Getting dumped sucks. The only thing worse is getting dumped with some vague, cliché breakup line. You know the kind – they’re sugar coated, indirect, and straight from a Friends rerun. We can thank TV and movies for offering a plethora of lame excuses to the male population to recycle over and over again instead of offering us the real reason why they are ending our perfect romance.

Sound familiar? Luckily, these lines can be decoded, so grab that pint of Phish Food and read on for some clarity.

You’re Too Good For Me

Translation: I’m Too Good For You
He thinks he deserves someone better and is attempting to slip out of the relationship without having to do too much damage control. Whether or not he really means it, you probably are too good for him. Read More »

Last week, my male friend over at COED Magazine shared his thoughts on how we ladies handle life after a break up. And let me just say, I haven’t LOLed that hard since the first time I watched this. (OMG. Just watched it again. HILARIOUS.)

It’s just so amusing to think about how little guys know about us (Note: I’m sure it was just as ROTFL-worthy for Paul when he read my thoughts on guys after a break-up); how they think we just bounce right back, better than ever, immediately following “the talk.” I mean, that’s not a bad thing. Their assumptions are way less disturbing (and pathetic) than the reality for most of us.

A reality which I’m about to lay out, in all it’s honest glory.

So let’s break down some walls and let it all hang out:

Read More »

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

The aftermath of my most recent break-up was all at once depressing and pathetic. Like, beyond the most depressing and pathetic Lifetime movie that you’ve ever seen. (And I can say that with certainty since I watched every single one on a particularly dark Saturday-somehow-turned-Monday-and-I-haven’t-left-my-bed-in-36-hours moment of darkness.) It was depressing because everything I did and saw and watched and thought about reminded me of him. Pathetic because I spent days on end crying over my computer as Dave Matthews blasted from the speakers, stalking his FB page and the FB pages of every single girl who showed up in his pics/commented on his Wall;  and constantly returned home from class or work or a run, certain he’d be waiting for me on my porch with a dozen hydrangeas in his arms and a sheepish “I’m so, so sorry” look on his face. (Did I mention I’d make excuses to leave the house just so I could come home and discover him there? Yeah, I blame it on all those Lifetime movies.) Read More »

I never thought I’d have to choose between my best friend and my boyfriend. Never.

I’m not even sure how I get into the situation in the first place. When I first met my boyfriend during class, I immediately wanted my best friend to meet him. You know how it is. You want your girl’s seal of approval! So we got dinner one day, all three of us, and even though he was kind of nervous, it went well. She liked him! I was ecstatic and so we continued seeing each other and I was happy. Blissfully happy.

However, as time passed, a rift started to grow between my best friend and my boyfriend. Sometimes, when we all hung out, it kind of became a competition for my time. Of course my best friend wanted to hang out, but so did my boyfriend. I did my best, of course. I’d make it so all of us hung out together, or I’d set apart time just for me and him to spend together.

I’d started to notice, though, that my best friend and boyfriend got into little arguments here and there. They were never about anything important, but they were always bickering about something. She would say something that offended him and then he would say something back that offended her. I always just let them duke it out because I didn’t think anything of it. But one day my best friend expressed that she really didn’t like my boyfriend. She said she didn’t understand why they always got into little debates and arguments about really stupid things. Then she said she didn’t want to hang out with him anymore. Read More »

Question?! Answer. Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
What’s up!? I love your column; I always find myself in line with your advice and generally agreeing.  Well, now I have my own situation and I have never been good at giving myself advice or seeing my own situation clearly so here goes. Tell it to me like it is:

Ten months ago I met the best guy I have ever been with. After a first “date” and a visit from him, he asked me out.  We started dating and did the LDR thing (2 hrs away) for eight months; we fell in love and he told me he loved me after three months of dating.

Which brings me to now.  We just broke up and it has been so hard.  It was somewhat mutual; two weeks ago we were talking on the phone and he brought up something I wrote in his Valentine’s Day card, which was: I can’t wait till we grow up and get to see each other more.  Something along those lines.  He thought I meant forever but I hadn’t been thinking that far ahead and I just meant when I graduated (two months) and wasn’t working two jobs.  Then he said something about how he wants to move across the country eventually and how we probably wouldn’t be together forever. I responded, What’s the point of dating now, then, if you know at some point you don’t want to be with me/break up with me?  He got really emotional and I think he was crying and said he didn’t want to break up with me and he loves me.

Fast forward a week later: he breaks up with me for not having enough time for me, which I understand. He has a lot on his plate – full course load, involved in a lot at school, internship.  He said he felt selfish but just doesn’t have the time.  It’s been a few days now since the break-up and I asked him if we would ever get back together again in the future and he said he can’t answer that; he just doesn’t know what will happen.  It’s been really tough and I just don’t know what to do.  He said he wants to stay friends.  Should I bother?  Should I  not text him?  The days after the break up I did the typical thing of texting him and asking if there was any solution, blah blah blah, to which he just says he doesn’t have time for a relationship and it’s bad timing.  Did I blow it by texting him? Right now I’m trying to not contact him to “make” him miss me.

The thing that sucks is he dumped me a week away from my birthday and I know he bought me a present, so it seems to me he hadn’t been thinking this for a long time.  Anyways what do I do? Is there something I’m not seeing?  Do you think he met someone else? I just want to be with him.  Do I keep in contact or will that just hurt more?

I’m afraid if we get back in the future I won’t be able to forgive him for doing this so close to my birthday or if he sleeps with someone else, I would be devastated.

Sincerely,
I Thought Love Conquered All? Read More »

In the last year, it seems as though being single has been my specialty. While flings and hookups have come and gone (pun intended) and dates have left me with some less than desirable memories, my current single status has remained loyally by my side. I’ve learned a lot in the past year and I’ve discovered that single girls around the world are all in the same fabulous pair of shoes.

So if you’re sick of sitting at a table for one, eating a meal portioned for two, I cordially invite you to join The Single Girl Society, where being single is more than status, it’s a lifestyle. Of course, with everything in life, the single girl lifestyle comes with rules and I’ve picked up quite a few along the way. So kick back, grab a drink and let the lessons I’ve learned serve as your very own roadmap to transitioning to and enduring the single life

So it’s been a month and half since you’re best friend got dumped (in the douchiest way possible) and she’s still going on and on about how she’s “totally over it even though his new girl looks like a little too much like Shaun White” and you’re not sure how much longer you can stand to hear her relationship woes. We’ve all been there, thinking to ourselves, “Well if you’re so over it, why are we still talking about it?”

The answer is simple. She’s not over it. But you sure as hell are. So what’s a girl to do when her wingwoman’s stuck in a rut?

Lesson 9: Stand By Your Single Sisters

Look, I know it’s cheesy but as single ladies, we’re only as good as the girls we surround ourselves with and when one of us is down, we’re all down.

Of course it gets frustrating sometimes, watching your formally single and fabulous bestie go from taking names (and numbers) and kicking ass to sullen and sunken into a sofa watching “The Notebook” and screaming at Rachel McAdams to “get a job and forget men already!” (True story.)

Sometimes the single life knocks us down and out but as single soldiers, it’s our job to stand by our friends and support them, even if that means having the hear Taylor Swift ballads pump through your apartment on repeat. The post-breakup version of your girlfriend needs you now more than ever because you love her even if her ex didn’t. Right now it’s her in tears but someday it will be you (if it hasn’t happened already). Read More »

In the last year, it seems as though being single has been my specialty. While flings and hookups have come and gone (pun intended) and dates have left me with some less than desirable memories, my current single status has remained loyally by my side. I’ve learned a lot in the past year and I’ve discovered that single girls around the world are all in the same fabulous pair of shoes.

So if you’re sick of sitting at a table for one, eating a meal portioned for two, I cordially invite you to join The Single Girl Society, where being single is more than status, it’s a lifestyle. Of course, with everything in life, the single girl lifestyle comes with rules and I’ve picked up quite a few along the way. So kick back, grab a drink and let the lessons I’ve learned serve as your very own roadmap to transitioning to and enduring the single life.

So it’s New Year’s Eve and you’re single…again. Cue the tightest little black dress that practically defies the laws of physics. Cue double fisting $4 champagne. Cue the drunk dialing your ex just to tell him you “don’t miss him or his BMW at all!” Well…maybe not that last one. Not this year anyway. This new year leave your ex from Planet Douchebag behind and give closure another shot by making it your resolution.

Lesson 5: Sometimes you have to create your own closure.

Breakups are messy. You don’t always get a chance to tie up the loose ends from a burned relationship with your ex love. You don’t always get your questions answered. So when sitting down to rehash your feelings with your ex isn’t an option, it’s time to take it upon yourself to sort things out. Read More »

Question? Answer: TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I am currently a single freshman girl in college.  Coming to college, there was a ton of stuff to be excited about.  But like most single freshman girls I had one things on my mind: COLLEGE BOYS.  I came here with the mentality that I was going to meet a bunch of boys, have some fun, and just play the field.  While that plan worked flawlessly for a while, I have now found myself in a rather sticky situation.

I was talking to a boy all summer long, and I really started to like him.  Over summer he was in a different state, so we could only communicate electronically. He goes to a private school in the same town as my university, so naturally in the fall we started hanging out all the time.  I was really starting to like this boy, and so I decided to ask him to accompany me to my sister’s wedding.  My family loved him and we had a great time, but after the wedding my feelings for him kind of started dwindling.  I texted him a little less and made our sleepovers a lot less frequent.

All the while, I had other boys on the side.  Cute boy in my building, boy from out of town, boy from the gym (I’m still single after all). So my point is that even when I really liked this boy, he wasn’t the only one in my life.

So jump to a few weeks later, when the fire alarm in the library goes off.  All of us studious college kids had to pack up our things and stand outside the lib until they let us back in.  While standing outside, this very cute boy starts talking to me.  We get caught up in conversation and eventually realize we have one of the same classes, which sparks an exchange of phone numbers.

After our first encounter and number exchange, we start hanging out quite a bit.  And the weirdest thing happens; I have NO desire to hangout with or hookup with any of those other sideline boys.

Read More »

I think we can all agree: getting dumped sucks.  Especially when you don’t see it coming.  One minute you’ve got a partner in crime, someone to hold your legs as you go for that keg stand record, and the next your cruising the dining hall’s breakfast buffet solo.  And what’s more depressing than making an omelet all by yourself?  Making two, like you’re used to, but wolfing both down without the help of your best dude.

Well, ladies, I can’t convince this guy to stick with you.  But I can help you recognize some of the signs that your time as one half of your favorite duo is about to expire.  What’s that they say about the best defense being a good offense?  Well, I say the best defense is knowing you’re getting dumped so you can be drunk when it happens.

Here we go.  You might want to start drinking if… Read More »

Question for La Tuff? Send it to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have found myself in a tough situation. My best friend of three years recently sent me a Facebook message out of the blue telling me that she no longer wishes to be friends or in contact with me. Her reasoning was that being friends with me causes her “too much stress” and she has been thinking about it “for the last two months.” The two examples she gave of me causing her stress were when I got annoyed at her at a party (when she was being rude to the host) and when I got angry at her for, at the last second, choosing to go to a job over helping me move (she had only told me that if I wanted her help, I would have to pay her $200, a statement which I found childish).

Tuffy, these were two small fights that we had already discussed and (I thought) had resolved. I had thought everything was fine up until a week ago, when she stopped contacting me. My mother had even treated us to see a musical in the city the Sunday before! Until now, she had always discussed when she was getting irritated at me; she’s a very frank and open person who has never hesitated to tell me when I’ve said or done something stupid, so I have been completely blown out of the water at this sudden change.

I’ve been very confused and hurt, and it’s been sending me into a depression. I had a lot of problems with depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies when I was younger, and basically had no real friendships until around the time I met her, all of which she has known for years. She told me that I should no longer contact her, and even told our other friends not to tell me about a party she was having (one she had already invited me to, before she stopped contacting me). We had plans to travel abroad over winter vacation and she was going to come to my family’s Thanksgiving (for the 3rd year in a row). Why continue making plans with me if she had been thinking of dropping me as a friend? Why pretend everything was perfectly fine, then drop a bomb on me like this? I’ve never been in such a confusing and hurtful situation like this before, and have no idea where to begin to handle it if she refuses to even speak to me.

-Confused, Hurt, and Betrayed Read More »