Remember when you were a kid and you mixed a bunch of different flavors of soda together and called it “suicide”? That’s kind of what this week’s new music releases are like. A mish-mash of randomness. I mean we have the lead singer of Bright Eyes, a former American Idol contestant, and an R&B girl sensation. That’s kind of like mixing Coca Cola, Orange Crush, and Dr. Pepper together.

So, your friends might give you strange looks if you play these three albums on shuffle at your next party, but as long as you have an open mind, you should be able to take each album for what it’s worth. And drink it up. Because, despite its name, “suicide” was always a ton of fun.

Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band- Outer South

The whole time I was listening to Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band’s new album, Outer South, I kept thinking, “Why does this sound so familiar??” After listening to several songs, I finally had it. Conor Oberst is the lead singer of Bright Eyes and has an extremely distinctive voice.  On this album, Conor leaves his Bright Eyes friends and joins the guys from the Mystic Valley Band. And you know what? He sounds a lot happier with this band; many of the songs are a lot more upbeat. Some of my favorites include “White Shoes” and “Spoiled,” but to be honest, the entire 16-song album was very easy for me to listen to over and over. I actually really love the last song on the album, the hillbilly-ish “Snake Hill,” which is actually mainly sung by Taylor Hollingsworth. It tells the story of a man whose mother always told him to stay on Snake Hill because he had poison in his bite. When he left the hill, “I discovered that a girl/Was what my mother tried to hide from me/She could make you feel alive/She could make you want to die/And that’s exactly what she did to me.” Though the song wasn’t even written by Oberst, those are some lyrics you would find coming right from Bright Eyes.

Elliott Yamin- Fight For Love

While I love American Idol for the opportunities it gives yet-to-be-discovered-singers, I sometimes hate it for the stigma it leaves on them. Elliott Yamin has that stigma. I feel like he’s having a hard time really making it because people think he’s just another product of American Idol. But Elliott is one of the most talented singers American Idol has discovered and his new album, Fight For Love, proves that he’s here to stay.

From the first notes of “Let Love Be,” I could tell I was going to like it; very smart to put that song first on the album.  It was also at this point that I realized how much Elliott actually sounds like John Legend. Listen to “Let Love Be” and tell me I’m wrong. This is the ultimate in pop-y jazz. I was also extremely impressed with “Cold Heart,” which I can totally see as the next single, and “Can’t Keep On Loving You.” Though “Someday” was thrown as the last song on the album, it’s probably the most heart-wrenching for Elliott’s Idol fans. Remember Elliott’s mom who was in the audience of every show cheering him on? The two were extremely close and she passed away last year; he wrote this song for her. “How do I start to make sense of what’s left/Still carry the memory of you in my head/I’m just not ready to let you go yet/But I know you’re proud of the man that I am.” Tear. All in all, I hope this album helps Elliott break beyond American Idol and show the world that he’s an incredible singer, whether Simon is judging him or not.

Ciara- Fantasy Ride

Ciara’s long-awaited album, Fantasy Ride, is finally here. The strange thing is, I didn’t even realize it was coming until it dropped. Why haven’t I been hearing the singles from it? Usually Ciara’s all over the place and I shouldn’t really have to try hard to find her. But maybe its because the album isn’t very good?

Upon first listen to the album, I actually enjoyed the first single, “Never Ever,” which samples from Simply Red’s “If You Don’t Know Me By Now,” one of the best songs ever (in my opinion).  But that is where my love for this Fantasy Ride ended. The album as a whole has some OK beats, but really lacks is fun that’s not cheesy. And, oh boy, is there a lot of cheesy. Take the lyrics  in “High Price,” for example: “I should be in Iraq, Shawty/’Cause I am the bomb/Booty look softer than a McDonald’s hamburger bun.” What does that even mean?

The only really spectacular thing about Ciara’s album is all the special guests she has on it. Between Justin Timberlake, Ludacris, Young Jeezy, T-Pain, and Missy Elliott, you’d think this album would pack a little more  awesomeness. To be honest, “Turntables” with Chris Brown is one of the best songs on the album. But it also involves Chris Brown, automatically removing its chances of being a single or even getting very popular. Really, this album should have been called “Ciara and Special Guests” and she should come out with her own “solo” album very soon.

We all have them. Those celebrities we can’t help liking, even though we can’t quite figure out why. They may not be traditionally attractive, but whether they have a fabulous talent or just make you happy, you find yourself swooning over them. I call them embarrassing celebrity crushes and I’ve been known to have many of them. No need to make fun of me; trust me, my friends do it more than enough.

My Top 5 Embarrassing Celebrity Crushes:

1) Donny Osmond

You know it’s bad when your friend texts you “over 100 Osmonds on Oprah,” and 5 minutes later your mom calls and says, “Donny is on Oprah!!” And my response? “Duh. It’s a rerun; I’ve seen it already.” Seriously though, how can you not think this man is adorable? His smile makes me melt and when he sings “Puppy Love,” I want to jump him. I saw him in concert, and yes, I was the only person under 45. And I am OK with that…men like younger women, right?

2) Dr. Phil

He’s big, smart, and makes me feel safe. The sound of his voice is so soothing to me and I wish I could fall asleep to it every night. I know his show is starting to border on becoming Jerry Springer-ish and he’s probably a huge fraud; but I don’t care, I’m in love with Dr. Phil.

3) Elliott Yamin

So he isn’t the most attractive contestant on American Idol. And he had some issues with his teeth. I still argue that his voice was the best American Idol had ever heard. And guys who have voices like his immediately become attractive in my book. When he sang Michael Buble’s “Home?” Swoon.

4) Ryan Seacrest

Pretty much everyone thinks he’s extremely annoying. But I’m attracted to him and I can’t help it…the way he announces “This is…Amerrrrrrican Idol” and his cute little suits and how he’s shorter than most of the contestants, females included. He’s adorable.

I know what you’re thinking. Yes, Elliott Yamin and Ryan Seacrest standing on the American Idol stage together was heaven to me.

5) Mark McGrath

I really have no comment on this one. I was young when I fell in love. He had lots of tattoos. I don’t think I’d ever talked to a man with lots of tattoos. I hung his pictures all over my bedroom walls and for some reason, my parents didn’t get too worried. I lost a little respect when he stopped singing with Sugar Ray and became the host of Extra, but I’m still his #1 fan.

I mean, I said it—I worried that Ms. Doolittle didn’t appeal to the mass audience—she’s just in a whole different ball game then everyone else up there. But it’s so obvious that she is amazing. Maybe lacking a personality. But a phenomenal singer. I’m pissed. Onto the rest of the show…

Ok, sure. I imagine running into one of the American Idols on the street might be kinda cool. I don’t know that I would recognize many of them, but I could pick a few out of a crowd. But who are these people that they showed in the clips last night? There were people weeping, and screaming, and freaking out over people who—as Idol legacy has proven—might not be that huge of stars. Kelly, and Carrie have done fine for themselves. But whatever happened to Ruben Studdard after he released that first album? Pretty sure crickets are audibly chirping in the silence of his career.

I was really struck by the girl weeping in the Melinda segment—“she’s really *sniffle sniffle* helped me through some *sniffle sniffle* hard times.” What? She’s literally only been around for eleven weeks. So that’s fourteen songs she’s sang, and changed your life with? Ok… I guess there are fourteen song albums that have changed my life, but seriously? I’m perplexed.

Elliott Yamin was surprisingly good. His stylist has done well for him and managed to hide that massive nose he’s got there. The song wasn’t bad, and though I don’t know that many white boys can pull off the R&B sound as well as Justin Timberlake, I’m willing to keep my fingers crossed for him. Apparently his album has been out for a minute—anyone heard it? Again with the Idol curse… hmmm. Maybe being on the show is not such a good career move.

I wanted to write here that Adam Levine was luscious and to die for good looking, but what the hell is up with that hair cut he’s rocking? What do you even call that thing? And he is lanky! I had no idea. I was hoping that his striking features would make me forget he had slept with LaLohan, but alas, he is ruined for me. The song was typical Maroon 5—catchy, poppy, fun. For some reason the sound always seems off to me when the real famous people perform. But maybe it’s me.

Next week is the big finale show—I swear if Blake wins I will NOT watch next year. And I mean it this time. I’m almost tempted to forget the last show this season, but then you guys would miss my witty banter afterwards.