Have you always aspired to be a politician, but didn’t know how to break into the political arena? Want to perfect that resume before you make the big move to Washington, D.C.? Looking to gain the experience needed to be one of our country’s fearless leaders?

Well, these days, getting into politics is easy. Real easy. All you have to do is follow these simple steps, and you’ll be on your way to public office in no time!

-    Get a group of your friends together and start up a massive money-laundering scheme on campus. It’ll look great on your resume, especially if you want to run for office in New Jersey!

-    Head to Argentina on your spring break and find yourself a local to hook up with. Oh, but be sure not to tell your current BF that you’re heading outta town. Mark Sanford did it; it seems voters like a sensitive person who isn’t afraid to show emotion.

-    Resign from your position as secretary of your school’s student government before your term is up in order to pursue a presidential bid. Hey, it’s working for Sarah Palin; the (gotcha) media circus around her is just what every politician wants. If you can get the campus paper on your tail, you’re golden!

-    Got a single room? That’ll come in handy for a career-boosting sex scandal. Set up a tripod or offer your RA money for booty. It worked like a charm for President Bill Clinton, former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, and former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey, so it should be a shoe-in for your future political career. Read More »

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Remember when Girls Gone Wild used to shame party girls across the country who had one too many body shots on Spring Break and had the bad luck to land in front of a camera? Since when has slutty behavior turned into a profitable asset and a celebrity vehicle? Mini Me’s lover is collecting big after a sex tape “somehow” leaked, and now Eliot Spitzer’s ex-whore is getting a REALITY TV SHOW. I can’t believe that we Americans will actually tune in to the lives of nutjobs like the Lohans, the Kardashians, and now, some hooker who happened to win the jackpot.

When Tila Tequila burst on the scene, she had a great gimmick: the first bisexual reality dating show. But after the Bobby Banhart breakup-scandal, and oh-so-predictable opposite-gender-choosing finale in season 2, there’s not much buzz left in Tequilaville. Bring in the hooker! If you thought Tila’s patented, “How will your parents react when they find out I’m bisexual?” act starts to get old, imagine the “How will your parents react when they find out I’m the whore that ruined Eliot Spitzer’s career?” segment.

Yes, Handprint Entertainment, the fine folks who bring the lives of Pamela Anderson and Nicole Ritchie to the small screen, are in talks with MTV to give Ashley Dupre a shot at love. Read More »

I lost my virginity at a 4-hour hooker motel in Bushwick, Brooklyn during a rainstorm at 3am. It was actually meant as a casual escape from a breakdancing party where I did not feel I fit in. Before I knew what I was doing, I was leaning close to the bright-red ear of my then-boyfriend and whispering that I thought tonight was the night. He grabbed my hand and we left without saying goodbye. And the rest is history.

But I digress. From what, I’m not sure.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, yeah, it’s a wild story and it was, actually, a very wild night, but we were safe (well, as safe as you can be in Bushwick). We used condoms. And to me, that’s all that matters.

I feel like the current trend is to act overtly sexual and then be really, really embarrassed about the actual act. It’s okay for 10-year-olds to wear lip gloss and bikinis, but it’s not okay to talk about sex itself. Read More »

In the aftermath of the Eliot Spitzer scandal, the New York Times ran an article about how rare true monogamy appears in nature. Fair enough; most of us wouldn’t argue with that. What was appalling was the way the article seemed to justify sleeping around and paying for sex, based on the premise that “everybody else is doing it.”

I think the theory has several holes in it, both scientific and moral.

One of the article’s arguments was centered on the findings of paternity tests given to animals: Evidently, even animals that supposedly mate for life have been found to be unfaithful. How do scientists know this? Because paternity tests show the children in the nest don’t always belong to the male.

The biggest flaw I see in this argument is that it says nothing about having followed the animals around for several months prior to the paternity test. If you are going to accuse a female of sleeping around, you have to have some proof other than a failed paternity test, right? I mean, if promiscuity can exist in nature, then what’s to say rape isn’t a possibility as well?

The article also argues that certain species have mating rituals equivalent to paying for sex. It then goes on to cite a type of male bird that gives females (other than his mate) treats, apparently in the hopes of getting laid: The bigger his offering, the more likely he’ll get some. Another example was macaque (a type of primate) culture: Although all macaques groom one another, it was once again assumed that the males are looking for sex, whereas the females are doing it for social and maternal reasons. Read More »