” or “Sorry but I’m leaving you for your brother,” there are some more or less common sense rules to abide to:

Break up face to face. I know it’s tempting to pick up your iPhone and send a quick “ITS OVER. C U,” at him, but if your relationship meant anything to you at all (or if, you know, you value being a decent human being) you at least owe him that much. Same goes for IMs, and emails. Oh and changing your Facebook status to “Single” before you tell him/instead of telling him is probably not the best way to go about it either. Take him somewhere. It doesn’t have to be romantic, but it does have to be private. Don’t break up with him in a room full of people unless you want to cause a scene. Plus it’s so humiliating when you’re forced to bawl your eyes out in front of total strangers – or worse, people you actually know. Trust me, I’ve been there. Bad times to drop the bomb on him? On his birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, at family parties, etc. You get the point.

Do it privately.

Timing is crucial.

Avoid cliches. “It’s not you, it’s me,” is so overdone and transparent. What it really means is, “It’s soo you” and everyone knows it. The most important rule of etiquette is to be honest, just not brutally honest (read: “I can’t stand the sight of you naked. It makes me want to hurl.”). Tell him how you feel, where it’s all coming from, why the relationship won’t work out, etc., and let him ask questions. Let out everything that you need to say and try to walk away from it with all your issues resolved.

Don’t ever suggest break-up sex (first).

Don’t tell him he’s not good enough.

Don’t say “I love you” unless you actually mean it. Don’t tell him you still love him because you think it’ll cushion the blow. It really doesn’t.

Don’t hook up/get caught with another guy too soon. He’s hurting and he needs time to heal – and the best way to do that is to think you’re hurting too. Flaunting your new boy toy around town will make you seem heartless and it will only break his even more.

I guess the main message here is to Be respectful – as respectful as you can, anyway. Remember that his heart and his dignity are at stake and, honestly, if your relationship was real, it deserves a real ending. Even if the relationship meant little to you, remember that he might feel completely different about it, so don’t be so quick to brush him off. You respected him enough to date him, now respect him enough to man up and end it with dignity.

If I remember correctly, these rules should serve you well, but I need your feedback. Have I been so out of touch with the breakup/makeup world that I’ve completely forgotten how it works? Please share: leave a comment on the article, tell me about your own breakup stories, remind me if I’ve left anything out, or tell me if I have it all wrong. Whatever it is, just share! I’ll be waiting to hear from you!

Life isn’t black and white. As much as we wish we simply loved or hated things, there is often that whole annoying gray area in the middle. Like how we love the idea of a monokini, but we just don’t know if we can pull it off. Or how we love making money babysitting, but hate giving up a Saturday night. Damn you, gray area; you make decision-making that much more complicated!]

Anyone who knows me knows not to call on Tuesday nights. Not only is it Biggest Loser night, but it also happens to be the best night of my week because of one thing only: The Real Housewives. I don’t care if they are from Orange County, Hot-lanta or New York, I can’t get enough of these women.

Yet now that The Real Housewives of New Jersey are on the (polluted) horizon, I’m starting to feel a little confused inside about my love for couture catfights and $16,000 handbags.

Yes, ladies, I’m torn. It’s time to break it all down.

Love It:
Rich women doing fabulous things and talking about one another behind everyone’s backs? It’s like my dream life. I’m really good at the sh*t talking, but I’m seriously lacking in the Chanel bags and Louboutin heels, so it’s nice to live out my dreams through a Bravo TV show. And the drama, while totally blown out of proportion, is just so addicting. Whoever casts this show did a fantastic job of bringing far too many Type A women into one social circle, ultimately leading to many a manicured claw fights.

And could there be anything more entertaining than watching Evil Vicki trip and fall down a stair? Or Nay Nay making fun of her tranny bff, Kim? Or Bethenny (attempting to) open a can of ‘tude on Kelly Bensimon? Short answer: no. There is nothing better. Because drama in your social circle is never fun, but watching rich women drown themselves in it is the best thing since $5 footlongs at Subway.

Loathe It:
I like to think that I’m sorta smart, so I’m embarrassed to not only watch this show, but be totally addicted to it. And know every last detail. Including what kind of heels Jill’s daughter wanted to pack for her summer abroad. (Marc Jacobs. Pathetic, I know.)

Shouldn’t I be watching documentaries on Discovery Channel, or some weird show on TLC? And should I really be contributing to the further success of these rich-tards? With the exception of a few (Bethenny, for sure), these women contribute nothing to society except a few photos for Page 6 and a reason for my mother to call me at 9am on a Saturday to discuss the episode she just watched on her DVR.

We should be giving our attention to people who actually impact our world in a positive way, instead of these useless women who do nothing but lunch and shop and bitch. And then wake up the next day to do it all again. Yes, some of them work, but many of them just marry rich and set an example that money and wealth is the key to happiness. Is that true? Maybe. But is that realistic? Hell no.

And I can’t ignore the fact that this show takes my blood pressure to unhealthy levels. Without fail I end up on my feet (thus dumping my evening snack of dry Kashi Go Lean! all over my floor) yelling at the TV. These women are ridiculous and I can’t handle watching them say and do the dumbest sh*t! And now my snack is on the floor! And now I’m angry at myself because I care so much about this! And now I have to pause it so I can clean up the mess I just made.

Roar!

I know that it’s just a show and I should enjoy it if I want to, but watching this show gives these women power and success they really do not deserve. Is my guilty pleasure really worth elevating these label whores to a higher level, wasting precious cereal and potentially giving me wrinkles?

I just don’t know. I’m totally torn!