Even if we’ve blocked out selective memories of our childhood (the dentist…I shudder at the thought), we all remember elementary school recess. Now that I’m through with my public school education, I’ve been taking the time to reminisce about my favorite memories from those days. Man, did I love that half hour of pegging younger kids in the head with kickballs (which they totally deserved, by the way, just for being there).

At the risk of sounding like a creeper with a window-less van parked 100 yards from a playground, here are some of my favorite games from recess that I wish were appropriate for eighteen year-olds to play. Note: I like the games…not the kids.

Name of the Game: Indian Pin (a slight variation on dodgeball)
Why it Rocked: Since regular dodgeball was banned in my school, we had to be a bit more creative with our recess games. Indian Pin was a favorite variation on dodgeball that we adapted from our gym class. The official object of the game was to knock down the opposing team’s pin, but since we had a bunch of kickballs and an unlimited capacity for evil, we would forget about the pins and just give the other team hell. Back in my tomboy days, I would pick off the other team’s members one by one. I guess I had more balls than many of the boys in my class.

Name of the Game: Four Square
Why it Rocked: Being king in a game of four square made you an automatic recess rock star. The ball was literally in your court. As there are an infinite number of possible rules for the game, from the fair and just to the downright cruel (two words: cherry bombs), the power of the king is extremely enticing. I was always partial to the “old school” set of rules – volleys, single-taps, and double-taps – since they allowed games to go on for a long time. Benevolent despotism was my style, but other rulers were not as kind. The Lemon Drop Massacre of ’01 is proof of that. And I still have nightmares.

Name of the Game: Pick-up Soccer
Why it Rocked: Although soccer isn’t known as a recess sport, it was one of the ultimate competitive games that we played in elementary school. We played in tournament style, with multiple teams all pitted against one another. The last team standing won a great deal of glory, but at a high cost: since we didn’t have referees, we could play as dirty as we wanted to with no penalty at all. The “supervising” teachers were totally clueless as to why several kids returned to class with huge grass stains on their butts and hideous scrapes on their knees. But those cuts and bruises were like badges of honor to all the soccer kids, even if we cried a little when we got them.

Name of the Game: Wall Ball
Why it Rocked: One of the privileges that came with being the top dogs of the school (i.e. fifth graders) was access to the coveted wall ball court. Dozens of kids played at a time, taking the simple tennis ball game to the extreme. Wall ball was the pinnacle of elementary school recess for us. It was the most fast-paced, most competitive, and sweatiest of all the recess games. You had to constantly be on your toes, or else you wouldn’t catch the ball making a bee-line for your head at light speed. Or at least that’s what the injured kids would cry when the ball knocked the wind out of them. A merciless game, that wall ball. To think a little tennis ball could cause so much hurt!

What were some of the games that rocked your school playground?

When I was in elementary school my mom would wake me up an extra 20 minutes early on some very special mornings to crimp my hair. Eyes closing, head drooping, I would sit on my bathroom counter as my mom went through my (excessively thick and fro-ey) hair – section by section – with my purple and teal crimping iron. The end result was horrifyingly awesome. I had the coolest hair in school.

But as quickly as my crimper came into my life, it made its exit. As soon as I hit middle school I realized that giant hair was not in and that, maybe, a round brush and a hair dryer was the way to go. I tossed that crimper in the trash and never looked back. Because no one should. Because that hairstyle was completely ridiculous and it really looked good on no one.

Which someone should explain to Madonna and Lohan.

I don’t care how famous you are, ladies, but this look is not. hot. Yes, Madonna, I realize that you have been this major trendsetter for.e.ver, but this is not a trend that I am ready to embrace (again). I know that I totally hopped on the cone-bra-train back in the early 90′s (literally – I was 6 and would put ice cream cones under my shirt), but this is different.

This is crimped hair. And it looks awful.

I don’t know who yours stylists are, ladies, but it’s time to give them the boot. In the ass. The 90′s may be back at American Apparel, but they are not returning to the salon anytime soon. Get a Chi and let’s move on.

With all the crazy sh*t happening in the world today, we here at CC can’t help but think back to the days when the biggest issue in our lives was whether our Mom had put our favorite over-sized T-shirt (with the Coke Bears on it!) in the laundry yet.

Yeah, we’re talking about Elementary School.

And maybe we’re not even talking about the Elementary School of today, because apparently kids are alergic to everything and on mood-altering drugs and having sex at 11. We’re talking about the Elementary School of our youth. Troll Dolls. New Kids On The Block (the first time). Side pony-tails. Dunkaroos. Life was so much fun back then — or at least our nostalgia tells us it was.

In honor of our childhoods, and because we are so. drained. from a week full of political and economic strife, we’ve decided to put together the 10 Best Things About Elementary School. Feel free to add your own happy memories in the comments…

10) Lunchables

Yeah. These things were really bad for us. They were full of chemicals and sugar. Refined and processed. But hot damn, were they good.

9) Cootie Catchers

How many of these could you make in thirty seconds? How many times did you actually believe with your heart and soul that Sean, who sat two desks over, was actually going to fall in love with you because the Cootie Catcher said so? P-U-R-P-L-E…

8 ) Homework That Included Coloring

Booyah. This was the sh*t, right up there with making dioramas out of shoe boxes. Color the 50 states? Sure. Color the different parts of the flower? WHY NOT? Nothing was better than lulling yourself into a zen-like state with coloring and calling it “work”.

7) Skip-It

One time, I Skipped-It around my entire block for an hour. Exercising has only gone downhill since…

6) Yoo-Hoo

Do they even sell this stuff anymore? It’s probably known to cause cancer now, but back in Elementary School, this drink was as valuable as pure crack cocaine from Colombia. You could bargain for anything with Yoo-Hoo, including your friend’s half-baked cookie from hot lunch.

5) Trapper Keepers

If people wouldn’t look at me weird, I would still be using my Lisa Frank trapper keeper from 5th grade. That bitch held everything, even pens. Plus, you could add all the cute kitten and Troll doll folders you wanted to it and it would still close

4) Snap Bracelets

These things were outlawed in my school as soon as they arrived, but the potential to actually cut someone only made them cooler. If you sat in the back of the bus, you could watch boys having whipping contests with them — first one to shed a single tear loses.

3) Anything with Unicorns on it

Unicorns were hip in Elementary School. Especially if they had wings, or were painted in really bright colors. You could have Unicorns on your pens, notebooks, pencil cases, shirt…the list goes on. I can’t own anything with a Unicorn anymore, even though my love for them is still strong.

2) Sharkbites Fruit Snacks

Remember the white ones that tasted like all the colors combined? It was like an explosion in your mouth.

1) Recess

Tackling boys and throwing to the ground without worrying about restraining orders, getting “married” by the tire swing, testing the boundaries of your courage by kicking the tree with the bees in it; recess was pretty much the best thing the public school system ever did for us. I’ve never laughed so hard in my entire life than when I watched my friend Bobby try to jump off a swing, only to have his jacket get caught by the chain, and fly backwards like a rag doll 6 feet in the air. Oh man. Good times.

Shopping for elementary school supplies was so much more fun – you got to stock up on your favorite Lisa Frank supplies and you begged your mom to buy you a few gel pens because everyone was using them.

This year, instead of making a quick pit-stop at Staples on the way to school and buying a few notebooks and black pens, why not bring some of that grade school excitement back with fun school supplies?

Remember how excited you were to use those gel pens to fill out worksheets in the first couple weeks of school? How cool it was to start a brand new notebook? Here are some funky school supplies that will make you want to head to class, take some notes, and do some hardcore studying. Or at least they will help you make friends by serving as a good conversation starter for the girl sitting next to you.

This stuff puts the “cool” back in school. Yeah…I went there.

Calculator – You will probably need to bring one of those nerdy graphing calculators to your Advanced Stats class, but why not buy one of those enormous & brightly colored calculators for when you just need to add, subtract, multiply, or divide? Math sucks, but bright pink makes everything better.

Staplers - The pink one is pretty (who doesn’t love sparkles?!) and the fist shaped one will bring some humor into the situation when you’re trying SO hard to smash that staple into your 12 page paper or 40 pages of reading that you had to print yourself.

Planner – You probably usually buy one of those cheap, boring planners that you throw away every year. Like that will motivate you to stay organized. Invest in a nice planner, preferably a leather one, that you can buy new inserts for each year. It is sturdier, cuter and will help you keep track of your crazy life!

Laptop Accessories – You’ll probably bring your laptop to class a lot because Solitaire definitely helps the time pass quicker (erm, I mean so you can take notes faster!). Just throwing it in your bag is definitely a bad idea; you don’t want it to get scratched, bumped or ruined when that bottle of Diet Coke explodes.

Protect that little guy with a case, just not one of those nerdy shoulder bags your parents will try to make you buy. This case is cute and functional, but if the dots are too much for you there are tons of cases out there in a variety of colors and designs. Check out the Apple store or Best Buy for a huge selection.

Also, a cute mouse isn’t a must, but how could you not love this fuzzy blue one?

Paper clips - Instead of plain silver ones, clip important papers together with hearts, circles, or these adorable little animals! A lot of craft/gift shops (Hallmark, for example) sell unique clips. Nothing makes a 30 page paper look better than a cute little pig.

Maybe by now you’re thinking, “OK, only a whack job would waste their money on this pointless crap,” but the whole point is to express yourself! Buy school supplies that are going to motivate you and express who you are. Maybe you’ll use them to bring some humor to that stressful study group, or as an icebreaker with the people sitting next to you in class. And if you already spent all your money on posters, you could always decorate your own stuff (if you’re into that kind of thing).

Good luck this year and happy back to school shopping!

By looking at me, you probably would just be confused by this statement until you saw me on this “binge” or “cheat” day. I’m your average twenty-something: purposefully purchasing jeans that do not induce OSTS, and have even been called ‘thin’ by the rare observer. Which is nice. But in my head, dear reader, it’s sweet but simply not true.

Bottom line is: no matter how I look now, I was the fat kid.

I know what you’re thinking: if I appear to be an average-sized girl now, what difference does it make that I spent my childhood chubby? The weight didn’t stay with me, right?

Not even close.

A fat-kid complex isn’t something you can shed by counting calories and drinking your eight glasses of water a day. Not when you’ve been on a diet half your life, have dealt with the name-calling and — what can actually be worse — being flat-out ignored. You’re stuck with those memories of the gangly girls in your elementary school classes calling you “fat” with that look of disdain, like you’re a failure at life because you’re bigger. You’re ignored by the boys you have crushes on in junior high and high school, convinced that your fate is to go unwanted.

And so it’s been ingrained in your head. You don’t know why it has to be this way, but what you are is not good enough. Period.

So how do you deal? There is no instant fix when it comes to diets and life changes, so you draw the attention elsewhere; you become the funny girl, the nice girl, the smart girl—and you cling to it for all it’s worth, because, without that, you’re the first impression. You’re just fat.

For me the chubscout years lasted from the end of first grade through the end of my junior year of high school. At age 7 a family member commented that I had gained quite a few pounds on vacation with my parents. For the playground version of Aladdin (age 9), I was cast as The Sultan by some skinny b*tch (whose name I definitely remember but will leave out of this) on the playground. Why? Duh – “because K’s fat!” In fifth grade I tried to fake sick to avoid mandatory swim class. In seventh grade I cried at the thought of being forced to go shopping and ask for the sizes I needed. In ninth grade I started asking my doctor not to tell me what the scale said. Even without getting into the unrequited crushes, my self-esteem was a disaster.

At seventeen, over the course of a semester I lost about 30 pounds, having found a diet that worked. (No worries, I was parentally monitored so as not to get too out of hand with my weight loss.) And tah-dah, what a sad, sad difference I noticed! Teachers would comment that I looked good, a former basketball coach marveled at the shape I had gotten in, and it felt great that people were impressed. Yayyy, I worked hard and wait—was I cute? I think I might’ve gotten cute… at least to the guys who graduated high school before I lost weight. Who I legitimately was reintroduced to, as they clearly did not remember me. For once, it was so nice to be normal, complimented even, to not stand out in a negative way to anyone I met.

It seemed like everything would be different. But I soon noticed that it wasn’t.

I was still just as insecure as ever.

Now that the weight was gone, my feelings of insecurity were transferred to my other “imperfections.” I felt too inexperienced for any guy I might be seeing and too much of a “good girl” to try and boost my social life.

The only difference, really, was the size of my pants. It’s hard to be comfortable in your own skin when a) it feels like entirely new skin to begin with, and b) you’ve never been comfortable as yourself. In time, you work on it. You learn to be yourself and to be as okay with yourself as possible. Unfortunately, it’s just not realistic to expect complete comfort with what you are after you’ve hated it for so long.

No matter how good you may look or feel, my inner fat kid is always there.

I could always be thinner; I probably add ten pounds to my reflection whenever I look in the mirror; I cringe when people take pictures at certain angles; and I self-deprecate to the point of commenting on the fact that I’m not in perfect shape before anyone I’m dating can. It’s stupid, but it’s the only defense I’ve got. And still, nothing is worse than hearing random commentary on how fat a person is or any sort of joke, because maybe it’s not me being discussed, but my first thought is still, “Oh God, they mean me.” You don’t forget how hurtful things like that are, or how mean and petty people can be.

I may look a lot different than I did in my chubby days, but I am still the same person I always was. I may have shed the weight, but I will always carry it with me.

But of course, like most things in life, my assumption would be wrong.

PEOPLE is reporting that rumors of a New Kid reunion are growing, and the once defunct NKOTB webpage is back up.

“The New Kids are coming back” a “well-placed source,” told the magazine. “New Kids On The Block are indeed getting back together.”

As cool as I thought the band was when I was 10, I can’t say I’ll be as enthusiastic about their sound 14 years later. I mean, when I was 10, I also enjoyed showering myself in glitter and wearing giant t-shirts with the Coca Cola polar bear on them.

Besides, the oldest member of NKOTB is pushing 40. 40. Is a 40-year-old man really going to sing the songs of prepubescent lust and angst, and expect the world to listen?

Laugh is more like it. Laugh and throw snap bracelets.

Oh, menstruation.

Not a lot of people like to talk about it. Girls are pissed off at having to deal with it, and guys are either skeeved out or completely in the dark about it.

A few years (like oh, 40 or so) ago, the cartoonists at Disney realized what a bad rap menstruation was getting. They decided it was their duty to help kids out everywhere. And so they made an animated short. All about periods.

This quick little instructional video has lots of helpful tips; including “It’s smart to keep looking smart, that well groomed feeling will give you new poise and lift your moral.” (in other words, don’t wear sweatpants and giant T-shirts all week. It looks ugly), as well as “The menstrual period should bring no severe discomfort.” (it won’t be severe like cutting-off-a-leg-with-no-Novocain, but prepare for pain).

My favorite part is probably the 1960’s description of PMS. “Some girls have a little less pep, a feeling of pressure on the lower part of the body, perhaps the occasional twinge or a touch of nerves.” This must be Disney’s disnified way of saying “you could get pissed off for no reason, cry at Hallmark commercials, or want to sleep all day”.

In case your own sex ed class was a little less than stellar, sit back and enjoy a cartoon all about periods—and laugh a little when you realize my elementary school made us girls watch this exact thing.

Oh yeah, we were progressive.