[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer as she takes on a personal challenge. Last month, Khalea gave up fried food. This month, Michelle is going to come face to face with stress eating. Can she stop the emotional ice cream binges? We'll find out....]

When I started writing this week’s post, I really worried about it sounding like a “Dear Diary…” kind of deal. Stress eating, and the reasons behind it, are so personal, for every single individual. The reasons I stress eat can be totally opposite from the reasons my best friend stress eats or the reasons my boyfriend stress eats. It’s so dependent on life circumstances, and personality, and, when it comes down to it, the way each and every one of us thinks. Which, I hope we all agree on this, is different for everybody. Thought is just not homogenous across humanity. Obviously, I’m not any kind of professional, and everything I write here is based around me and how I think these things through… but I hope all my fellow stress eaters will be able to get a little insight into their own lives from what I’m experiencing.

How’s it going?

The past few days haven’t been easy. I’ve found myself standing in my kitchen holding a bag of tortilla chips and teetering on the edge of, I am going to eat all of these. I’ve been able to (mostly) talk myself down from these moments by addressing how I really feel… but each and every time, I get this itchy, uncomfortable feeling about it. Feeling emotions, really feeling them, makes us all uncomfortable to some extent. Feeling sad, being angry, experiencing grief… they aren’t good feelings and we don’t like it. So if we can avoid it, why not?

I should probably confess something right now: I’m a cry-er. I cry a lot. Probably at least 40% of the time. I cry when I’m angry, when I’m hurt, when I’m frustrated, when I feel ignored, when someone is mean, when I’m annoyed, when I’m stressed… pretty much if it doesn’t make me happy, I cry about it. And sometimes I even cry when I’m happy. I’m a cry-er. It’s what I do.

And I’m an ugly cry-er, guys. Really. It makes my face muscles tense and hurt. My head starts to pound. My nose runs and I talk like I have an extremely bad cold. Crying sucks, but I do it all the time.

Sometimes, when I’m right on the edge of tears, I eat instead. Because I hate crying, even though I do it all the time. But there is another side to my crying habit. Sometimes when I cry, I don’t eat. Sometimes, when I really let myself feel things, when I cry for a few hours like my body wants to, I don’t eat. I’ll feel hungry. But I’ll be so sad, and my head and face will hurt from crying so much, that I don’t have the energy to eat. So what’s better: compulsively eating so I don’t feel the emotion… or feeling the emotion and being so drained from it that I don’t eat?

Girls, this stress eating thing is getting complicated.

So… what’s working?

Cardio recently has not been doing it for me when it comes to exercising the stress away. I still feel good when I get off the treadmill or the elliptical machine, but at the same time, twenty minutes later, I still have the feeling of missing my boyfriend or stressing about the fact that there are, literally, no young professional job opportunities in my area (for people with my training and degree). So what has been working? Circuit training. Strangely enough, doing a series of crunches, leg lifts, high knees and long jumps clears my brain in a way that cardio used to, and afterward, the burn in my muscles is almost cathartic. Plus, if I keep this up, I’ll have some amazing abs. So if you’re finding cardio a little humdrum, give yourself a break and try some circuit training.

Finding a new hobby has also helped me a lot. When I don’t have anything to do (and, frankly, without a job and with my boyfriend in a different state, my options for things to do are pretty limited), I tend to obsess over little things, get stressed, and then eat. I promised my boyfriend that I’d find “little projects” for myself every single day. This week, I received a Canon Rebel T2i in the mail… and haven’t been able to put it down. When my part-time writing work gets done by 2pm, I now have something to do: I go for a walk with my camera and my dog; I visit my favorite spots around my hometown; or I go for a long drive, just me and my camera. Having a hobby distracts me and lightens my mood, especially when I’m having a bad day. I’m not saying you should drop $1,000 on a new camera or any kind of new hobby… but picking up scrapbooking, sewing or sketching is a great way to fill up the times where you would obsess over the little anxieties and stress eat.

Final Thoughts

This challenge has given me a lot to think about. Whenever I’ve been stressed lately, and found myself holding a jar of Nutella or some other tasty snack when I’m not really hungry, I’ve made a few notes in my journal and then calmly talked myself out of making a chocolate chip cookie sandwich with Nutella. All of these notes have essentially added up to the question I started this article with: what is it about feeling emotions that I hate?

Is it that I’m a cry-er? And an ugly crier at that? Because I give myself headaches from crying? Or is it because I don’t want to address what I really, really feel? As an example: when I’m frustrated with my boyfriend for not texting me back, what am I really thinking? Does he not love me? Is he with another girl? Is he ignoring me? It’s all based in insecurity, which fuels my stress, which fuels my stress eating, which fuels my insecurity. So really, when I stress eat to not feel emotion, what I’m really avoiding is addressing the underlying issue: that I’m insecure.

It can be a never-ending cycle, girls. But it’s time with break it. When I think about it, my stress eating always goes back to my little list of insecurities: the things that I’m unsure of regarding my body, my personality, my entire life. My insecurity over my not-so-flat stomach, my insecurity over the job market, my insecurity over the fact that maybe I’m not a likeable person… all of these things add up to anxiety that I pretend is about other things. But it’s not. It’s time to address the insecurity we all feel, so we can break the cycle of stress eating.

"I want to share all my feelings now."

A constant complaint we girls have is that men “don’t talk,” that they “never tell us how they really feel,” and anyone who’s ever interacted with a dude knows its pretty unusual to see one cry. And sometimes that gets frustrating and we just want our guy to share his emotions. We don’t want to date a robot; we want a guy with feelings. We know they’re in there somewhere and we just need a little somethin’ somethin’ to bring ‘em out.

Well, now there is that something. And it’s not a viewing of “Field of Dreams.” Scientists have been working furiously and finally come up with a solution to this very real problem:

Introducing Cuddle Spray a hormone-laced nasal spray developed by Universities of Oxford and Bonn.

I won’t bore you by telling you how it uses neuropeptide oxycotin, and how half of the forty-eight men they tested it on expressed their feelings more. And I won’t touch the subject of how the male participants had increased emotional empathy, either. You can read more about that later.

What I will talk about, however, is the commercial havoc that is going to result from this product. It will be like the Tickle-Me-Elmo craze of 1996 only worse, because instead of crazy moms trying to please their kids, this time it’s going to be crazy girls trying to please themselves. After years of probing their guys for some feelings, women can just spray this stuff and suddenly find the poetic, romantic dream boat hidden inside? I can’t even imagine how many women are going to start buying this for their mate, but I know they do, they need to be prepared in full protective gear. And they should probably leave the earrings at home.

Some call the new cuddle spray the “relationship Viagra,” which sounds simply delightful. But I have to wonder if guys need to consult a doctor if they feel emotional for more than 4 hours, how emotional do we want our men to be? Sure, empathy is nice, but isn’t part of the appeal of men that they aren’t as emotional as women? Do I really want my boyfriend to cry when I tell him that he can’t wear mid-calf socks with shorts? Do I really want to come home and find him sitting on the couch, sobbing into a tub of Edy’s as another bride finds “the dress” on Say Yes to The Dress? I think not. It’s that mystery and aloofness that gets us interested in the relationship to begin with, isn’t it?

I suspect that once this new spray hits mainstream, the appeal of quiet, mysterious men will grow. After all, don’t we all laugh when we read Edward Cullen’s moanings? Was I the only one who was completely freaked out that he stood over Bella’s bed at night, watching her? If that’s what this Cuddle Spray is going to do to my man, then I’m gonna have to say, no thank you. I’ll stick to the cologne-wearing, non-stalking, non-comparing-me-to-heroine boys. I like them a little rough around the edges. And smelling good.

I am a Cosmo devotee. Have been since I started stealing my mom’s when I was twelve. I am amazed monthly by the hair, the witty captions, and their never ending innovation of synonyms for the word penis. Many of my friends, acquaintances, relatives and sisters swear by Cosmo as their Bible (and for the most part I do too). But there are some times (well…many times) when Cosmo’s take on real world situations is – in a word – whack.

I will still accept their declarations of lip gloss superiority like they were handed down from the divine, but when it comes to their interpretation of all things men (or at least all things greatly generalized and stereotyped), I think I’ll be reading with a grain of salt handy.

And I’ll pass that grain onto you. With every passing month and, in turn, every new “Secret Sex Fantasy Guys Won’t Tell You!” revealed, I will be here to break it all down for you. I will find the truth buried deep between the unsafe sex positions and “things he secretly loves you for,” so you don’t end up with a stiff neck, an angry boyfriend or some seriously embarrassing sexcapades.]

This month, Cosmo did a damn good job at publishing articles that were, for the most part, interesting, non-redundant, and (my fave) THEMED! I mean, yeah it’s expected, but Feb’s issue had more V-day tips, lingerie ideas and suggestions than you could shake a stick at…and I still logged onto their website to check out all the extra stuff they promised. I couldn’t have asked for anything more (except for a coupon for 1 free Victoria’s Secret ensemble for the 14^th).

But, since it is Cosmo, there was bound to be some advice that you just read and think “Seriously?” This month’s issue delivered that little nugget in the form of its “His Point of View,” courtesy of the Man Manual. At first, I thought this article had been misplaced and was really one of Cosmo’s hilarious “If Guy’s Edited Cosmo” pieces. Unfortunately, the female editors must have let Jonathon Wilde really edit “The Best Times to Impress Him.”

When His Buddy Gets Dumped

Cosmo says: “If your guy’s male pal gets the ax…he has only one job: to help get the dude laid. So give your man the green light to spend more time than usual acting like a wingman.”

Kari says: Uh, in your dreams! First of all, getting his friend’s wallowing ass laid is not going to immediately fix everything, but way to trivialize guys’ emotions (as usual) and suggest that everything will be all better with a little bootay. Second of all, guys out on the prowl + unidentified amount of whiskey + serious lack of common sense or girlfriend cannot end well. There are plenty of men out there who tend to assume a pack mentality, and if their bros are hooking up…

During An Argument

Cosmo Says: Since women are way better at arguing than men, let your guy off the hook whenever you have a disagreement. Instead, do as this awesome girlfriend did and say, “Enough yelling, let’s figure this out over a beer.”

Kari Says: Yes, because alcohol is the perfect way to diffuse a heated situation. On a serious note, though: why should I dismiss an issue that I obviously feel passionately about just because it makes you uncomfortable to discuss it? Furthermore, just because I’m gifted with inherent and badass verbosity doesn’t give you an excuse to be a whiny a-hole about losing arguments (that you’d probably lose even if you were talented at arguing.) I mean, you don’t see me insisting on driving because I’m jealous of your superior spatial reasoning skills. Pssh, with excuses so weak, no wonder why you don’t want to argue with us.

The Session After a Bad Bedroom Session

Cosmo Says: Disregard that time it didn’t go so well, smooth it over by awaiting your man in lingerie and never speaking of it again!

Kari Says: Ok Cosmo, when I was 11 you taught me that the most important part of any relationship was communication. Of course, my then boyfriend Danny didn’t grasp this concept and I immediately dumped him (I’ve always taken your word as law!). So why on Earth should we break the rules now, especially when we’re talking about another key aspect of any bond? I’m not saying that you should dissect what went wrong or draw a diagram for him or anything, but I think it deserves a little discussion, especially if it’s never happened before. That way you can figure out just why the nooky was so lame and happily move on from there.

When He’s Had a Triumph at Work

Cosmo Says: “Guys base a lot of their self-esteem on how they perform at the office. Get excited when he kicks ass at work and it makes him feel really manly.”

Kari Says: Agreed! Every guy deserves props when he’s done something good. (I mean, I love to call my boyfriend and tell him when I got a good grade so we can virtually high-five.) The best part of having a partner is having someone to share your emotions with, especially when they’re happy, “I rock!” emotions. But why stop there? Be proud of your guy even when he does little things that he’s proud of. Using every single day as an opportunity to impress him goes a lot farther than waiting for his bro to get dumped or for his equipment to malfunction.

So what did you think about this month’s Cosmo? Rants? Raves? Obsessed with those Havianas on page 57? Good, me too.

Just like we are always wondering what guys are thinking (which usually consists of sex, sports, beer and sex), guys want to know what’s on our minds. What do we want? What do we like? What the hell do we mean when we curtly say “it’s fine” after they push us to order the salad instead of the pasta?

Contrary to popular belief, they care what we think. Not only because they want to please us, but because they want to woo us, lure us…and get us into their beds.

So, we at CollegeCandy decided it was time to let guys know exactly what we like/hate/and dream about at night. So, vote, comment and pass this on to those boys in your life. And remember: unlike sex with most college men, this is all for you in the end.

When considering a boy-toy, which do you prefer: the sensitive guy who is in touch with his feelings, or the strong guy with the tough exterior?

[For more dating and relationship fun join the CollegeCandy Facebook group!] 

On Saved by the Bell, Elizabeth Berkley gained pre-Showgirls notoriety, for the famous Jessie Spano Caffeine Pill Breakdown (I’m so excited! I’m so scared!). Of course, Full House and SBTB were heart-warming sitcoms, where everyone learns their lesson in the end, and move away from their self-destructive behavior, never to mention anorexia, bullimia, or drug abuse ever again.

The breakout Canadian teen sensation, Degrassi, which airs in the US on The N network, covers a variety of teen issues, without the cavity-inducing sugary sweetness of the stuff we grew up on. Among the kids who dabble in drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, and bi-polar disorder, Degrassi introduced the world to Ellie Nash, who is a cutter.

I’m too old for Degrassi, but I don’t care. I’m pretty much obsessed with it. The best part about the show is that it doesn’t sweep the issues under the rug at the end of each 22-minute episode. And because the writers have the balls to “Go There.” I mean, come on: we all know the caffeine-pill incident was a stand-in for a harder drug, like speed or something, but hard drugs don’t exist at Bayside High.

I remember when the cutting craze swept my middle school. I have no idea who started it, or why it caught on, but at my school, cutting was the iPhone of the late 90′s. Everybody did it. How sick is that? Needless to say, I went through a period of self-mutilation. Before I explain, let me insist that hurting yourself is completely different from, say, suicidal tendencies. I didn’t want to die; I just wanted an outlet to relieve stress. So, when I got upset about some stupid middle-school-drama, I would sit in my room and make little cuts on my wrists or abdomen.

I know, this habit is totally lame, and morbid, and… did I mention lame? And that’s why I stopped; it was embarrassing to have to wear chunky bracelets or long sleeved shirts in the summer. When people asked what happened, I had to make up stupid excuses, and try not to look like a pseudo-goth psychopath. The “trend” at my school faded away along with flared jeans and Chumbawumba, and I grew out of my own habit.

But, there’s still a part of me that gets the urge to cut from time to time. Even though I am way to old to be relating to a fictional character like Ellie Nash, there was an episode where Ellie explains to some other troubled teen that her urge to cut is something she has to live with, not something that will go away. If I’m pissed off after a bad day at work, or stressed about an exam, sometimes I have the urge to hurt myself. It’s almost like craving a cigarette. Of course, I have healthier outlets to relieve stress, e.g. the Elliptical machine at the Y.

So, for whatever reason, cutting has been around for some time, and it is most likely to occur in teenage girls. Many of them will grow out of it, like I did, but there are cases when the habit can snowball and lead to serious outcomes. I think that shows like Degrassi do a better justice to the trials and tribulations of growing up, because we can’t all have a Zack Morris run into our bedroom and throw our problems on the floor.

The fact that I did well in school left me with a lot of confidence and self worth when I moved on and began doing other things. I knew that I could do just about anything if I wanted to, which is how I approached the job hunt after college and how I continue to approach every task that is put in front of me. I know I am intelligent and capable and that leaves me with a sense of comfort and mental clarity as I go through life.

I can totally understand, then, the results of a recent study that claim that women who are expelled or drop out of high school experience a much higher rate of mental instability and depression than men.

For one thing, the inability to complete a task will weigh on anyone; especially one that will affect the course of the rest of your life. And, because women tend to be more in tune with their emotions, it makes sense that this would affect them more than their male counterparts. (Or at least what those macho, “I’m fine” boys are reporting.)

It is also a lot easier for men to make a life for themselves without a high school degree. There are many more jobs available to men than to women, like plumbers, mechanics, and working in construction. Yes, women can do those things too, but do they? Is there a 50/50 split in those industries? No. If women have limited job opportunities, how can they ever pull themselves up and feel confident about the life they are living?

The results of this study are sad and telling, but will hopefully do more than just bring this issue to light. Education is the foundation of EVERYTHING in this country and – as we see here – it provides a lot more than a piece of paper on graduation day.

I come off to everyone as a jaded and heartless b*tch, I guess. But that’s not really it at all. It’s not my lack of emotion that makes me steer clear of relationships. On the contrary, it’s my abundance of emotion. Sound silly?

Well, yeah. It is silly. But it’s how I am. When I really like a guy, I’m f*cking worthless. Every moderately aching emotion makes me want to puke all over everything around me. Love hurts…it’s not just a song, people. Sure, I feel ecstasy. I feel love. To quote songstress Feist, I feel it all. But when the pain comes, it kills me. I lost fifteen pounds in two weeks once after a breakup that I couldn’t emotionally handle.

So I should probably get my emotions in order, huh? Maybe go to a therapist…get on some meds…develop an addiction just so that I can…ignore my emotions? It doesn’t make sense to me to do that. But I will work out frequently. I will keep my social circle growing and I will keep working my ass off with my career.

Nonetheless, it seems to me that no matter how healthy I am outside of relationships, I’m still way too overly emotional inside of them. I don’t want to be, but it’s hard to shake. I’d rather be alone than deal with the choking feeling I get when I find out that someone I’ve invested my heart into isn’t any good for me.

I don’t know WHO did this to me, but I know that it’s how I react to ‘love’. (See? Even just there, I had to put love in quotes…)

Am I the only allegedly ‘overly’ emotional girl out there?

Join the club.

I think a lot of us fear that there might be something wrong if we still have feelings for an ex, even years later.

Society tells us that we’re supposed to kick it and move on, that we should say “tough luck” if somebody dumps us, and that we should never again be tempted to kiss somebody we’ve ended a relationship with.

…For real?

Even though I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two and a half years, and I can’t imagine any scenario in which I would break up with him, I still feel a little wishy-washy about a few of my exes. Doesn’t everybody? Sure, there are a couple I’d just as soon never talk to again, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about them every week or two (even if it is just in passing).

There’s one I think about almost every day, even though I wouldn’t date him again if somebody paid me ten million dollars. And then there’s the guy that I could swear still has a thing for me, because he’s continually trying to get us to meet up—and whenever we do see each other, he looks at me with Those Eyes.

So, the question that I have is: How can anybody be expected to “move on” so quickly when we leave such an extensive trail of emotions behind?

I know that it’s best for relationships to come to an end sometimes. But there are some things I will never understand, like how someone who breaks up with you can love you just the same as always one day and then not love you enough to continue the relationship the next day.

Romance is hardly a color-within-the-lines activity, I know. But I think if people stopped telling us to move on and started telling us to accept our conflicted feelings and work through them instead, we’d end up moving on much more quickly and easily.

CC readers, what do YOU think? Is it possible to just “move on”? What are some things you do to help yourself sort through feelings about an ex?

I realized just how gross when I saw a not so charming boy taking part in the same not so charming habit during a lecture and my friends pointed out that:

a) Yes, I look like that too when I pick/bite

b) We are destined to be together because we share the same nasty habit.

Whether it is nail biting, throat clearing, being chronically late, talking too loud on your cell phone etc- we all have that one (or eight) habits we just wish we could break. But sometimes we really can’t help but take part in our bad habits. Kind of like when we couldn’t help but text that guy last Saturday night at 2am, even though we said we were sooo done with that.

Sometimes bad habits are just really hard to break.

So before you make that New Years Resolution to not oversleep or stop cracking your knuckles, here are three steps to actually help you achieve that goal.

3 Easy Steps to Breaking Bad Habits (From WebMD)

1) Make It Conscious. Many times, we do these things without thinking about it. Like when we are bored in class or stressed in the library etc. So figure out when and why you take part in your habit(s) of choice. If you realize when/why you are doing it and can attribute what you are feeling that is driving you to do it, you will have an easier time finding a way to stop.

2) Put It in Writing. Just like most dieticians will suggest you write down what you eat so that you are aware that you “accidentally” ate the large chocolate cheesecake because you were feeling lonely, same goes here. Put down the situation you are in along with the emotions surrounding the nail biting (or other habit). Take notice to what is going through your head when you do it. This will help make you more conscious of it and help you curb how often you do it.

Also, write out a pros/cons list of this behavior to make you more aware of why it’s such a bad habit in the first place!

3) Bait and Switch. After you figure out the root cause of why you are biting your nails/chronically coughing etc try to find a not-so- annoying temporary replacement for it. (Nail biter? Try gum! Knuckle cracker? Try sitting on your hands or doodling in class). Other experts suggest meditation. And if that doesn’t work?

Put a large rubber band around your wrist. Every time you are aware that you are taking part in your bad habit… snap that bad boy against your wrist.

Have any of your own tried and true tips for breaking a bad habit?

Leave them here!

If I told you I had a sure-fire way to beat it, I’d be lying. Because if I had found the magic formula, it wouldn’t have taken me 8 months to realize that graduating from college in four years wasn’t the worst decision of my life.

Fortunately for you, I have a few good tips about what NOT to do. Whether you are kicking it at home for the summer or making your way in a brand new city, these tips are sure to keep you from going as crazy as, well, I did.

DO NOT Turn to Your Comfort Food. During my stint in unemployment, I caught an episode of Oprah where Dr. Oz talked about the brain. Apparently, the part of the brain that remembers our fatty comfort foods is right beside the part that stores our memories. So your brain connects the way that fatty comfort food tastes and the way it made you feel better when you ate it. If I had known there was scientific proof that the Pad Thai wasn’t going to make me feel better, maybe I would have only ordered it one time a week instead of three. And of course, the few extra pounds did nothing for my self-esteem.

DO NOT Stay in Bed. Or watch TV in bed or do anything in bed but sleep. (Of course, you can have sex in bed… but first refer to tip #4).

DO NOT Go Shopping. You’ll just be spending to quell the lonely feeling and all that will be left at the end is a bit more credit card debt and clothes you’re probably not that crazy about. However, getting out of the house for a bit of window shopping, sans credit card can be a good mood booster.

DO NOT Drink Alone. Have a drink with dinner, but just one. Trust me, that bottle of wine will go faster than you think. And then you’ll be sitting at home alone, drunk and crying. And it isn’t pretty.

DO NOT Slut it up. You want a hug; you want the feeling of connection. You want something, anything so that you don’t feel so damn ALONE all he time. Bringing home just any boy (or boy after boy) may feel really good now, but tomorrow morning when he leaves and doesn’t ask for your number, you’re going to feel more alone than ever.

DO NOT Bring out the old photo albums or look through the 600 pictures of you and your girls on Facebook. I made the mistake of watching a DVD a friend had compiled of pictures of our friends set to music just a week after I moved away. I was a blubbering mess and my new roommates were mortified.

DO NOT Push Your Friends Away. Distance has already put a space between you so don’t push them farther away by putting up an emotional wall. Just because it may feel like they don’t understand what you’re going through, they’re still your friends and always there for support.

DO NOT Stay Unemployed for Long. Maybe you moved back home without a job or you just haven’t landed that perfect post- grad position. Chances are, any summer job or first job isn’t going to kick ass. Instead of sitting around applying for jobs (and eating and crying and totally wishing you could go back to school) just do ANYTHING. My tip: go through a temp agency and ask for a few jobs where you’re working with a lot of other people. I made two great friends working a sample sale, even though the long hours and snooty people were totally unbearable.

DO NOT Despair. Accept that feeling lonely sucks. Don’t let yourself feel like this isn’t the way you should be feeling right now. Accept the total shittyness of it all and soon, you’ll find that you aren’t feeling so lonely anymore.