Well boys and girls, we’ve come to the fourth and final installment of “What the hell did I get myself into?”: Online Dating Edition. It’s been a whirlwind of a month, and I am sad to say (spoiler alert) that I did not find a boyfriend. Cue the tears, cue Adele, and cue me shoveling Ben and Jerry’s down my throat. I’m okay though really. No tears for this girl. I might sound a little cocky when I say this, but the reason I didn’t find a boyfriend wasn’t because I couldn’t get a guy to look in my general direction. I got several messages from men throughout the day, everyday for four weeks. I had many guys interested in “me”, and I put “me” in quotation marks because I’m not sure how many of the guys really wanted to get to know me or just have sex with me (and I guess I’ll never know!). The reason why I didn’t come out of this challenge with the desired end result is because I realized that I don’t want a boyfriend.

I repeat: I do not want a boyfriend.

I am not saying that I don’t have those moments when all I want to do is cuddle up with someone cute and have him play with my hair while I drift off to sleep. I have a deep desire to eventually find “The One” and have a marriage and a family. I will never let go of that dream. I will always have that dream. I think what I am saying is that I do not have a desire to pursue that dream right now.

I came across several men that were sweet and sexy, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I was really into Mitch for a few weeks, but I soon realized that there was no chemistry there (I know, that sounds like a cop out, but it’s true!), and he also looked way too much like my ex-boyfriend. I thought I could get over it, but I cannot. After our second date, he leaned in for a kiss. I accepted. When I opened my eyes, I saw my ex. I did not see Mitch. My sight was blurry. Once I re-focused, I knew it wasn’t going to work. Not only because Mitch was a clone of my ex but because I wasn’t putting my whole heart into it. I wasn’t fully there. I did not want a boyfriend.

Though I didn’t get my “happy ending”, being a member of OK Cupid did open my eyes to a lot of things that I had never really thought of before. One huge revelation was that there are so many men out there. And yes, there are going to be some creepers and guys you’re not attracted to, but let me tell you, there are a lot of guys on OK Cupid (and other dating sites, I’m sure!) that have attractive, sweet, educated men that are looking for the same thing that women are. You might wonder, “Why is he trying online dating? What is wrong with him?” The answer is nothing! You’re completely normal (minus the standard level of crazy that each and every girl possesses, let’s be real) and you’re searching through dating profiles on OK Cupid too! Therefore nothing wrong with him. There is nothing wrong with you.

Some people just need a little help.

I hope you guys enjoyed my small stint in the online dating world and learned a thing or two in the process.  I definitely wouldn’t steer people away from online dating after doing this one-month challenge because my mind has truly been changed about the whole process and stupid stigma that comes with dating on the internet. It’s not as scary as you think. It’s not pathetic. It’s not desperate. It’s just another way to meet a person that you might build a relationship with and maybe fall in love. Now what doesn’t sound good about that?

Now before you start calling me perverted, let me show you what I mean.

Your Boyfriend
Um, duh. This one is obvious, but you can’t expect a plain romp in the hay to get you off the hook this
Christmas; you’ll have to spice it up a bit. Normally, I’d recommend getting yourself to a sex shop to pick up a new toy or some sexy lingerie, but it might be a little to late for that (are sex stores even open on Christmas Eve?). Instead of buying something special, you’ll have to do something special this year. Need some ideas? Try one (or all) of these sexy sex tips on for size. Even better, why not get the gift that keeps on giving, like Cosmo’s latest iPhone app? It gives you a new hot sex position every day, making it the best $1.99 you ever spent. And if that’s not your thing, maybe just put on your sexiest lingerie (or left-over Halloween costume… same thing, usually) and give him a strip tease that he’ll never forget.

Your Coupled Friends
Let’s be honest, what your coupled college friends need is alone time. And if that friend also happens to be a roommate, that is the cheapest gift you can give! Print out a few coupons for some “alone time” and let her redeem them whenever she wants. All you have to do is find somewhere else to sleep. Boom! Best gift ever.

Or, if you’re lookin’ to spend a little more and you’ve got some time between baking with mom and wrapping with the siblings, hop on over to Barnes and Noble where they have tons of great stuff for couples. A few of my faves: “365 Sex Positions: A New Way Everyday for a Steamy, Erotic Year” and “Cosmo’s Steamy Sex Games.” Hot, hot, hot. Don’t be surprised if the BFF’s BF calls to thank you.

Your Single Friends
A subscription to EHarmony or Match.com could be a great way to help them shake up their dating routine and meet some new people.  Although, it could also be really insulting. If your single friends are just lookin’ for some instant gratification, perhaps something a little more “personal” would be nice. Whether it’s a giftcard to Babeland or a comprehensive list of good places to find some porn (note: ask your guy friends for help with this one), they’ll love it. And you.

Your Mom
Moms love romance novels, plain and simple. Buy her a few on Amazon.com, print out a picture of the cover and the descriptions, and handwrite a note that says “Sorry, these should be coming in soon. I ordered them a week ago but Amazon keeps messing up the order!!” She probably won’t buy it, but she’s your mom; she has to love you anyway. Especially after she gets to escape in those sexy stories.

Your Little Sister
Remember when you first started thinking about sex, but had no one to answer your millions of questions or drive you to CVS to pick up some condoms? Well, your little sis won’t have this problem because she has you. This Christmas, be there for her and let her know she can come to you for anything (especially if you go to college far away and are only home a few times a year). Disclaimer: NOT a good present for your five-year-old sister.

What are some of the best sex-inspired gifts you’ve ever given?

Happy (alleged) Birthday! I hope this letter finds you well and spyware free. It’s been 40 years since you first transferred data between computers and look how far you’ve come! Just this morning, I Googled “cat playing piano” and, within seconds, you provided me with a scintillating YouTube video that made me giggle and set the mood for the day.

I would like to take this time to tell you how much I cherish you, Internet. You have given me a place to unleash my inner-stalker, and you let me do it in the privacy of my own bedroom (which is much less shady than the white van I used to camp out in).  For this, my dignity and I thank you. I sleep peacefully at night knowing Facebook and Twitter will be there in the morning. It’s better (and at times more satisfying) than having a boyfriend.

Without you and Craigslist, I would never have bought that T.V. from a complete stranger. He later asked me on a date and, if things go well, I will name our first-born child after you. Even if it doesn’t end in an Interweb love child, you’ve thoughtfully provided me with a back-up plan. Online dating. You’ve made it so I can type in my criteria, and almost instantaneously I will find my soul’s perfect mate. If I could make it so, I would have you as the maid of honor at my eHarmony union.

Internet, you let me watch my favorite television shows online on those days when I’m just too lazy to leave my bed. And that happens often. When I do finally decide to come out of hibernation, you will tell me the exact weather so I can plan my outfit accordingly and then give me the directions to guide me on my way. You cater to my every whim both at home and on my phone, and there is nothing that will keep you from me (besides forgetting to pay my bill sometimes).

And of course there is CollegeCandy.com, your greatest gift to me. Without it  I would never know which way was up in this world. Or how to do this.

After all you give me, I wanted to give you something for your birthday. But what do you give the global data communications system that has everything? I hope a simple eCard will suffice.

Happy Birthday, Internet. We’d all be lost without you.

P.S. Thank you for this. It’s gotten me through a lot of dark times.

I’ve learned a ton of useful things at college, and I hate to say (sorry Mom and Dad) that most of most of this knowledge I’ve acquired outside of the classroom. One pivotal lesson I’ve gleaned from my 3 years in school: dating in college is hard.

Coming from a school with a 60/40 ratio of girls to guys, with a large slice of that 40% uninterested in boobs, I’ve got very few choices. The pool of college boys has been unimpressive and disappointing to say the least – I’m sick of random hookups with frat boys (yes, it’s true) and trying to get a college boy to commit.

I know there are some great guys out there, but maybe I’m looking in the wrong places. I’ve heard tons of success stories about online dating, but honestly, I’m a little nervous.  I’ve dabbled in the online pool, but I’m still not sure it’s the right thing for me.

Help! I’m torn.

Love it:

There are SO many different online dating sites out there. Whether you use Match.com, eHarmony, or in my case, Jdate (give me a break, I won a free trial via Twitter), there’s definitely an online dating site for you. After a long day slaving away at my internship, it’s nice to come home to an inbox full of interested guys. It’s an amazing ego boost!

Even better, when you use the Internet as your matchmaker, the dating pool gets about 500 times larger. You’re no longer limited to the gay/too proud to admit they’re gay guys you meet in your PR class. And you can stalk a hottie’s profile and know right away if you share common interests. That means it’s easy to discard (and remove from your “matches”) the losers via obvious red flags like shirtless vanity shots, photos with tons of girls, or a bio that spends way to much time discussing the guy’s mother.

I love reading about a guy’s little quirks before I even meet him – it makes striking up that first conversation so much easier. Hell, if I could scan a room full of guys at a party and know instantly that the cutie in the blue polo shirt secretly likes word games, I’d totally start talking to him.

Loathe it:

If you think you’ve met the creepiest guy of all time in your bio class, well honey, you haven’t tried online dating yet. In addition to the clean-cut, dog-loving, recent Harvard grads, there are tons of creepy, old, pedophiles that would just love to strike up a conversation with a cute girl like yourself. Oh, and they sometimes ask to video chat.

Hey, I’m trying to keep an open mind, but to me, telling a girl you’re lonely and want to… err… get to know each other better by video chatting is just a little creepy. Seriously dude, get a dog.

And that’s not even as bad as the guys who don’t wave the creep/freak flag until you are actually on the date. Like that one guy who didn’t bring money and forced me to pay for the date. Awesome. As much as I love laughing about a horrible date with friends or writing about it on my blog, sometimes I’d rather just be home watching More to Love than wasting my time on this dud.

There is also the fact that people present themselves much differently online than in real life (I’m talking to you, Mr. I Gained 30 Pounds and Grew a Rabbi Beard But Never Changed My Photo), that coming home and chatting with new guys online nightly is super time consuming, and, don’t forget, that giant stigma attached to finding love online.

Grrrr.

As I write this, I let out a huge sigh of frustration. Dating is hard, and maybe online dating is really no different than dating in a traditional sense. Maybe this post should have been titled “I’m Torn: Dating,” because honestly, I’m getting a little jaded. What would you guys do – suck it up and keep meeting guys around campus, or take the plunge and have the Internet find “Mr. Perfect” for you?

More and more people are looking for love online these days and I’ll admit, I’m one of them. I honestly don’t know where else to find a date besides the typical bar/club scene, which seems much more conducive to finding a one night stand than finding love. I don’t work in an environment where I meet eligible bachelors, I pretty much know my friends’ friends so getting set up isn’t really an option. So where else do you look? People tell me I should do something I enjoy; a cooking class, hanging out in Barnes & Noble, join some sort of sports league and I’ll meet a guy who shares similar interests with me, but as social as I am, I’m not one to go to a cooking class alone, and I have yet to meet a guy in B&N. So that leaves me with the internet.

Sure, it’s scary and I’ve had my fair share of weirdos or guys who were several inches shorter than what they claimed, or sent pictures from when they were 10 years and 50 pounds lighter, but I’ve also been taken on some pretty amazing dates and met some really cool guys, some of whom I’ve remained friends with. Obviously, my prince hasn’t come along, but maybe the timing just hasn’t been right. I’ve tried a lot of the sites out there; match.com, Plenty of Fish, okcupid, Craig’s List, eHarmony and even Jdate (yes, I’m a shiksa who likes Jewish boys). Thus far, I’ve had the best luck on Craig’s List and the worst luck with match and eHarmony (the one that claims it’ll help you find your soulmate), but as I’m still single, I haven’t had the luck I’m really looking for, so I decided to try out a new site, it’s called crazyblinddate.com, and yes, it’s crazy.

Crazyblinddate.com is run by the same people who run okcupid and it works like this: You go onto their site and click which city you live in (so far they only cover Austin, Boston, Chicago, LA, NYC, and San Francisco), then you choose if you’d rather go on a single or a double date. They inform you that you will be set up on a date at either a bar or a coffee shop (your choice), but you won’t see a picture of them or have any communication with them before your date…can you say, yikes?!?

At this point, you create a profile. Your profile consists of the basics; first name, date of birth, gender, sexual orientation, height, body type, ethnicity, religion, and education level. After that they go into more in-depth questions; “You’ll know because I look like…”, “Things I’m good at talking about…”, “What I expect of a date…” and “Before we go on a date you should know…”. After you answer these, they ask you another series of questions, which they inform you your date will never see (why ask then?). Basically they’re questions about how picky you are when it comes to intelligence, attractiveness and how far you’re willing to go if a date goes well. After that, it’s time to upload your picture. Once you’ve got your profile done and have confirmed your e-mail address, you’re set.

You tell them when you’re available for a date (they’re usually pretty last minute, like that day or the next, though you can go for something further in advance) and you answer some questions about what your preferences are for location/area of the city and your date (ethnicity, height, education level, etc.). This is where I start noticing glitches.

They tell you that your date should not be too far away, but when I click in neighborhoods reasonably close to me, I am told that I need to broaden my horizons for a better chance at getting a date, didn’t they just tell me to keep the date in my ‘hood? Once I add a few more neighborhoods, they tell me I’m being too picky in my preferences and that I’m more likely to get a date if I’m more open-minded. Okay, seriously, I have height and educational preferences, I can’t help it. I’m sorry that I don’t wanna get set up on a date with a 5’6” high school drop out, but I know right off the bat it’s not gonna go well. So I keep my preferences the way they are and hope that they can scrounge up someone for me.

So far, I’ve been offered three dates; they both e-mail and text you when they have a potential date and you have to check them out and see if you want to accept. What you get to check out is a blurred picture of the person, and all the info from their profile. I must admit, reading these guys’ descriptions, I wonder how in God’s name I’ll recognize them in a bar (unless they’re the only brown haired, brown eyed, athletic guy at the bar). I haven’t accepted any of the dates, two of them didn’t work for my schedule and one of them I just got a sense wasn’t going to be a good match for me. So today I log on to see what they have brewing and I’m told that they “almost have a date” for me and there are 29 people they can match me with if I’m a little less picky. They suggest changing my required maximum age and minimum education level. Again, I don’t want a 42 year old who flunked out of college, sorry.

So now I continue to play the waiting game to see if they find a date I feel is worthy of my time and energy to see if it’s possible to find someone you click with if you’ve never had any contact with them or even know what they look like. The saga will continue once I find a date, so stayed tuned kids, things could get interesting…

Every time one of those redonkulous video ads pops up on my browser, I want to punch whoever made them in the face. Because those guys aren’t on Match.com. Those guys have never needed an online dating site to help them find a chick (or a dude, as the case may be). Those guys are hot. Those guys have fantastic smiles. Those guys are actors.

According to this little article, the success rate of the online dating industry is 22%. Of course, the ads for EHarmony and Match.com don’t want you to know that. They want you to think hot, happy people are all over their websites. They want you to pay money to find these hot, happy people with fantastic smiles.

But I gotta say, after doing my own (ahem) research, I have found the amount of hot guys on dating sites to be alarmingly low. There’s certainly no body building Brad Pitt lookalike hoping to video chat with me. There’s someone who wants to chat about how it’s cool to be a nerd or make vegan cupcakes, but sadly, this someone cannot hold a candle to those dudes in the video ads.

What do you think? Is internet dating really as easy / successful as people say? Or is it just false advertising?

My brother met his wife on an internet dating site (and I heart her). I have countless family friends that have met their spouses on the internet. I have several close friends who are currently dating someone who they met online (and they are C.U.T.E.).

And I have a fellow blogger friend who openly discusses her trials and tribulations of the online-dating world.

From the outside, I am a huge proponent of internet dating. The reason some of my ex-single friends found boy toys online? MY urging for them try it out!

“It’s really hard to meet people these days” I tell them.

“You know you aren’t going to meet the man/woman of your dreams at the bar”

“It is so not a loser thing to do anymore- soo many people I know met their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife online”

“Just TRY it”

And on and on I go.

Oh. My. God. I sound JUST like my mother!

For the past few months, my mom has been urging me on a bi-weekly basis about internet dating. Each time, citing new friends of hers who agree that “it’s the thing to do”

Since when do 50 year old women know more about the “it things” than me?! Last time I checked the “it” thing to do was layer different patterns for a more textured look. But then again, what do I know?

Each time she brings it up, “Sarah’s son met the cutest girl online- just go on, just try it out!” I immediately cut her off with “I know, I know. Mom. I knooooow”

I pass this info on to my friends, convincing them it’s a good idea, cheering them on in their success. Rubbing it in when they meet someone date-worthy with “See I told you so!” (The phrase everyone loooves to hear) Yet I can’t bring myself to sign up.

Usually, I’m a huge advocate of the whole “practice what you preach” but for some reason, my mantra on this is “do as I say, not as I do”

What gives? Why can’t I follow my own advice? Maybe a part of me deep down is not satisfied with meeting someone this way, perhaps I’m still hoping for my very own prince charming on his white horse (or in his Converse sneaks- either one) to come whisk me away to Never-Never Land (wrong fairy-tale I know).

Maybe it’s because I get legitimately creeped out every time a rando pokes me on Facebook that I can’t imagine that something along this line is how I could meet a future boyfriend?

I have never been one to be desperate to meet a man (I have other things on my mind besides the white picket fence house in the suburbs thing, thank-you-very-much) and maybe a part of me feels this is an act of desperation?

Or maybe It’s just that I don’t want to admit that my mother is right?

So dear readers- I’m turning to you- not to get all psychoanalytical- but, I’m getting psychoanalytical. Am I looney? Should I try it? What have your experiences been? What are your best places to meet the men? Any secrets to let out of the bag?

Should I just agree that mother knows best (again) and sign up?

Until then, I’ll continue waiting twiddling my thumbs (all while standing up straight of course! Confidence is key after-all).

It has been a few months since breaking up with the ex and while he is out telling the world that I am still calling, I have been out on the town looking for a new man to bunk up with. Being that I am not living in some big city that allows for a Carrie-Bradshaw-Revolving-Door-Of-Men type situation, I have been resorting to some new ways of scouting out the men.

Namely, internet dating.

Ah! Say it ain’t so! I must be crazy, right? But seeing as I spend my days sharing my life stories via the internet, it only makes sense that I create some of those stories that way as well. Well, that and the fact that my brother met his wife online and they had a bomb ass wedding.

So far, so good. Actually, great.

I have come to realize that there are so many benefits to online dating. For one, I can do it from the comfort of my couch. In the comfort of my underwear. While enjoying a heaping bowl of Mac and Cheese (the ultimate comfort food!). All that comfort – paired with the fact that I can hide behind the glow of my computer screen – makes the whole getting to know you period a whole lot more…well, comfortable.

Pair that with the fact that you can simply sign off/ignore the guy when you just don’t want to hear about how great he is/how he’s the president of his frat/how much his dad makes and you realize how genius this whole inter-web thing really is!

Getting to know your prospective mate through online conversations, emails, phone calls and then – eventually – an actual date, gives you the opportunity to take some time and decide if getting up, getting dressed and sitting through a potentially awkward evening is really worth it. You can get to know the guy on a more personal level early on so when you do finally meet, it feels like you have known him forever.

It makes for a much different dating feeling.

Online dating was so taboo for such a long time, but I am really starting to wonder why I waited so long to log in. I feel like I have finally graduated from my college dating ways to a more sophisticated take on finding a mate. No more heading out to the bar in search of a man whose name I won’t remember when I wake up next to him the following morning. Now I feel I can connect with someone on a new level; an adult level.

And if I do end up waking up next to said man the following morning, at least I will have his screen name.

But thousands of other people think differently. Online dating is taking the world by storm, whether you’re a rich guy looking for a trophy wife, a healthnut, or someone who’s so in love with your parakeet your heart is only big enough for someone equally bird obsessed…there’s a dating site for you.

I know people who have found partners online, even spouses. For some, online dating isn’t just a way to waste some time, it’s a hobby. An obsession. It’s a sport that takes practice. If you try hard enough, you can potentially have a seven day date week.

I’m not one of those people. I’ve got no game when it comes to online dating. I have no idea how to do it. How do you sound cute with words? There’s only so many winking smiley faces I can put in a paragraph before I start to make myself sick.

The truth is, I’ve tried. I’ve found a few sites and put up a profile, sometimes because I’m bored, sometimes because I can’t imagine spending another Friday night alone with my cat and the crazy upstairs neighbors who seem to have some kind of full contact flip cup competition going on every weekend. I’ll set up an account (unless it’s eHarmony. I failed their personality test. Failed it. I don’t know how you fail a personality test, but it can apparently be done. I think it had something to do with the fact that I’m not religious. Not to be Ms. Conspiracy Theory, but I really think eHarmony is all about the religion. You don’t got no God, no date for you), put a picture or two that doesn’t clearly show my face, and try to describe myself in a paragraph. For the first day or two I’m a little excited. Maybe this time someone awesome will find me, I think. Maybe this time it’ll be different.

But it never is. Just me and a million boring dudes claiming they’re “easy going” and “adventurous”. (How can every single guy online be “easy going”? Especially in New York?) If they’re not “easy going”, they’re posing in a mirror with their shirt off. And smirking.

Which is when a throw up a little in my mouth and go read a book.

I’m the type of person who needs some kind of instant spark, and there’s just no way to tell if there’s that type of connection online. Sure, he’s got good grammar and knows how to spell, but that doesn’t mean we’ll have chemistry. Believe me. I’ve gone through it.

In a perfect world, internet dating would be a slam dunk. I’d log on, click on a cute guy, he’d be awesome in prose as well as in person, and we’d get married three years later in a Vermont field. (What? Too detailed?) In the few attempts I’ve actually made, however, the ball is so far from slam dunk potential it’s like someone’s grandma threw it.

I rationalize my horrible online failure with the explanation that the man I want isn’t online. He’s too busy waxing his snowboard or protesting big business or becoming a chef or bench pressing 200 pounds. Apparently these things are keeping him very busy, because we haven’t bumped into each other yet, but I have faith that it’ll happen. In a reality that’s neither virtual nor hyped by Dr. Phil.

And if he happens to be without a shirt, that’s fine.

As long as he’s not looking into a mirror and smirking.