The part I’m least excited about (besides having to turn off my CrackBerry until the flight attendants tell me I can turn it back on) is leaving David behind. Alas, he doesn’t get to accompany me on my awesome trip (it’s for business) and all week I’ve been getting ready to leave him all on his own for 5 whole days.

As he’ been so lovingly, gently reminding me all week, he is in fact a full grown man capable of taking care of himself. He did it for 20 years before he met me, and according to him he’s still got the hang of that. While I do realize that he’ll be fine while I’m gone, after living with him and taking care of our home (and his dirty laundry…) I can’t help but think (OK, hope) he’ll feel just a teeny bit lost whilst I’m gone.

After all, this will help him come to the realization that I’m totally indispensable, which has been my master plan all along. But, I don’t want to leave him high and dry, so I did fully stock our freezer full of a weekend’s worth of man-food (aka microwaveable and artery clogging). And I am leaving him a “HoneyDew” list, both because I freaking love the name of it and because it’s got all kinds of unpleasant things I’d rather not deal with on it. Hopefully, I’ll come home to a clean home with new air conditioner filters, a newly installed printer and no more laundry to do.

In all actuality though, David will be totally fine without me (and probably won’t get much on that list done). I’m seeing a lot of ESPN, absence of pants, farting, Bud Light and PS3 Bro extravaganzas in his future. So while he’s bummed he can’t go on an awesome trip, I’m pretty sure he’s looking forward to turning our house into a giant man cave for 5 days.

But seriously, when did I get so protective of him? I’m not his mother, and last semester I had to fly to a different conference or leadership convention every other weekend. I guess living with him has made me a little bit crazy, but it definitely feels weird to worry (just a smidge) about leaving him on his own for such a short amount of time. Whaddya think? Am I insane for being anxious about leaving him? Or do you know what I’m talking about?

TV is like real life, right?

First, every television set in America goes digital, and now TV is going 3D? Yes, people, the future is here. According to MSNBC, ESPN will be the first network to go 3D this June, dubbing their new station ESPN 3D (rather original) and fulfilling every sports fanatic’s wet dream for a decade.

One of the main purposes is to help take a step for all TV to become 3D. While we can all do without A&E’s Hoarders popping out of the TV and taking over our living rooms, I’m sure we can all agree that there is nothing more heavenly than being able to reach out and touch Dr. McDreamy’s fine looking bod. In fact, much like adding a little extra buttercream on top of a cupcake, shooting my favorite shows in 3D will only make them that much sweeter:

Sex and the City: Who wouldn’t wanna reach out and give Samantha a high five while she gets it on with one of her (many) hotties in 3D?

Hung: For those of you that don’t know, Hung is about a man who is, well, hung. Enough said.

Portuguese soccer: Okay, what would you do if Cristiano Ronaldo was in your TV room in 3D?  If your answer is “nothing” you’re a big, fat liar.

The Food Network: There is nothing I want more than to have Paula Deen in my living room. OK, so maybe in my kitchen. Cooking me something. With lots of butter. But I’ll take her Krispy Kreme Casserole in 3D any day.

Gossip Girl: Chanel bags, YSL heels, Chuck Bass and Dan Humphrey nose to nose with me?  I’m not leaving my couch ever again.

Your interview with Megan Fox had me admiring her acting talents (who could forget her as whats-her-name in that one Lindsay Lohan movie ), and getting annoyed with her while she pretended not to know she’s hot. I was beginning to worry about finding material for this month’s Cosmo Says! Then I turned to page 72, so that relationship expert Matt Titus could explain to me “Why He Calls You a Nag When You’re Not.”

Cosmo Says: Because his Mom told him what to do for 18 years, every man will resent doing what their wife or girlfriend asks them to do out of the fear that they will revert back to childhood.

Kari Says: Seriously? I understand that this article is meant to make me LOL (which it did, but I was laughing at it, not with it), however I tend to disagree. It’s one thing when Cosmo’s ladies grossly over-generalize the male population, but dude—you’re throwing your own kind under the bus here! Scientific polling of actual guys (a frat-tastic sophomore and two first year med students) shows that this is BS: guys don’t have a problem doing favors for their s.o.’s (and it doesn’t remind them of their adolescent chore-list).

Cosmo Says: Men know that calling you a nag is hitting way below the belt and will send you straight into mid-life crisis mode.

Kari Says: I don’t care if you call me a nag, but you’re going to keep hearing me repeat myself until you actually do the simple task that I asked of you. Come on, you have to already know this!

Cosmo Says: Yep Kari, you were right. Men totes know “that [they] make your repeated requests necessary in the first place.” Unfortunately, they are physically capable of listening to only 20% of what you say.

Kari Says: Again with the demeaning of the male population. My boyfriend happens to be very attentive and perfectly able to not only listen to 100% of what I say, but comprehend and react to it. Amazing! Please stop portraying all men as semi-developmentally challenged cavemen who respond only to ESPN.

Cosmo Says: Obvi, men can only operate on 24-hour schedules and anything outside of that timeline seems “light years away.” If you really need to get him to do something, compliment his pecs before you ask.

Kari Says: A little flattery never hurts, but a better tactic “to make your request stick in your man’s head” is to write him a Post-it note. If you still feel the need to comment on your boyfriend’s buff-ness, you can emphasize the compliment by patting them and simultaneously slapping your sticky note on there. Much easier to remember.

Cosmo Says: If all else fails and he still calls you a nag, do it yourself.

Kari Says: I’m all for DIY, but if I asked my boyfriend to do something for me, it was for a reason! If it got to the point where he spent so long ignoring my request that I had to start crossing things off his to-do list for him, the end result would definitely be more nagging.

Thank you, Cosmo, for yet another enlightening look into the male mind. I can only imagine what the divorce rate would be in this country if we all heeded this advice.

"I shouldn't have eaten that 2nd hot dog..."

It’s College Game Day. Do you know what that means?

For most college guys out there, it means it’s the best day of the week and college football has arrived! It means tailgating, day drinking, cheerleaders, phenomenal food, and most importantly: field goals, sacks, tackles, and touchdowns.

There are a lot of girls who wake up on Game Day just as excited as the boys for the glory that is college football. These football girls know their team, their key players, their opponents, their weaknesses, and also, most likely, who the hottest players are.

Not one of these girls? Well, you can be. Football fanatic or not, here’s some tips every college girl should know to be prepared for game day.

Wear your team colors: The cardinal rule to football fans everywhere and the first step to supporting your team! Want be a football fashionista? Don’t pick up a cutsie pink version of your college t-shirt; rock your school colors in style. Most school stores carry stickers/face paint of your college letters and now even Victoria’s Secret has a whole college line!

ESPN is like Perez Hilton, But Cooler: Seriously, ESPN online is the home of college football. It’s complete with player bios, schedules, rankings, blogs, videos, and pictures (of all those hot wide receivers). You’ll always know the latest news about your team and impress the boys with your football smarts and stats. Plus, ESPN online has a college football blog that’s awesome (not as addicting and fabulous as CollegeCandy, of course, but close)!

Tailgate, tailgate, tailgate: Game day isn’t the same without traditional tailgate food like burgers, chips and guac (yum!), pre-game radio, and booze. Just a warning: pace yourself wisely. You want to be able to actually watch the game (unlike that one time I passed out before kickoff…).

Scream, Yell, or Yodle but Please Don’t Cheer: There is a cheerleading team for a reason, and unless you’re on it, don’t scream out cutesy rhyming cheers. Yelling at the refs for bad calls? Go for it. Yelling for your team to pick it up? Acceptable. High-fiving and screaming after a 75-yard run for a touchdown. Obviously. But rah-rahing to be aggressive, be be aggressive? No thanks.

Bring The Tailgate Into the Stadium: One of the perks about being a female while entering a college stadium? Security can’t pat down near your goods. Yes, they can check your purse to see if you tried to bring in the booze, but they can’t check a flask taped to your upper thigh or your binoculars, and definitely not your bra. Just sayin…

Wear Sunscreen: All that booze school spirit sometimes makes you forget that you’re spending a good 6 hours in the sun. Slather on the SPF before you leave the house so you don’t end up rocking raccoon eyes for the rest of the week.

If Everyone Else is Cheering…Cheer! Sometimes it’s hard to keep up with all the rules of football and that’s OK. Just pay attention, cheer when everyone else cheers and eventually you’ll figure it all out. Oh and if you’re little, be prepared to be tossed in the air.

This week we hit up the West Coast as we examine the two hottest schools in Los Angeles- the University of Southern California and the University of California- Los Angeles. Amidst the beautiful SoCal climate and a city rife with movie sets and superstars, private USC and public UCLA compete to find out which is most elite in the City of Angels.

1. Superior Sport

USC – The Trojans are known as “the football school” and have been awarded the NCAA national title in football eleven times, including back-to-back titles in 2003 and 2004.  They are perennially ranked in the Top 10 football programs in the BCS by ESPN, USA Today, and other publications. And Trojans have taken home the Heisman Trophy seven times.
UCLA - Meanwhile, the Bruins are known as powerhouses in basketball–also earning eleven NCAA titles. Seven of these championships were won consecutively, from 1967-1973.  UCLA is also the all-time leader in total NCAA national titles across all sports.

Meanwhile, the Lexus Gauntlet is an annual all-sports competition between the two schools sponsored by Lexus. Points are awarded for every victory (particularly in head-to-head match ups)  in NCAA-sanctioned competitions, with the school with the most points declared as the winner. (There is also a separate Lexus Gauntlet awarded to the winner of the Stanford-Berkeley rivalry.)  In the eight years of Lexus Gauntlet tradition, USC has walked away with five titles.

Three credits to: TIE.  The two schools pulled a draw in NCAA titles in their respective predominant sport.  On the one hand, the Lexus Gauntlet record gives the Trojans the edge, but UCLA also has the most NCAA titles of any school. Too close to call!!

2. Terrific Traditions

USC – Trojans can’t withhold their affections for Traveler, the magnificent white horse ridden by a student in full Greek armor at every football game, and Tommy Trojan, the iconic statue of the school’s mascot found on campus. But Songfest, an annual talent show in which frats & sororities compete against one another to benefit the charity TroyCamp, is a highlight of the social calendar. When it comes to hatin’ on their crosstown rivals, some USC students once set loose thousands of crickets on the UCLA campus.
UCLA - Like the Trojans, UCLA also has its own child-oriented charity called UniCamp.  Students donning blue and gold love exhibiting card stunts (flashing the university logo, for instance) at basketball games and occasionally dousing Tommy Trojan with UCLA-colored paint.

Three Credits to: USC, for the campus-rockin Songfest.

3. Hottest (LA) Hood

USC - Located in University Park, USC is adjacent to the Los Angeles Coliseum and sits on Figueroa Street, which connects the school to the Staples Center and historic Chinatown.
UCLA - The Bruins are located in the Westwood Village section of Los Angeles, a wealthy and scenic section of town that is home to several vintage movie theaters and stretches of beautiful homes.  Oh, and the Playboy Mansion is just a hop, skip, and jump away!

Three credits to:  UCLA - who doesn’t want to party with Hef?

4. Ass-kicking Alumni

USC –  Neil Armstrong, Will Ferrell, Whitney Port
UCLA – Lo Bosworth, Francis Ford Coppola, James Franco

Three credits to: Let’s see…Whitney is SO much cooler than Lo on The Hills, and while Will Ferrell can make me pee my pants, I’d rather have James Franco in them. It’s another close one, but I’m going to have to go with UCLA because others have walked on the moon, but only FFC could have directed the masterpiece The Godfather with such genius.

5. Acceptance Rate Agony

USC- 22% of over 35,000 applicants were accepted for the class of 2012.
UCLA-  22.7% for the university with the largest number of applicants in the United States (over 55,000!)

Three credits to:  USC…by a nose!!

And the diploma goes to: …its a TIE! Seriously, its too close to call who wins this rivalry. Both schools boast terrific academics, athletics, and high-profile alumni–how can you choose? For all of you Angelenos out there, what do you think?

A video recently surfaced on the Internet featuring ESPN reporter Erin Andrews nude, filmed from a peephole into her hotel room. ESPN is, understandingly, furious, and any person with a shred of decency should find such a thing revolting. And yet, many people in cyberspace find it a) funny, b) hot, c) an acceptable way to treat a woman, or d) all of the above. As much as I love the Internet and am amazed by what it is capable of, I also can’t believe how cruel and sick people can be.

But the reaction to the Erin Andrews video is the least of our concerns. The fact that someone actually created the video in the first place is thoroughly upsetting. Are women never safe from voyeurs and perverts, not even in the privacy of a hotel room?

This extends beyond just women, as well. As a journalist, a professional, Andrews was humiliated in front of viewers and colleagues. Her career is in jeopardy, and although we cannot know what the future holds, ESPN viewers will never be able to look at her the same way. Her name will be forever tied to this incident, no matter how professional she is. No one recovers from something so humiliating and sickening.

Here’s a real wake-up call on women’s issues.

For those who rail against feminism and claim that women have already achieved equality, just read one article on this incident. The truth is that women are still objectified as sexual beings for men to ogle. In that way, it is safe to assume that comments have been made in the past about Andrews’s appearance, as such is standard practice when evaluating female journalists; but this video takes it all to a whole new level. This is a violation that should not be ignored or made light of. In fact, we should all learn from it and be inspired to act against such acts in the future.
What do you think of the Erin Andrews video incident?

[I like to think of myself as a pretty easy going gal, and try not to sweat the small stuff. But sometimes (ok, maybe slightly more often) the general cluelessness, carelessness and overall stupididty of some things and or/people really gets to me. I find that venting is the most efficient way to rid myself of the stress that idiots, wrong meal orders, lack of cell phone ettiquette and cheese flavored products (that don’t even contain any freaking cheese!) induce. So, in an attempt to avoid an ulcer or an unfortuante road rage incident, I vent to you, dear reader. Please feel free to join in and comment about anything–really, anything–that pissed. you. off. this week. Let it all hang out. I feel you.]

Saying “Hi” to Facebook friends. A slight differentiation from last week’s “awkward run-in.” It’s inevitable that you’re gonna see some of your Facebook buds out and about (I mean, why would you have accepted some weirdo’s friend request without some slight or vague form of acquaintance?) But therein lies the problem—the acquaintance can vary anywhere from “girl who was in your freshman stats class that you never talked to but still felt the need to add you” to “friend of a friend’s friend’s boyfriend who bought you a bottle of cabernet and therefore led to the obligatory friend acceptance.” What is the proper form of greeting for such a relationship? Will a high five suffice? A “bro” nod? A hug, hell, what about an air kiss?! I doubt Emily Post gave any specific etiquette on this 21^st century relationship, and I’m stuck awkwardly saying “Hey girl!” on the way out of the bathroom, severely questioning whether or not I actually know the person I just acknowledged….

Getting Hit in the Face with Stuff. First of all, get your mind out of the gutter—not that kind of “stuff.” Second of all, it happens to me more than you’d think. Thanks to a childhood cheerleading career, I suffered an unfortunate ratio of getting hit in the face with the football to, um, not getting hit in the face with a football. You can therefore imagine my aversion to things flying at my face (insert joke from Clueless here). What’s even worse is when said flying objects are totally unwarranted and unexpected. Like last night when I was engaged in a rousing game of flip cup and was pelted in the face with an empty Solo. The only condolence I got was a snickering apology and an insistence that “I was trying to hit the guy next to you.” At least he got kicked off of our team.

And Speaking of Drinking Games… I think that we’ve all accepted Beer Pong as an official sport (still waiting for ESPN to feature it on Sports Center, though…), but come on people, throwing a bacteria-infested ping pong ball into a cup of lukewarm Natty is not a situation of life or death. So yes, I do think that your hyphenated, asterisk-ed and f**king really long list of “House Rules” is a little over the top. I reserve the right to use my cleavage as a weapon of mass distraction and to blow the sh*t out of any ball that thinks it’s getting in my rack (yes, I know this is like an x-rated Pissed List by now) and refuse to forfeit penalty cups because you are the Stalin of drinking games. The worst part of it is, you and BOTH know you were blatantly cheating while we played quarters half an hour ago!

Blockbuster’s Late Fees. Do you guys understand how freaking excited I was when they started that whole “No late fees!” campaign?!! I’m late for everything, especially movies I watched two weeks ago. So imagine my elation when I found out that my $5 rental would no longer cost me $17 when I finally dragged my lazy butt to the little “return movies” slot. So I enjoyed this privilege for quite a while, and felt a really strange sense of victory when my account’s debt was erased when I handed the girl behind the counter my 3 week old DVD. And then I changed Blockbusters. I still get a little tear jerked when I reminisce about the time I brought in a two week past-due copy of Knocked Up only to understand the true meaning of “Participating Locations Only.” Well screw you, Blockbuster; I’m switching to Netflix. It’s cheaper anyways.

Now that you’ve added “return DVD” to your to do list, what can you add to this week’s Pissed List?

You ready for the Cotton Bowl?

Norma Kamali hits Wal-Mart.

Is that Alanis Morrisette?

DUI’s are the new black in Hollywood.

The tool for making the perfect cocktail.

Kelly Clarkson’s back and better (or more photo shopped?) than ever.

Green workout tips.

College interviews turn to the web.

Who is Erin Williams? 

Life in prison for this fashionable felon.

President-Elect Obama loves YouTube!

Paula might be leaving American Idol.

Is Kim Kardashian really engaged?

Hulk Hogan & Co. are a bunch of douches.

Anderson Cooper watches Real Housewives of Atlanta.

ESPN is stereotyping your school.

Makeup trends for the holiday season.

It’s a hard-knock life for your RA.

The idiot’s guide to networking.

Unfortunately, my life is not very conducive to being hungover, and forces me to inevitably be anywhere but in bed on those days when I swear off drinking for good. If you’ve ever been hungover, chances are you’ve been forced to be somewhere you absolutely did not want to be at the time. I present the short list of the worst places to be while hungover.

5. Class. Ahh college. It offers us so much freedom, so much responsibility (or the option to exercise irresponsibility)! It even allows us to go out and drink on a weeknight. The consequences of this option can be felt the morning after that party that e-v-e-r-yone went to. You promised yourself you wouldn’t drink, you would just go to say hi and then get your scholastic tush home to get some shut eye for your 9 am. But alas, that cute baseball player from econ offered you a Solo of Natty and you just couldn’t refuse. Then came the beer pong tournament, the Vodka Slide race and finally, the sudden death round of Ring of Fire. Fast forward to this morning, drearily listening to your professor lecture while simultaneously cursing yourself and evaluating the quickest escape route should a wave of nausea hit. You are never drinking again! Oh wait–it’s ladies night and 2-4-1 at your favorite bar…

4. Work. This varies in degrees of miserable-ness depending on what you do. I work with children. For me, a day hungover at work (not something I’ve ever experienced or ever hope to) would consist of screaming and crying until snack time, Barney Live, Dora the Explorer and Thomas the Train episodes in rapid succession, then a very much needed nap time. I don’t even know what the kids would be doing that whole time though; they’re so on their own. If you are lucky enough to have a desk job, just zone out whilst typing. If you are unlucky enough to be a roller coaster ride tester, I suggest you avoid the weeknight festivities.

3. A Sporting Event. Being a hungover spectator is no fun; being a hungover participant is downright unbearable. If the game is an ESPN-worthy rivalry match between State U and U State, you can count on being drunk-over (resulting from last night’s massive block party induced-hangover combined with hours of painstaking tailgating). If the game is against your IM rival and you are the team’s star player, you can count on a lot of disappointed fans and angry, unforgiving teammates. Couple this with the way your body will feel after rigorous exercise, and you’ll think twice about ever going out the night before a game again.

2. Your Place of Worship. Be it synogogue, temple, mosque or church (Atheists and Agnostics, be glad this is something you need not worry about) sitting or kneeling for hours upon hours (at least it feels that way), surrounded by those attempting to absorb God’s love is not somewhere you want to be the morning after a hard night of drinking. Not only are you paranoid that the adorable child to your right can smell the tequila oozing from your pores, you’re pretty certain the little old lady to your left is privately condemning you. Of course, today’s topic of discussion will be on the evils of gluttony and drinking, leaving you to shrink into your seat, hope the sermon is not directed at you and pray the big guy (or guys, girls, etc.) upstairs is not about to smite you.

1. In Any Kind of Moving Vehicle. Obviously, this location takes the cake. It doesn’t matter if you wear your biggest, darkest sunglasses. It won’t make a difference if you lay down in the back seat or close your eyes (which I do not recommend if you are the driver). This is not something that gallons of water and any amount of carbohydratyes can cure. Your inner ear is sensing movement and it is going to punish you severely for it. Maybe you’re just running a few errands after a late night. Or perhaps you’ve just woken up after celebrating a week’s worth of studying for/acing all of your finals and are now embarking on the 9 hour drive home. Whatever your endpoint, the moment you buckle yourself into any car, van, bus, train, airplane, or– heaven forbid– boat, you will instantly regret it. All you can do now is sit next to a window or within proximity of a toilet and will yourself to your final destination.

[Thank you to the hungover girl above and Flickr.com for that hot shot]