We’ve all made the brilliant drunk decision to go to McDonald’s at 2AM and order everything off the Dollar Menu. An entire feast for $8 sounds like such a great idea at the time! Fast forward to the next morning, though, and you probably feel like sh*t.

This weekend as you venture out to the bars, get blackout and make the inevitable walk to Mickey D’s, consider ordering something new. Perhaps something from the Million Dollar Menu. Filet Mignon? Lobster dinner? Get it, girl. These guys did.

Thank you so much for your concern about my supposed “drunkorexia,” which is apparently the deliberate decision to eat less food on days destined for drunken debauchery. Though this is not an official medical term, it has been noted in Colorado as a recent “growing trend” among college women. However, let me assure you, drunkorexia is not actually real, and the things that appear similar to the nonexistent disorder may actually be conscious dieting choices among university realities.

Any college student’s diet is abnormal and worthy of attention on its own. Our campuses are equipped to fight our appetites with buffet-style dining halls filled with low-quality options, and our kitchens are stocked with frozen pizzas, chips and Cup of Noodles, each drenched in unhealthy preservatives and way too much salt. Our meal times are tightly squeezed into our schedule among study sessions, work shifts, volunteer programs and internship hours – meaning we chow down while running out of our apartments and we treat ourselves to late-night breaks in the middle of all-nighters. It may not be an ideal routine for our waistline, but it works out well for our resumés, academic transcripts and graduate school applications.

With that said, extending our workouts and skipping meals may not be our best bets, but announcing, “I’m drinking, therefore I don’t want to eat so much, so I’m going to have a mixed green salad and a Diet Coke,” seems like a sign of sensible maturity. In a nation expanding quickly with actual medical concerns such as obesity and diabetes, maybe a couple calorie swaps – whether we plan to drink or otherwise – are a good idea!

It is true, there are college women – and people in general – who are seriously battling eating disorders and/or abusing substances. However, anorexia nervosa and bulimia are commonly related to a distorted self-image or fear of losing control, while alcoholism is characterized as its uncontrolled consumption and often inspired by personal reasons. These are both serious conditions, related in some cases, but those who are skimping snacks solely to stay under the recommended daily caloric intake after a few shots should not be diagnosed the same. Or with made-up medical terms like drunkorexia. It isn’t fair for those students who actually need the medical attention, and it’s simply annoying to those who don’t.

We’re in college, we’re going to drink, so we might as well be logical and somewhat healthier about it. This isn’t a problem so much as it’s a solution. Come on!

And to the UNC students who keep “seeing their friends drink on an empty stomach, binge on ‘drunk food’…then feel guilty and vomit” – that is not drunk food, that’s affordable food on a college budget that your friend is eating because she only had a bowl of lettuce for dinner and now, 6 hours later, she’s hungry. Plus, people don’t throw up because they feel guilty, it’s because they’re drunk/hungover. So be a friend, hold her hair back, and buy her dinner next time – there’s probably a better chance she’s saving her money instead of her calories for alcohol!

Thank You,
Ashley

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (though most don't involve a large group of potential sorority sisters) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

I love it when universities appreciate the modern college student: we wake up early, we work all day, we study hard, and we sleep late. Oh, and we like to party. Maybe not exactly like they do on Jersey Shore, but we party nonetheless.

So once a year, these universities plan a day – just one whole day a year – where they encourage even the most studious to stumble into class a little tipsy and the most punctual to skip their classes altogether. They do so by providing good food, fun games, inflatable obstacle courses and performances by headlining artists like Sean Kingston, Sara Bareilles, B.o.B, and Drake. It’s all for free and always begins on a Friday around noon. Which means the proper hydration process begins in the morning, if not the previous Thursday night.

This particular year, I woke up late. I had to make up for lost time, so it was a good thing my friends and I soaked pineapple slices in rum and vodka for the past 24 hours. (My mother always taught me to plan ahead….) We went to my boyfriend’s place just off-campus to pre-party before the big party. At least that was the plan. Unfortunately, those pineapples were a bit stronger than anyone thought and the next thing we all knew it was hours later, we were still sitting in my boyfriend’s living room, and we’d missed every single show.

But that was okay (at least to my drunk ass); we had a California Pizza Kitchen barbecue pizza in the freezer, and after an entire day of quenching my thirst, I was hungry.

I unwrapped that frozen deliciousness, popped it into the oven, and sat down on the couch as I waited for it to bake.

And then we all fell asleep.

Fast forward to the next morning when my boyfriend and I woke up in a fit of coughing to a room FULL of smoke. (Wow, way to not change your batteries in those smoke detectors, boyfriend). I started screaming and running wildly around the living room. Unable to see anything, I tripped over the coffee table and fell to the ground.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, kept his wits about him and proceeded to the kitchen. There he discovered the remnants of a burnt pizza inside the once-white oven that was now charred black. THANK GOD the oven blew the fuse of his entire apartment instead of setting it on fire altogether. Though you wouldn’t know it; that place smelled burnt and crispy for another month.

Next time, we’ll be ordering pizza.

[You think that's bad? Check out our other cringe-worthy Morning After stories.]

Here’s their big finding: “Students who go abroad while in college are likely to increase or even double their alcohol intake while they’re away.”

Wow, I know.  Let that sink in for a minute.  Would you have ever guessed that while visiting countries with lower drinking ages, things called discotheques, and a plethora of town pubs, college students would have the balls to increase their booze consumption?  Color me shocked.

As someone who’s now very interested in subscribing to this extremely scientific journal, I just want to alert the editors of a few more studies they might be interested in conducting (but really don’t need to).

Just Discovered: Drunk Students Eat More Pizza than Sober Students
Drunk munchies happen.  Usually around 3AM as the bars are closing and that pizza place across the street is still open.  Two slices with pepperoni and extra cheese sound like a brilliant investment in your health, so you stumble to the counter, place your order, and throw down the $2.50.  For some reason, going through these same motions in broad daylight really doesn’t hold the same appeal (unless it’s post-kegs and eggs on game day).

Standards Lowered After Six Hours in Bar, “Beer Goggles” Found as Cause
It’s late, you’re drunk, and that extra-long single is going to be mighty lonely when you get back to the dorm.  What’s a girl to do?  Chat up that mediocre-looking, possibly younger dude standing at the end of the bar, that’s what.  His eyes are a little off center and his nose hooks to the left, but your room’s dark.  No biggie.

Breaking News: Most Papers Written Only Twelve Hours Prior to Deadline
Two weeks to write six pages on Charlotte Bronte?  Please, you can knock that thing out in an afternoon.  Except one afternoon interrupted by “something better” leads to another and before you know it, you’re staring at a blank word document, a setting sun, and a clock you swear is six hours fast.  Procrastination is a bitch, but it’s better than being responsible and missing out on all those hours you spent Facebook stalking.

Solving the Pre-Game Mystery: Why Students Drink Before They Drink
Have you ever tried to explain the concept of pre-gaming to an adult?  Did they look at you like you had a problem and throw around words like “addict” and “AA meeting”?  If you’re in college, it makes sense to drink before you go out drinking.  Imagine walking into a bar completely sober.  Yikes!  All those strangers, that loud music…what am I supposed to do with my hands!?  I’m getting social anxiety just thinking about it.

After 2:45 AM and Five Shots of Jim Beam, Everyone Becomes a Culinary Arts Major
Some nights, pizza just doesn’t scratch the itch.  And that’s when you run back to your apartment or dorm, flip on the Food Network, and check out what’s in your fridge.  Ravioli Lean Cuisine, salted cashews, soy sauce packets, and one lone gummy worm become a cornucopia of international flavors when stirred together in a solo cup.  Leftover dining hall chicken fingers, a clam chowder Soup-at-Hand, and stale Ritz crackers morph into a potpie even Jamie Oliver would be proud of.

Who are the most stylish New Yorkers of 2010?

Um. This might be the best drunk food ever.

Snooki is dunzo with juiceheads.

Behold: the most effed up video game ever.

5 albums you should be listening to right now.

The Gap goes NSFW.

[You got a big, bad internship this summer? Living in a big, bad city? Not a clue what to do? CollegeCandy's got you covered. We've got ladies in all pockets of the U.S.A. and we're gonna be your private guides to the biggest internship destination cities around: New York, Chicago, D.C. and Los Angeles. If you're looking for the best place for a deal, the best weekend excursion, or best bars to drink (with a fake), stick with us.]

Welcome to Chicago! Summer in this city is quite possibly the most wonderful thing in the world (not like I’m biased…). I’m here to help you navigate Frank Sinatra’s kind of town like a pro and not a tourist. Because while going to look down from the top of the Sears Tower (don’t even think about calling it the Willis Tower) Sky Deck is a touristy essential, Chicago has so much more than just Michigan Ave and Navy Pier to explore.

And a lot of it is very tasty food. Nom nom nom.

Best Cupcakes: Molly’s Cupcakes has hands down the best cupcakes in the city. Right between the Fullerton and Belmont Red line stops, Molly’s can be a bit of a walk but is SO worth it. Everything there is delicious, but their Cookie Monster cupcake is my personal favorite. It is a cupcake FILLED with cookie dough! Plus, Molly’s also has the cutest decor with swings as seats, board games to play, and is open until midnight on the weekends.

Best Chicago Style Pizza: Although this is a very controversial topic, Giordano’s is my personal favorite. And if you go to a location that isn’t in the heart of downtown, you’ll avoid the crazy crowds and long waits.

Best place for a drink Cesar’s Mexican Restaurant is known for their killer margaritas (which, I might add, were named that for a reason). One mega margarita is enough to get me drunk, but for non lightweights, you can upgrade to a jumbo for only $1 more. And the Mexican food isn’t bad either, though everything tastes better after a jumbo mango marg.

Best bar hopping neighborhood: Wrigleyville is hands down the place to go. There are so many bars that if one is dead (or maybe questions your ID), you can just head to the one next door. Bars around both the DePaul and Loyola areas are pretty lax on IDs as well…. not that I’m condoning that!

Best Late Night Food: Wiener’s Circle in Lincoln Park. You can get Chicago hot dogs, burgers, fries and more, all served up with a side of major sass from the infamous employees. Just don’t ask for a chocolate milkshake… it is NOT what you think it is.

If you’re not near this Chicago institution, try Ian’s Pizza in Wrigleyville (a University of Wisconsin favorite that boasts Mac & Cheese pizza, S’more pizza and more!).

Hit the Beach: Most people don’t know it, but Chicago is a major beach town in the summer. If you’ve got a need for some sun and sand, head to North Ave. Beach. The crowds can be a little overwhelming, but the people watching, view of the Chicago skyline, and hundreds of open volleyball courts are worth the fight for towel space. Plus, Castaways, an awesome restaurant/bar that looks like a giant ship, is only steps away from the water.

Chicago Freebies: One of the biggest reasons to love Chicago is the variety of totally free, totally awesome activities that are always going on. Did you know the Lincoln Park Zoo is 100% free? Just walk right in and enjoy the cuteness. For those of you looking to stay in shape this summer (not me), Millennium Park offers free workouts every Saturday, including everything from cardio to, my personal favorite, Pilates.

If you want to get some culture, head back to Millennium Park for their free concerts on Monday and Wednesday nights. You can even bring food and wine to make it a truly classy event. Thursday nights at the Chicago Art Institute and Tuesday nights at the Museum of Contemporary Art are also free. And both the Shedd Aquarium and the Field Museum have free days during the summer as well! And if you want a fun weeknight activity that is quintissentially Chicago, check out the Navy Pier fireworks every Wednesday and Saturday night at 10 pm.

Looking for some new threads? You could head down to the Magnificent Mile for your fill of your everyday stores, but if you want something a little different (and a lot less touristy), try the adorable and affordable boutiques lining Belmont and Clark, or haul your ass over to Wicker Park to peruse their more upscale shops. Just remember, the sales tax here is right around 10%, so be prepared for the inflated prices!

Major Musts:
Cubs game, duh. Wrigley Field is one of the only original baseball fields left in the country and even if you don’t like baseball, spending a day in the sun sipping beers and eating hot dogs is totally worth the cost of a bleacher seat.

Chicago takes its architecture pretty seriously and they should – there’s a lot of beauty in this town. Check it all out on the Architecture Boat Tour. It’s only $22 and gives you a chance to cruise the Chicago River while learning all about the city’s exciting history. OK, so it doesn’t sound that interesting, but I promise you it is awesome.

And don’t forget to make some time for a Second City comedy show. Some of comedy’s biggest stars got their start on that very stage and after a long day of interning, you’ll appreciate a night of laughing until you pee.

Everyone has different highlights on their personal tour of Chicago, so these are just a few of mine. Take the time to explore the different neighborhoods yourself and comment with other places that I’ve missed!

This Week’s Ingredient: Salsa!

Remember that episode of Seinfeld where George and Jerry are sitting in the coffee shop talking about salsa, because Jerry thinks its popularity is due to the fact that “people like to say ‘salsaaa’”? Well, not only is it fun to say, but salsa is one of the more nutritious condiments around. It is very low in calories, with virtually no fat, and contains a wealth of nutrients like vitamins A, E, C and K, potassium, copper, and manganese.

However, certain brands can contain high levels of sodium, so be sure to check packaging labels to verify that you’re not consuming more than the daily recommended intake (2,3000 mg for a healthy adult). High sodium in the American diet has recently come under attack by various health and governmental bodies,  so make sure you’re enjoying savory snacks (like the one below) in moderation!

Easy Meals

1. Add salsa and kale to your omelette for a spicy Southwestern kick.
2. Combine with brown rice and black beans (drained before cooking to remove excess sodium!) for a healthy, cheap, and easy meal.
3. Serve with carrots, celery, peppers and asparagus for an afternoon snack.

The Recipe: ULTIMATE Nacho Dip!

In honor of Memorial Day tomorrow, many of us will be taking to parks, beaches, or family gatherings to mark the unofficial start of summer. Whether you’re hosting or visiting a Memorial Day celebration, I promise if you make my mother’s nacho dip you will be the hit of the party. So take thirty minutes, whip this baby up, and get ready to receive a lot of compliments!

Ingredients:

1 large container whipped cream cheese
1 16 oz. jar hot and thick salsa
1 lb. ground beef (try for 95% lean!)
1 1.25 oz packet Old El Paso taco seasoning
1 8oz bag of shredded taco cheese
Dice black olives (optional)

Directions:

1. Put the ground beef in an ungreased skillet on medium heat, stirring until it is thoroughly browned. Then strain the grease out of the pan, and return the beef to the skillet.
2. Add taco seasoning and water (according to the packet’s directions–usually 2/3 cup) to the beef and stir through, then turn off heat.
3. In a wide Pyrex or pie dish, coat the bottom with the cream cheese. After the beef has cooled, spread it evenly atop the cream cheese.
4. Add the salsa and then the shredded cheese atop the beef, so there are four distinct layers. Garnish with black olives and serve with tortilla chips or jicama for a healthier (yet equally crispy) option.

When I think of Taco Bell, I think of the time I got really drunk and woke up with a chicken soft taco in my bed. And then ate it for breakfast.

I think about their sweet, delicious churros. And how everything there is smothered in ooey, gooey delicious processed cheese. Then topped with sour cream. I think about how I learned my first Spanish phrase from their little spokes-dog.

What I don’t think about is diet or weight loss. I mean, it’s Taco Bell – who would?

Well, someone did. 

Apparently some lady with a deep love for burritos lost 50 pounds eating Taco Bell (from the drive-thru – homegirl couldn’t even get out of the car). And now, thanks to her tremendous success, the head honchos over at Taco Bell HQ are trying to make us all think about Taco Bell in a new way. As in a healthy-after-workout option and not in a only-when-you’re-black-out-drunk sorta way.

I don’t know about you, but I just don’t buy it. I want to lose my muffin top (which has made its way to Costco-size) just as much as the next girl who spent her first three days of 2010 eating some variation of noodles and cheese, but at Taco Bell? Let’s be honest – any weight lost  “thinking outside the bun” will be lost on the toilet. I know you know what I’m talkin’ about. And I know for a fact that’s not the way any of us want to spend our 2010.

I applaud Taco Bell for their attempts to introduce vegetables to their loyal Gordita-guzzling patrons, but pushing the Fresco Fourth Meal as a weight loss option? That’s just insulting.

Stick to what you’re good at, Taco Bell: low grade meat smothered in fake cheese and gobbled up by drunk people who’ve long abandoned their dreams of weight loss.

Unfortunately, your favorite pizza/ burrito/ burger/ neighborhood CVS closed 30 minutes ago and you are left to fend for yourself. Right. Because you could barely get your key in the front door, let alone boil water for some mac and cheese. (Mmmmm mac and cheeeeeese.)

Even a frozen pizza is much too difficult to figure out right now. Turn on an oven? To 350? Then wait 30 minutes? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!

Lucky for you, the food industry has been busy creating products for people on the go, which also happen to work quite well for people who are too-drunk-to-function. Yes, that would be you. Just stock up on any and all of these little guys and you are good to go when the Beer Pong tourny is over and you can’t remember your name (or how you made it home with one shoe and a missing bra…):

Uncrustables:

Because making a peanut and butter jelly sandwich requires you to find bread, find peanut butter, find jelly, and then use a sharp object. Uncrustables simply requires you to open your freezer. Done and done. Peanut butter and jelly bliss.

Peanut Butter Slices:

If frozen PB&J isn’t your thang, maybe a slice of peanut butter is better. Easy to slap between two pieces of bread? Absolutely. Gross? Totally. Not quite as gross when you are drunk and just need something to soak up all that Jaeger? Yes please!

Mac and Cheese Crackers:

Back in my day we had to pour water into a bowl with noodles and microwave it for 2 minutes if we wanted some late night Mac and Cheese. Oh the horror! Not anymore, people. Now if you are craving a cheesy post-bar delicacy, all you need to do is open a box. These crackers taste just like the real thing without all that pesky work. No measuring. No cooking. No waiting.

Bagelfuls:

Just like its cousin, the PB&J sandwich, the bagel and cream cheese is just really hard to master after hours of deblitating debauchery. Ever tried to cut a bagel sober? Yeah, hard enough. Thank you, Kraft! You took the work right out of this so drunk kids everywhere could carb up without fear of losing any fingers.

Cereal and Milk Bars:

Because we all love a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch after the bar, but can’t quite get the milk into the bowl/not all over the floor. Thankfully, General Mills fixed that problem by putting milk and cereal together into one delicious late night bar.

Now if only we could get some pre-packaged Vodka Tonics.

Being in a relationship is great, but getting there totally sucks. You meet someone, start to like that someone and then go crazy trying to figure out if they like you, why they aren’t calling, if you should text them, if you should have kissed them, if telling them you love The Hills was too much information…

It sucks, which is why I think one-night stands are the way to go. Seriously, if you are safe (read: wrap that sh*t up) the one-night engagement is a total win/win. And here are 5 reasons why:

1. No expectations: When I meet a guy while ordering a round of Soco and Limes at the bar, I never think to myself, “Wow! He could be the one!” We both know that our relationship will last approximately 6 hours (if that long) and then we will both go our separate ways. No wondering when he’s gonna call, or if he also wants 2 kids and a Puggle. You do your thing and move on. The end.

2. You can try all those crazy positions: Since you’re never really gonna see the dude again anyway, why not try the Arm Chair? (Look it up.) If it goes poorly (and he ends up with a black eye) it doesn’t matter – you won’t be fraternizing with him again. And if it goes well you have mastered a new position for the next dude who buys you a cocktail.

3. It’s a good story: Good sex, bad sex or no sex (too much alcohol doesn’t always lend itself well to doin’ it) there will most definitely be a great story attached to it. And who doesn’t love a great hookup tale?

4. No late night food: Let’s face it; when you go home from the bar with the roomies someone always ends up making drunk dip/ordering a pizza. When you go home with a boy, however, food is the last thing on your mind. Unless it involves licking it off the other person. Plus, sex burns calories.

5. Learn what you like: Practice makes perfect and sex is no exception. The more you have, the more you learn, and one-night stands are the perfect study sessions.