Question? Answer: TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com. Dig?!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I cheated on my boyfriend but now I want him back. I realized that the other guy that I was cheating with wasn’t that great so I really want to get back with my guy. He said okay we can get back together but the problem is that while we weren’t together (he broke up with me when he found out I cheated) he was constantly telling me how much he loved me and everything and that he wouldn’t see anyone else because he wanted to get back together.

Well the thing is, Tuffy, I just found out that he was talking to another girl while we weren’t together. He said he wouldn’t do that so now I feel like I can’t trust him. He told me about it because he said he feels bad about it but he says nothing happened, they just went out to dinner. But I’m so mad at him. He keeps apologizing but I feel like I need something bigger. Should I just get back with him like my heart wants or should I make him show he’s sorry first?

Please post this Tuffy; this is the third time I’m emailing you.

Gina

Dear Gina,

The reason I didn’t respond to your question the first two times was to spare you from what I was going to say. But, hey, if you insist:

This is totally effed. Sorry Gina, but you’re completely in the wrong here. I mean, you have got to be kidding me. You cheat on him, but he’s the one who’s supposed to beg your forgiveness?! That’s just messed upp.

So what do I think you should do?

Well, first of all, I think you should reconsider how you treat people you supposedly care about. Cheating is not okay. Sorry. It’s such an effed up thing to do. And then to demand he apologize to YOU just because he dated a little when you weren’t even together?! Not cool, girl. So not cool.

Yeah, I agree, if he said he was waiting for you, he shouldn’t have been dating. But you had already cheated on him! And you weren’t together! I mean, on what grounds are you saying YOU can’t trust HIM?! He even came clean to you about going out to dinner (horrors!)! What the hell more do you want?!

I don’t think you should take him back, Gina. No one deserves to be treated the way you’re treating him. Take a look at yourself and how you treat the people you love and make a decision to change. The way things are going, you’re not going to find yourself in a healthy relationship anytime soon. You get what you give.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

This is real. We're Facebook-Official.

Okay, so as if the world of flirting/dating/hooking up in dark corners wasn’t already confusing enough, we now have Facebook thrown in the mix. You can poke the cutie from Calculus, send some racy “private messages,” and maybe even send a condom or two his way.

But when you actually really like the guy, and have even gone on a couple dates (aka met for lunch in the caf or taken a stroll through the plaza) the whole Facebook situation gets ten times more complicated.

And that brings us to the “relationship status.”  It sits in the corner of our profiles taunting us. “You’re still single??” it screams (accompanied by Facebook ads luring you to Match.com). But when you are seeing someone it’s even worse, nagging you day after day. “Are you official yet?! It’s been a month! Come on already!”

I don’t know how I feel about this little option. I won’t deny that it’s exciting to finally make the official switch to “in a relationship,” but the extra pressure it adds to my love life is a major negative.

Obviously, I’m torn.

Love It:

The fact that making a relationship Facebook official clears up a significant amount of issues surrounding a new relationship. First of all, there is none of that sitting up late at night with your roommate, dissecting his text messages and the way he hugged you goodbye. Does he want a commitment? Is he not sure? Of course he’s sure! He just changed his relationship status!  It sort of brings us back to those Pleasantville days when a guy simply pinned his girl and that was that; when you have been “Facebook officialed” you’re a couple. Done.

Ah, dating has become so black and white.

And when it finally does happen you can inform all of your 1,345 friends instantly. No need to pick up the phone and tell everyone you’ve finally met a great guy when his entire life history, complete with photos, is only a friend request away.

And I have to admit, it is freakin’ exciting. Being able to finally tell that little relationship box, and the rest of the online community, that you are officially “in a relationship”! You will be bombarded with little red number notifications, since everyone “likes” this new change. And it will feel great.

Loathe It:

How official is official anyway?! Is it enough that we text during class and make out every Friday night? And what if you think it’s official, but you have yet to receive the relationship confirmation request. What can you really say to clear up the confusion? “Uh…hey, I was wondering, can we be Facebook official yet?” If this isn’t pitiful, I don’t know what is.

Then there’s the rejection; what if you just want to have fun, and the guy totally jumps the gun and makes it official? (Or vice-versa – we can’t deny that we tend to fall a tad too quickly).  You don’t want to hurt his feelings (because you totally want to have him available for a booty call at all times of the night) but if you accept, everyone else will think you are a couple, which would severely hinder your chances of meeting other cute guys on campus.

Finally: the break up. As if they aren’t awkward already. Now you have to have 1,345 people feeling sorry for you and sending their condolences. Not to mention all your girlfriends “liking” it and leaving comments like “you deserve better anyway,” and “were going to get WASTED tonight!!” Some of these breakups are actually really painful for both parties, and making it unofficial on Facebook totally trivializes it. Not to mention that both of you have to deal with reading the others friends’ plans to take your ex-significant-other out to get wasted and hook up.

And when is it appropriate to make it un-official anyway? Is the next morning too insensitive? Does waiting a week make you seem desperate and clingy? It seems like there isn’t a right answer. Breakups take time, and Facebook doesn’t have “in the process of moving on” as a relationship option.

What does everyone else think? Do you love being able to solidify your relationship via Facebook or does it make the dating even more stressful (if that’s even possible)?

I need more tissue.

Newsflash: No one likes to be dumped. It’s the ultimate feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and just not good enough.

Welcome to the last month of my life. After spending the last year hoping to do so, I finally reconnected with my high school sweetheart — someone I had tons of history with and who knows me better than anyone. After many, many ups and downs, it turns out that college life (even when it was the summer) was just not conducive to our relationship. I could sugar coat it saying that “we broke up,” but the truth is that I was dumped. Ouch.

At this point I should probably clarify that I’m not hating on this guy (or even angry), especially since his reasons for ending it were completely justified. That being said, losing the person you’re closest to is just not an easy thing to do. Not only are you losing what you had in the relationship, but oftentimes you could be losing a best friend as well.

So what do you do? As much as it might feel like your world is ending, spending more that 3 days in your pajamas on the couch watching P.S. I Love You calls for a heartbreak intervention. While the sting of being relationship sh*t-canned will stick around for a little while, it’s important to get back on your feet. I hope these tips will help.

Don’t play the blame game. While it’s really easy to start hating on the SOB who broke your heart, it’s important to remember that relationships often end. Unless your man cheated on you (in which case, I hope you dumped his ass), the breakup is quite possibly nobody’s “fault.” Chances are that you’ve both made some mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and for sure nobody is perfect in a relationship. As much as it sucks, sometimes things just don’t work out.

Reach out. You don’t have to do this by yourself. Your friends and family members have most likely experienced a break up or two, and they might have a few words of wisdom. (Or at least a bottle of Jack.) Sometimes, even having someone to sit and watch TV with you will help you feel less lonely and allow you to get all those feelings off your chest.

Remember that it’s okay to be sad. I know, it’s tempting to pull out the sour grapes and act like you don’t care – but it’s okay to be upset. In a way, it’s like grieving, and you just need to let the emotions run their course. Cry if you have to cry, scream if you have to scream, eat three Costco cakes if you have to eat three Costco cakes… Having your heart broken is a lot like riding a roller coaster, but it’ll be over eventually.

Cut off contact. I really hate this one, but it’s a necessary evil. Texting him “I’m so sorry” a million times isn’t going to make him want you back. Even if your guy pulled the “we can still be friends” card, being friends for the first little while could be a little too painful for you. What if he starts dating someone else? Give each other a little space for a couple weeks and if you both agree, slowly start making contact again. Just remember: being friends doesn’t mean you’re going to start dating again, so if those are your intentions don’t do it. But if you value this person enough to just be friends, give it a shot.

Don’t Bad Mouth. Sure, the douche-bag forgot your birthday (twice) and you’re glad to have him out of your life, but try to be mature. This is especially important if you have mutual friends. Once you start bad mouthing each other, they will feel like they’ve been put in the middle, and nobody wants that. Even though you’re resentful, there was a point in time that you loved this guy. You wouldn’t want him telling his friends all the embarrassing things that are wrong with you – do him the same courtesy.

No Regrets. Sometimes after a relationship ends, it’s easy to look at the time spent together as a waste. Try to remember all the positive things you will take with you long after this guy is out of your life. Memories are good things to hold on to, so try not to regret them. If nothing else, hopefully this experience has taught you what you really want out of a relationship.

Remember it will be okay. I’m not gonna lie, the first few days suck. A lot. It feels like your life is over, and you just don’t know what to do with yourself. They call it being heartbroken for a reason. It’s not a fun thing to experience, but have a shower, get out of your PJs, and eventually things will get better. You may feel like your ex was perfect for you, but just remember that the real perfect guy would want to be with you too.

How do you get over a breakup?

"Oh, you have a girlfriend now? Awesome."

Fact: 100% of girls, always, look like complete sh*t at the gym. While I’m the exception to many rules, I am not the exception to this one. So you can imagine my horror, my utter horror, when I ran into a guy I used to date at the gym yesterday.

[To recap: we casually dated for about three months, during which we completely acted like a couple, but were not labeled as such. Why? Because he “doesn’t believe in relationships.”]

I asked him how he was doing, and he said school was good, blah blah blah, his girlfriend just got a new job, blah blah blah…WAIT WHAT?! Girlfriend? But…but when we were dating he said he didn’t believe in relationships! That monogamy was a sham! That labels ruined things!

My initial reactions were:
1) Jack him in the face.
2) Wait, you can’t throw a punch. Kick him in the balls.
3) Why was I not girlfriend material?

Let’s call it for what it is. There is no way in which this situation is not completely depressing. This is a person who snuggled with me, took me to dinner, told me how pretty I was, told me how smart I was, and still told me he didn’t want me to be his girlfriend. And now, just a few short months later, someone was his girlfriend someone was good enough to be his girlfriend.

And of course in my head I’m just thinking of the 10,000 ways she has to be better than me. She probably doesn’t have cellulite. She probably doesn’t have an annoying horse laugh. She probably looks like Heidi Klum, and sweats Chanel No. 5, and is as brilliant as Marie Curie, and doesn’t use run on sentences.

Since he and I stopped seeing each other, I can honestly say I’ve gotten over him. But it still hurts to find out that Mr. Non-Committal is suddenly Mr. Monogamy for someone else. And realistically I know I can’t completely blame myself…we were just two people who didn’t exactly have that connection. And now he does have that connection. With someone who is not me. Okay, I tried, but it’s not working; I’m still blaming myself!

Also running through me head is: how could I have been so STUPID? “I don’t believe in commitment?” I mean, it is one thing to take things easy and not rush the relationship, but he was flat out telling me that he never, ever intended on me being his girlfriend. He might as well have literally told me, “You are fine to spend time with until I like somebody better.”

Ultimately, I accepted someone else’s terms instead of what I really wanted. So while I won’t get all Alanis on his ass, I’m going to go ahead and say Commitment-phobic is a jackass. Way to pretend you have deeply rooted morals just to avoid growing some balls and telling the truth.

Still, I wish I had been wearing makeup and a better bra when I saw him…

A very good friend of mine recently had her heart torn into pieces by her ex-bf. Now, in my humble opinion there are two foolproof ways to try and get over this. The first option is to hook up with Jude Law. The second is to have a good old fashion ladies’ night. Since the first option is pretty implausible (though apparently possible if you nanny his children), a few of us decided that a night of female only fun was definitely in order.

I guess maybe I should have been more specific when I said, “Don’t invite any guys. It’s going to be only girls. Just women. People with vaginas. Thanks.” The first friend pulled the, “I hope you don’t mind but I invited this foreign exchange student I just met. He needs more friends!” The second sprung the the, “My boyfriend is in the area so he’s going to meet us” (By ‘meet us’ she meant come hang out for 15 minutes before they both left). The friend we planned the failed extravaganza for…you guessed it, ended up calling her ex to pick her up.

And, I’ll admit, I’m the pot calling the kettle boy-crazy… I spent a large quantity of the night in a corner texting my latest love interest.

What the e-f-f is HAPPENING? Now trust me, I understand that when you like a guy you (duh) like spending time with them. But I swear, I want to kidnap half of my friends and tape their eyes open while forcing them to watch 48 straight hours of Lifetime until they remember the meaning of female solidarity. Whether it’s a boyfriend or a boy friend or just some boy, it seems we have a hard time prying ourselves away from the opposite sex…even for one little night.

Am I allowed to be pissed off? I’m going to say yes, a bit. Mostly because I thought friendships mattered, but it seems for a lot of girls, they’re just a thing you pretend to do while waiting for a boyfriend. I get 30 texts a day from my girl friends, but if there’s a guy in the picture, I get one every two weeks (usually when they’ve fought). My roommate last year went from being one of my best friends to a girl in need of a freaking search party once she got a boyfriend (I’m serious, I didn’t see her for a month straight, and I lived. with. her.). Do boyfriends genuinely take up as much time as an internship at Vogue, or are gals making this choice?

Are your girlfriends just for filler?

Let’s hope not. Friends are a wonderful, wonderful thing…they make you laugh, they call you pretty, and you don’t even have to go down on them! Sure, it’s a delicate balancing act; you don’t want to completely ignore your friends or your significant other. But both friendships and romantic relationships are completely essential. It’s worth mastering the art.

So single or coupled, I urge you to make the effort. Come on, we are better than this! Women can talk on the phone for literally hours about nothing! So call up your favorite friend you’ve been neglecting, and talk about absolutely nothing; just don’t talk about men.

"He's got a new GF!?"

I have a pretty boring morning routine. I hear my alarm go off on my iPhone (“Pretty Young Thing” by MJ, if you must know) continue to hit snooze until I only give myself twenty minutes to get ready. Then the routine:

-          Stretch. Rub face seven times.
-          Tear out of bed when I realize that I’m already running thirty minutes late.
-          Get in shower. Shampoo. Condition. Etc.
-          Dry off, get dressed, brush teeth, make goofy faces at myself in the mirror.
-          Run upstairs, notice that I have an extra five minutes.
-          Check Facebook.

Yes, Facebook is usually a part of my morning routine. Sometimes even taking precedent over a nutritious breakfast. Sad, but true.

You log in and scroll through Newsfeed, which usually goes a little something like this: status updates from “kind-of” friends, photos posted from family vacations that you don’t care about, “top 5 favorite Miley Cyrus songs” (she even has 5 songs?), event notification for a band you’ve never heard of, “What’s my Ghetto Name,” more status updates, ex-boyfriend is no longer listed as single, status upd… WAIT WHAT?!

Scroll back up in a panic, hoping you misread. Nope. We have confirmation: That stupid little pink heart is practically jumping off the screen paired with your recent ex, boyfriend or crush’s name. Maybe you already knew they were in a relationship, maybe you had no idea, maybe they broke up with you via Facebook, maybe you went out on a few dates and you thought things were going places but now they are in a relationship with someone who is NOT you.

Whatever the case is, this relationship update is a slap in the face…book.

Why do we care?

In my experience, I knew that it was coming. I knew about my ex’s new girl before it was “Facebook official,” but seeing it broadcast to the entire Facebook world put a horrible feeling in my stomach and, for once, it wasn’t the cookie dough I chomped on for breakfast that caused the pain.

I spent a good twenty minutes staring blankly at my computer screen. Maybe if I stared at the teensy little evil heart on my screen, it would turn black and freeze, sort of like mine did. No dice. Maybe it would break into two, the way that it does when you list yourself as “single.” Nope. Still there. Still intact, the “no longer listed as single” pink heart. AKA: The “too-cool-for-school” way of declaring a relationship.

After getting to work and experiencing servere agita the entire morning, I decided to consult my good guy friend on why relationship status on Facebook matters. I spilled the situation and told him, “I’m so busy and having all this exciting life stuff happening… why does a stupid Facebook relationship, or lack thereof, make me so upset?”

He put it best and said, “Because now everyone knows that he ‘won’ the breakup. Even though it may not normally be such a big deal to you, knowing that it’s a big deal for everyone else who sees it is the worst.”

Ouch. Really? Won?

He’s right. Facebook’s news feed has become a drama-filled newsletter that we all subscribe to. Even if you know your ex is dating someone new, it still bites seeing pictures of them together plastered all over the place. And it doesn’t even have to be a break-up; even if it’s something as simple as a friend excluding you from plans, Facebook makes it visible to you and everyone you hang out with. It sucks. It really sucks.

I feel stupid at first when I get upset over something that happens on Facebook. I mean, it’s just Facebook right? It’s not like it matters. But you know what? It does matter and it’s okay to feel crappy. Of course Facebook isn’t reality, but when your dirty laundry is out there for your entire social network to see it’s going to be painful. Sometimes you need to just swallow your pride and admit to yourself that someone hurt your feelings, and even though it was through Facebook, it feels just as crappy as when you found out the first time over the phone.

Except it’s worse; finding out via your newsfeed means you can’t hang up on them. And that’s the most gratifying part.

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of the city and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

Sometimes I feel like I have different soundtracks to my life. There are those go-to songs for when I’m in a good mood (right now: Homecoming by Kanye and Good Girls Go Bad by Cobra Starship), the songs when I wanna dance (uh, Britney?), and my “Heartbreak Playlist” full of tunes when I need a good cry (Hellooooo, John Hiatt).

But maybe instead of sitting next to my iPod dock crying over those boys who tear my heart out, break-dance on it, then throw it in a blender, I should indulge in a big “Eff You” jam. After all, it’s not me – it’s them. They don’t deserve my tears; they deserve my middle finger.

And this is the perfect tune for the job. Tell me if you don’t agree.

Warning: The language in here isn’t suitable for work/internship/library. Put in those ear buds, ladies, and enjoy.

I hate my exes. Mostly because I’m not even sure I can call them my exes. You see, in the world of the eternally single, you rack up a lot of blurry relationships with people. We go on dates, but we’re not dating. We’re dating, but we’re not together. We’re together, but he’s not my boyfriend. We make out every Tuesday, Thursday, and third Friday of the month, but that’s it.

It’s bad enough when it’s occurring, but when the sordid, undefinable tryst ends…you don’t even know how to bitch about them! Man, that “guy who I used to sometimes make out with (and one time I think we went on a date, but it was only kind of a date because we didn’t refer to it as one)… really sucks.” God. It takes up more effort than the half assed relationship ever did.

The worst of it followed me out this week. Earlier in the summer, I had become interested in (obsessed with) a cute, smart, funny dude I had met while I was out. I gave him my number, and we ended up hanging out (making out) a few times. I started to get frustrated when I realized the extent of our hanging out was us making out, so I finally grew a metaphorical pair and told the horny jerk off. And of course with my luck, two days after I stand up for myself by acting like a crazy bitch, I run into him while I’m out with friends. And I thought Chicago was supposed to be a LARGE city…do I need to move to Hong Kong?

He came up to me and asked how I was doing, then said he hadn’t called lately because he lost my number (Guys: get a new excuse, this one insults my intelligence). I made the conversation last as long as I could before he could see that I was tearing up in public a little (shut up), then proceeded to go back to my group of friends and take the ensuing frustration out on them (again, shut up).

And they kind of didn’t get it. He wasn’t really an ex, after all. He was just some guy. But in all honesty, he wasn’t just some guy; he was some guy I had hopes for, and eventually some guy who let me down. And while that’s no excuse for being a jackass to your friends, it hurt to see him. It hurt to have him lie to me. It especially hurt to see him walk out of the place with his arms around a cute blonde girl. There may have been no official label between us, but I guess no one told my emotions that they had to wait for that to kick in.

When the lines between you are so blurred, it’s hard to describe how or why…but you can still get hurt. Not getting a fourth date with a dude you really liked may not have the same crippling emotions as ending a 2 year relationship, but why can’t we admit that it still kind of stings? Even getting to know someone then realizing YOU don’t like him is a big old let down. All of these things are still disappointments, heartbreakers, and ultimately things that ruin our trust in relationships… and sometimes in ourselves.

And yet it seems we have to be ashamed to admit what should be obvious: undefined does not equate unemotional. Whether or not it reached relationship status, or even second date status, these are people who mattered enough to spend time and effort on. And it completely sucks when that time and effort turns out to be wasted. Come on, I’ve seen them in their skivvies… of course I’m bummed when their actions are not as great as their ass.

It’s just important to realize that emotions can happen for people you intended on being completely unemotional with. So whether it’s an ex-boyfriend or ex-dude who took you out to dinner, it’s still someone who was careless with your precious feelings. And you had better believe those are precious! So go right on ahead… you’re allowed to eat too much ice cream and call him, whatever he was, a jackass.

Let’s be honest here for a second: books like “He’s Just Not That Into You” exist for a reason. And that reason is that women, as a collective, are really good at convincing ourselves of feelings and relationships that just aren’t there. We get so caught up in luuuurve that we don’t let ourselves see what’s really going on.

You know you’ve been there. You get a drunk text from a guy you heart at 3am and think, “Awww, he’s thinking about me!” You’re giddy and excited (and secretly start planning his birthday gift) and when you don’t get a text the next day (or 3 days after that…) you reason that he’s busy, he’s stressed out, or he has a knack for flushing his phone down the toilet when he’s drunk and he did party pretty hard last night. And your friends totally agree.

But, no matter how delusional we get (and, home girl, you know you get delusional), there comes a time when the signs are bright and flashing and undeniable: this kid is over it. Done. Dunzo. See ya never, biatch.

For me, it was when I made plans to go camping with my boyfriend, only to meet him at his house and see him leaving with another chick. (Yeah, it was rough, but I had the can opener, so I’d like to see how that turned out for him!) Or the guy who told me he was moving home for the summer…and then I saw him at the bar later that week.

For the CollegeCandy writers, there were equally obvious signs:

Kelly – Simmons University: When he said “Let’s go up to Sally’s room” minutes after having sex with me. Sally being the friend he ditched me for.

Ness – Sheridan: After the told me to meet him at a concert… and he showed up with his girlfriend.

Kathryn – University of Wisconsin-Madison: When he called me one night and told me detailed (and I mean detailed) information about his sex life. Definitely the fastest way to be shoved into the “friends category.

Kim – University of Delaware: When your girls get invited to a party and you tag along only to find out it’s at his house… and when he spots you he asks who invited you.

Kim – Stanford: He chose XBOX over sex.

Sara C – Fordham: A guy once traveled 150 miles to visit me at school and then insisted on sleeping side-by-side without touching (not even our shoulders) on my uncomfortably narrow dorm bed. Upon finding us the next morning, my roommate said we looked like two corpses in a single coffin. I guess our relationship wasn’t the only thing that had kicked the bucket.

Mandy – Hofstra: When they say “I’m not looking for anything serious”…. even after talking to you for months.

Danielle – Boston University: When he chooses to write a science paper over hooking up with you. That was bad.

Mechelle – Florida State: When he’s not willing to work to make it better. Really, is it so hard to watch a movie with a girl once in a while?

Maddy – Tufts: When I saw pictures of him with another girl on Facebook. So predictable, yet so true.

Ricki- University of Michigan: When he invited his ex-girlfriend up to spend the weekend with him the week before my next date party.

Lauren H – The New School: When his phone spontaneously “stopped getting” all of my calls and texts.

Katie – Michigan State: I knew it was over with my boyfriend when he went to Korea, promising a long-distance relationship and to return in three months…and he never came back.  Or called/texted/e-mailed me.  It’s only through mutual friends that I know he’s alive (unfortunately).

Sarabeth – University of Texas: When he called me at 2am saying, “I’m gonna have a kid.” Yeah, so over.

Erica – Kent State: When I woke up in his bed @ 7 a.m. and he wasn’t there, and when I called to ask him where he was he said “I’m at [Girl's name here]. And I’ll come back whenever the hell I want.”  OUCH.

Elizabeth – University of Missouri: When he would randomly disappear for an entire weekend… which wouldn’t of been such a big deal, if he wasn’t experimenting with ecstasy/shrooms/salvia/acid.

What about you? When did you know that things with you and your man were at a point of no return?

Got a question? Email Tuffy Luv at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and get that shiz answered right.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I dated this guy who I thought was it for 2 years, but I ultimately ended it because he moved away and our relationship became strained and our communications broke down. We planned on seeing where things would go when he came back, but before that happened, we got into a big fight about past things that I thought were non-issues.

We stopped talking for almost a year, but then right before the summer started I began thinking about him more and more. and then ran into him while at his neighbor’s place. We texted each other that day and said that we’re both over all the issues that started the fight. It has been a week since then, and I can’t stop thinking about him. It has caused me to have a lack of sleep, and a lot of stress.

What should I do?

Thanks,
Julie

Dear Julie,

I hate to say it, but I think it might be worth taking a chance on this guy.

Why do I hate to say it, and why do I think it’s worth the chance? Why, by gum, I’ll tell you, Julie, I’ll tell you right now.

Why I hate to say it: Well, usually when you break up with someone, there’s a reason. Unfortunately, cruel human nature makes us forget and–sigh–romanticize the hell out of past relationships. But 9 times out of 10, when you give it another go, you remember very quickly why it didn’t work out in the first place.

Why I think it might be worth taking a chance on this guy: Well, for one thing, you once thought you’d be spending the rest of your life with him. If you really mean it, that’s a major thing to say. Something about him seemed really right to you, and there’s something to be considered in that. And then, of course, there’s the fact that you’re both over these issues. Plus he’s back in town, right? Why not give it another chance?

In short, Jules, you can’t stop thinking about the guy and the issues you two once had have now dissolved. What’s the harm in seeing if there are still sparks? Call the guy up and get started on the rest of your life. I genuinely hope it works out.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv