Dear Jimmy, Jimbo, J-dog, JF,

Big night ahead of you tomorrow, huh? You’ve really made it in the entertainment world now. You slipped into the spotlight when no one was looking and you almost made everyone forget about the Taxi movie.

And now you’re hosting the Emmys. The Mother-effin Emmys. The Oscar’s slightly awkward younger sister. With such a great title comes even greater responsibility. You’ve got to do your best to keep the show to 45 minutes, an hour max.  Oh, and make it funny. You’re young and you’re hip and it’s time we rewrite some of the hosting rules to keep this whole thing exciting and fresh. Fresh is a Hollywood buzzword, right?

No one wants to listen to winners spend 35 minutes thanking people with careers that most people don’t even know exist (I owe this all to my agent, my mistress, my assistant dressing room decorator who showed me that those banana yellow chairs really do help me learn my lines).

So break the rules, ignore the music cues, and make sure everyone keeps their acceptance speeches to 10 seconds. On second thought, skip the acceptance speeches. Have them wave from their seats and Tweet out anything they want to say. If LiLo can run through a therapy-session of Tweets about her Dad while high on coke prescription Adderall, then Tina Fey can do a decently witty acceptance speech in 140 characters.

Cut off the presenters when their intro speeches start sounding extra-staged. With the exception of my AOL-using Grandmother, we all know that awkwardly playful banter is scripted. I mean does anyone really believe that Sofia Vergara and that overgrown kid from Two-and-a-half Men really have that great of chemistry? Read More »

The Emmy Awards were on last night, and I gotta say the style choices were much better than the sh*t that was on the VMA red carpet, due in part to the lack of pacifiers alone.

My faves?

Katherine Heigl and Ali Larter for the ladies, and, really, most of the guys looked pretty damn good.

But maybe I’m just super bias and dream of having a dirty foursome with the original men of The Daily Show. So what?

But, of course, beyond the glitz, glamor and fabulous bright colors (and shots of PR reps accidentally looking into cameras) this year, there were major fashion mishaps.

What award show wouldn’t be complete without WTF-were-they-thinking touches, such as unnecessary one-boob dresses or confusing frumpiness or crap hairdo’s from the ’50′s? You’d get one pretty disappointing awards show, if you ask me.

Oh and about that foursome? Make it a five-some.

See the red carpet looks after the jump. Read More »