So after a few weeks abroad, I just landed back in the U.S. of A. from Europe! I can’t believe my trip went by so quickly; I had the best time I’ve ever had in my entire life, and, being a college kid, that’s saying something. I did so many things that I’m grateful I got to experience, from walking down streets I’ve read about in Sherlock Holmes books to trekking miles to see the Eiffel Tower. And the food. The food. Never in my life have I eaten as well as I did in Paris. If you’re a foodie, make sure you get over and sample as many heavenly pastries as you can stomach.

Or do as I did and take down well more than you can stomach and end up totally uncomfortable for days on end….

Now that my trip is over, I (and you lucky kids who are also on the quarter system) still have about a month left before I go back to school. I’m sure the time will pass quickly, since it always does when there are no classes to wake up for or papers to write, and I’m determined to make the most of it.

So that got me thinking (since I got nothing else going on…):

Would You Rather win an insane shopping spree for a totally brand new back-to-school wardrobe OR get to sit down and chat with your favorite celebrity (dead or alive) for five minutes?

Things to Consider: these, this, touching Justin Bieber’s hair (!!!!) or, you know, talking to someone you love.

Vote now and give us the dirty deets below!

Every. single. time I find myself in a room full of boys, the conversation inevitably turns to threesomes (or farts, but that is a whole different article). From the jokes, “Dude, we can totally eiffel tower her,” to the stories, “And then she asked if she could bring a friend!” guys can’t get the threesome of of their minds.

Being that I have never taken part in one (shocking, I know), I never really understood the appeal. After all, sex with one person is fun enough, and haven’t you always heard the old adage, “three’s a crowd”? Why, then, are guys so completely obsessed with bringing an extra body into an already exciting situation? If it ain’t broke (which I can say sex most definitely is not), why turn it into a threesome?

Our resident boy gives us the lowdown.

I tune in and the three girls are outside; Seezinz says something about “there’s no way you’re coming into the house already in love with Flav.” Yeah, that’s what I’ve BEEN saying. Seezinz thinks that Black is cocky because she says that she doesn’t have to fight for Flav’s time – but really, she’s just telling the truth. Flav thinks that she’s smokin hot.

Now they’re on a yacht. Cool, fight on the yacht, please. Anything so that I don’t have to watch Flav hook up. Sinceer didn’t wear bathing suit bottoms on the boat; I’m glad that she didn’t jump in bottomless. After water time, Flav asks the girls if he made the right decision about eliminating Thing 2. Please don’t bring her back.

I got a phone call and missed out on how they went from T2 talk on the boat to a soiree. I also can’t believe that I spelled soiree right on the first try.

Le soiree is at some old person casino. Are they really in France? The 90 year old band leader thinks that Flav is MC Hammer and that’s fabulous. Has Seezinz been this tall the whole time? Ooh, sh*t, why did I miss the episode with the exes? I didn’t know that Black’s ex thought that she was psycho. Awesome. Sinceer is putting her on blast. NO, Sinceer, I’m putting you and your seven head on blast.

Seezinz asks for a night cap and how sad that you have to ask for it. As Flav is telling her that he likes her for her booty, Sinceer finally stops talking smack and actually does something by knocking on the door and getting her own Flav alone time. He says that they “conversated” – I guess that means made out with a klingon.

I was caught up in this and so I don’t know how much I missed. Sinceer didn’t sleep in her bed the previous night and she’s calling Black psycho and jealous for asking where she slept last night.

Whatever. Flav-o-gram: three dates for the day. One is 60 minutes, another is 30 and the last is 15. Sinceer ended up with the 15 minute date – not sure how. My phone rang and I stupidly picked it up.

Are they going to the Eiffel tower? Why do they keep going to he beach? They are totally in Florida.

Sinceer’s date is a wine and cheese lesson. I guess it stunk. Shouldn’t Sinceer’s forehead be able to absorb some of the stink? I don’t see why Sinceer needs to tell Flav that Black asked her where she slept the night before. I mean, we all know this is fake, but she does have to pretend to care, right?

Next date is by the pool with Black. They are drinking something blue out of what looks like a fish bowl and I suddenly want to go to Brother Jimmy’s. Black asks Flav how his night was. He doesn’t like girls checking on his whereabouts. Um, you have like a bajillion kids. She can ask. And it’s not even a big deal. But it’s big enough for him to walk out on the date. Black takes the rest of her time to confront Sinceer. Do it! Kick her in the head!

Black demands Seezinz’s hours – I didn’t hear most of the Sinceer/Black confrontation. They take it to Flav and he decides to let Seezinz have a French lesson with him.

The Sinceer/Black bitch fest continues but no punches are thrown. I guess Seezinz said at one point that she thought that she was going home or something…stop kissing.

After they stop, Black goes in to tell Flav that Seezinz says that she knows that she’s going home and is there for drama. Bring Seezinz back in. Flav is disappointed in her, I guess, since she admits to what she said about being there for non-drama drama.

This is not a mess. It’s boring.

Let’s just cut to eliminations.

[I wonder how much luggage Flav checked and if one suitcase only contained crowns?]

Seezinz is sent home. And T2 makes her return. So you brought three to Paris and at the end of this episode, we still have three left.

Eliminations are tomorrow moring.

So is NEXT week the finale?

Lame.