Closure. What does that term actually mean?

From conversations with my girl friends, I’ve deduced that “closure” is when you can finally move on from a failed relationship. My friends have described it as the feeling you get once you can finally put the relationship behind you and say goodbye to an ex for good.

But how do we get there? When does that come? And how do we know? Does closure really mean we have to say goodbye to move on? Does it imply that women must kick someone out of their lives to move on with their own?

Well if so, I’m screwed.

My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for years and he is still a sporadic fixture in my life. I met him in elementary school, fell in love with him when I was 16, and now I’m 21 and he is still around. He’s faded into the background a bit, but he’s most definitely still in the picture.

And despite having him around, I am honestly, 100% over him. After a few years of messy friendship and the occasionally stupid hook-up, I finally got over it (hallelujah!) and moved on. I slowly but surely pulled myself together and was happy being single and on my own. After that, I dated and even fell in love again. Read More »

I need more tissue.

Newsflash: No one likes to be dumped. It’s the ultimate feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and just not good enough.

Welcome to the last month of my life. After spending the last year hoping to do so, I finally reconnected with my high school sweetheart — someone I had tons of history with and who knows me better than anyone. After many, many ups and downs, it turns out that college life (even when it was the summer) was just not conducive to our relationship. I could sugar coat it saying that “we broke up,” but the truth is that I was dumped. Ouch.

At this point I should probably clarify that I’m not hating on this guy (or even angry), especially since his reasons for ending it were completely justified. That being said, losing the person you’re closest to is just not an easy thing to do. Not only are you losing what you had in the relationship, but oftentimes you could be losing a best friend as well.

So what do you do? As much as it might feel like your world is ending, spending more that 3 days in your pajamas on the couch watching P.S. I Love You calls for a heartbreak intervention. While the sting of being relationship sh*t-canned will stick around for a little while, it’s important to get back on your feet. I hope these tips will help.

Don’t play the blame game. While it’s really easy to start hating on the SOB who broke your heart, it’s important to remember that relationships often end. Unless your man cheated on you (in which case, I hope you dumped his ass), the breakup is quite possibly nobody’s “fault.” Chances are that you’ve both made some mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and for sure nobody is perfect in a relationship. As much as it sucks, sometimes things just don’t work out. Read More »

"Oh, you have a girlfriend now? Awesome."

Fact: 100% of girls, always, look like complete sh*t at the gym. While I’m the exception to many rules, I am not the exception to this one. So you can imagine my horror, my utter horror, when I ran into a guy I used to date at the gym yesterday.

[To recap: we casually dated for about three months, during which we completely acted like a couple, but were not labeled as such. Why? Because he “doesn’t believe in relationships.”]

I asked him how he was doing, and he said school was good, blah blah blah, his girlfriend just got a new job, blah blah blah…WAIT WHAT?! Girlfriend? But…but when we were dating he said he didn’t believe in relationships! That monogamy was a sham! That labels ruined things!

My initial reactions were:
1) Jack him in the face.
2) Wait, you can’t throw a punch. Kick him in the balls.
3) Why was I not girlfriend material? Read More »

Got a question? Email Tuffy Luv at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and get that shiz answered right.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I dated this guy who I thought was it for 2 years, but I ultimately ended it because he moved away and our relationship became strained and our communications broke down. We planned on seeing where things would go when he came back, but before that happened, we got into a big fight about past things that I thought were non-issues.

We stopped talking for almost a year, but then right before the summer started I began thinking about him more and more. and then ran into him while at his neighbor’s place. We texted each other that day and said that we’re both over all the issues that started the fight. It has been a week since then, and I can’t stop thinking about him. It has caused me to have a lack of sleep, and a lot of stress.

What should I do?

Thanks,
Julie Read More »

It’s a fact of life: unless you marry your high school sweetheart, the older you get, the more relationships you’ve had. And so has your significant other. Not only are there more relationships, but they are more meaningful. There are shared pets, friends that knew ‘them’, ex-apartments, ex-fiances, ex-spouses, even children.

Before I entered the world of adult dating, I didn’t really understand the importance of these factors in forming a new relationship. My lovely older sister used to lose her mind when her boyfriend (now husband)’s ex was mentioned, and I couldn’t understand why. She was history, why was the mention of her name so upsetting? I didn’t care about any of MY boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends. Of course not, they’d dated as teenagers or college students (when they were drunk most of the time, I’m sure), and topped out at a year, two at the most.

Once I joined the grown-ups, I had a new appreciation for ‘the ex’, as she became a more significant being. My boyfriend was with his ex for 8 years, and when I first found that out, the thought of her made me INSANE. Totally irrational, I know, but I’m working through it. It’s far from complete, and I’m sure it will evolve, as all things do, as I age. But for the time being, here are a few things I’ve found that help deal with this relationship reality in a healthy way. Read More »

While there are definitely tons of perks that come with being a celebrity, like the money, nice clothes, and invites to awesome Hollywood parties (to name just a few), fame also has its drawbacks.

Like the paps.

Being a mere mortal, I love the freedom I have of being able to go out of my house in sweatpants and no makeup without fear that an unflattering picture of it would show up online later that day, followed closely by the rag mags discussing my cellulite, my hair and my major fashion Don’t.

And I don’t even want to think of having to deal with my personal life in front of the world. After watching the media frenzy surrounding Lindsay and Sam’s recent breakup, I have really started to feel bad for our little LiLo. I know she’s sort of an attention whore (with a laundry list of issues), but the absolute last thing I’d want to deal with after a big break-up is constant media attention.

Just imagine what it would be like to have to deal with a heartbreaking break up while the world was watching your every move. Would you want the paparazzi swarming you when you’re walking to class in baggy sweats, no makeup, and puffy eyes from crying? Or have photos taken of you while you stock up on cookie dough and Doritos to numb the pain of a broken heart? I know I’d like to avoid any and all photos when I spontaneously burst into tears at the mere mention of beer (“OMG MY EX LOOOOVED BEEEEEEER. Waaaaah”).  Read More »

One recent night at the bar, as I was sipping on my Long Island, a nearby guy began hitting on me. He asked me to dance, and my inebriated-state told me that this was a good idea. However, upon our dancing (read: trying to maintain balance in heels) and conversing (read: finding out basic facts), he told me casually that he used to see one of my sorority sisters. He said that he was surprised he hadn’t met me before, as he had slept at the house so often.

Red Flag.

Peace out, playa.

He seemed a little peeved and surprised that I was no longer interested in “gettin’ out of here” with him. Um, hello? You used to hook up with one of my sisters!

On my chilly, wobbly and lonely walk home, I started thinking about the whole situation.Why was this guy surprised at my sudden complete lack of interest? Moreover, why wasn’t knowing that I knew his ex a big red flag for him, too? Read More »

I once went home with a guy who sniffed his sheets before throwing me down and taking advantage of me. Even worse, once he threw me down to take advantage of me, he asked me if I thought his sheets smelled funny. Really? Is that supposed to get me in the mood?

Then there was that time I went home with the guy who waited until we were both completely naked (on his futon, no less) to tell me that he had a girlfriend. “But I don’t like her that much.”

It seems that the guys I tend to gravitate towards (when heavily intoxicated) don’t have the most tact when it comes to the bedroom boogie. I was curious to see if anyone else had the same experiences, so I asked the CollegeCandy writers to tell me the worst thing a guy has ever done or said in bed. Somehow I don’t feel so bad anymore… Read More »

Ok, so your best friend doesn’t have a boyfriend and is in need of some MAJOR hugging and telling her everything will be fine and that the world is not ending just because she’s alone this Valentine’s Day. Why not give her a cute gift along with all those X’s and O’s?

This Valentine’s Day, it’s all about lovin’…

Presents, that is.

For:

The Frugal One – Not only are brownies yummy to eat, they’re cheap and easy to make, too! And if you’ve always saved the crust for last (since, obviously, it’s the best part), now you can make your entire brownie batch edge-y in this super cool pan.

The Sweet One – Nothing says “I Love You” like toilet paper. Really. Nothing.

The Artsy One -  Chances are, her wall is full of paintings but is missing one of these. Fish are so much easier to talk to than guys, anyway.

The Crazy One – Need to get back at an ex? Well, now you can take a stab at him. Violence is definitely the answer in this case. A very cute, useful answer.

The Forever-A-Kid One – Gum isn’t just for chewing anymore, people. It provides hours of entertainment to stop you from thinking about guys and relationships. Who needs a man when you can make art? Read More »

You meet a really great guy: smart, funny, well-mannered, and good-looking. You seem to hit it off with him when you initiate your first conversation, and realize you have a lot in common. You’re sure this one is a lock, so you ask him out. He declines.

What?! But everything was going so well!

“I’m sorry,” he explains. “I just got out of a bad relationship, and I don’t want to get involved.” Read: he was tainted by a crazy chick.

Since the beginning of time, bad boys have been toying with women’s emotions – playing us, and hurting us. Well, guess what ladies — this isn’t the suffrage era, and some girls out there think they have the power to level the playing field. Unfortunately, these crazy girls ruin the perfectly nice boys for the rest of us perfectly nice girls.

You might think you’re in the clear, but are you? Read on to make sure you don’t fall into the “Crazy Ex Girfriend” category. And if you do, thanks; you’re the reason I’ve been single for so long. Well, at least part of the reason.

The Cheater

This ex-girlfriend broke the guy’s heart, maybe more than once. Perhaps they were together for years, and he walked in on her and his friend one night. Maybe she had multiple “flings,” and confessed them all, in tears, and he forgave her time and again. No matter what, cheating hurts for girls and guys. This girl probably made your guy weary of being cuckolded again and wore down his trust in women. He thinks you’ll cheat, and he’s not ready to be played for a fool again. Read More »