Let me take you back to a simpler time: my sophomore year of college. I had recently been dumped by my longtime boyfriend, and after about a month of taking solace in Half Baked and Friends reruns, I was finally ready to put myself on the market again.

I went to a party with my friends and proceeded to get drunker than I had been since my senior prom. A few hours and several sketchy mixed drinks later, a curly-haired boy started dancing with me. He wasn’t exactly my type, but since I was on the rebound and, let’s face it, not exactly in the best position to be making decisions, I went with it. I had never randomly hooked up with someone I had met at a party before, but I was convinced that doing that tonight would make me forget all about what’s-his-face.

After an indeterminate amount of time, Curly told me he was leaving. “Okay!” I yelled.

“The thing is, I want you to come with me,” he delicately screamed over the dulcet sounds of Lil John and the Eastside Boyz’s “Get Low.”

“Okay!” I yelled again. Read More »

I need more tissue.

Newsflash: No one likes to be dumped. It’s the ultimate feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and just not good enough.

Welcome to the last month of my life. After spending the last year hoping to do so, I finally reconnected with my high school sweetheart — someone I had tons of history with and who knows me better than anyone. After many, many ups and downs, it turns out that college life (even when it was the summer) was just not conducive to our relationship. I could sugar coat it saying that “we broke up,” but the truth is that I was dumped. Ouch.

At this point I should probably clarify that I’m not hating on this guy (or even angry), especially since his reasons for ending it were completely justified. That being said, losing the person you’re closest to is just not an easy thing to do. Not only are you losing what you had in the relationship, but oftentimes you could be losing a best friend as well.

So what do you do? As much as it might feel like your world is ending, spending more that 3 days in your pajamas on the couch watching P.S. I Love You calls for a heartbreak intervention. While the sting of being relationship sh*t-canned will stick around for a little while, it’s important to get back on your feet. I hope these tips will help.

Don’t play the blame game. While it’s really easy to start hating on the SOB who broke your heart, it’s important to remember that relationships often end. Unless your man cheated on you (in which case, I hope you dumped his ass), the breakup is quite possibly nobody’s “fault.” Chances are that you’ve both made some mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and for sure nobody is perfect in a relationship. As much as it sucks, sometimes things just don’t work out. Read More »

"I'm sorry, but all this crying is really a turn-off."

Okay, when it comes to relationships, we all know what not to do (despite the fact that when the time comes we often throw these notions out the window and become clingy, head over heels, I’m-going-to-talk-to-you-in-a-baby-voice, psycho GFs). And if we don’t, well, YourTango asked a guy to break it all down for us and explain just why guys dump us.

The list wasn’t groundbreaking (I mean, who wouldn’t break up with someone who never listens?), but it got me thinking about the reasons we ladies dump the dudes. Sure, everyone has their own specific reasons sometimes – like my friend who discovered her BF trying on her underwear… – but there are some pretty basic male tendencies that will get any guy kicked to the curb:  Read More »

No one said breaking up was easy. And either way – whether you are the one dumping, or the dumpee – your position sucks. So you would think that the one who is calling it quits would at least be a little bit sympathetic, gentle with their words, something!

I’m not talking about a five-hour explanation, optional break-up sex and some goodbye gifts, either. I’m just saying, I don’t know, maybe waiting until after Jessica’s birthday, Tony Romo? Maybe not ruining the one day a year that belongs to her for life? Maybe letting her enjoy the giant birthday bash she planned before packing up her things and FedExing them to her house?

You do have a heart, right, Tony?! RIGHT?! Read More »

[Read the first part of this blog HERE]

I wasn’t planning to go to the prom. With no date and a recent heartbreak, what was the point? Instead, I was going to dress up and have dinner with some single friends. Except… at dinner, one of my friends and I decided that we kind of wanted to go to the prom after all.

The only problem was that it seemed impossible—you needed to have a ticket to get in, and tickets had been selling all week for $50/pair. Advance tickets were the only tickets, and you couldn’t buy them at the door.

My friend and I complained to each other about how $50/pair was an exorbitant price for prom tickets (something I still believe). “Screw that,” she said. “Let’s just sneak in.” Read More »

It’s comforting to know, judging by the results of a recent CC poll, that I’m not the only girl on Earth who had a horrible time at her high school prom. Actually, until I came across the poll, I had kind of forgotten about just how horrible it was. Now I remember every gritty detail again, though, so I’m going to share what happened in an attempt at therapy.

I was a late bloomer, and I didn’t have my first boyfriend until sophomore year of high school. Let’s call him Eric. Eric was a freshman when I was a sophomore, but we were in the same German class. After several weeks of elaborate and awkward courtship, Eric finally asked me to see a movie with him, and our relationship began. Neither one of us was the flaky type, so it lasted a pretty long time—almost two full years, until I was a senior. Until, to be precise, just a couple of months before my senior prom.

As you might imagine, I was crushed when he dumped me (over instant messenger—on the night before finals!). I’m ashamed to say that I walked around for weeks being weepy and really dramatic, but my friends were a great help, especially my best friend. Or so I thought, at first. Read More »

I consider myself to be a female of average to above-average intelligence. I can effortlessly pump out research papers, calculate how much I can spend on eBay without overdrawing from my bank account and I can even pronounce and use words like “ubiquitous” and “ostentatious” in daily conversations.

I never thought that my innate intellectual prowess was affecting anything but my ability to make the Dean’s list. According to one Lisa Daily, though, I might be wrong. Being a smart and sexy female comes with its own catalog of setbacks, including the inability to find a man to love for life.

Basically, according to this article from the author of “Stop Getting Dumped: All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry ‘The One’ in 3 years or less”, smart chicks are less likely than their dense counterparts to snag a marriage license (and the man to go with it). Studies conducted in both Britain and the U.S. showed the same ludicrous results: the higher the woman’s IQ, the lower her marriage prospects.

Wait, what?! You mean, men don’t want women who can actually hold a real conversation about real issues? No freakin way. Read More »

Remember that LDR that I’m sooo into? And remember how I talked about how life was continuously shatting in my face but I was working on loving myself despite the crap?

Well, apparently life hasn’t stopped piling on the sh*t, because last night I was dumped by my LDR. Cool, huh? That’s what I said.

But f*ck it, it’s the weekend! I say forget the life dump and decide to dump your life in favor of a f*cking good time!

So here, I provide you with my Break-Up Survival Kit, so you can get back on your feet and back into the bar!

1)Chamomile Tea Bags- Soak them in some cold water, squeeze them out and place them over your puffy eyes. Do this a few times and your eyes are guaranteed not to look as swollen as they were last night. Plus, the smell is rather soothing as well! Double duty.

2)Your Possee- You need your support system. So call until they pick up and then wail and wail and wail. They will understand that you need them. Then tell them that tomorrow they must drag you out to a bar for a girls night. You might even score a few free drinks! Love the ladies!

4)Your drug of choice- If you feel it coming (like I did, I have great intution) get a little drunk first. Yes, it will make you more emotional and probably more irrational but who the hell isn’t both of things when you’re getting broken up with anyways. Read More »

I was watching The Pick-up Artist marathon yesterday. (BTW, congratulations on winning, “Kosmo,” who seems as though he’s actually a struggling actor rather than a struggling smooth talker. Whatever he is, I’m sure he’ll be snagging all the hot women now that he’s rolling with this guy.)

Anyway, my ears perked up when one of the contestants stumbled over to a table of women and basically said, in between the stuttering and awkward silences,

“So I have this friend, and he’s dating this girl, and she found a shoe box under his bed full of pictures of his ex, and now she’s really pissed. What’s up with that?”

Let’s ignore how obnoxious it is when a strange guy interrupts your conversation at a bar to “open a set” as Mystery so maturely defines it. Snooping is not the least bit uncommon. We’ve all done it…right? So, the question is – is it wrong, or is it smart? Read More »