Lesson 31: Abandon your safety reserves.

Safety Reserves – we all have them. Perhaps you know them by a different name – backups, the one you love to drunk dial/text, the one who never really makes it to the top of your list and is always the first to fall to the back of the line, the one you wish you could like a little more but since you don’t not get along, can’t completely block out. These people, while probably a priority in someone else’s mind, rarely wash up on our dating preference shores.

If you hold a lackluster view toward someone, what exactly makes you feel that keeping them on the back burner is going to make you eventually like them? It’s like we convince ourselves we’ll fall for them, which isn’t fair to the other person of course, but it also isn’t fair to yourself. Read More »

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (some of which are way more mortifying than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

The last day of my freshman year of college was a blur. Went to class, took a final (passed?), signed up to donate money to the ASPCA, then went to work. But the last night of freshman year is crystal clear.

I arrived back to the dorms at about midnight, with one thing on my mind: sleep. I know, I know. I’m pretty wild. En route to my room, however, I was accosted by a drunken friend, inviting me in for a drink (or two, or three). There were about six of us in the tiny room, and before we knew it things got pretty out of hand. Attempting to avoid getting written up for noise violations, we left the dorms and went to a party at some campus apartments nearby.

And then things got even more out of hand. No one knew whose alcohol they were drinking, or whose lap they were sitting on. People were crawling back and forth through the windows to go out and smoke or yell at strangers. Before I knew it, I was down about three shots too many and fairly drunk (sh*tfaced, actually).

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WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT THE BAR AT 2AM ON A MONDAY?!

It happens to everyone: the inevitable drunk dial to your parents.  I’d like to say it’s a freshman mistake, but like the aftereffects of Jungle Juice, it’s a problem that keeps coming up.  Eventually Mom accepts that you’re a Thursday night binge drinker and Dad realizes all that Vitamin Water isn’t being consumed at the gym.

But what happens when you soberly, unintentionally horrify the parentals with your calls home?  Be careful what you say, or else they’ll prove to the world that home schooling can be done beyond the high school level.  Here are just a few points of conversation to avoid…

“Quad is the #1 place to get raped in the whole city.  I read that on the police department’s website, so you know it’s true!”

True story: I’m guilty of perhaps mentioning this over parents’ weekend while we were on a walking tour of my campus.  The following week, I received a care package of pepper spray, an air horn, and whistle.  Eh, at least the whistle came in handy at a Mathletes and Athletes mixer.

“Everyone’s been getting sick from the chicken fingers. They tasted fine to me, though.  I actually went back for seconds.”

Want to give Mom a heart attack?  Better yet, do you want her to recount her own graphic experiences with food poisoning and insist you get tested for worms?

“Dad, hold on a second.  I need to put the phone down and ask the pharmacist a question. *Muffled* Can you tell me what aisle the condoms are in?”

Just hang up and tell him you’ll call him later. Read More »

You know how they say death and taxes are the only two certainties in life? Well I think there’s a third and it’s the break-up. Everyone deals with one at some point and, in a nutshell, it blows chunks. Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, it ain’t easy and sometimes, when you’re curled up in the fetal position with a puddle of melted ice cream next to your face, it feels as if the pain is never gonna go away.

But it does…
Eventually.

After countless sob sessions with friends, drunken “I’M SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE” nights out that end in tears (and usually vomit), and probing anyone who will listen for healing advice, you wake up one day and realize you are OK. You’ve moved on. You can do better than that asshat who never appreciated what he had anyway, dammit.

You just gotta get to that point. And we are going to help you. Below, the CollegeCandy writers share their best advice for dealing with a break-up. Bookmark it, print it, tape it to your wall, because one day, when you’re sobbing to the tunes of The Fray while poring over lovey dovey pictures of you and your ex on Facebook, you’re going to need all the help you can get.

Sammie – Fordham: Cut him out completely.  Do not even have his number in your phone – GET RID OF THAT ISH.  You can be friends later, but right now there is no reason why you should contact him.  ESPECIALLY IN A TEXT THAT YOU SAY IS FOR SOMEONE ELSE THAT YOU SENT HIM “ACCIDENTALLY”!

Christie – NC State: BREAK UP WITH THEM AT THEIR PLACE. I can’t say this enough to my friends. Go to his place, because you can leave at any point you want to. If they are at your place, you might have to ask them to leave, which would be hurtful and awkward. Read More »

There’s so much I love about drinking: it helps me forget about stress and schoolwork, it makes everything that happens so much funnier, and it’s fun to do outside when it’s nice out. (…and inside when it’s crappy out. And in the morning. And in the night. And on Mondays.) And those crappy Black Eyed Peas songs you usually can’t stand? Total fist pumpers! Not to mention the hilarious piecing together that happens the morning after.

All your problems seem to melt away when you’re on the dance floor with your girlfriends, double Long-Island in hand, but all that goodness doesn’t come without a price. And I’m not talking about the $65 bar tab you discover in the morning. Us experienced college gals know that sometimes the fun doesn’t last past last call. Alas, the downsides of drinking… Read More »

This has just been one of those weeks, the kind where I just feel like I am so exhausted that I could pass out at any moment. I had this huge paper due for my honors class, and we have to do the budget for next year for Allocations committee, and my little sister is coming to visit and yadda yadda yadda… It doesn’t even matter, you all know how those weeks go.

Well, when a week is already stressful enough, you know the last thing anyone needs is boy drama complicating things even more. And after hanging out with my ex last week, he’s clearly been messing with my head. As much as a part of me would love to banish him completely out of my life, I don’t know how soon that will happen. (And to the ladies who commented last week, thanks so much for the support, it’s really nice to know I’m not the only one! If I ever figure anything out, I will let you know immediately!) Instead, I spend my time thinking about him, about me, about what I want, about how annoyed I am that this is what I’m thinking about.

So yeah, I needed a little release. A night to just forget about everything that was on my overflowing plate (of unappetizing things) and just have fun. And I did that last Saturday night. And I might have had a few too many drinks. When me and my girls came back to campus, my drunk self really had to pee. Conveniently enough, the train stop was right next to that older boy’s house (you know, the one who took forever to ask me out). Since he’d been texting me all night already, I just (drunk) dialed him to let me use his bathroom. Read More »

In this new series we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer for a month as she takes on a personal challenge. This month we’re following Lauren from University of Michigan. She’s going sober for the month of February and will be sharing her ups (like feeling great last weekend!) and downs with us each Saturday.

It’s official: I’ve been 100% sober for a full two weeks! (I’ve even opted out of using mouthwash!) While that may not be such a big deal to some people out there (ahem, mean commenters, ahem), I am really, really proud of myself. Especially after the week I’ve had.

My first week of this challenge was pretty easy, breeezy Cover Girl. The weekdays flew by and then I was back at my parents’ house, where the temptation to drink was pretty minimal. But since then, I’ve survived a steakhouse dinner without wine, a Super Bowl party without beer, and two very serious nights at the bar without shots, shots, shots, shots shots.

On Thursday night I hit a low key bar with a few friends. They sipped on some beers and I sipped on some Diet Cokes. We were all having a great time – talking, catching up, giving guys the eyes across the bar. I really didn’t miss drinking at all, especially when I only spent $3 the entire night (unlike beer and vodka, Diet Coke has free refills at the bar!). But it wasn’t totally smooth sailing; LMFAO came on the jukebox towards the end of the evening, which, as we all know, makes you want to drink. Or chug. I was starting to cave. I was having a hard time remembering why I was doing all this. Seriously, Had Ke$ha or Miley come on next, I probably would have had to run out of the bar screaming. Instead, I took a little sniff of my friends’ SoCo Lime shots, grimaced, and instantly felt better about my decision. Read More »

So it’s been a week since I put down the bottle of Jack. And Ketel. And Captain’s. And… well, everything.

At first, it was easy. After chugging rum out of a flask last Friday night and inhaling two giant slices of pizza after a few too many margaritas on Saturday night, I was more than excited to stay away from the hooch for a little while. I walked around my apartment in a hungover haze on Sunday, unable to do much besides watch a Millionaire Matchmaker marathon on my couch all day.

“Remember this feeling when you wanna go out and party,” I told myself as I made yet another cup of instant coffee.

Since I normally don’t drink much on weeknights (after that time I had to give a presentation in class and I was still drunk from the night before), it was smooth sailing for most of the week. Even the daily IMs from my guy friends asking me if I was still sober (OK, betting me that I wasn’t still sober) didn’t bother me. After all, being sober on a Monday wasn’t anything new to me.

But then Thursday hit and I felt like a Pavlovian dog, salivating for booze. It didn’t help that I was listening to my iTunes and every single song that came up reminded me of a bar. First Ke$ha, then Journey and then, to dig the knife in a little deeper, Madonna’s Like a Prayer (only my favorite drinking song of all time). I cursed Steve Jobs. Read More »

Shots. Shots. Shots shots shots shots!

Let’s be honest: drinking is fun. So fun, in fact, you’re probably nursing a hangover right now so you can get the party started again in a few short hours. Everything is just so much more exciting when you’ve got a couple vodka sodas in your (carb-loaded) belly. Songs are better. Food tastes better. The weirdo guys from your Poli Sci class look better.

But somehow, no matter how much you drink, that sloppy drunk girl is still really effing annoying.

Yeah, a drunken Friday night (or Tuesday afternoon) is a wonderful thing, but there are a few downsides that come with it. This week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to weigh in on their biggest drinking pet peeves. You know you’ve got some too; share them below! Read More »

WTF does that mean?

Like any CollegeCandy girl, I am never far away from my cell phone. And if I’m not on my phone, I’m on my computer. And sometimes I’m on both at the same time. While watching TV. I’m a technology addict, but who isn’t? Cell phones, wireless Internet and text messaging have made our lives so much easier to live.

Except, of course, when it comes to dating.

Back in the olden days, like 1990, guys had to actually call you to ask you out. And it’s not like they could just call your cell and leave a VM; they would actually have to call a land line and possibly brave talking to a roommate or parent just to get to you. (Oh the horror!) Courting girls took a lot of work and if a guy was willing to go to such great lengths to get in touch with a girl, it was pretty easy to see he was into her. But not anymore. It seems like a distant concept to us, but the constant communication available because of the wonders of modern technology has further complicated what was already a confusing world of dating. Read More »