[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

“Oh god. This has never happened to me before.”

Yup, I’ve heard that one before. Twice from the same person, actually. I’ve also had one ex propose a trip to Home Depot to rectify the situation. True (and really creepy) story. Being in college where the average night starts with a beer bong, ends with a shot of Jager and has a whole lot of cheap booze in between, I know I’m not alone. Erectile dysfunction (also not so lovingly known to as Whiskey D*ck) is as prevalent as Uggs, overpriced textbooks and porch couches. It’s something that all college women will encounter at one point or another in their lives.

But that doesn’t make it any less embarrassing for the guy whose parts aren’t working, or for the girl who has to somehow rectify the situation.

However, having encountered a limp biscuit a few times between the sheets (and once in a bathroom stall), I have to say that it’s really not as big a deal as movies, stories and shell shocked guys make it out to be. Read More »

Questionpantses for Tuffaleh?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for possible answerpantses.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of one and a half years, and I’ve been beating myself up ever since. The first half of our relationship was blissful – we were like best friends, had tons of fun together and he treated me like a queen. Even though it was a long-distance relationship, we made it work with frequent visits, and having him in my life eased my transition into college.

But about halfway through our relationship, I began to think about my long-term desires, and realized I was unhappy. I consider myself to be very fortunate to have had access to private education for most of my life, but my boyfriend was not so fortunate. He dropped out of high school (but got his GED) and failed out of college, and hasn’t been able to find a job for months (he is 22). Furthermore, I felt as though he could not hold a conversation on the intellectual level that I would like, and to top it off, his persistent erectile dysfunction (which has plagued us since the first time we had sex) was giving us intimacy problems.

I chalked all these issues up to class differences, thinking that maybe we were just too different as a result of our backgrounds. However, since we broke up, I keep asking myself if I just let “the one” walk away. Although he is lazy (or maybe he can’t find a job because of the recession) and unmotivated (or maybe he just cracks under pressure in school), he has always treated me like a queen, and loved me like no other. He was always there as my therapist, protector, confidante and lover, and I wonder if I’m crazy for not thinking he is good enough for me. I also worry that I will regret my decision or change my mind if he gets a job and goes back to school, but I don’t know if he will ever do these things. Is it too much to ask for an educated man with a job/ prospects? He is definitely one of the few “good guys” left in my city and I feel stupid to let him go. Should I just settle and learn to appreciate the little things? Or maintain my high standards and run the risk of never finding the man of my dreams?

Sincerely,
Lonely Ever After Read More »

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, like our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like why you can’t get any sleep – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I’m not really sure if you’re the right person to ask but I’m really not sure who else to go to with this. Basically, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 months now. We just started to have sex but he can never seem to…keep it up. I don’t know if it’s something I’m doing (or not doing…), and I don’t know if this is something we can fix? Is there something I should do? And how do I even talk to him about this? He gets really upset after it happens (or doesn’t happen) and I just don’t know what to do here. This has never happened to me before…

A: Thank you for trusting us with what is, undeniably, a delicate issue. It’s funny.  If women have issues with decreased libido or sexual performance, we tend to discuss these things with our girlfriends, ask questions openly, and put our cards on the table. But men- forget it! You don’t hear men sitting around the coffee shop discussing their erectile dysfunction. But I wish they would. Making it a taboo subject shrouded with embarrassment serves no one.

I don’t know how old your boyfriend is, but the incidence of erectile dysfunction increases with age. If your boyfriend is young, chances are good that his issue may be caused by a medication side effect (anti-depressants are classic erection killers) or alcohol or drug use (alcohol increases the desire but decreases the performance). If he’s older, health conditions like high blood pressure or diabetes could play a role.  Often, the problem is psychological. Perhaps he’s worried that he’s not pleasuring you, and the more he worries, the more he droops.

Try talking to your boyfriend, but make sure not to do it in bed. He’s already feeling fragile and vulnerable when he loses his woodie, so there’s no point adding salt to his wound. Bring up the conversation when you’re both fully dressed. Let him know you care about him and genuinely wish to find solutions so you can both enjoy each other’s bodies. Ask him how he feels and share how you feel in a gentle, nonjudgmental way. Suggest that he see his doctor, who might be able to help him investigate the issue. If drugs or alcohol regularly play a role in your sex life, try skipping it or play around with morning sex, when men tend to be a bit more randy.

Do what you can to make him feel safe. The more he feels pressured to perform, the more likely he is to lose his erection. You may find that it helps to break the cycle by avoiding intercourse for a while. Snuggle.  Kiss.  Fool around. Try oral sex or manual sex if you wish.  But stay around from sexual acts that have an expected outcome.

Keep in mind that your relationship is relatively new, and some things work themselves out in time. Perhaps, he’s just so into you that he gets freaked out. If none of this helps and you’re committed to making this relationship work, consider seeing a sex therapist.  His doctor may even recommend Viagra, if he’s a good candidate for it.  If you really care for each other, you’ll find a way…

Wishing you bliss,
Dr. Lissa

- Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

You know what’s super awkward? Sex. All that nudity and rubbing and body parts all over the place. It’s a recipe for disaster. There are about a billion things that can go wrong, from cutting open your head on the corner of a dresser (been there) to dropping a wad of drool on your man’s face (done that). And if we took a moment to truly reflect on what it’s like to fart during the entire thing, well, I’m pretty sure we’d all just stop sexing all together.

I’m sure most people don’t put as much thought into the intricacies of sexy time as I do, but I am sure that plenty of sexually active adults have considered the multitude of things that could go wrong during the act. Does everyone have the same fears (babies and disease)? Do guys fears differ from a girl’s? Is a queef as big a deal to everyone else as it is to me (and do other people laugh uncontrollably when one happens)?

I asked my friend who is a boy to give me his thoughts. Read More »

Thanks to my Jewish mother, I’m the kind of girl that is always prepared for everything. People are constantly making fun of me and my 30lb purses, but that’s what happens when you carry around anything you could possibly need in a day: bleach pen, gum, band-aids, tampons, candy (lots and lots of candy), hand cream, multiple lip balms, hair care products, multiple cans of Diet Coke, etc.

I really thought I covered all my bases until I ended up in a situation to which I had no fix: a guy who couldn’t get it up.

At first I was distressed that I had done something wrong. Were my legs too hairy? My tan lines unattractive? Did he prefer girls with more than a landing strip?

After I got over that (“Uh, hello, the guy last week didn’t seem to have any issues!”), I still couldn’t shake the disappointment in myself. That was the first time in a long time that I was unable to reach into my Mary Poppins bag and pull out a cure. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to carry a penis pump in a Marc Jacobs bag (what would Marc think of me?!), but at the same time, there has to be something I can do to prevent further unfortunate occurrences. Read More »

So you’re on your way to Sexy Town with your boy. There is heavy petting, clothes are flying around the room and you’re reeling to go when – oh no – he can’t…do it. He keeps trying to get things working, but it’s too late. The moment (and erection) is lost.

He’s embarrassed and, if you’re anything like me, you’re confused. Is it something you did? Something you said? The way you look? WTF?

Why does this happen? And how often? Is it him or you? More importantly, is it permanent?! There are so many questions and only one person who can answer them: the boy. But it’s not like you’re going to turn to him after his moment of defeat and ask, “What’s the deal with Mr. Limpy?” So, I got the next best thing: my favorite dude. Read More »

If there’s one thing I learned from Gossip Girl last night, it’s that you can have sex with whomever you want, and the person you actually have feelings for (but aren’t banging, for some reason) will completely understand, and forgive you, and maybe even like you more.

If there’s one thing I already knew, it’s that when you’re the poor, unpopular kid on the Upper East Side, your life will be a continuous cycle of being walked over, speaking your mind, putting your foot in your mouth, and then being magically forgiven and allowed to advance to the next round.

Did you miss last night’s episode? Let me fill you in.

Within the first minute of GG, Nate mentions the inevitable party that will tangle everyone up in some drama that will continue to be played out next week.

Other expected GG staples: Catherine and Nate talk money; Serena and Dan are together but have issues (did I miss them deciding to be a “secret” couple?); and Jenny has some great ideas for her fashion internship, but she’s a lowly intern and isn’t allowed to have opinions.

The best thing about the first half? The mini gossip girls who approach Dan and throw in their two cents. If you missed it, two tweeny-bopping brunettes are on Dan’s side, and one tweeny-bopping blond is on team S. The blond asks Serena how she can kiss Dan, knowing his tongue has been in Georgina’s mouth, which seems a bit much when you consider the girs were, what, 11? The tweensters were obviously comic relief, but for some reason their opinions caused an awkward rift between S and Lonely Boy…which I was over by the next commercial. Read More »

Looks like Ms. Spears has taken her pap bf (with the narly chin hair) back. It’s so cute! They both love hats!

I’d like to see someone try this and come out unscathed.

The more men that look like Zach Braff, the better chance I have of falling in love.

If your man is suddenly eating lots of watermelon, it’s probably not because he thinks its tasty.

A faster way to eat fast food.

Because this comes as a shock to….nobody.

Alternative breakfast ideas (that aren’t 8 gillion calories)

Talk about sibling rivalry….