The big tragedy of moving back into my apartment today was realizing that since I decided to save money by nixing the cable TV, I could not watch the Emmy Red Carpet show. It was traumatic. Watching the stars arrive and chat with Ryan Seacrest, Giuliana Rancic and the other annoying people they usually bring in is the highlight of my night and way more exciting than watching people ramble off a list of thank yous before they are kindly escorted off the stage.

Though, to be fair, Jimmy Fallon did have some really good moments.

Anyways, thank god for the Internet, right? I spent the evening scouring the World Wide Web to find out what all my favorite TV stars were wearing to the big event. And, much like Modern Family’s “Best Comedy Series” win, I wasn’t surprised to see a lot of good, a lot of bad and some major WTF. Read More »

Gossip and leaks from the Glee set!

This girl puts the “crazy” in “crazy super stalking Bieber fan.”

And the cutest couple at the Emmy’s was…..

The secrets to scoring tix to Fashion Week.

How to turn down a second date (without being rude).

The freshman advice you didn’t get at orientation.

Dear Jimmy, Jimbo, J-dog, JF,

Big night ahead of you tomorrow, huh? You’ve really made it in the entertainment world now. You slipped into the spotlight when no one was looking and you almost made everyone forget about the Taxi movie.

And now you’re hosting the Emmys. The Mother-effin Emmys. The Oscar’s slightly awkward younger sister. With such a great title comes even greater responsibility. You’ve got to do your best to keep the show to 45 minutes, an hour max.  Oh, and make it funny. You’re young and you’re hip and it’s time we rewrite some of the hosting rules to keep this whole thing exciting and fresh. Fresh is a Hollywood buzzword, right?

No one wants to listen to winners spend 35 minutes thanking people with careers that most people don’t even know exist (I owe this all to my agent, my mistress, my assistant dressing room decorator who showed me that those banana yellow chairs really do help me learn my lines).

So break the rules, ignore the music cues, and make sure everyone keeps their acceptance speeches to 10 seconds. On second thought, skip the acceptance speeches. Have them wave from their seats and Tweet out anything they want to say. If LiLo can run through a therapy-session of Tweets about her Dad while high on coke prescription Adderall, then Tina Fey can do a decently witty acceptance speech in 140 characters.

Cut off the presenters when their intro speeches start sounding extra-staged. With the exception of my AOL-using Grandmother, we all know that awkwardly playful banter is scripted. I mean does anyone really believe that Sofia Vergara and that overgrown kid from Two-and-a-half Men really have that great of chemistry? Read More »

K-I-S-S-I-N-G (on camera!).

Are Hilary and Mike in for wedded bliss?

An open letter to hamburger sliders. Nom.

Sorry, younger sibs.

Who’s presenting at the Emmy’s?

10 lessons from single women in movies.

Every week I count backwards from ten. I know, I’m kind of a big deal. Usually these countdowns have a theme like which phrases really grind my gears (“grind my gears” should be mentioned) or how I’m still effing sober, despite the fact that I could really go for a dirty martini right now.

I know it’s early, stop judging.

This week, in light of the ever-riveting Emmys, I’ve decided to countdown the ten primetime ladies that I wish I could be in real life. Most of them are from currently aired shows, but of course I had to let some of my canceled favorites slip by.

10. Cuddy – House
Who wouldn’t love to work with the ever lovable Dr. House? Cuddy is a complete non-pushover HBIC (look it up) who always looks fierce. And her hair is never out of place! Unlike that awful Cameron. Barf.

9. Lucille Bluth – Arrested Development
Why did this show get canceled? Why? I hope one day to be Lucille when I’m a “Gangy,” dirty martini in hand and Chanel skirt suits never out of place. Hopefully I’ll be slightly less mentally damaging to my family, though. Slightly.

8. Heidi Klum – Project Runway
The only non-fictional character on the list. This one’s a no brainer. Except I’m not sure how I’d go home to Seal every night.

7. Pam – The Office
I’m not a huge Pam fan. In fact, I was totally Team Karen while she was on the show. But, she has Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) and that’s all I need. Read More »

So who took home the big statues?

Rebecca Gayhart’s having a (crack) baby.

10 things not to say to your hot bartender.

Your menstrual cycle is blogging.

5 ways to meet someone this fall.

Custom size condoms?

It’s time for the Emmys!

While the stars strut their stuff down the red carpet in haute couture dresses, we’re resting comfortably in our bed wearing nothing but an old t-shirt and a pair of VS undies shoving Pad Thai in our face. Because nothing goes better with an award show than drowning our fashion-envy sorrows in a bowl of greasy noodles.

We’ve got two full hours of designer goodness (and – fingers crossed – total disaster) coming our way, so let’s get to the show!

Get your TV set to E! and enjoy a little Ryan Seacrest action with us.

Leave your thoughts in the comments so we can all discuss the highs and lows together.

If you have any immediate concerns you absolutely need me to address, feel free to IM me at “mel1236″ on AIM

5:44 PM: Settled on the couch with my bowl of cereal, pajamas and laptop. Just put on E! to the dismay of my male, lacrosse-playing roommate. Seacrest, I’m so ready for you.

6:01 PM: Yay! It’s starting! Glam Cam 360? Livefeed of Twitter? Ryan, you’ve outdone yourself, bedecked in Burberry fabulosity. Mr. Jay, what’s all up on your collar? Also, Kourtney? No. Want Khloe. Whoa she is preg.

6:05 PM: Heidi’s preggo too? Again? Am I watching the red carpet or a commercial for Maternity World?

6:10 PM: Aww, Neil Patrick Harris in the 360 cam. Heart you. I’m hoping for some Harold and Kumar antics on stage. Read More »

Nominations for the 61st Emmy Awards were announced today and I’m excited.  Not only do I have a degree of expertise in this particular area (I watch a LOT of TV), but I find that the Emmy Awards are even more bitchy than the Oscars…and that pleases me.  Also, this particular awards show validates all my time spent on my couch (and youtube, hulu, etc.) being a lazy jerk and watching TV.  I can say I was “researching.”  Yeah.  Researching.

My “researching,” as it were, has lead me to spot a couple snubs and surprises in this year’s crop of nominations.  The first (and most important) surprise is the acting and series categories were expanded to hold more contenders.  This is awesome because shows (that I adore) that aren’t normally included now have the chance at major awards.  This is not awesome because now I will have a major identity crisis during the actual awards show.  For example, Family Guy has gotten a nomination for best comedy series.  That puts the show up against others like The Office, 30 Rock, Flight of the Conchords and more.  Well…crap.  I love all of those.  WTF am I supposed to do now??

The reality series category held more shockers.  As in, no Jon & Kate Plus 8?? No Real Housewives?  Does the world hold no meaning any more?! Those shows are some of the best on TV – how do those Emmy people not realize that? Sure, Jon and Kate Plus Drama…and Ed Hardy is getting a little annoying, but don’t you want to see who went with who to the awards show?

And what Kate would do to dress up that hair? Read More »

Jamie Lynn Spears is officially a single mom.

The Emmy Nominations are out! Go, 30 Rock!

Wanna find a boyfriend? Try these tips…

Bethenny Frankel’s getting her own show!

Watch out, ladies. Amy Winehouse is back on the market!

In case you, too, want the strongest vajayjay.

Shanna Moakler reacts to Travis Barker’s plane crash.

The awkwardness of the Emmys in 2 minutes.

Want Britney’s hand-me-downs? You can buy em!

Against all odds, 90210 is picked up for a full season.

Whitney Port is getting her own show.

Watch out NYC – here comes LiLo!

It’s twins for porn star, Jenna Jameson.

Twitter for the Christian folk.

There is no way Britney really looks like this.

Heidi’s many Emmy outfits. Which was your fav?

The 10 friends you need to have.