To get your question answered, email Tuffy at tuffy@collegecandy.com Ain’t no question too big or too small–but keep your question down to a paragraph or three tops, yes?

[Confidential to Paulina: Stay away from that loser. He's obviously still seeing his ex (or at least hooking up with her) and you so don't need that. Like you said, there never was a friendship--why start one now?]

All right, on with today’s question:

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m having a big weird problem with my friend, let’s call her “Kate.” Kate has been my friend since third grade and we hang out with all the same people. I thought we were close.

But I was having coffee with her last week (I’m still in college but she graduated last year) and I noticed she had a ring on her ring finger. When I asked her about it it, she said, “Oh yeah, me and “Jake” eloped.” Tuffy, she’s only been dating Jake for 5 months! Also, she didn’t even tell me it happened! I said, “Oh my god, when did you elope?” And she said, “Like a month ago.”

What the hell?! Was she ever going to tell me? Apparently none of our other friends know. I feel like she totally left me (and our other friends) out of one of the most important parts of her life. I just can’t get over feeling hurt by her. What should I do?

-Elizabeth Read More »

It seems like every time I have lunch with my mom, we have the following conversation:

MOM: (after a thoughtful silence) So…

ME: (while eating) Mmhmm?

MOM: So, is he….the one?

ME: (still eating, somewhat muffled) what?

MOM: Have you discussed the “M” word?

ME: (after a pause, uncomfortably) Well, I guess…

MOM: (bursts into tears)

She’s not crying because she doesn’t like my significant other, quite to the contrary. She is crying because she realizes that marriage is another step towards adulthood and away from any pretenses that I am still a virgin.

I get uncomfortable during this conversation not because I am uncomfortable at the prospect of marriage but because I’m uncomfortable with the pomp and circumstance implied by the whole dress-cake-church-crying parents to-do. A big wedding is something that popular culture tells us that women have been dreaming about since they were little girls, but every time I think about having to put all that time, money and effort into one day, I get unpleasantly itchy.

The truth is, I am sort of engaged, but I haven’t told my mom yet. I don’t want my huge southern family losing their collective sh*t or making a big thing out of it, I also really don’t want to have the you-don’t-need-a-grossly-expensive-ring-to-be-engaged conversation, but mostly I don’t want to have to deal with my mother’s shock and total dismay when I tell her about the wedding plans we’ve made (and I use the terms “wedding” “plans” and “made” very loosely).

We are eloping. To Oregon. To get married at a doughnut shop. Read More »