Drink up, little lady. It's gonna be a long and awkward night.

Thanksgiving is a-comin’, ladies! Time for some turkey, stuffing (my absolute favorite treat on earth) and reuniting with all your old home friends. Oh, and hopefully a major shopping spree with mom. Is there any other reason to come home?

For those of you lucky ladies who are finally 21 (or those of you with a really good fake), Thanksgiving also means taking part in the biggest bar night of the year! I remember my first Wednesday-Before-Thanksgiving bar experience…at least until I blacked out due to the extreme levels of awkwardness and puked in my parents’ house.

Try explaining that one to dad when he finds you passed out next to the toilet the following morning.

Anyways, being that it is the biggest bar night of the year, there are so many things to know! And, being that I have been doing it for a little while now, I feel I am the perfect person to enlighten you on what to expect and how to deal.

What to Expect: Running into people you never liked and still don’t like.

How to Deal: I tend to hightail it to the bar, but if you don’t want to end up looking up at your dad from the tile floor the next morning, perhaps playing nice is a good idea. You know; pretend to care what they have to say, tell them how good they look and politely bow out when you (pretend to) see a friend across the room.

What to Expect: Saying the same things over (and over and over) again.

How to Deal: I recommend printing a t-shirt that includes the following information: what school you go to, what (if any) sorority you are in, and an acknowledgment to the fact that you gained/lost weight. When you realize that these are the topics discussed all freaking night long you will thank me.

What to Expect: Awkwardly running into people you haven’t called back since you have been so busy doin’ your thang at school.

How to Deal: Is avoidance an option? If so, I recommend the duck and cover. If this is not an option (because ducking under the nearest table would cause quite a scene/you opted to wear a dress) turning the blame on the other person is always best. Approach them with intention and ask them why they don’t return your calls, explain that you have been tirelessly trying to reach them and it is so crazy that you can’t seem to connect. Make them feel guilty. Works like a charm.

What to Expect: The realization that a DD is necessary.

How to Deal: Make sure you don’t have a car available to you. Blame your parents, your siblings, or a dead battery; anything so you don’t have to be the sober one in the sea of awkward interactions. Trust me when I say that it is nearly impossible to get through this night without booze.

What to Expect: The realization that there is literally no late night food…especially in the form of delivery.

How to Deal: Those suburbs just don’t cater to the hungry-after-2am crowd. Pray for some Totino’s Pizza Rolls in mom’s freezer. Or some delicious leftovers. Do not – under any circumstances – dig into the pumpkin pie reserved for the following day. It is not worth that look of disappointment on mom’s face when she has nothing to serve for dessert.

Now you know and – as G.I. Joe once said – knowing is half the battle. The other half, of course, is finding the perfect outfit.

Every week I make a list. Not a grocery list or a to-do list…or that list, because I don’t really do groceries (there is a reason why they deliver pizza) and to-do lists are totally not my scene (if such a scene even exists) and, unfortunately, I haven’t added to that list in quite awhile.

No, this list is a top ten-style countdown about the hard-hitting issues, like which mash-ups are the best ever or which apps rock my world.

This week I’m focusing on the “click click flash” that consumes your weekend. You go out, someone inevitably breaks out the camera (every 4 minutes) and you start posing like you’re ready for the cover of Nylon. Great idea, but these pictures are going to end up on Facebook for the world to see the next day when you’re sober. Oof. And with today’s technology, you might be even caught in real time.

Who’s guilty?
Actually, who isn’t?

10. Self indulgent “Take one of just meeeee!”

You always think this one is a great idea. I’ll tell you something your friends (especially the one taking this photo) never will: it’s not a good idea. I promise you, it never is.

9. Drinking game picture

Congrats bro, you won a binge drinking game. Super rad!

8. Drunken girl-on-girl makeout

Your boyfriend? Not gonna be thrilled. Ok, so maybe he will, but did you forget that your great Aunt Frances is your FB friend?

7. Mirror Myspace look

Looking good with a giant flash obscuring you. Classic.

6. Obscene gesture… or action.

That’ll help you land your dream job.
Oh, and not looking at the camera does not make this photo look more natural or classy.

5. Passed out with Sharpie in your face

If you have one of these, your friends are jerks. If you have more than one of these, you seriously need help.

4. Drunken Photobooth?

Just, why? Was there really nothing better to do while you were buzzin’?

3. Nonfunctional drunkenness

Another big, fat “why?” How is this attractive? And who was the jerk who took this picture? And freaking sent it to all your friends? But, seriously, why did you decide to lay right there?

2. Pregaming

Since when is drinking in a tiny dorm room scrapbook material?

1. Pouty face, Peace sign

Overplayed.
ENOUGH SAID.

"I love beer....er... I mean you. I love you."

It’s pretty obvious that couples who share interests get along better. But what about vices? Does a love of trashy reality TV or boozing it up on the weekends make for a stronger pair? Yes, according to a study done by the University of Buffalo. In fact, the happiest couples of all are those with a shared love of hitting the bottle.

Basically, the couple who boozes together, cruises together.

That’s great news to us college students who love drinking almost as much as dating (okay, maybe we love it a little more). But now combining the two is a good thing? This is heaven to our horny, drunk ears. And, when you think about it, it all makes perfect sense:

Alcohol eases tension. What do we all do when we’re having a bad day/fuming mad? Yes, we pour ourselves a drink (then eat a brownie) and suddenly everything feels better. So obviously fights go away quicker in relationships when both couples love a little booze. You start fighting, you start drinking and soon no one remembers what you were fighting about in the first place.

Alcohol makes us tolerant. People are 50 times less annoying when we have a buzz on. The way he chomps on his food may drive you up the wall normally, but with some alcohol in our systems, those little pet peeves aren’t nearly as annoying. They might even be kinda cute (see #5 below).

Alcohol lets us kick back. It’s a known fact that happy couples have to take time to enjoy each other. When the couple is our age we do it a little more often than married couples, but it doesn’t make it any less important. Being able to let loose and have fun together is a vital part of any relationship, and what’s more fun than Jager bombs and a little Miley Cyrus dance party at the bar?

Alcohol makes us friendly. When you’re with someone, you’re with more than just them. And it’s not always easy to get along with everyone in your sig other’s life. But when alcohol’s involved, it’s smooth (drunken) sailing. You love anyone and everyone when you’ve had a few drinks and that includes his annoying fratty friends, his mother, his ex-girlfriend who doesn’t stop calling, and him (even after he forgot your birthday…for the 2nd year in a row).

Alcohol makes us horny. Alcohol not only increases libido, but it increases stamina, too. That means longer and more passionate sex. And that means a much happier couple. Duh.

I hate you, Jack Daniel.

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – yes, even that – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I don’t know if you’ll know this but I was wondering if you had any advice for curing a hangover? I always feel super crappy for days after a long night out and I don’t know what I can do to feel better. I drink a lot of water and try to get a lot of sleep but nothing helps!

You know bodies – do you have any ideas?

A: Oh, I hear you. We’ve all been there. Unfortunately, there is no magic home remedy (although I can tell you that hungover medical students have been known to hook themselves up to bags of IV fluid, which I’ve been told works wonders!).  To some degree, a hangover is just par for the course – one of those lessons the Universe likes to teach us to keep us out of trouble. But assuming the deed is done, what can you do to minimize your suffering? Here are a few tips:

1. If you’re conscious enough in the midst of your drinking binge, make sure to alternate your alcoholic beverages with non-alcoholic ones to help your body stay hydrated in the presence of such a strong dehydrator.
2. After you’ve thrown up in the cab and rid yourself of any strays who might have followed you home, down a very large glass of Gatorade, which can help replace the electrolytes you’ve lost. If you can keep it down, chug two or three glasses.
3. Avoid caffeine. Coffee will not help sober you up. It will just make you a jittery, nervous drunk. Because it also dehydrates you, it will only worsen your hangover.
4. Although people may tell you to take two aspirin or a dose of Tylenol before you hit the hay, both can cause more harm than good. Aspirin can irritate the stomach and make you more likely to wind up praying to the porcelain gods. And Tylenol can be toxic to the liver, which is likely busy trying to break down alcohol. Try some extra B vitamins instead.
5. Sleep in.  Call in sick if you must. Your body needs rest to repair itself.
6. Forget the hair-of-the-dog advice. Unless you’re an alcoholic in the midst of withdrawing (in which case you’ve got bigger problems and need help), a little nip of alcohol in the morning is likely to just prolong the agony.  Try a virgin Bloody Mary instead.
7. Get something into your stomach in the morning, even if you don’t feel like eating. Your stomach gets pretty beat up when you’re binging, and food helps to coat it.
8. Take ibuprofen or naproxen in the morning to fight off your headache. You tummy will likely have settled down by then and can handle the medication. Take it with food so it doesn’t sit on an empty stomach.
9. Take a shower. It’s likely to perk you up and get the stink off you.
10. If you can stand it, get outside and move your body. It gets your blood flowing and provides welcome endorphins to help you fight the after-effects of too much booze.

Keep in mind that hangovers are our body’s way of responding to an overdose. Because our livers can’t keep up with the alcohol we put in, the whole body rebels. Do your body a favor and stave off hangovers the best way – prevention.

–Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

You start off with a few rum and Diets at home before heading to the house party. You couldn’t possibly walk in sober and who knows how much access you’ll have to booze once you get inside? You’re sipping on your last pre-drink when your friends are finally ready to go, so you chug it and follow them out.

Upon arriving, you say your hellos and shove your way through the crowd to the keg parked in the backyard. You fill your blue Solo cup (“What? They make these things in blue!?”) then meet back up with your friends. You sip, you chat, then you wave your hand violently in the air when the party host asks who’s up for a game of flip cup.

You take your spot at the table, strategically placing yourself next to the very cute boy who lives there. You do a few practice flips, wet the table in front of you a bit for more cup traction and get ready for the game to start.

Seven rounds later, your team is victorious, you and your boy-toy are hugging it out and you’re feeling less than steady. Ok, so you’re drunk, but it’s good drunk. Perfect drunk. The kind that will easily take you through the rest of the night but still leave you feeling a-OK in the morning.

As you begin to walk away from the table to find your friends, the cute boy grabs you.

“Wanna take a shot?” He asks.

“Obvi,” you answer, smitten.

You follow him up to his room where he’s got a bottle of Jameson sitting on top of his mini fridge. As you stand there swaying in your stilettos, your stomach starts churning. You know good and well that you don’t need another shot – especially when it’s brown poison – but you can’t back out now. You don’t want to look like some baby who can’t handle a stupid shot. And you want to make out with him.

The boy grabs two shot glasses from his desk (that undoubtedly haven’t been cleaned since the last time he used them) and starts pouring.

This is a bad idea.
A terrible idea.
This is gonna be ugly.
This night will not end well.

He turns to you. You smile nervously as he hands you your Senor Frogs shot glass.

“Cheers,” he says, raising his Spring Break 2008 double shot glass in the air.

“Cheers,” you reply, silently praying to God that you don’t puke on his carpet.

You throw it back quickly and instantly begin an internal battle with your gag reflex. “Stay down, stay down, stay down….” you tell yourself as you wipe the spillage off your chin. Your throat is burning and your stomach is not happy. But you don’t show it. You smile and joke around with the boy, all the time hoping and praying that Mr. Jameson doesn’t send you over the edge.

You’re doing fine, spitting some serious game, when the shot finally hits you. Suddenly, you’re seeing double and the room is spinning. You have no idea what the boy is saying. You can’t stand up.

“Oh God,” you think to yourself. “This isn’t good. Need water. Need air. I’m gonna be sick. Why did I take that shot? Please God, let me just get through this and I promise I’ll be better next time. Please.”

You excuse yourself to go find your friends, walking into the door on your way out. You grasp the wall on your way down the stairs. “This is bad, this is bad, this is bad,” you tell yourself. When you reach the bottom (safely, thank God), you attempt to find your friends, but it’s nearly impossible to stand let alone navigate through a room of sweaty people grinding. Instead, you take off your shoes, head out of the house and stumble home.

Yeah, we’ve all been there. Over the edge. No turning back. But who’s gonna turn down a free shot?
Not this guy.

We all come into college fearing that we won’t make a single friend our freshman year. So I patted myself on the back when I found a group of girlfriends that I fit in with right away. But I realized that these were new friends and could change their mind about me at any minute with no remorse, so I was always sure to be on my best behavior.

One night, we had all gone to dinner at our on-campus bar and restaurant. We were with a few older guys and they were sneaking us beer after beer, and it wasn’t long before I realized that I was three sheets (and 6 beers) to the wind. Doing my best to hold my ground and act like I wasn’t starting to feel that buffalo chicken sandwich churning in my stomach, my friends were surprised when I asked them to accompany me to the bathroom with a look of urgency in my eyes.

Three of us gathered around the tiny stall as I proceeded to barf up my entire meal and then some. They followed the standard friend protocol, holding my hair back and rubbing my back. Little did they know what they were about to witness.

I had flushed the toilet for a final time, and my friends breathed a sigh of relief, hoping the worst was over. My one friend was about to run back to the restaurant and get me a glass of water but was stopped dead in her tracks when she saw my next drunken move. Without a second thought, I had scooped my hand into the toilet bowl and begun cupping the water into my mouth. Yes, I was chugging toilet water.

They all started gagging and screaming at me to stop, but I insisted that it was OK because: “I do this all time. All my friends drink from the toilet at home!” So they let me quench my thirst right there at the porcelain toilet, cleaned me up and took me home.

The next morning, they replayed the entire scenario for me as I was a little hazy on the night’s events. I was appalled. Sadly enough, I have no idea why I said I drink toilet water all the time. To the best of my knowledge, I stick pretty religiously to the Brita and have never desired a cold glass of fresh toilet bowl water.

So on that fateful morning, I not only had to fear that my newfound friends were going to erase my number from their phonebooks, but I also had to face facts that there’s a possibility I have been drinking from the toilet while blacked-out for years now. Devastating.

College. Sigh. It’s unlike any other time in your life. It has its own set of rules, its own unique circumstances. And it’s not always easy to navigate. Enter…me! Every week I’ll be tackling your questions about college. From classes to keggers, I’ll do my best to respond and be your Pez dispenser of collegiate wisdom.

Got questions? Hit me up in the comments or shoot me an email at melanie@collegecandy.com

Here’s a question: How do I pick my Major? So many options its ridiculous. – Kate
Very true, and I’ve tried them all. Business. English. Human Services. Journalism. True story, I’ve changed my major four times. Trying everything is my recommendation. I personally had a difficult time in the business program because I was unable to explore all the different classes my school had to offer. Switching to Arts and Sciences let me try out sociology, psychology, communications and still pick up some business classes.

You have to do what feels right for you and don’t sweat your career too much along the way. Some of the smartest people I know have the most obscure undergrad degrees. It’s why we have graduate school. Talk to people who have careers that interest you, find out what they majored in and settle into a track that feels best for you. If you do what you love, money and success will follow.

How do I meet cool friends without getting involved in Greek Life?
Yes, some schools are crazy about being Greek (and announcing their affiliation via letters plastered across their boobs and butts).  It’s not for everyone, though. If you’re on a college campus chances are there are tons of activities and outlets to meet people. Love to draw? Join the art club to find others who share your passion for Crayola crayons. Want to meet people and get sweaty? Club and intramural sports. Political science major? Student government. Get involved and you’ll meet people who share your passions. Even if it’s for Rock Paper Scissors.

OH. MY. GOD. My roommate is a SLOB. What do I do?!
Pick your battles with your roomie. If it’s something minor that you can get over, maybe make a joke about it. If it’s something big, have a conversation with her. The best thing you can do is keep open communication with your roommate, even if it’s sparingly. Chances are, she has no idea that her weird behavior even annoys you. If you gently tell her to refrain from singing while she does her homework, clean up her shiz and don’t mack it with her boyfriend while you’re sleeping mere feet away – if she’s a good roommate, she’ll respect you. If it gets out of hand, have a chat with someone in Res Life.

My teacher doesn’t take attendance! Nice! That means I can skip, right?
No. Unless it’s really important. Or you’re really hungover. Which brings me to…

It’s okay to drink during the week, right?
If you get your work done, by all means. Booze it up on a Monday if you must. If alch starts to interfere with your academics, relationships and health? Re-evaluate. College life should be fun and full of ridiculous nights captured only in blurry iPhone pictures, but that doesn’t have to be every night. And it most definitely should not get in the way of your academic success.

Every college student’s Saturday schedule is more or less the same: Waste half the day by sleeping until an inappropriately late hour. Stuff your face at the dining hall. Meet the girls for a pregaming/get-ready session and then roll with the punches as you walk out into the night, flask in hand.

While you never really know what the night has in store (except that you’re sure to wake up to embarrassing photos, unidentified bruises and amazing stories), there is a general progression of things, is there not?

The guys over at The Ultimate Hatelist made a little man graph, documenting the progression of activities on a typical Saturday night as one’s blood alcohol level increases.

And it got us thinking; we girls definitely have our own succession of events that come at distinct points as our BAC ticks upwards. While every night out is unique in it’s own way, we find comfort in knowing that the general sequence of events will always remain the same. No matter how sloppy we get.

"Whew! Thank God I took those 5 shots last night."

In the words of Betsy from ABC Family’s Greek, “I don’t go to the gym five days a week for my health!” Could it be the drinking, Betsy?

According to a recently published study in the September/October issue of the American Journal of Health Promotion, those who are more likely to drink are also more likely to drag themselves to the gym (hungover or otherwise). Lead author Michael French, Ph. D says that “Alcohol users not only exercised more than abstainers, but the differential actually increased with more drinking.”

I knew drinking was good for my health! Take that, mom!

And it only gets better. The study showed that the more that women drank, the more time they spent exercising each week, on average. Light drinkers apparently exercised for 5.7 more minutes per week, moderate drinkers 10.1 minutes, and heavy drinkers (college students?) 19.9 minutes more per week. Yup, the study showed that women who drink were 10.1% more likely to engage in vigorous exercise (both in and out of the bedroom. Heyoooo).

But the study’s author was quick to say loud and clear that the heath risks associated with heavy drinking outweigh the benefits of more exercise. Boo(ze)!

As college women it makes a little more sense that we would have the time and motivation to exercise hard and party hard. But the study still begs the WTF about why the relationship between heavy drinking and regular exercise exists for women. Are we compensating for extra calories? Doing it out of guilt? Or are girls who choose to socialize in situations with alcohol more likely to enjoy exercise or the gym due to the social aspect of it? Do girls who like to stay in shape respond more to social pressures telling them to have a tight body and to drink heavily? Does this mean that non-drinkers are that much less likely to exercise? And who is healthier in the long-run, the active drunks or the sober slugs?

Either way, I’m not giving up my Friday runs: that 3-miler in the morning, or the one of the vodka variety later that night.

Journal reference:

1. French MT, Popovici I, Maclean JC. Do alcohol consumers exercise more? Findings from a national survey. American Journal of Health Promotion, 24(1), 2009

"And that, my little freshmen, is why that boy didn't call you back."

College. Sigh. It’s unlike any other time in your life. It has its own set of rules, it’s own unique circumstances. And it’s not always easy to navigate. Enter…me! Every week I’ll be tackling your questions about college. From classes to keggers, I’ll do my best to respond and be your Pez dispenser of collegiate wisdom.

1. How do I avoid that sneaky Freshman 15?
The most obvious answer is don’t drink. Drinking adds those extra calories that you didn’t have in high school, not to mention the drunk munchies. Who hasn’t gone to bed at 4 AM on a Thursday spooning a box of Lucky Charms? Leaving behind sports teams in high school and replacing field hockey practice with marathon drinking is a surefire way to pack on the pounds. Weekday drinking is probably the number one contributor to the Freshie 15, in addition the dining hall, the University equivalent of an all you can eat buffet in Vegas. Think about it. Not ready to give up drinking on Tuesdays or the tater tots at the dining hall? Utilize that gym on campus, join an intramural team and try to stay on a good sleeping schedule.

2. That guy that I hooked up with drunkenly at a party isn’t calling me?! What gives?
Pick and choose your reason(s):
- You were so blacked out you had a penis drawn on your face while you were making out with him. In front of all his friends. First impressions last.
- He has a girlfriend
- It’s a little awksauce calling someone after a sloppy hook up
- He doesn’t remember hooking up with you

Drunken hookups happen. Just because you kissed some guy in a bar doesn’t mean you’re dating. Just because he calls you to “hang out” only when he’s drunk doesn’t mean he’s your boyfriend. Welcome to the wonderful world of college guys.

3. How much studying is enough?
The rule of thumb is you study nightly three times the length of your class. So, if your class is 45 minutes, you study a little over two hours. Well, in a perfect world, at least. But this is college; life, drinking and Top Model sometimes get in the way of academics. I’m not suggesting that you skirt around your academic responsibilities, your primary focus in college should be studying. However, if you don’t do all the reading for class the next day, it’s not the end of the world. Just put in those extra hours you skipped when midterms and finals roll around.

4. I’m totally crushing on my professor, what do I do?
Ogle him in class. That’s it. I promise you, nothing good comes of a student/professor hook up. Except an “A.” Kidding. Kinda.

5. I’m failing a class… help!
Talk to your professor, they’re there to help you. The worst thing you can do is put off getting help in a class until the last minute. When you’re struggling with a subject and constantly putting in the effort, showing up to office hours and doing everything you can to pull your grade up, professors are more than likely to help you out. They want to see you succeed! They don’t want you to write a page-long explanation on the back of your final exam detailing why you did so poorly. They will not take pity on you at that point. Trust me. I’ve been there. And I got a D.

[Got a question you want answered? Leave it here in the comments or shoot me an email at Melanie@CollegeCandy.com!]