Tomorrow is Equal Pay Day, a public awareness event to draw attention to the gender pay gap. Today, women make about 80 cents per every dollar a man makes.

It’s ridiculous – if we do the same work, we should get paid the same. Am I right!? [Crowd cheers.]

But I’m here to say that we not only deserve equal pay, but should actually be making more money than men. Here are 5 very real reasons why:

1. Women are biologically superior to men. We have a longer life expectancy, more grey matter in our brains (it’s useful stuff, trust me) and can have multiple orgasms. We aren’t as susceptible to many inherited diseases (like hemophilia and colorblindness) because we have two X chromosomes rather than just one.

2. We work twice as much. Most women and men work eight-hour days. But when women get home, they have to cook, clean, and take care of the kids. This extra work is known by feminists as the “second shift” and we deserve to be compensated for it.

3. Women are more qualified than man. Women get better grades and take more advanced placement classes in high school. Nearly sixty-percent of undergraduate college students are women, and women earn more bachelor and graduate degrees then men. Read More »

Hey, y’know what’s totes awesome? The fact that in college women outperform men – with GPAs higher in every college major – and we will still get paid exponentially less than men. No matter the position, no matter the field.

How is this possible? How is it the year 2007 and women are still being financially discriminated against solely because we have vaginas? Oh, and forget about it if you have a minority vagina – African American women earn 77 cents to a man’s dollar and Latinas earn an unbelievable 55 cents to a man’s dollar.

According to a new study by the American Association of University Women Educational Foundation, only one year out of college (kinda hits home for us, huh?), women working full time will earn 20% less than their male counterparts. You could be an entry-level engineer or a five-year registered nurse, you will still make less than a man in the exact same position with the exact same level of experience. Read More »