Thanks to my Jewish mother, I’m the kind of girl that is always prepared for everything. People are constantly making fun of me and my 30lb purses, but that’s what happens when you carry around anything you could possibly need in a day: bleach pen, gum, band-aids, tampons, candy (lots and lots of candy), hand cream, multiple lip balms, hair care products, multiple cans of Diet Coke, etc.

I really thought I covered all my bases until I ended up in a situation to which I had no fix: a guy who couldn’t get it up.

At first I was distressed that I had done something wrong. Were my legs too hairy? My tan lines unattractive? Did he prefer girls with more than a landing strip?

After I got over that (“Uh, hello, the guy last week didn’t seem to have any issues!”), I still couldn’t shake the disappointment in myself. That was the first time in a long time that I was unable to reach into my Mary Poppins bag and pull out a cure. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to carry a penis pump in a Marc Jacobs bag (what would Marc think of me?!), but at the same time, there has to be something I can do to prevent further unfortunate occurrences. Read More »

So you’re on your way to Sexy Town with your boy. There is heavy petting, clothes are flying around the room and you’re reeling to go when – oh no – he can’t…do it. He keeps trying to get things working, but it’s too late. The moment (and erection) is lost.

He’s embarrassed and, if you’re anything like me, you’re confused. Is it something you did? Something you said? The way you look? WTF?

Why does this happen? And how often? Is it him or you? More importantly, is it permanent?! There are so many questions and only one person who can answer them: the boy. But it’s not like you’re going to turn to him after his moment of defeat and ask, “What’s the deal with Mr. Limpy?” So, I got the next best thing: my favorite dude. Read More »

“The Girls Next Door star Holly Madison and Playboy founder Hugh Hefner still have babies on the brain. ‘There has been lots of trying — lots of trying!’ she told Usmagazine.com at Playboy’s Ninth Annual Super Saturday Night bash in Arizona.”

But no really, for the sake of everyone’s imagination, please stop trying.

Does Holly keep bowls of Viagra throughout the Playboy Mansion trying to convince Hef that they’re M & Ms? Doesn’t Hef fall asleep after three thrusts? He’s 82. I’m sure he’s young at heart, but come on. I’d imagine that any sperm that he’s got left is bent or way too exhausted to swim very far.

And as for the title of that US mag article, I highly doubt that Hef has babies on the brain. His to-do list consists of robe wearing, a nap, eating, another nap and trying to find his way through his mansion. Trust me, being one of the oldest fathers on the planet is not on there. Read More »

Apparently, a lot of women suffer from low libido.

According to ABC News, hypoactive sexual desire disorder, which sounds very clinical but for the most part I’m pretty sure refers to a lowered sex drive caused by life (hormones, supplements, exhaustion), affects about one-third of American women. That’s a lot of headaches.

Deciding that it just isn’t fair women still get the short end of the stick (ha ha) when it comes to sexual desire later on in life, scientists have been busy developing a Viagra-like product called LibiGel. Although it’s still in the testing stage, LibiGel had a reportedly “283 percent increase of satisfying sexual encounters for the women taking the drug” in trials at 17 different institutions.

The gel comes in a pump bottle, and a small amount is rubbed into the skin of a woman’s upper arm. Over a period of 24 hours, “the gel’s testosterone seeps into her bloodstream, boosting her energy and libido.” Read More »

These days, energy drinks claim to do just about everything other than actually give you energy. Whether it is weight loss or better mental activity, there never seems to be a shortage of new products available in stores.

But, now, a certain health or energy drink called Boost Plus gave one man an uncontrollable erection, ending up with him being hospitalized. HA. That really must be an inconvenience at work to have a huge boner.

I know I may sound insensitive, but come on, it’s a little bit funny…right? Anyways, this was not merely an annoyance for this poor man, but resulted in having surgery to calm down his over-excited self.

Yahoo News reports that he went to bed after drinking Boost Plus and woke up “with an erection that would not subside.” He then sought treatment that day for the condition, called severe priapism.Because his situation was so bad, surgery was needed in order to implant a Winter shunt, which moves blood from one area to another.

Man, talk about negative side effects. I wonder what it would do to a girl?