In honor of the much anticipated return of The Hills (Tonight! 10PM! Woooo!), I have invited my lady friends over for a viewing party. Lucky for us, MTV has 10-minute commercial breaks, which give us plenty of time to whine, bitch and criticize the many things wrong with Heidi’s new face and boobs.

And what would a party be without some cocktails? Yes, I realize it is a Monday, but it is not just any Monday; it’s the return of my favorite most-awesome-show ever. Even the New York Times is covering it! Celebration is necessary.

I considered many different drinks for the festivities – Cosmos (so out), Martinis (too cliché), beer (not worthy of such an event) – but finally found one that is just right. A drink appropriate for the level of class needed for such a celebration, while also capturing the soul at the center of this show.

Below, the drink of The Hills, The Bitch Slap. Read More »

It’s officially summer, and this means you’ll be doing two things: going to parties and trying to fit into that swimsuit. Everyone knows Jello is a low fat snack, and vodka has zero carbs. Put those together and what do you have?

The perfect Jello shot.

There’s not a big science to making these squiggly alcoholic snacks, but it is possible to screw them up. A few miserable attempts in college taught me the no-fail ratios, and if you follow them, you’re guaranteed to have the ideal consistency.

Perfect Jello Shots

• 6 oz. flavored Jello (or one large packet)

• 16 oz. boiling water

• 6 oz. cold water

• 10 oz. vodka

Once your 16 oz. of water is boiling, pour the jello packet in and stir until it’s completely dissolved. Shut off the stove and add the cold water and alcohol. Pour the mixture into small paper cups and place the cups in your refrigerator for about two hours.

…And remember, just because they taste like candy, doesn’t mean there’s nothing inside. Jello shots are absorbed slower than liquid alcohol, so don’t overdue it! No one wants to make out with the plastered chick who’s got jello all over her face.