After having, literally, maybe three beers all of high school (not a prude, just didn’t care for the taste of what was given to me), I came into college a drinking virgin and very quickly had to learn what my limit was. (Basically, by exceeding my limit night after night after night…) I had to learn what I liked to drink, how much and how frequently.

After downing five shots of Rubinoff in ten minutes and blacking out, punching my roommate in the face, puking all over the communal bathroom, changing in front of a guy friend of mine and destroying my laundry clothes rack (after falling into it), I knew I had to take this experiment with drinking a little differently. So I made a few rules.

In order to spare you from the same embarassment and loss of precious laundry racks, I thought it was a good idea to share these rules with you. You can follow all of them, or some of them; whichever you choose, just remember to take it slow. Real slow.

1. No shots of cheap, nasty tasting alcohol. If you wanna do shots, make it one (maybe two, who we kiddin’?), not five or six or seventeen… and never use Rubinoff.

2. Do NOT mix. Start the night with one drink and keep at it until you’re through. Mixing creates a whirlwind of different types of drunk that normally left me hungover and puking the next morning.

3. If you drink liquor (over beer), drink slower. For many – like myself – liquor (i.e., vodka, rum, etc) does a number on you quicker than a few beers. So, if you decide to brave the evening with some Rum and Cokes, make sure you pace yourself so you don’t end up hugging the toilet.

4. Do not compete with your friends. Especially dudes who can handle WAY more liquor than you can. I found that out the hard way when I tried to race my 220lb buddy in a case race. He finished 30 beers. I made it to 12 and puked all over my dorm. Soooo nice.

5. Stay away from the bad experiences. If you had a little incident with vodka like I did, stay away from the stuff for awhile. It’s good to find out what you can drink (by finding out what you can’t handle, pretty much), but give yourself a break from the not-so friendly liquors that have tainted your stomach in the past.

It may have taken my entire freshman year, but I got the drinking thing down pat. I now have a taste for wines, beers and liquor that I like, which are much tastier than the inside of my mouth after a night of puking.

[Photo courtesy of anvari.org]