I had known Jon (name has been changed since I know homeboy reads this site) for a little over a year. Our entire relationship was based on drinking together; we met through a friend at a bar, exchanged numbers and quickly became one another’s drinking friends. You know, the one you call when you’re drunk at 10:30 on a Friday and looking for fun people to meet up with. Preferably with cute friends.

Our relationship was flirty and filled with sexual tension.
Yeah, from the moment we met I knew we would inevitably be taking a train to Sexy Town.

And so we did. Last weekend, after drinking one too many vodka sodas at a karaoke bar, I ended up at Jon’s apartment (after stumbling down the street and making a weird pit-stop at some stranger’s apartment who was entertaining 12 hippie friends with a 12-foot bong. Who knows?). Jon and I were talking in the living room and the next thing I knew we were making out on and our way to his bedroom. Read More »

One Friday night after a long week, a couple of friends who live in the next apartment complex threw a party. After getting all dolled up (and taking a few roomie shots), two of my roommates and I headed over with numerous handles of vodka, while the other two headed to a different shindig. Upon our arrival, my boyfriend met us there and all of us decided this was a night to get really, really drunk.

We started taking shots immediately as music blasted and the party got more and more crowded.  It was a small apartment with tons of people inside, making it hard to move around, so logically we just stayed put in the corner we were in… and continued to take shots…for a few hours. We eventually stumbled to another party where my boyfriend and I got separated from our friends and, feeling frisky, decided to just make our way back to my place for a little lovin’.

Things were goin’ well in the bedroom. And by well, I mean crazy. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve got a little too much booze running through your system. We were in the middle of a particularly acrobatic situation when my boyfriend, who I must have been relying on to hold me up, suddenly fell off the bed. Naturally, I went down with him, slamming my head on my dresser along the way. I hit the floor as a searing pain shot through my head and my ear felt like it was on fire. I couldn’t move. I layed there in the fetal position moaning as my boyfriend freaked out. Read More »

Hey! We can hear you!

You just spent 7 hours hunched over a laptop churning out a 12-page midterm paper. Your eyes are dry, your butt is aching from those wooden slabs they call chairs at your school, and the only thing you have on your schedule for this Thursday evening is catching up on some How I Met Your Mother on your DVR and a large bowl of Pad Thai. You slip into some sweats and curl up under a fleece blanket on the couch with a roommate and let the night of nothingness begin.

Two hours and a package of Soft N’ Chewy cookies later, your other roommate stumbles home with her boyfriend. They plop down on the couch next to you and start telling you about their night. Somewhere between their first beer and the tale of how her pizza fell on the ground, they start getting a little handsy. Soon, he’s running his hands through her hair and nibbling on her ear.

You roll your eyes at the other roommate and pray they’ll head back to her room soon so you can get back to Barney’s antics.

Finally, once Mr. Boyfriend’s hands start moving up your roommate’s skirt, she stands up and drags him to her room. When the door slams behind them, you breathe a sigh of relief that they are finally going to pass out, fire up the DVR and resume your regularly scheduled evening.

All is going well until you start fast-forwarding through some commercials. In the silence you hear laughter coming from the bedroom. It stops for a moment and then the Kings of Leon start flooding out from under the door. You brace yourself for what is sure to come next and turn the show back on, hoping it will drown out the sounds. But it only gets worse.

First it’s a moan.
Then some thumping.
More moaning. Read More »

It’s true what they say. Tequila really does make your clothes fall off. But a new study says that 50% of women actually prefer a tequila-induced night of passion rather than the regular, old Sober Sally encounter. Apparently, sober sex is so 1999.

The FemFresh Company questioned 3,000 British women and found that almost half of them actually enjoyed sex under the influence, and 75% of women said they at least like to have a glass of wine or two before performing the horizontal tango. The most shocking statistic of them all: one in 20 women has never, yes never, had sober sex.

While the perks (and normality) of sober sex are boundless, I have to say I do see why some people actually prefer a boozy night of lovemaking.

First of all, not only is a stiff gin and tonic a social lubricant, but it also gets the sexual engines all revved up. After a few drinks you might find yourself mentally undressing the bartender and not-so-slyly slipping him your number and a winky face on a napkin. Suddenly, the urge to shake your hips like Shakira takes over and has become your mating call to those around you. At least in your mind. Read More »

So you’re on your way to Sexy Town with your boy. There is heavy petting, clothes are flying around the room and you’re reeling to go when – oh no – he can’t…do it. He keeps trying to get things working, but it’s too late. The moment (and erection) is lost.

He’s embarrassed and, if you’re anything like me, you’re confused. Is it something you did? Something you said? The way you look? WTF?

Why does this happen? And how often? Is it him or you? More importantly, is it permanent?! There are so many questions and only one person who can answer them: the boy. But it’s not like you’re going to turn to him after his moment of defeat and ask, “What’s the deal with Mr. Limpy?” So, I got the next best thing: my favorite dude. Read More »

According to a recent study of 1,580 Australian men (ugh, the best kind), drinking alcohol might actually help a guy out in the sack.

I know! I’m shocked too.

I don’t know about you ladies, but from my experience, getting it on with a drunk guy has always been devoid of satisfaction. Either the  guy is done and snoring after 3.5 seconds, or he’s still going (and going and going) without much success long after I’ve lost interest. And then there was that time he puked…

But science is science and this study shows that 30% of men who drank had fewer problems during sex. Even those obnoxious belligerent drunks had less problems with E.D.

Have I been hooking up with the wrong guys, or what!?

I guess it all makes sense, though; I know alcohol always makes me feel a little more adventurous in bed. God knows I wouldn’t end up in a handstand during sex if I were sober. Hell, I wouldn’t even have sex with the lights on if alcohol weren’t involved.

I guess offering guys just one more beer before heading home for a romp session is the best way to guarantee some pleasure. In fact, maybe I should keep a little beer stocked in the mini fridge next to my bed. You can never be too prepared.

Alcohol is my oyster. It is my aphrodisiac. It turns me on. It makes me want to hump anything on two legs (and the occasional wall). Give me a few Vodka/Soda’s and I am like a frat boy in heat.

Grrr.

That means that, against my better judgment, I often let my loins do the talkin’ and follow them wherever (and with whomever) they decide. And usually they decide to head home for a little intoxicated fun. Unless they are over-ruled by my belly, in which case we make a pit-stop for breadsticks en route to the fun.

And fun we have.

But drunk sex isn’t all “Ooo”s, “Ahhh”s, and “OH MY GOD!”s… Yes, there are some downsides to these late night trysts. If you are one to think before you act (unlike me and my unruly libido), you may want to consider some of the pros and cons to Not-So-Sober Sex before you head home with a gent.

Pro: Your inhibitions go out the window.

Con: Your ability to tell if someone is really attractive goes out the window.

Pro: It feels (so) good

Con: The motion of the ocean might make you hurl

Pro: You try a bunch of crazy sh*t

Con: You try (and fail at) a bunch of crazy sh*t. Read More »