I might be twenty-two years young, but I’ve had my share of relationships, and I’d like to think I’m a pretty decent ex. I don’t harbor bad feelings toward anyone I’ve dated, even the really douchey guys (you know who you are). Sometimes you can manage to be friends with an ex. For example, I’m really good friends with an ex of mine, and it’s not weird at all. And then sometimes there are those exes where you want it to be weird, because maybe they’re a little bit into you still, and you’re not feeling it.

It’s pretty much a guarantee that I can make any situation awkward if I try. What’s that saying? It’s only as awkward as you make it? Well, my friends, I can make it awkward. And so can you! There are a ton of ways to make things awkward with your ex.

initiating the gallery...

[Images via We Heart It]

Caitlin is a senior at the University of Alabama who has an obsession with cupcakes, coffee, and Harry Potter. She always has random fun facts on reserve and aspires to be a professional blogger, social media bug, and/or James Franco’s assistant. Follow her fabulous life @caitlincorsetti. You’re welcome!

What a loony. This is why even Dr. Phil says no one can be friends with their exs. I’d like to parade my bad boyfriends around a stage too J.Lo, but it’s called social skills and I want you to reevaluate yours. Now I understand being a celebrity gets you a lot of leeway with this rule, I know Taylor Swift and Adele enjoy this privilege, so I shouldn’t be surprised.

But ladies, lets not make this a common pattern. I say we take Samantha from Sex and The City’s approach; “Honey when I’m done with them, I’m done with them.” Some ideas of how to better reflect on an ex include:

Remembering both good and bad times, equally.

The equal is vital. If you get too wrapped up in the good, drunk-crying phone calls get made. But if you get wrapped up in the bad, you end up plastering your most recent ex-boyfriend’s car in CVS-brand maxi pads.  Trust me on this one.

Karma is real.

You don’t want your former talking sh*t about you? So don’t do the same to them! I know it’s hard and in your close-knit group of friends it’s always excused, but just remember that what you put out comes back. So if you spend your entire Halloween telling his frat brothers how small his friend is, expect retaliation.

When in doubt, put on some Beyonce.

I don’t care about your age, your gender or your music taste. When you’re feeling that awkward confusion about an ex; “should I call you to tell you I hate you?” or “am I still in love with you?”,  get to your nearest music source and play a lot of Beyonce. Something spiritual will happen friends, I can’t explain it but just know it will fix everything. Because when does she not?

Whislt you mull over these nuggets of wisdom, here are photos of J.Lo and her famous former flames:

Question?! Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I need help.  Two days ago my boyfriend and I split up.  We had a fight about him disappearing for a while without any explanation.  I was furious because that has happened to me before; in high school I had a long-term boyfriend who one day left school and disappeared without telling me.  I never heard from him again.

Well, this past weekend I was afraid that was happening again and I panicked.  When he finally did get back to me I was furious at him for making me panic like that.  I said things I didn’t mean and then we were over.

He had said he was busy (not strictly true because he had been on the phone and he could have found five seconds to let me know everything was fine). I later found out through talking to our mutual friend that he was upset with me and that was why he hadn’t gotten back to me.  So then I was even more upset with him for not being honest with me.

But here’s the thing: this whole thing is my fault.  The whole time we were together, practically, I didn’t trust anything he told me.  I’ve had relationships in the past, and they all turned out terribly.  I realize that everyone has terrible relationships sometimes, but it seems like everyone I care about lets me down.  I don’t trust anyone.

Understand, it’s not the little things I don’t trust him with.  When he says he’s with friends and stuff, I don’t care.

Here’s an example.  One night we were talking, and he was drunk and he said things like he wanted to be with me for a long time, he could see living with me, etc.  And it was so nice of him to say those things.  But it freaked me out!  I mean, I love him, of course, and I feel that way too, but having him say it made me feel uncomfortable, like I didn’t think he meant it.  So the next day I was uncomfortable still and we had a mini-fight and I ended up asking him not to say things like that anymore.  (That’s one of the reasons he was upset with me.)

I realized that this is exactly what happened with my high school boyfriend, when I didn’t trust him and the left.  I feel terrible, and I was messed up over that for years. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.

So my question is this: how do I learn to trust my boyfriend?  What do I do now to make him see I’m sorry and I need him?  How do I stop picking mini-fights over tiny things because I can’t trust that he’s telling me the truth?

Sincerely,
Mistrustful Me

Dear Mistrustful Me,

Girrrrrrl. You need to find a balance between trusting your gut and letting your paranoia eat your face.

It’s like this: Everyone gets let down. It’s true. Friends, family, strangers, they’re all acting in their own best interest, and that’s just human. Unfortunately, sometimes that means someone gets hurt.

In your case, it’s this high school boyfriend who screwed you up. But I think you need a reality check on this one.

I seriously doubt dude dropped out and disappeared because of you.

Sorry. I know it’s become super romanticized in your head and all, but that shoop is just too nuts. The reason he left is a mystery, yes? Now he may not have CONTACTED you because he didn’t want to deal with you. But I seriously doubt he left HIGH SCHOOL because of you. Really. Let’s get a grip here.

However, that said, Aunt Tuffy can totally see how that would floop you up. I mean, it’s a pretty dramatic thing to happen. (PS Hope he’s okay, youknowwhatimean?!?!)

On to the present.

Your now-ex-boyfriend didn’t like that you couldn’t trust him. No one does. In order to be with someone, you HAVE to be willing to be a little vulnerable to them, and that means trusting them when they ask you to.

So in your next relationship, you gotta work on this. Yes? You will take deep breaths and not freak out when everything isn’t perfectly on your schedule.

HOWEVER!

There is a fine line between trusting and being stupid. Because we’ve all got instincts. We all know when someone’s lying.

And in this case, I gotta say, even though I think you’re paranoid in the android, your guy WAS lying to you and I think you sensed it.

I think it’s over with this guy, to be honest with you. Lessons have been learned, correct? You ask how to not pick fights; the answer is, DON’T PICK FIGHTS! If you’re upset about something, give yourself some time to cool off and then ask yourself: Is this really a problem or am I just being paranoid? If, after you’re no longer emotional, you still think something is suspicious, then you can bring it up IN PERSON and in a CALM AND KIND MANNER. If it doesn’t seem like a huge deal after you calm down, you have got to learn to just let it go.

Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

Speaking of letting things go, get rid of that baggage too. Honestly. We all have bad stuff happen to us; when you let it go, you set yourself free. None of this is not such a major deal that you can’t learn to do that, just like everyone else. Trust me, you’ll be way happier. And you deserve that, kid.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Lesson 29: Get Out Of What-Could’ve-Been-Land

There’s a place I’ve been a few too many times, not nearly as sweet as Candyland or as sacred as The Holy Land and though it’s full of wonder it’s not nearly as wonderful as Wonderland. I like to call this place What-Could’ve-Been-Land. With every memory of my ex, I mentally transport myself, each time risking taking up a permanent residence in my love life’s own personal wasteland.

There’s a line between remembering and wondering what could’ve been. A stroll down memory lane, while sometimes painful, is healthy and crucial to learning from your past. Celebrating your anniversary solo a year after the breakup, however, is not healthy. Each time you wonder where you and your ex would be if you’d stayed together, you miss out on the life that’s actually in front of you, the one that doesn’t include your ex. You’re virtually robbing yourself of time better spent living your actual life rather than drifting off to What-Could’ve-Been-Land every time you get the chance.

Saving one of your ex’s button-down shirts post-breakup is one thing but hoarding his voicemails on your iPhone just to hear the sound of his voice on command is an entirely different thing. Unless you’re planning to auto-tune his voicemail messages and turn them into the next big YouTube hit, they’re nothing but wasted space and a secretly shameful showcase of just how much you’re holding onto something that doesn’t exist anymore.

The more you believe in what could’ve been, the more you convince yourself it’s your future. That’s the thing about Wonderland, or really any place other than reality, defying logic seems perfectly logical. And as we wander through What-Could’ve-Been-Land, we choose exclusively to look ahead, never looking back and remembering the times in the relationship that maybe weren’t so good. What-Could’ve-Been-Land becomes Utopia and the problem with Utopia is that it doesn’t really exist. You’d think something so simple wouldn’t get past such smart single women and yet we’re so desperate to escape heartbreak that we’d rather live a pretend life instead.

It’s only human to wonder what could’ve been, not just with ex-boyfriends but also with job offers, missed buses and sliding doors. Sometimes we spend so much time dreaming up a life that we convinced ourselves should’ve happened that we forget we have a perfectly good life in front us, waiting for us to actually live it.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 28 rules of the Single Girl Society

Kvetchtion?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Is Judas Lady Gaga’s first flop?

Cascada’s “San Francisco” attempts to be 2011′s “California Gurls”

We’ve got your Ira Glass fix for the day

When you can’t afford Kanye…get Drake?

What is taste?

And the perfect father’s day gift

“Bethenny Ever After” Finale tonight!

Find out if you’re overreacting in your relationship.

If you’re on Facebook and haven’t “un-friended” your ex in a fit of rage, then you still have the luxury of knowing when he’s moved on and whom he’s moved on with. We all dread the moment we see an ex (or in my experience my actual boyfriend at the time…yup, true story), tagged in a questionable photo with a new girl, fearing that the dreaded ‘in a relationship’ heart will be the next step.

Of course we secretly hope that this new chica isn’t a Natalie Portman look-alike, but we also hope she isn’t some kind of Ke$ha-inspired hot mess. Because then you have to question everything. Now, your immediate reaction may be to cry because somehow your ex thought this Amy-Winehouse doppleganger had more to offer than you.

But when you actually start to think about it, laughter is probably a better choice. I mean, seriously dude, what were you thinking!? Would you ask the concierge to downgrade your penthouse suite to a closet-size room? Would you ask the flight attendant to bump your first-class seat to coach? Then, Tiger, Tony Parker, Jesse James, and all the skeezy downgraders of the world, why would you prefer a train-wreck over a girl who’s got it together?

After a lot of frustration and hours attempting to “man-alyze” the situation, I have come up with these reasons to explain why guys downgrade.

“The Fast-Food Fallacy”- When a guy is really hungry, he’s probably more likely to order a McDonald’s Big Mac instead of driving to a classy sit down restaurant. Well, the same goes for when he’s horny. If you two go to different schools (or in some severe situations, even if your dorms are far away), then chances are that this d-bag downgraded because you aren’t convenient. When he says “you deserve more than I can give you,”  he really means  that he deserves more than Facebook pokes and long-distance sexting. Although little miss-Big Mac is greasy, sloppy, and downright cheap, she probably lives in his dorm which makes her easy and obtainable. Don’t sweat it too much though, we all know Dollar Menu items only lead to clogged arteries and obesity.

“Tiger’s Trigonometric Theory”- We learned in grade school that 5+5= 10. What some guys fail to realize is that two “fives” do not add up to a ten. Neither do five “twos” or ten “ones.”( You heard it Tiger, no amount of IHOP waitresses or strippers will ever equal a supermodel).  By dumping you and sleeping with multiple women this guy probably thinks he’s somehow upgrading. In reality, he is just increasing his chances of getting Chlamydia.

“The Insecure Idiosyncrasy”- Standing next to a hot mess at a bar or party makes you feel good about yourself, right? Well, some guys feel the same way. Exhibit A: Jesse James probably chose a tattooed whore over an Oscar winning actress because he couldn’t stand that Sandra is not only better-looking, but also a lot more successful than him. If a guy is so insecure that he needs a skank to stroke his “ego” (literally and figuratively) than he wasn’t worth it anyway.

“Just Plain Stupidity”- There are certain guys who simply don’t know a good thing even when it climbs up on top of them. (Tony Parker, what the hell were you thinking when you cheated on Eva Longoria?) Everyone knows that if you’re lucky enough to be driving a Mercedes Benz, you don’t take a Toyota Camry out for a spin around the block. And texting, seriously? Didn’t you learn anything from Tiger?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year— except for the fact that you’re at the top of Santa’s Naughty List.  Coal definitely isn’t something you put on your wish list this year but we both know you’ll be getting a lot of it.  Luckily it’s not too late to trick Santa into thinking you walk around with a halo on top of your head.  Here are some ways to redeem yourself.

Stay clear of your exes. You’ll be home for the holidays and so will all of the sexy beasts you left heartbroken back in high school.  Sure, you may be a little lonely stuck at home drinking eggnog and watching “Elf” every night with your cat (I know I will be), but that’s no excuse to be a Christmas break booty call.

Don’t be a Grinch. Christmas shopping for family and friends is always fun. Dad gets a nice Hawaiian shirt, Mom gets a cheese grater, your besties get posters of a shirtless Zac Efron, and you get new jeans, a purse, sunglasses…wait, what?!  Don’t be a gift slut.  I know it’s hard to shop solely for other people with all of the good deals out there, but try to limit the things you buy for yourself.  Plus, if you get everything you want before Christmas, what’s everyone else going to get you?  A freakin’ Shake Weight?

Don’t be “that girl” at the party. There’s bound to be plenty of holiday parties over break full of ugly sweaters, mistletoe, and lots of Christmas cheer.  Since you’ll probably be bumping into old classmates you haven’t seen in awhile and douchey boys that may have turned you down back in the day, you’re obviously going to want to impress them. Show them what they missed out on. And you will!  Drink a reasonable amount, flirt a little, have fun.  Just please don’t be the girl that ends up totally sloshed, facedown in a plate of fruitcake.

Leave extra cookies and milk. With how naughty you’ve been, it’s probably a good idea to fill Santa’s belly a little bit more this year.  Yes, I’m saying you need to suck up. Big time.

I can’t make any promises, but if you follow these guidelines, Santa will be sure to drop a couple “ho’s” off the end of your title this year.

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Demi Lovato drama continues

Rarrrr!

All of the CollegeCandy writers are strong, smart and…er…opinionated people. So we’re not surprised when some of our blogs turn into heated battlegrounds.  But unlike some other sites, we don’t let this scare us.  In fact, we take pride in our super-opinionated writers AND readers. After all, that’s the whole point of CollegeCandy — a place where every college girl gets her voice heard.

So to honor those voices and give you, our opinionated readers, a chance to raise yours once more, we’re bringing you the 15 most controversial CollegeCandy posts of all time. (Well, besides our most recent commentary on Demi Lovato. That wound’s still fresh.)

Break out the claws, ladies!

1. Trying To Understand The Curvy Girl Backlash
By CC Staff
Actually a response to a previous post’s backlash, this post tackled the body image debate that is getting everyone’s panties in a bunch.  The point is raised that va-va-voom celebs like Salma Hayek and Beyonce do not belong in the same category as other women who are a little bigger, like Nikki Blonsky.

2. Taylor Swift Is Really, Super, Totally Overrated
By Lauren
Let’s face it, the girl’s voice is pretty forgettable.  Sure, she’s adorable and wholesome, but why does there have to be a full-on riot every time someone utters a less-than-glowing word against T. Swift?

3. Should I Feel Guilty That I Can Afford An Unpaid Internship?
By: CC Staff
Unpaid internships are kind of the best (and only) way to get your foot in the door for so many careers these days, so why should any of us feel guilty if we have to ask our parents for financial help while we work hard to ensure a future career?

4. Young and Broke: I’m Paying For My Own Education
By: Sarabeth
Sarabeth pays her hefty college tuition – it’s a struggle, but click to see why she’s grateful for this.

5. The Lady Gaga Look Is Getting Old
By: Alex
Most people think Lady Gaga can do no wrong. Some people think wearing a filet mignon hat is definitely wrong don’t.  Call us crazy, but we think it’s okay to disagree with the masses.

5. Greek Speak: Why You Should (And Shouldn’t) Go Greek
By: Sorority Girl
Sororities aren’t for everyone, but some people get a lot out of them. Our Sorority Girl along with a panel of sorority women present both viewpoints.

6. 10 Things We Wish Guys Knew
By: Laura
Our version of Cosmo’s famed column.  Apparently, not everyone agrees with us.

7. Single Girl Hits Rock Bottom
By: Lauren
Being single is great, but sometimes the single-girl diet isn’t so great for our waistlines…or self-esteem.

8. Perez Hilton Is A Hypocrite
By: Laura
Perez is a hater.  And if you’re a hater, you can’t be a hater hater too.

9. Movies Guaranteed To Make You Cry
By: Mazuba
(Confession: A Walk To Remember is playing as I write this.) We break down some of the movies that do it for us whenever we need a good sob-fest.  What are your go-to tearjerkers?

10. I, Slut: Girl-On-Girl Name Calling
By:  Sara O
Just because a girl has a lot of sex, don’t call her a slut.  Or, if you must, think about what you’re really saying first.

11. Why Are Girls So Mean To Each Other?
By: Elizabeth
Why do girls love to hate on each other?  No, seriously, why?

12. Ask A Dude: My Ex Won’t Be My Friend.
By: The Dude
A guy’s (brutally) honest answer to this eternal question.

13. The 30 Most Overrated Guys In Hollywood
By: CC Staff
No offense to these dudes, but we’re just not seeing it.

14. The Dating Double Standard
By: Jill
When guys do it, they’re precious.  When we do it, we’re clingers.  What’s the deal?

15. Weekly Ten: The Top Ten Reasons I Am Hating Hipsters
By: Melanie
We don’t hate you because you’re a hipster.  We hate you because we can’t tell if you’re straight. And handlebar mustaches are gross.