For better or for worse, 99 percent of my (random, outside of a relationship) hookups have occurred while I was sober. I’ve experienced pure pleasure, unadulterated awkwardness, sheer disappointment, and un-obscured lust without being impaired of intoxicated in any way. Not that I think I’m a special snowflake because of this – I know this particular piece of my life’s narrative is far from unique. That said, we all know that alcohol is the backbone of most social interactions in college because — let’s be real — without it, most parties would resemble a lame middle school dance. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions, makes us a little (or a lot) more open to adventure, and, often times, provides an excuse for questionable behavior.

Seriously, I can’t keep track of the weekend recaps I’ve heard from my friends who got drunkface and did something with someone that they regret. Whether it’s hooking up with someone inappropriate and disgusting or merely hooking up with someone sooner than expected, alcohol was often the catalyst for Sunday morning woes of despair over brunch. There was recently an article posted on Jezebel that confirmed my suspicions that people often use alcohol as a (wobbly at best) crutch. College culture totally condones drunken sexual shenanigans, and while I don’t want to be all judgmental and conservative, I can’t help but find this trend alarming. Read More »

I think it’s safe to assume that after a few years of sexual activity, most people have a few “oh god” stories of bedroom disasters. These are the ones that make it into the “it doesn’t count” category. You know, when something happens that, you know, just shouldn’t have happened.

When you throw two naked and probably a little awkward (or drunk) young adults into a bed together, hilarity and embarrassing moments are sure to ensue. We’ve all experienced it, hell, we may have even been the perpetrators of some unappealing bedroom behavior.

So here it is, a list of the most frequently committed bedroom faux pas to be avoided by everyone. We all know accidents can happen, but let’s do our best to avoid them, shall we? Read More »

Here at CollegeCandy, we care what you have to say, and want to know what you’re interested in reading about. It was thanks to a comment last week that this article was finally born; special thanks to criolle johnny for the push.

Between my new-found love for feminism, my interest in volunteering at a local rape crisis center, and the incredibly offensive non-consent debacle on Jezebel, the idea and principle of consent has been in my head a lot lately. It turns out it’s not quite as easy as that “no means no” sheet they hand out in health class – there’s more to giving consent than just not saying no.

And that’s where enthusiastic consent comes in. It might sound “cheesy,” but it’s really just a simple way to ensure that the person you’re having sex with actually wants to be having sex with you. I think it’s fair to say that any decent human being wouldn’t want to inflict something sexual on someone who doesn’t want it. Rape is completely avoidable; just make the decision to gain consent before acting sexually. Easy, right?

What we want to avoid is the grey-area in sexuality that has the potential to leave one person feeling violated. We want to create situations where both parties aren’t just going through the motions, but are rather going into sexual activity with enthusiasm.

While it’s as easy as saying “don’t have sex with someone who hasn’t given their expressed and enthusiastic consent,” we have to take a look at what “expressed and enthusiastic consent” means. How do you know if someone really wants to participate in sexual activity with you?

Read More »

While tirelessly working on a PowerPoint presentation for my Foreign Policy class this past Friday, I was forwarded another slew of slides chock-full of facts, images, and evaluations. However, these were far from academic.

As I clicked a link in the email, I was led to an article detailing one Duke University female’s fake senior thesis, titled “An education beyond the classroom: excelling in the realm of horizontal academics.” Highlighting her late-night (and decently drunken) romps with several Duke athletes, the writer created slides with Facebook pictures of the men, followed by detailed (and rather defamatory) evaluations of their performances.

The fact that this girl slept with a few lacrosse and baseball players isn’t really an issue. I mean, it’s college even the dweeb who has the roley backpack gets lucky during his four years on campus. What’s wrong here is that this woman’s PowerPoint presentation was forwarded to a few friends, who forwarded it to a few other friends, and the thing went viral.

Welcome to the new generation of Kissing-and-Telling. Read More »

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer as she takes on a personal challenge. This month we’re standing behind Samantha and her quest to be man-free for 31 days.  She had a bit of a meltdown last week, so let’s see what this month has taught her.

Alright everyone. I owe you an apology. Last week’s article made no sense. Is she done? What happened? Did she mess up? Why is she crying? Just be? What does that mean?? This is really not very man-free!

True on all counts. I was under, let’s say, emotional duress while writing last week’s article. It was drama llamas all around, and there’s nothing more I hate than a drama llama. They just stand there, all high and mighty with their long necks and furry coats, staring down at you and then turning around like they’re disgusted with your actions…drama llamas, who needs em?

Anyway scratch what I said last week. Let’s talk about what happened this week!

Friday night my peer health internship was doing an event that we do twice each quarter called Snack Attack. It sounds a lot more fun than it actually is. Basically we (the interns) hand out little bags of animal crackers or pretzels to the drunken revelers in the streets around 1o PM on Friday night “to help them feel better in the morning if they choose to drink.”

Yeah, I know…

Nonetheless, you learn many things when looking at the meat market that is Friday night through sober eyes, my young grasshoppers. First of all, yes, your skirt IS TOO SHORT! And no, pulling it down every 3.5 steps DOES NOT HELP. Also, ladies, if you choose to fall at any point during your night out, please, please, do not make it in front of your college town’s uniformed finest while wearing the shortest, tightest dress and highest heels known to man. If you do, DO NOT attempt to be helped up by your drunk friend (who, in addition to her super-short dress and heels is wearing a walking boot – the kind you wear after breaking your foot!) who of course will proceed to fall ON TOP OF YOU. How you managed to not get arrested in beyond me. But I digress… Read More »

Regardless of what some of my readers might think of me, I don’t’ have a lot of experience with one-night stands. That’s a lie; I don’t have any experience with one-night stands. I don’t look down upon people who choose to do it (obviously, I write a frickin’ sex column), it’s just not something I’ve done myself.  But I’m a single lady with needs and like most other people my age, I have had an experience or two in dealing with the whole friends-with-benefits arrangement. Regardless of what people may say happens to women who have sex with people they aren’t dating, thus far I’ve come out unscathed and generally happy. Believe it or not, no-strings-attached sex doesn’t have to be emotionally damaging and self-image ruining. But that make or break point all comes down to one thing: respect.

A good rule of thumb is that whoever you’re having sex with — be it a boyfriend or a friend of yours, constantly ensure there’s a certain level of mutual respect. In following that rule myself, I’ve avoided a lot of really awkward situations and a lot of hurt feelings. But I’ve seen so many ladies in my life (and so many ladies that write for CC) both treat others and be treated like garbage after giving it up. And I gotta stand up and say that it ain’t right!

So many people point fingers at sexual activity as the reason for low self-esteem, but it’s not quite that simple. Even doin’ it, putting your clothes back on, and leaving right after can be a positive experience. It’s not about the sex, per se, it’s about how we feel we’ve been treated during the whole interaction.

As easy as the whole hook-up thing seems, once you’re in it, it turns out it’s pretty murky water to navigate through.  The NSA scene that’s been showing up everywhere horny young adults tend to congregate seems to have killed the part of college culture that encourages us to treat our sex partners with respect. Read More »

Was there anything more exhilarating, more energizing, more exciting than grilling a friend over AIM in 7th grade about what base she got to with her boyfriend?  Of course at that point, first base was getting matched up with a guy during an intensive game of M.A.S.H, second base was making out in the back row of a movie theater while your friends sitting next to you giggled, and third base was letting him feel your training bra over your shirt.

Nowadays things sure have changed. Replace an AIM sesh with a hungover brunch recap story and the movie theater make-out with a trip to the closest pharmacy for plan B. These are the bases redefined for our college years.

First Base – Everything is getting hot and heavy on the dance floor and the guy  (Matt? Brett? Pat?) you’ve been dancing with for the past hour suggests you step outside for some fresh air. And in this scenario “step outside for some fresh air” means let me suck your lips off on the front porch while we pretend like there’s not someone passed out in his own vomit next to us. Hands and tongues are flying everywhere and at some point you make the call that it’s totally appropriate to let him unhook your bra, just for a second, like a minute, okay…where is your bra? Read More »

[Everyone's got a morning after story and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we'll post it - anonymously, of course - right here!]

I was living at home for the summer and trying my damdest to survive. All of my friends were either still abroad or doing the internship thing in New York, so I had no one to hang out with besides my parents. And oftentimes they wouldn’t even hang out with me. So I did what any other bored 21-year-old would do – I got a boyfriend.

The kid wasn’t great, but he had some cool friends and he treated me well enough. If anything, it would be just right for 3 months and then we could go our separate ways come Fall. The only problem was, I found him horribly irritating when we were sober. He thought he was sooo funny (he wasn’t), soooo smart (maybe at Jeopardy trivia), and soooo perfect (which he could have been had he actually been funny or brilliant). That being said, most of our time together was spent at the bar. Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Hey there,

So. First semester last year this kid and I were kind of “what are you doing tonight” kind of friends, but I always got the feeling that he liked me. Second semester last year, I had drunken sex with him, which I felt bad about, because I had liked him and I felt like I ruined my chances. We continued hooking up that semester. At the end of the year he told me he liked me, but I didn’t take it seriously because he was drunk.

Last semester we were both abroad and didn’t talk. This semester he texted me for a few weeks trying to hang out, but I assumed that he just wanted to hook up. Then we ended up hanging out the other weekend- the first night we just talked for hours catching up and made out, he slept in my room and kissed me before he left the next morning. The next night we hung out too, and I told him I didn’t want to have sex, but otherwise it would have gone there. He told me he liked me again, but I didn’t really take it too seriously this time either because it could have been a “try to change her mind” kind of move. I awkwardly responded I liked him last year, and that I guess I still like him this year. I also told him that I don’t want to do the random hookup thing anymore.

The following week he texted me on Tuesday asking me to hang out for Thursday, which I said yes to. On Thursday, he asked me what I was doing, and told me that he was going to a party at someone’s apartment with friends. That’s it. Saturday night he told me to come pregame with him and his friends, but I had plans. He called me late that night and I didn’t answer. Read More »

A few weeks ago, one CollegeCandy writer asked if blackout mistakes should be forgiven. In a similar vain, earlier this week, a Princeton student asked if we are responsible for our choices when blacked out. More specifically, when a girl is raped while drunk, is it her fault?

Iulia Neagu, a freshman at Princeton, recently wrote about a(n ex) friend’s claim that she was raped while drunk.  Neagu said, in response to the question of whether or not the friend was responsible for her drunken actions:

“She knew what would happen if she started drinking. We all know that the more people drink, the less likely they are to make wise decisions. It is common sense. Therefore, the girl willingly got herself into a state in which she could not act rationally. This, in my opinion, is equivalent to agreeing to anything that might happen to her while in this state. In the case of our girl, this happened to be sex with a stranger.” Read More »