Ugh I hope this isn’t true! Rumors are flying today that Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth (aka GALE) are engaged, and I for one will not stand for this! No official announcement has been made, but Miley has been sporting a huge rock on her ring finger. She tweeted a picture of her nails earlier this week with the ring on, and it doesn’t really look like an engagement ring up close. But it is a big, shiny bauble so who knows? Neither the couple or their reps have made a statement, which could be because they don’t want to take away from Liam’s Hunger Games press.

I think he’d be crazy to propose to her right now, especially since his career is about to skyrocket. I mean, it’s Miley. Other than going out and smoking salvia, I’m not sure what she’s been up to. Plus they are so young! Not that young marriages don’t work out, but young marriages in Hollywood generally end in a statistic. I’ve never been a fan, and I personally think he can do a lot better. Like me. I’m banking on the fact that she’s crazy, bought the ring for herself, and is using the rumors to get him to propose.

Do you think Miley and Liam are really engaged? Is it a mistake?

Caitlin is a senior at the University of Alabama who has an obsession with cupcakes, coffee, and Harry Potter. She always has random fun facts on reserve and aspires to be a professional blogger, social media bug, and/or James Franco’s assistant. Follow her fabulous life @caitlincorsetti. You’re welcome!

So, congratulations! Have you picked a date? Done the dress shopping? Gone cake tasting? Picked the esteemed members of your bridal party? Great! So if we could take a minute to shift the focus over to me? Yeah.

You’re freaking me out.

Early, early, early 20s are not a time when the general “you” should be worried about marriage, especially when I can’t even decide whether I want to go to grad school or work or what. And yet, you’re kind of making me think I should be worried. I mean, isn’t everybody in the dating game right now, yourselves excluded? Aren’t most pople our age single? Don’t you know that marriage is supposed to be forever and divorces are really expensive and, frankly, so are weddings (especially on the east coast—eep)?

And also, are you going to get all judgy all of a sudden? I’m still the delinquent “single friend” who can’t land a boyfriend for more than a couple months at a shot, I have no life direction as yet (but we’re hoping, any day now, for an epiphany)… Are you going to keep giving me that “I’m judging you without trying to seem that way” look while continually asking how my dating life is going? Because I can tell you already: I’m really not going to meet anyone anytime soon. I’m pretty sure I’m bad at the dating game and I probably can’t even find someone to commit to being my date at your wedding to keep me from looking as alone and pathetic as I apparently am…

No, it’s fine. I’ll be at the bar, don’t worry about it.

Wait; you are having an open bar, aren’t you?

I’m sure it’s not your intention to make me feel bad here, and your wedding is really just about the two of you and eternal love and sunshine and daisies and what-not. But until this whole engagement situation I really thought I was just normal and average for a twenty-something. But… marriage. Wow. You kids aren’t screwing around. You’re getting your lives together. I just settled on my major last week, thought that was a big deal, but here you are stealing my thunder, not parting til death and throwing yourselves bachelor and bachelorette parties that I can’t even afford to attend. Oh and also, thanks for registering at Crate & Barrel; I can maybe afford to buy you a serving spoon or can opener.

In any case, I guess it’s not your fault, and I don’t exactly blame you… but you’re kind of bringing out the worst in me. You make me feel inadequate and kind of uncomfortable. And alone. And poor. Can you maybe just make an extra vow to some of your friends to not become the lame married couple? To stay fun and pleasant like you were when you were just boyfriend-and-girlfriend? To not make the rest of us feel awkward for being single, and to not judge us for our lack of awesomeness in relationships?

Thanks.

And again, mazel tov.

Love,

K

PS—If you want me in your bridal party, peach is not a color option.

[Photo courtesy of home.att.net]

That’s right, friends. The good people at Apollo Diamond will now grow you a perfect diamond for about the same price as a real diamond. Plus, it comes with its very own birth certificate!

Okay, I know I sound like I’m mocking this, but actually I think it’s a really great thing.

As most people know, diamonds come with a heavy price-tag (and I’m not talking about your bank account). Remember this movie? Yeah, it stirred quite a controversy, mostly because people over here in the U.S. of A. didn’t (want to) know the truth behind diamond mining. But the truth is, diamonds cause a lot of blood shed in parts of Africa, especially in Liberia and Cote D’Ivoire, but also in Angola, the Democratic Republic of the Congo (formerly Zaire), and Sierra Leone.

A conflict diamond is a diamond that was used to raise money for the various terrorist and rebel militias in these countries. It accounts for a lot of the diamonds you see here in stores in the West. Strangely, in the United States, there is no way for a store to guarantee that a diamond is or is not a conflict diamond. Canada has at least set up a voluntary tracking system (so stores can sell only guaranteed conflict-free diamonds, if they choose), but there are still Canadian jewelers who choose to, frankly, just not bother.

Slowly, however, more and more companies are becoming conscious of the horrors related to diamond mining in Africa; Apollo Diamond leading the way.

This is a very hot topic at the moment and one that everyone should learn more about. To read more about conflict diamonds, check out this UN page.

In the meantime, ladies, consider either man-made diamonds (it’s almost like growing a Chia Pet) or another stone entirely.

What do you think, eventual potential brides? Man-made diamond? Ruby? Just a band? Or do you have your heart set on a real diamond, human cost be damned?

[Image courtesy of http://www.funny-potato.com]

Then that announcement was overshadowed by the announcement on May 7th that the two were planning to get married in a week’s time, which then lead to an announcement that the two did get married, segueing to an announcement that they were honeymooning in a basement (which was later revealed to be a lie, but they didn’t make an official announcement about it so it doesn’t register on my finely-tuned radar).

Now this week the eyelinered newlyweds have made not one but TWO announcements, the first being that Ashlee is no longer Ashlee Simpson, Joe Simpson’s Retirement Plan Part Deuce, but Ashlee Wentz, (get ready for the second announcement) Pete Wentz’s Knocked Up Wife. That’s right, folks, she’s pregnant not just with an album but also a baby. Awwww. I wonder if they’re identical or fraternal?

At any rate, what really matters here is how I feel about all this. And the truth is, in this Peashlee Wempson announcement circus, I have somehow developed a little bit of a soft spot for the couple. Two months ago had you asked me how I felt about them, I probably would have launched an expletive-filled (and, let’s face it, drunken) tirade about how Ashlee is a no-talent dipshit who’s lucky to have discovered plastic surgery and Pete is an asshat pseudo-hipster of the highest order, but now…I think they’re kind of cute.

Sure, the aforementioned statements are still not incorrect, but what the heck. Being lame isn’t a crime, and they a) look good together, and b) seem crazy happy. So I’m releasing an official announcement condoning their existence as human beings and as a married couple. All the best, kids, and congratulations on winning me over. Oh, and on all that other crap.

Deciding to live with your significant other is essentially committing to a practice marriage; you will find out how often he wears the same pair of smelly socks, that he has a difficult time digesting Mexican food and calls his mom twice a day. This doesn’t mean there is something fundamentally wrong with him, you will just finally get to see all the not so shiny things about him–things that ultimately shouldn’t matter if you are in love.

After all, he’s going to know how scary you look in the morning, hear you fart, and discover that, indeed, you sometimes poop.

Being that its such a huge step, it goes without saying that moving in together is not something to be taken lightly. Here are some things to consider before taking the proverbial plunge.

1) If you’re like me and really treasure your privacy, enjoy it while you are still living apart from your love muffin, because once you move in together it will be gone, or at least greatly diminished. Even if you had roommates before, you still probably had your own room which afforded you a modicum of privacy.

There is a good chance you will be sharing a bedroom with your significant other which makes it somewhat more difficult to be alone. It’s one of many necessary sacrifices you will have to make. But, to ease the situation, you can institute a “quiet time” where you can be by yourself in one room and loverboy can be alone in another. Or you can keep your own bedroom in your shared house if privacy is really that sacred to you.

2) Make sure you plan out your financial situation precisely BEFORE you move in. There are always certain unforeseen situations and money is usually the thing that causes the most friction in co-habitative relationships. Get it in writing who will pay for what and when so there can be no argumentation. I know the money conversation is kind of a buzzkill, but if you’re serious about making your relationship work and work smoothly, you need to have it.

3) Try a trial run. Hopefully if you are considering taking the big step of moving in with your honey bunny, you have spent a considerable about of time with that person and have a good idea of their idiosyncrasies (and they will have some). Before you move in, try living with the person for two weeks. If their adorable little nuances haven’t made you consider spousicide then you should think about continuing with the plan, as it were.

If they are already on your nerves after a scant two weeks, then maybe you should reconsider. Don’t misunderstand me, at some point, your schnookums is going to drive you crazy, but hopefully, if you are lucky, it’s more of a thing that happens over time.

When we last left The Hills – far too long ago than I’d like to think about – Heidi was heading back to Montag Ranch in the rugged hills of Colorado for a much needed break from Spencer. From his lack of a job to his oversized beard to the fact that he packed her bags to elope in Vegas, Heidi had enough. She may also have realized that the ring (weighing in at about 50% of her pre-implants body weight) was f-a-k-e.

And since the infamous season finale, people have been wondering what is going on with the Dumb-As-Rocks Duo. Rumors have been flying: Heidi and Spencer broke up, they are still together but the wedding is off, that (GASP) the show is completely scripted.

Now, I am a girl who has standards when it comes to the news. I am not just going to believe whatever some weird looking dude with a propensity for scribbling on pictures has to say. I want some evidence. Like these photos I found while perusing my favorite blog sites yesterday. (Note: high standards is a relative statement.)

At first glance I thought to myself, “See, world, Heidi and Spencer are together. The show is real!” And then I started flipping through a few more. Like this one. And this one. Oh, and this doozy. All of which, supposedly, show Heidi and Spencer lounging on the beach and enjoying one another’s company. But, what the pictures are really showing is Heidi doing some sort of erotic photo shoot on the beach. There can’t be real. Not a chance. I mean, does anyone really sit like this?

As much as I hate to admit it, Heidi and Spencer are not in love and are no more than fame-seeking D-list celebs. That, paired with the fact that LC is rumored to have just purchased a $2 million dollar house, can only mean one thing: The Hills is as fake as Heidi’s chest. I can tell you from experience that magazine internships barely pay enough to cover dinner, let alone a Hollywood home. The money was coming from somewhere else and it was most definitely MTV.

If you can prove me wrong, please do. I can’t handle the thought of this show being scripted. Not because I am angry over being duped by MTV, but because I can’t handle the thought of another one of my favorite shows being delayed by the writer’s strike.