Lesson 31: Abandon your safety reserves.

Safety Reserves – we all have them. Perhaps you know them by a different name – backups, the one you love to drunk dial/text, the one who never really makes it to the top of your list and is always the first to fall to the back of the line, the one you wish you could like a little more but since you don’t not get along, can’t completely block out. These people, while probably a priority in someone else’s mind, rarely wash up on our dating preference shores.

If you hold a lackluster view toward someone, what exactly makes you feel that keeping them on the back burner is going to make you eventually like them? It’s like we convince ourselves we’ll fall for them, which isn’t fair to the other person of course, but it also isn’t fair to yourself.

Are we that afraid to be alone that we’d rather be with someone we get along with but were never crazy enough about to be our first pick? And how is it supposed to make your backup feel? Should they be informed that they were just a backup choice but then again, how could they not already know? So to counter the question that explores our reluctance to be alone, there’s the question that asks, “Are we so afraid to be alone that we’ll be with someone who has had a pattern of rejecting us in the past when someone better (or rather, more compatible) comes along?” For most people, whether they admit it or not, I think the answer is “yes”…sadly enough for both questions.

The thing about compatibility is that everyone has it and since there’s no such thing as “no compatibility,” just different levels of compatibility, naturally we order our love interests by how well they rank. So, when you get a text from the same guy every two weeks or so, it’s safe to say, you’re probably not at the top of his list. Not to say that he’s at the top of your list, but why take on the “something out of nothing” attitude and cave to a date that you’ll probably regret anyway with someone who falls short on your list if you fall short on theirs, too? If he was into you, he’d be texting you regularly, not just when he’s realized that it’s been a while since he’s had a fruitful date in a while and that he dated you a while back and the date wasn’t half-bad, but what we not-so-cleverly forget is that it wasn’t half-good either. For a culture that puts so much emphasis on “the spark,” we sure are quick to forget it when loneliness rolls around.

What’s the point? So you can put on your date clothes and hope that this date (after five of the same) will be different, that you’ll magically be more into them this time? Guess what? Not happening. And here’s why – Once you’ve put someone on the back burner, they stay there. No matter how many dinners you go on, no matter how many of their jokes you try convince yourself are funny, no matter how many times you walk home from a date with them thinking, “That wasn’t so bad,” you’re never going to fall head over heels for them simply because you haven’t already. Side note – If you have to tell yourself something wasn’t that bad, that doesn’t make it good.

It’s time we abandoned our safety reserves and lead a life that embraces being single, even if that means there’s no love interest on the horizon. It’s unfair to the person you fall back on and it’s unfair to yourself. Why waste the effort on a mediocre relationship with someone toward the lowest quartile of your list, and in turn waste their time too? Go your separate ways, be “just friends” and spend the time and effort instead on yourselves on finding actual happiness alone than spending yet another Friday night hearing the same hunting story for the fourth time.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 30 rules of the Single Girl Society.

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (some of which are way more mortifying than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

The last day of my freshman year of college was a blur. Went to class, took a final (passed?), signed up to donate money to the ASPCA, then went to work. But the last night of freshman year is crystal clear.

I arrived back to the dorms at about midnight, with one thing on my mind: sleep. I know, I know. I’m pretty wild. En route to my room, however, I was accosted by a drunken friend, inviting me in for a drink (or two, or three). There were about six of us in the tiny room, and before we knew it things got pretty out of hand. Attempting to avoid getting written up for noise violations, we left the dorms and went to a party at some campus apartments nearby.

And then things got even more out of hand. No one knew whose alcohol they were drinking, or whose lap they were sitting on. People were crawling back and forth through the windows to go out and smoke or yell at strangers. Before I knew it, I was down about three shots too many and fairly drunk (sh*tfaced, actually).

Remember that blurry day-detail of donating money to the ASPCA? Well, as it turns out the cute guy who asked for my pledge had sneaked my number from my sign up because he thought I was cute too. And, you guessed it, who else should give me a ring at Drunk O’Clock in the morning but ASPCA Guy. “Before you say anything,” he said, “I know this is weird, but I’ve been thinking about you all day. I just got up the guts to call you.” And you know what I said?

“ASPCA guy! You’re so hot and I’m so drunk!” Followed by what I probably will never be able to live down: a full on serenade of– I kid you not– “Barracuda.” He was nice enough to stay on the phone with me while I barraged him with dirty talk (good God…) and other sexual offers and advances. He eventually hung up on me.

In the morning, I double checked with my roommate to confirm that I had indeed sang Heart to the cutest guy I had seen in a while. Unfortunately, she said it actually happened. The worst part was the next night he called back. I was so excited, thinking that maybe he was just going to laugh off the incident and try again.

He was calling to verify my credit card number. Now I have a $20 monthly reminder of my failure. Oh, Barracuda.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT THE BAR AT 2AM ON A MONDAY?!

It happens to everyone: the inevitable drunk dial to your parents.  I’d like to say it’s a freshman mistake, but like the aftereffects of Jungle Juice, it’s a problem that keeps coming up.  Eventually Mom accepts that you’re a Thursday night binge drinker and Dad realizes all that Vitamin Water isn’t being consumed at the gym.

But what happens when you soberly, unintentionally horrify the parentals with your calls home?  Be careful what you say, or else they’ll prove to the world that home schooling can be done beyond the high school level.  Here are just a few points of conversation to avoid…

“Quad is the #1 place to get raped in the whole city.  I read that on the police department’s website, so you know it’s true!”

True story: I’m guilty of perhaps mentioning this over parents’ weekend while we were on a walking tour of my campus.  The following week, I received a care package of pepper spray, an air horn, and whistle.  Eh, at least the whistle came in handy at a Mathletes and Athletes mixer.

“Everyone’s been getting sick from the chicken fingers. They tasted fine to me, though.  I actually went back for seconds.”

Want to give Mom a heart attack?  Better yet, do you want her to recount her own graphic experiences with food poisoning and insist you get tested for worms?

“Dad, hold on a second.  I need to put the phone down and ask the pharmacist a question. *Muffled* Can you tell me what aisle the condoms are in?”

Just hang up and tell him you’ll call him later.

“My new friend Mallory is so funny!  Last night she chugged a pitcher of Long Islands and stole a scooter from a midget.  We all ran when the cops came, but I don’t think she got arrested.”

So you’ve got some colorful new friends, wonderful.  Please, enjoy them quietly to yourself.

“I’m so depressed!  I slept with him three times and he won’t call me back!  I mean, I know we met at pint night…but he was so hot!  And Jamie hooked up with him last weekend and said he was really amazing.  Ugh, what would you do in my position, Mom?”

Advice is great, but get it from Oprah. Or us.

“Psh, totally didn’t study for that one.”

Just lie.

But it does…
Eventually.

After countless sob sessions with friends, drunken “I’M SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE” nights out that end in tears (and usually vomit), and probing anyone who will listen for healing advice, you wake up one day and realize you are OK. You’ve moved on. You can do better than that asshat who never appreciated what he had anyway, dammit.

You just gotta get to that point. And we are going to help you. Below, the CollegeCandy writers share their best advice for dealing with a break-up. Bookmark it, print it, tape it to your wall, because one day, when you’re sobbing to the tunes of The Fray while poring over lovey dovey pictures of you and your ex on Facebook, you’re going to need all the help you can get.

Sammie – Fordham: Cut him out completely.  Do not even have his number in your phone – GET RID OF THAT ISH.  You can be friends later, but right now there is no reason why you should contact him.  ESPECIALLY IN A TEXT THAT YOU SAY IS FOR SOMEONE ELSE THAT YOU SENT HIM “ACCIDENTALLY”!

Christie – NC State: BREAK UP WITH THEM AT THEIR PLACE. I can’t say this enough to my friends. Go to his place, because you can leave at any point you want to. If they are at your place, you might have to ask them to leave, which would be hurtful and awkward.

Nina – Michigan State University: DO enjoy a dessert that says “F**k Him” in icing on the top (True story – I have some great friends). DO NOT get jealous when he moves on. He will still have the same flaws with a new girlfriend!

Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: My honest rational? Delete him from your newsfeed, channel your anger/sadness into a good run, get your hair and nails did. Then watch ‘The Stepfather.’ Because that woman has it a lot worse than you do.

Ricki – University of Michigan: No hooking up with your ex-boyfriend.  If your friend has to hold you back, fine, but do not even go there.

Meg – University of Delaware: Spite. The happier you are, the hotter you look, the more confident you are, the better you’re dressed- do it in spite of what just happened. The better you’ll feel about the breakup, and the more he’ll regret it.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Since break-ups can get ugly, DON’T take anything mean he says to heart. Most likely, he’s just trying to hurt you.

Norah – Drake University: Diet and exercise. The path to mending a broken heart revolves around feeling content in who you are, and looking great, and feeling those endorphins will jump-start that.

Kim – Stanford:  Don’t take everyone else’s advice just because they are telling you it is the right way to act. Your girlfriends love you, but they may not actually know whats best for you…even if they think they do.

Sara C – Fordham: Give yourself a solid week to wallow, if need be. But do something physical, like riding a bike, going to the gym, or going for a run, to sweat it out. You’ll not only get an endorphin boost from exercise, but you’ll be doing your body a favor, too. And if you want an extra kick in the rear, listen to Bob Dylan’s “Positively 4th Street.” Pure, unadulterated, gritty angst!

Alex – Lakehead University: Best piece of break-up advice, hands down: don’t drunk dial. In fact, completely remove his number from your phone. Case in point: my 19th birthday (woo hoo Ontario!) I ended up sobbing in a closet, drunk-dialing my ex-boyfriend and making very little sense. What little shred of dignity I had was gone.

Charlsie – Hollins University: After a break-up, do whatever you can to NOT post hundreds of Twitter tweets about it.

Cristina – Michigan State: Let it all out.  Vent to your friends and give yourself an ALLOTED amount of time to heal, and then stop.  Stop thinking about it, stop talking about it and keep yourself busy.  Never waste time thinking about a guy who doesn’t know what he has when he has you.  Also, instead of eating your feelings, exercise them away, because nothing is better than looking amazingly toned the next time you run into him, instead of looking like you’ve been crying over a bowl of cake batter for months.

Jessica – Delaware: I always say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else!

Rachael – University of Miami: Chocolate, a hot shower, loud rock music, and awesome friends can cure anything, even a broken heart. Also, always remember that you’re better off now instead of being involved with someone who didn’t appreciate you or wasn’t right for you. You now know more about who you are and what you want, so you’ll find someone who will love and respect you the way you deserve.

Caitlin – University of Alabama: Do keep yourself busy to take your mind off things by hanging out with friends, doing fun things around your city, working, etc.  Do not eat an entire pack of Oreos in one sitting because those 2600 calories will not help the pain of a break up, trust me.

Hannah – Assumption College: It is totally acceptable, in fact, almost necessary to indulge in a post break-up shopping spree. Treat yourself to some new clothes. Look better, feel better.

Alex – Florida Atlantic University: The best thing to cure the break up woes is to find a distraction–may that be diving into your schoolwork, creating the perfect resume, or even finding the infamous rebound. Nothing’s better than showing up to a party and having a piece of eye candy on your arm, all the while your ex is trying not to stare at you from the other side of the room.  A piece of advice, don’t sweat your break up–simplify your life and enjoy the perks of being a single girl for a while.

What’s your biggest piece of dating advice?

There’s so much I love about drinking: it helps me forget about stress and schoolwork, it makes everything that happens so much funnier, and it’s fun to do outside when it’s nice out. (…and inside when it’s crappy out. And in the morning. And in the night. And on Mondays.) And those crappy Black Eyed Peas songs you usually can’t stand? Total fist pumpers! Not to mention the hilarious piecing together that happens the morning after.

All your problems seem to melt away when you’re on the dance floor with your girlfriends, double Long-Island in hand, but all that goodness doesn’t come without a price. And I’m not talking about the $65 bar tab you discover in the morning. Us experienced college gals know that sometimes the fun doesn’t last past last call. Alas, the downsides of drinking…

1. Boys
For us single ladies, anything that happens with the opposite sex while intoxicated is bad. (Almost as bad as my drunk dance moves to “Single Ladies.” Note to self: You do not look/sing/dance like Beyonce. ) A dancefloor make-out is always fun, but should you really go back to his apartment and risk an embarrassing walk of shame the next morning? And why do we always insist on texting that guy that we swore to our sober selves we’d never in a million years text again? And how on earth did we remember his phone number even though we took it out of our phones last weekend? WHY DID WE INVITE HIM OVER?

2. Tears
Drunk tears are the WORST. And most often they have to do with #1. Although, they have also been known to stem from friends, acquaintances, mean bartenders, or discovering the burrito place is closed when all you want is a big, fat one. A few strong drinks + something (anything) to tip us off = Niagra Falls of the Face. And without waterproof mascara, well, it ain’t pretty.

3. Food
Get one (yes, one!) drink in me and I can’t remember the daily workouts/salads that plague me all week long. Suddenly I not only want, but need, to eat an entire pizza by myself. Or break into my roommate’s cookie supply and polish off a whole sleeve of Oreos. That may or may not be dipped in frosting. Or ranch. Or whatever I can get my paws on.

4. Dance moves
I took a few dance classes back in the day, but a few cranberry vodkas deep I mistakenly believe I am the sexiest possible fusion of a Rockette and a seasoned stripper. Hair twirling, dropping all the way to the floor, dancing with a boy with less than two feet touching the ground, you name it, I’ve done it (and I’m not the only one!). I’m sure I look ridiculous to anyone who remembers, but I just can’t kick the dance-floor habit.

5. Hangovers
The ultimate suckiest consequence of a long night of drinking. No matter how many Advil we pop, pizzas we eat or glasses of water we chug before bed, we just can’t seem to avoid it. More often than not, we wake up with a pounding headache, can’t see straight, and spend at least 20 minutes trying to figure out how to get last night’s mistake out of our bed before we puke. And then sitting in lecture when the room is spinning and our stomach is churning? Vom.

Sigh. Even though all 5 of these things plagued me this morning last weekend alone, I know I’ll still be hitting up happy hour later… When will we ever learn?!

Well, when a week is already stressful enough, you know the last thing anyone needs is boy drama complicating things even more. And after hanging out with my ex last week, he’s clearly been messing with my head. As much as a part of me would love to banish him completely out of my life, I don’t know how soon that will happen. (And to the ladies who commented last week, thanks so much for the support, it’s really nice to know I’m not the only one! If I ever figure anything out, I will let you know immediately!) Instead, I spend my time thinking about him, about me, about what I want, about how annoyed I am that this is what I’m thinking about.

So yeah, I needed a little release. A night to just forget about everything that was on my overflowing plate (of unappetizing things) and just have fun. And I did that last Saturday night. And I might have had a few too many drinks. When me and my girls came back to campus, my drunk self really had to pee. Conveniently enough, the train stop was right next to that older boy’s house (you know, the one who took forever to ask me out). Since he’d been texting me all night already, I just (drunk) dialed him to let me use his bathroom.

Long story short, he was really sweet and took care of me when I was drunk. He took me home to make sure that I got home safe, and put me to bed. He finally (!!) kissed me, and made sure my roommate made it home safely as well. He is a total sweetheart and it didn’t go unnoticed.

I think I really could like this kid, which is adorable and cute and exciting and just the thing to make me feel better. Or is it….

The thing is, I’ve already got enough drama happening right now. Between school, work, the ex, etc., I’m burnt out. There is already such drama trying to figure out what is going on with the boy, and we’re not even dating yet! I don’t know how much more I can take, or if starting something with him will make me happy or more stressed out.

Gah! Just thinking about it makes me frazzled.

Maybe I should just take a hint from this girl and give up boys for awhile. I think she’s seriously onto something.

In this new series we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer for a month as she takes on a personal challenge. This month we’re following Lauren from University of Michigan. She’s going sober for the month of February and will be sharing her ups (like feeling great last weekend!) and downs with us each Saturday.

It’s official: I’ve been 100% sober for a full two weeks! (I’ve even opted out of using mouthwash!) While that may not be such a big deal to some people out there (ahem, mean commenters, ahem), I am really, really proud of myself. Especially after the week I’ve had.

My first week of this challenge was pretty easy, breeezy Cover Girl. The weekdays flew by and then I was back at my parents’ house, where the temptation to drink was pretty minimal. But since then, I’ve survived a steakhouse dinner without wine, a Super Bowl party without beer, and two very serious nights at the bar without shots, shots, shots, shots shots.

On Thursday night I hit a low key bar with a few friends. They sipped on some beers and I sipped on some Diet Cokes. We were all having a great time – talking, catching up, giving guys the eyes across the bar. I really didn’t miss drinking at all, especially when I only spent $3 the entire night (unlike beer and vodka, Diet Coke has free refills at the bar!). But it wasn’t totally smooth sailing; LMFAO came on the jukebox towards the end of the evening, which, as we all know, makes you want to drink. Or chug. I was starting to cave. I was having a hard time remembering why I was doing all this. Seriously, Had Ke$ha or Miley come on next, I probably would have had to run out of the bar screaming. Instead, I took a little sniff of my friends’ SoCo Lime shots, grimaced, and instantly felt better about my decision.

I woke up on Friday and felt great. Not only did I hang out with friends and have a great time, but I didn’t feel like total hell. And I was really proud and happy to know that I can indeed stay in the social scene, even if I’m sober. That knowledge made me feel good and took away my nerves for last night’s adventures.

Because while Thursday was a test, Friday night out with my crew is akin to a Bob and Jillian Last Chance Workout. Minus the sweat and the puking. OK, maybe just minus the sweat. These kids take their partying really seriously and know they can always count on me to do the same. They are the reason that I hadn’t made it home before 5am ONCE during the month of January. They are the reason I often do nothing of substance from Friday to Monday. They’ve perfected the art of peer pressure (by throwing a little Jewish guilt into the mix) and I didn’t know how they’d handle Sober February. Plus, how much fun could I have if they were wasted/dancing on tables/punching me (which the guys like to do when they’ve had a few…)?

But I wanted to hang out with them and I really wanted to see if I could handle it sober. So I went. We met up for dinner at 6:30… and I didn’t come home until 3 a.m. And I did it all without a lick of alcohol (even though my girl friend did offer to let me “suck her ice” out of her vodka soda… every time she had one). I drank water, I danced, I joked… I even took a shot. Of Diet Coke. Which my friend got for me so I didn’t feel left out when everyone else was throwing them back.

It was a seriously great time! I was shocked. I mean, I thought I would have fun hanging out with everyone, but I never thought I would have had as great a time as I did. I never even got annoyed by the drunk people around me; instead, I kinda enjoyed looking at the drunk world through sober colored lenses. And, seriously, Erotic Photo Hunt is SO MUCH easier when you’re not seeing double.

The best part of my night, though, was coming home, stripping off my skinny jeans (which are definitely feeling looser already!), and being able to close my eyes and go to sleep without the room spinning. Well, that and the late night pizza slice I picked up that I was able to actually taste, savor and enjoy. Mmmm mmm gooooood.

At first, it was easy. After chugging rum out of a flask last Friday night and inhaling two giant slices of pizza after a few too many margaritas on Saturday night, I was more than excited to stay away from the hooch for a little while. I walked around my apartment in a hungover haze on Sunday, unable to do much besides watch a Millionaire Matchmaker marathon on my couch all day.

“Remember this feeling when you wanna go out and party,” I told myself as I made yet another cup of instant coffee.

Since I normally don’t drink much on weeknights (after that time I had to give a presentation in class and I was still drunk from the night before), it was smooth sailing for most of the week. Even the daily IMs from my guy friends asking me if I was still sober (OK, betting me that I wasn’t still sober) didn’t bother me. After all, being sober on a Monday wasn’t anything new to me.

But then Thursday hit and I felt like a Pavlovian dog, salivating for booze. It didn’t help that I was listening to my iTunes and every single song that came up reminded me of a bar. First Ke$ha, then Journey and then, to dig the knife in a little deeper, Madonna’s Like a Prayer (only my favorite drinking song of all time). I cursed Steve Jobs.

Lucky for me, I had to be up super early on Friday to head back home for the weekend. That meant I couldn’t go out to the bar with my friends and risk tempting myself with the delicious smells of stale beer and Jager. And by that I mean “try to stay sober while my annoying friends take shots and be annoying drunks.”

I got quite a few drunk dials both Thursday night and last night (“Come drink with us! Don’t do this dumb challenge!”) and, I admit, they did make me sad that I was missing out on all the fun, but waking up on a Saturday without a hangover has made it all worth it. It is 10:30 am as I type this. I’m fully dressed, sitting in a coffee shop sipping a delicious mocha. I have a million things to do today and, unlike most weekends, I have the energy to do them, My head doesn’t hurt, I didn’t make any dumb decisions last night (except maybe eating that 4th chocolate chip cookie fresh out of the oven), I didn’t spend a ton of money, and I will not be wasting my day in a t-shirt and underwear scrolling through my phone trying to find someone to run to the corner and pick me up a Powerade.

It feels great! I’m on a total high, but I didn’t need any illegal substances to get here – just some sleep (a full 8 hours, baby) and some hydration.

I’m not gonna lie, though: I am a bit nervous about this weekend. I have a fancy family dinner for my dad’s birthday (the type of meal that would go swimmingly with a few glasses of wine) and, gasp, the Super Bowl tomorrow. Which I will be watching with my guy friends. Who usually prefer me drunk (I guess I’m more fun that way?). Eating chips and my mom’s famous guac without a nice, refreshing beer (or, more appropriately, a cheap, disgusting Milwaukee’s Best) will be my first real test of this whole sober thing.

But I guess that will be just be the test I need to prepare for my Single Girl Valentine’s Day next weekend, what is normally a three-day chocolate and vodka bender.

Wish me luck!

Shots. Shots. Shots shots shots shots!

Let’s be honest: drinking is fun. So fun, in fact, you’re probably nursing a hangover right now so you can get the party started again in a few short hours. Everything is just so much more exciting when you’ve got a couple vodka sodas in your (carb-loaded) belly. Songs are better. Food tastes better. The weirdo guys from your Poli Sci class look better.

But somehow, no matter how much you drink, that sloppy drunk girl is still really effing annoying.

Yeah, a drunken Friday night (or Tuesday afternoon) is a wonderful thing, but there are a few downsides that come with it. This week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to weigh in on their biggest drinking pet peeves. You know you’ve got some too; share them below!

Norah – Drake University: I absolutely hate when drunk girls commandeer the iPod and play country songs all night. Your drunk singalong is nowhere near as cute as you think it is…and the rest of us just want to dance.

Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: My ability to miraculously “drunk delete” sent text messages before I am able to re-evaluate the embarrassment in the morning.  You would think it would be relieving to my ego, but there’s nothing there to explain that “What??” text from my crush in the morning. Great.

Meg – University of Delaware: My biggest drinking pet peeve are my friends who like to fight when they’re drunk. I get sick of saying “Of courrrrrrse she’s not as pretty as you are. Don’t be ridiculous!” or “Are you serious? Of course you could kick his ass! But lets go inside instead…”

Nina – Michigan State University: Three words: “I’m SOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo drunkkkk!” No need to tell me – it’s annoyingly clear already.

Ricki – University of Michigan: The annoying girl who always tags along on your plans and NEVER brings her own alcohol

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I hate, hate, HATE it when drunk guys start arguing at parties. Last week, there was a guy arguing that if Texas should secede from the U.S. Idiot.

Emmy – Loyola University Chicago: Ugh, I hate how the more I drink, the more likely I am to accidentally hook up with some random. Oh, and how I have absurd drunk late night cravings for sushi…

Kelly – University of Iowa: Definitely when people can’t control their bodily functions when drinking. On New Year’s Eve, one guy threw up everywhere, pooped his pants, and peed on a group of sleeping people. Classy.

Erica – Kent State University: The morning after paranoia..especially when you’re waking up in an unfamiliar place or without an article of clothing.

Sara C – Fordham: I can’t stand the morning after when people try to make being hungover a contest. “Oh yeah? I’m so hungover I microwaved my ice pack because I thought it was a breakfast sandwich!” Ew. Stop. The stupidity isn’t cute the next day.

Jessica – Hofstra: Throwing my diet out the window as soon as I have one beer. Frozen mac and cheese? Yes please. BBQ chips? Yes! Nacho cheese Dorritos on a buttered roll? HELL YEAH.

Ness – Sheridan: Waking up the next morning with that “oh no, what happened??” feeling.

Samantha – UC Santa Barbara: When you pregame for nothing, i.e. when you go out and find out that all the parties suck.

Zahra – Northwestern University: I hate when people get drunk and use it as an excuse to obsess over something for the night. No, I don’t want to hear your thirteenth theory on why that hot guy didn’t call you back, thanks.

Alex – Lakehead University: I have one friend who gets so sloppy that she can’t even stand up. Most nights I end up with my arms crooked under her armpits, supporting her entire body weight by 1am.

Jessica – Delaware: The next day cleanup.  I hate walking into the living room to 1,000 half-empty beer cans, shot glasses, bottles that are 3/4 full yet the caps are nowhere to be found. And the smell. Ugh.

Charlsie – Hollins: My biggest pet peeve when it comes to drinking is the sloppy walk-through of a frat house that usually involves getting Solo cups of beer or sangria all over my shoes or shirts. I can’t even begin to count all the shirts that have been ruined because someone walked by with sangria and spilled it on me. I’ll admit though, I’ve been guilty of this too!

Lauren H – The New School: How guys seem to think that they’re really great at sex when they’re drunk when in reality it’s like getting my groove on with a wet sponge when all I really want is to sleep anyway.

WTF does that mean?

Like any CollegeCandy girl, I am never far away from my cell phone. And if I’m not on my phone, I’m on my computer. And sometimes I’m on both at the same time. While watching TV. I’m a technology addict, but who isn’t? Cell phones, wireless Internet and text messaging have made our lives so much easier to live.

Except, of course, when it comes to dating.

Back in the olden days, like 1990, guys had to actually call you to ask you out. And it’s not like they could just call your cell and leave a VM; they would actually have to call a land line and possibly brave talking to a roommate or parent just to get to you. (Oh the horror!) Courting girls took a lot of work and if a guy was willing to go to such great lengths to get in touch with a girl, it was pretty easy to see he was into her. But not anymore. It seems like a distant concept to us, but the constant communication available because of the wonders of modern technology has further complicated what was already a confusing world of dating.

Getting In Touch:

What does it mean when a boy texts me? And is that different if that “What’s up?” text comes in the middle of a Tuesday versus after midnight on a Saturday? What about when he Facebook-chats me and says he wants to buy me a drink next time I see him? What if he pokes me? Comments on my status? Uses a winky smiley face in an IM? Retweets my tweet??

Which one of those means he likes me and which means he’s just trying to get in my pants? And is one more committal than the other? I mean, if a guy sends me a message on Facebook asking me what I’m up to that weekend, is that more or less serious than if he sent it to me in a text?

It has been established by one of my wiser girlfriends that if a boy is to call you without any particular reason, you can be fairly certain that he likes you. But does that same theory apply to texts/Facebook messages/drunk dials?

What Does he Mean?

Obviously, it’s a whole lot easier to flirt with someone or put yourself out there when you don’t have to look that person in the eye (you know you’ve been there), but not being face to face leaves a lot of room for mis-communication. Emotion or even sarcasm can easily get lost when texting someone you don’t know super well and kill a relationship before it even has a chance to start. My friend was recently FB messaging with a guy she met at a party. After going back and forth for days with some playful banter she told a guy to ‘f*ck off’ as a joking response… and never heard from him again. She knew it was a joke. Anyone who knows her knows it was a joke. But because this guy couldn’t hear the tone in her voice, he had no idea it was a joke and they both missed out on something potentially great.

Being single in this technological world is hard. It’s difficult enough to try and figure out what a boy is thinking in person, but analyzing all these different kinds of communication to try and understand is just exhausting. Who knew 5 little words in a text message could take so much out of you??

While I will always be dependent on my phone, sometimes I wonder if dating wasn’t a bit simpler and less confusing in the old days. Not that I have much time to ponder such things; I’m too busy wondering if the boy who “liked” my Facebook likes me too.