Him: A good friend (we’ll call him Fred) I’ve had a thing for, for years. He just got back from studying abroad and the ocean air and warm weather treated him very well.

I kind of thought our first encounter in the bedroom was a one-time occurrence. A tipsy romp between the sheets that was very memorable, but a sexual outlier…that is until it happened again the next night.

And again two nights later.

To the untrained eye, nothing is different. No awkward conversations, no weirdness whatsoever and the sex is nothing short of mind blowing. So where’s the problem?

He is my best friend’s ex-boyfriend.

Hear me out. They dated for two years, mostly long distance, during college. The three of us would hang out together whenever he came to town. Their relationship was good but they weren’t exactly Jack and Rose. They didn’t have many common interests and they only got to see one another once or twice a month. The relationship finally ended last summer when they decided it just wasn’t working anymore. Because the break-up was relatively mutual, I got to stay friends with Fred and we got together frequently.

Fred and Ruby (yes, we’re calling my best friend Ruby) both found new significant others within a few weeks time.

He got back to America after studying abroad and looked smoking hot. We drank, we flirted, yada, yada, yada; I walked him to the door the next morning.

Later that day, I talked to Ruby about it (crazy maybe, but I didn’t want to lie about it) and she sounded a bit…shocked. Not mad, not overjoyed, just…dazed. She thanked me for being honest and telling her first. We exchanged a few pleasantries and hung up. I haven’t talked to her since, but I think she’s coming around.

I told a few other friends this story and they thought otherwise. Half thought I broke the first rule of best-friends: “Hands (and every other body part) away from the Ex.” The rest gave me the go-ahead, “They broke up. She moved on. No harm, no foul.”

But what do you think, CC faithful? She is my best friend and – broken up or not – many would argue that her exes are forever off limits. But is that fair? Shouldn’t there be a statute of limitations on this kind of thing? Do I have to avert my gaze forever, or is there truly no wiggle room in the girl code?

[Photo: TraciNoel.Blogspot.Com]

So. The relationship has ended. Maybe just the other day. Maybe last month, even last year, but whatever the time span, one thing is clear—the two of you are done.

As you move through the process of reshaping your life and standing up as a single individual, the question of stuff almost always comes up. Stuff. Their stuff. The stuff they’ve left behind, and more importantly, the stuff they’ve given to you.

The longer the relationship, the more stuff you’ve probably acquired. Jewelry, pictures, mix tapes, love notes, used sweatshirts that smell like him…the list varies and can go on for miles (depending on the deepness of your used-to-be partner’s pockets, or at least his thoughtfulness). Now that he’s not in your life anymore, what should you do with all that stuff?

The answer to this question usually changes depending on how a relationship has ended. If things finished up nice and clean and friendly, part of you might want to keep a few things as mementos of a beautiful part of your life. The expensive things don’t hurt to wear, and hey, they’re nice! Keeping them in your wardrobe is no big deal, and since they were picked out in love, more often than not, they’re some of the best things you own.

If the relationship crashed and burned, keeping anything that even slightly reminds you of your Ex is probably a very, very bad idea. I know he gave you an amazing necklace, and that picture he took of the ocean is beautiful, but do those things bring you any joy?

If the answer is no, then giving them away may be your only recourse. Sell them on eBay (making cash off your misery isn’t the worst thing you could do), ask someone to take them away and keep them hidden, or just bite the bullet, put them all in a box, and send them off to the Salvation Army. If you’re trying to move on, no matter how nice the stuff is, it’s pretty much guaranteed to remind you of that person who sucked.

Personal Example: An Ex of mine gave me a beautiful ring during happier times, and for two years I kept it in a jewlery box, unable to wear and unable to part with it. Every time I would try it on, the energy attached would effect me, forcing me to think about a person I had long ago parted ways with and never wanted to see again (he’s the kind of Ex that, if we ever do happen to cross paths in the future, I can’t guarantee someone who isn’t me won’t end up in the emergency room). The ring was hella nice, but there was no way around the fact that it reminded me of him and the shitty stuff he did.

So I gave it away.

And you know? I don’t regret it one bit.

Ultimately, you have to do what works for you. No one’s relationship ends like anyone else’s, and picking up your pieces is all about personal strength and personal decisions. If you can keep those reminders of past love, go for it. If they give you trouble, don’t pressure yourself into keeping them. Nicer things will come your way, as well as nicer partners.

Now if you don’t mind, mama’s off to buy herself some well deserved designer duds. Gotta keep the love alive somehow, right?