[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site.  We love a strong woman, so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

It’s one of those debates that has raged for… well, for as long as human beings have done the date and break-up thing. Is fooling around with an ex strictly off limits or a little habit that’s OK to indulge in?

As much as we all wish that our exes would be magically transported to some remote island in the Pacific (ok, maybe the Arctic – why should they get a tropical vacation?),  just like a bad penny, they have a bad habit of turning up again, usually when you’re not wearing makeup. If you have the same friends or go to the same school, odds are good that you are going to run into that old flame somewhere and you know how it is with old flames; they tend to catch fire all over again.

It’s easy to fall back into things with an ex; after all, there was a reason you were together in the first place, right? Plus, you know each other, you know the likes and dislikes and there’s none of the awkward “just starting out” stuff. You get to enjoy all of the heat and passion of doing something taboo, with someone who knows how to “do” you right. Read More »

I’ve been dating this boy for about two months. He’s great, and so far things have been going really well. We spend a lot of time together without getting sick of each other, but haven’t meshed into a creepy and mushy single being like some couples are prone to. He makes me laugh, although it’s usually more at him than with him. He’s GREAT in bed. But best of all, I just feel comfortable with him. I’m not constantly paranoid about checking my makeup or trying to force witty conversation. I can be completely me, and he likes me more for it.

It’s perfect, right?
Not quite.

He has an ex-girlfriend. Not just any ex-girlfriend, THE ex-girlfriend. His first love, the only serious relationship he’s ever had, the girl he was with for his entire college life, the girl his parents thought he would marry. The girl who broke his heart and destroyed his life, but with all the best intentions. The girl who was such a big part of his life that they still talk almost every day. The girl whose mother still tells him he’s the son she never had. The girl he calls when he has a fight with me and needs to sort stuff out.

Of all the ex-girlfriends out there, this one is definitely the most intimidating. How do I compete with this girl who was so perfect? Is he over her? Why aren’t they still together? What if she doesn’t like me, or tries to sabotage this? Read More »

We’ve all heard it before:

“I just got out of a relationship.”

“I really like where we are, and I want to be really close with you, I just don’t want to date you because of my ex-girlfriend.”

“My ex-girlfriend and I are really close, but I swear we’re not dating. We’re just friends (who hook up when we’re home and text each other to make sure that neither one of us has found anyone significant enough to ruin what we have going for the summer).”

Welcome to every single girl’s worst nightmare. Not because we necessarily want to date this guy, but because once we hook up with him; once we learn that not only is he cute, but he is smart and makes us laugh and makes the bedroom spin; we think that we are THE ONE. We are the only person in the world who can make this guy forget about his ex-girlfriend, because we are just that special, and, more importantly, we are HERE, and she is 1,000 miles away at a different school.

You know the scenario: your friend starts hooking up with a guy who has no interest in a girlfriend. The two of you spend the entire night laughing about it and chalking it up to a one-night thing, but then something strange happens: he texts her. They hook up again. And then he texts her on a weeknight. And comes over sober. And before you know it, this friend and Mr. “I’m Just Getting Out of a Relationship” are only hooking up with each other. Read More »

When I say “silver medal”, I’m not talking about the Olympics or sports or anything like that. I’m talking about men. I know most girls hate being a guy’s first when the v-card cashing in isn’t mutual. But I think the worst is being a guy’s second.

My first experience being a silver medal was during freshman year. There was a guy I thought was cute and funny, and I had him in my room late one night watching all of the Saw movies. My roommate was going to be gone all night, so I figured I’d make a move…and he decided to be a whiny bitch about it!

Let’s rewind here a second: this dude’s girlfriend (who he tried to keep after going to college and who I later found out was only a freshman when he was a senior in high school. scuzz bag) broke up with him 4 months ago, but he’d been flirting with me excessively. The movie marathon was his idea. The timing, in my head, was perfect.

Sure, I could be considered the rebound girl, but I wasn’t looking for anything serious.  So I start kissing him, and he starts crying! YES. CRYING!

His Ex was dating other guys, they’d only gone out for 2 months, been broken up for like I said, 4 months, and yet this guy won’t stop talking about how “she still loves me” and “we’re going to get back together, I know it”. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! Until I found out that this girl was his first. I proceeded to give him a hug, tell him it was ok, and send him home. Read More »

Getting over a guy can be tough, especially if he ended things before you were ready to end them. It’s hard enough to try to slip back into the single lifestyle and get over the boy who hurt you when the breakup cuts all of your ties; however, it’s even more difficult when you do see your ex…and harder still to see him with his next.

When a guy moves on before you do, it can be tempting to cry, throw things, or scream like a banshee, but none of those things will make your man come back to you. If you handle the situation like an adult, you will find yourself on a much smoother road to recovery, and you will maintain your dignity along the way.

1. Don’t Avoid the Situation

You go to a party, feeling single and ready to mingle, and then you see them, canoodling on the couch. Your first instinct might be to leave the party in tears and spend the rest of the weekend in bed, sobbing into your pillow. Likewise, if you and your ex shared a group of friends, you might try to avoid social situations where you might run into them. In either scenario, you’ll make getting over him even more difficult, because you’ll be missing out. Who knows? The party you fled might have been one of the greatest nights in your college career. Tough it out, and try to have a good time. Read More »

It may not be mature, but making your ex jealous is just so gratifying. Especially when they cheated on you with some ugly tramp and tore out your heart, stomped on it, threw it in a blender and chugged it.

Ok, so I’m a little bitter. And nothing goes better with bitter than a little revenge. In the form of torture. That involves a tight black dress or a very public makeout sesh with a very good looking stranger.

We received an email this week from a reader who was just dumped by her douchbag (ex) boyfriend. So, in order to help her move on to bigger and better dudes we asked our writers to tell us their favorite methods for making their exes green with envy. Read on for the best tips and tricks that will bring anyone down.

Megan – Brown University: I’m definitely of the don’t get mad, get even, school of thought (not sure I should be proud of that…). Anyway, for Halloween one year, I went to a party at his place dressed to kill in a little black dress and sky-high heels (as a trophy wife, naturally), where I ignored him and danced with his roommate. It worked, my ex noticed…he squeaked (which may have been an attempt at speech), turned and ran, leaving me with the roommate and the ensuing awkwardness…

Julia – UC Berkeley: I took risque pictures (yes, there were clothes involved) with my best friend’s brother, then put them a place that I knew my ex would find them. I’m pretty sure he cried. Read More »

I am an expert in awkward situations. When I first meet people, more often than not, I leave a horrible first impression. I am similarly awkward in my attempts to be a part of the dating scene.

Just last week, a coworker exclaimed, “Kathryn, you have no game. Your entire approach is off!” Yes, this is true. But somehow, I still get some action, which is why she followed her (rather harsh) declaration with the question, “How do you do it?”

Still, no matter how many times I’ve immediately wished I could retract the bizarre statement that just came out of my mouth, I’ve also been with, or had friends who have been with, equally hopeless guys.

Reviewing my own traumatic events, as well as some of my friends’ bizarre sexual encounters, I’ve compiled a list of some of the worst things to say during sex. Because I’m a woman, they are written from a female perspective, but each of these can be just as cringe-worthy coming from a guy.

1. “Ohhhh, Michael… I mean… Dan?”

Make sure you know the name of the person you’re inviting past the pearly gates. Calling someone by another name will at once crush your partner’s ego and make you look sleazy. Once, I was hooking up with a guy and he proceeded to pour out his feelings for another girl… and try to get my advice on how to go about courting her. That really sucked, and he was pissed when I cut our session short. Read More »

You know it’s wrong, but when you see your ex across the room for the first time since the big breakup/clothing exchange, rollin’ around in the sheets seems like the best idea in the world. You convince yourself that it will be fun, just this once, and that you both know what the deal is so there is nothing to lose.

But there is. And even the dudes agree.

If you are considering Ex Sex, read on. No one – male or female – thinks it’s a smart move. And trust us; we too thought it was brilliant at one point, but we learned our lesson and you should learn from it too.

He Said:

When you first break up, hooking up with your ex seems like the best thing possible, a naughty glimmer of hope in a dark sea of suckitude. What was your stupid girlfriend suddenly blooms into a beacon of sexiness. She dresses better, smiles more, never grills you about hanging out with your boys, doesn’t complain about what you’re wearing–even her boobs look bigger! It’s like breaking up was exactly what your mutual sex life—and your relationship–needed.

But it’s a trap.

A number of outcomes are likely. First, if it lasts more than a couple of hot nights, you soon fall back into the same, frustrating routines. Instead of just hooking up, you’re going to dinner with her grandma and shopping for crap you don’t care about. The arguing starts, and she’s once again lost that certain something. Basically, you’re back together-whether you admit it or not–and it sucks just as much as it did in the first place. Read More »

Put this under Things You Should Not Do If You Want To Remain A Happy Person: finding out what your ex is up to now.

To preface, I’m not talking about the person you dated for a month who you kind of cared about but never enough to commit and / or introduce him to your friends. If you want to look through that guy’s Facebook or Myspace, go ahead. Seeing him with his arms wrapped around another girl will probably do nothing but make you kind of glad you’re no longer seeing someone who thinks weird neck tattoos of skulls are cool.

But look, if you loved the dude (or chick), and it kind of ripped your heart out when things ended, do yourself a favor let them remain a mystery. Don’t try to find them on Facebook if you’re not already connected, unfriend them if you are, don’t ask mutual friends about who they’re dating, and for the love of god, DON’T GOOGLE THEM.

I am a naturally nosey person, but after The Big Ex and I split up years ago, I refused to seek out information on the girl he started dating a mere few weeks after our 4 year stint ended. I knew my friends had info, I could tell by their eyes whenever they tried to jump away from the subject, but I never pressed them. And when information was accidentally spilled to me, I made a conscious effort to change the subject and told people “I really don’t care to know”. It was hard, because I did care to know, but I knew that need for knowledge was coming from a macabre place in my brain that loved to torture the rest of me. Read More »

When it comes to Facebook, you would be lying if you said you never found yourself looking at the pictures your winter vacation hookup (from 2001) just posted… or at the girl that annoyingly keeps writing on your boyfriend’s wall (and at all of her friends). I know, I know, you just randomly, somehow, stumbled upon them; you really, truly, only logged on to check your messages…3 hours ago. And now you are searching for that cute guy you met last night whose last name you don’t know (why did his name have to be Aaron?!).

Let’s face it; we’ve all stooped a little bit lower than we like to admit (logging on to a friend’s account to look at someone not in your network). Posted something for the sake of ONE person seeing it (an ex boyfriend perhaps? This picture totally screams “I am SOO over you”), or for the whole Facebook world to see (Look! I met Vince Vaughn! We sat at his table! This totally validates that I am cool. Take that all you who shoved me in a locker in high school!).

Every now and again, we all do a bit of random stalking or, as I chose to call it, investigative journalism. (The dictionary of my life says an email to my friends reporting my findings completely counts as journalism… “He’s single! Scooore!”) But with all this quasi-stalking that we do, we never really think that we are that important or fascinating enough that total randoms would waste their time looking at our photos from Halloween 2006.

That is, until it happens to you… and you find out.

And then, Facebook becomes really creepy. Read More »