Being that I’m a huge lush college student, I don’t know (nor do I care) if there’s any real historical significance to St. Patrick’s Day besides binge drinking. What I do know is that on March 17th, we’ll all be dressed in green, hanging out of bar windows, and stumbling around campus in various stages of blackout.

Every St. Patrick’s Day when my alarm goes off at 7 a.m., my half-Irish heart flutters as I anticipate the long day of debauchery ahead (I’d like to note that I’ve never scheduled a class earlier than 9:30 because I won’t get out of bed for it, but I will GLADLY rise with the sun for the promise of beer). Since day drinking holidays are marathons and not sprints, I’ve put together a list of do’s and don’ts to help you get the most out of St. Patty’s day. So go ahead, pick out a cute green outfit and make a killer Dropkick Murphy’s playlist, whether you’re Irish or just drink like you are!

Don’t: Go to Class Drunk
St. Patrick’s Day falls on a Wednesday this year, which means many of us have scheduled classes. My advice is to save up your absences so you can take off, but if that’s not possible, wait till afterward to get your drink on! A little Bailey’s mixed in with your coffee is fine, but save the car bombs and beer bongs for later if you plan to sit in lecture. Yes, it may suck to miss out on the festivities, but not as much as it will suck to take notes while the room is spinning.

Do: Coat Your Stomach!
Kegs and eggs are good, but make sure to do more eggs than kegs or you’ll be puking up green beer before lunchtime. And throw some carbs in there too, like a big, doughy bagel with some cream cheese. Not only will this keep you going through this drinkathon, but it will probably be your only opportunity that day to stick to your Spring-Break healthy eating plan; who knows what you’ll be chowing down on after a few hours and countless green drinks?

Don’t: Wear Anything Valuable
This is definitely the day to leave Grandma’s pearl earrings and your J. Crew green cashmere sweater at home. If you’re anything like me, the day will become so long and fuzzy that you won’t even be able to make it home with the plastic shamrock glasses and a green lacy garter you left with (true story). Even if you don’t lose it, it’s not a good idea to risk spilling Kahlua/Guinness/Red Bull/anything on something you care about.

Do: Pace Yourself
Pounding shots or having one too many Irish car bombs as soon as you wake up will have you passed out before your friends even hit the bar/frat party. You want to have fun and enjoy every moment of this day (because let’s face it, after graduation this behavior probably won’t be acceptable) so don’t have more than a couple of drinks every hour, depending on your tolerance and amount of food in your stomach (see above). And mixing too many different drinks is a recipe for disaster, which I learned the hard way (coffee + Bailey’s + beer+ car bombs + cheap vodka + Red Bull= MASSIVE tummy ache). Oh, and leave the green-beer making to the bartenders. Mixing green food coloring with a keg of Natty Ice seems like a good idea in theory, but you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get that stuff off of your teeth (just trust me on this one).

Don’t: Party TOO Hard
This might be going against what I’ve been saying the entire time, but make sure you set some boundaries, mainly because the cops know what’s up and will be EVERYWHERE. Getting arrested might make for a legendary St. Patty’s Day story, but the popo never think it’s as funny as you do (nor do your parents, or the disciplinary action committee…) And ladies, you may be wearing green beads around your neck, but don’t mistake today for Mardis Gras and try to get more (camera phones are a real bitch). Last but not least, think twice about going home with that guy (even if he’s lookin’ more and more like Colin Farrell with every drink). School’s in sesh Thursday morning and doing the walk of shame in a springy, shamrock headband and smeared green face paint amongst class goers will suck (camera phones are a bitch, take 2).

Do: The Irish Jig
Cuz it’s funny… and probably a lot better than that drunken dance move you usually resort to when Ke$ha starts bumpin’ out of the speakers.

This year I celebrated my first and last St. Patrick’s day at college. Every other year I’ve been home on Spring break doing Irish Car bombs by myself while simultaneously stuffing corned beef in my mouth with my bare hands.

Because it’s a college holiday we chose to wake up before sunrise in order to start drinking as soon as possible. Before I could even wipe the sleep from my eyes and mop the drool off of my mouth someone was shoving beer down my throat. I brushed my teeth with Guinesss, washed my face with four-leaf clovers and started my day.

I didn’t have class until 2:00 so I  obviously drank until 1:59. The idea of drinking before class is always much funnier in theory than in reality. Taking notes when I can barely write my name and raising my hand to answer a question that I don’t know the answer to turned out not to be so much fun. Turns out my professor didn’t think it was too funny either.

And then from class we went to an authentic Irish bar. Once again, much better in theory. There were actual Irish people there. Not like fun Irish people like leprechauns. But more like the middle-aged Irish people who lived next door to you and never laughed when you said “Top ‘o the mornin’ to ya.” Then after 14 cups of Green bar we finally wised up, went back to the school bars, and attempted to figure out who was wearing real kelly green.

And as I sat munching my Irish soda bread I began to think that this is probably one of the last college holidays I’ll celebrate. Never again would it be socially acceptable to skip out on life to get drunk all day. Never again would I have people to wake me and pour beer down my throat while I was still in bed. Never again would I be surrounded by so many other people my age who thought they looked sexy in a green top hat.

Then again I still have Cinco de Mayo to look forward to. And if people thought I looked good with a leprechaun tattoo on my face, they will be blown away by how sexy I look in a poncho and sombrero.

[Photo courtesy of Steve Beger]

From all of us at CollegeCandy, have a lovely/rockin’ St. Patty’s Day! Just don’t forget the rules.

St. Pat’s is the holiday that has never been sugar-coated with false meaning or wholly commercialized by Hallmark (sure greeting cards exist, but who really gives them?).  So make sure you embrace your inner Irish and do it up right on March 17.

1.  The Booze.

To throw a full-on Irish bash, you have to have an appropriate alcohol selection.  Well, what do you know? GoIreland.com happens to have a handy list of the most popular libations of the Emerald Isle, in case you’ve never heard of Jameson or Guinness.

Make sure you bar is stocked with whiskey, irish cream, and the beer they call “a meal in a can,” but don’t neglect some other favorites.  Other popular beers include Murphy’s Stout, Kilkenny, and Smithwick’s.  Cider is also a favorite.  If you’re a perfectionist, you might try to get your hands on some Meade or Poitín.

But perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself.  We are college students after all – mix up some Green Appletinis and make a few trays of lime Jell-O shots, and you won’t hear any complaints.  Really want some green magic to happen? Try to get your hands on the ultimate green liquor, absinthe, and let the green fairy fly.

2.  The Music.

Dropkick Murphy’s are always a good choice.  U2, the Cranberries, Flogging Molly, or Thin Lizzy will also get people into the Irish spirit.  Once the Jameson lowers your guests’ inhibitions, you may want to throw on some Irish Step tunes and see who clears enough space to perform what they call a “Riverdance” routine.

Oh, but don’t neglect the ever-popular Irish drinking songs.  CelticMP3s.com offers a variety of websites and downloads to browse, but you can also order The Holy Grail of Irish Drinking Songs from Amazon.  Or, ya know, just search for “Finnegan’s Wake” on iTunes.

3.  The Food

Corned beef and cabbage or baked potatoes! On second thought… maybe take the Americanized St. Pat’s route here and put out chips with guacamole and green cupcakes or something.

4.  The Games

Make up silly drunken limericks.  Place everyone’s name in a hat, and pass it around.  Make everyone try to make a limerick out of the name of the person whose name they chose.  It might be hard for names like Elizabeth, but anyone who’s seen a particular Seinfeld ep will be oh-so-glad they invited Dolores to the party.

If you can’t get everyone to focus long enough to be creative and rhyme stuff, play Irish Quarters. Basically, you spin a quarter and then chug beer until the quarter stops.  There are no winners in this game. And we all lose the next morning.

For all the heavyweights in the room, take the Irish Roulette challenge. Everyone lines up a shot and rolls a dice.  The lowest number drinks.  In the event of a “tie,” it’s a social. Be careful with this one, friends.

5.  The Decorations

Um, are you kidding me? Green everywhere.  Shamrocks too, and maybe a pot of gold if you really want to go all out.

Be creative this St. Patrick’s Day.  Think of all the festive ways you can celebrate, because after this holiday, what do we have? Easter? That’s the last holiday to succumb to serving as an excuse for collegiate binge-drinking.  Besides, it’s the only day of the year you can use the pick-up lines, “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” (whether you really are, of course is a different story), “Show me your shamrocks!” or, “Hey, are you a leprechaun? Because you make me want to get lucky.” Okay, no, maybe not.

But seriously folks, do stay safe on this holiday, as with every other.

The Irish have a saying: An Irish man is never drunk, as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass and fall off the face of the earth.

I don’t care if you just flew in from Dublin.  Your tolerance is NOT that high.