If you want to go to graduate school, then it’s time to start thinking about the Graduate Record Exam (GRE). But before ruining weeks of your life studying and then wasting four hours of your life taking the test, make sure you even need to take it. Do your research! Some schools don’t require it, some care more about certain parts of your score, and some require extra sections. Whatever the case, just make sure you need to take it.

Great. Now let’s say you do need to take it. Unlike the ACT/SAT, which a lot of people didn’t bother studying for back in the day, the GRE tests you on what Educational Testing Services think graduate students should know before grad school. This means you will actually have to study. Remember probability, slope-intercept form, and all those equations from math you thought you were done with years ago? Remember analogies and memorizing flash cards and five paragraph essays? You better hope so, because the GRE brings it all back with a vengeance.

There’s four sections on this bad boy:

1. Verbal – Vocab. Lots and lots of vocab. Go buy some flash cards right now – they will be your best friends soon.
2. Quantitative – Not calculus, thank gosh. But they’re talking all the way back to math you learned in middle school. This includes arithmetic, algebra, geometry, and quantitative comparison.
3. Analytical Writing – Haven’t taken a writing class since freshman year? You may want to refresh your writing skills because you’ll have to write two essays in one sitting: one argumentative and one issue.
4. Experimental (maybe) – This experimental section might show up on your GRE exam, but it won’t count toward your score. ETS wants to do research on future questions on you, and they unfortunately do not let you know. So basically, you might end up taking two Verbal sections and not knowing which was the random experimental part that didn’t count. I was devastated to hear that I would be wasting my time in this manner, but there’s really nothing we can do about it.

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The air is crisp, the leaves are changing, and you can wear cute scarves without looking like a jackass. We all know that that means… MIDTERMS!

October is the best month of the whole year: apple cider, long weekends (Columbus day), and Halloween parties galore. Of course, the world is a cruel place, so amidst all the fun fall festivities, we also get crushed with the madness of midterms.

I think it’s about time we stop letting a few little exams ruin the best party month of the year, so I’ve put together a guide with everything you need to enjoy your midterms.

Study-Group Sloshfest

A lot of people find it more tolerable to study in a group, and a lot of people find it more tolerable to be in a group when they’re wasted. Why not combine the two? Set up a study group, ask each other questions, and anyone who gets one wrong takes a shot. When someone passes out, use their skin as notepaper to write out difficult facts or formulas. They won’t forget the answers next time!

The Best Friend/ Boyfriend / Boy-Down-The-Hall with Adderall

I can guarantee that someone you know has an Adderall prescription. Find them and get to know them; they are your new best friend. If you’re able to obtain a few (or fifty) Adderall, you’ll be able to put off all your studying until a night or two before your exams, leaving your weekends completely free for apple-picking and Halloween parties! Read More »

Farting is always inappropriate and embarrassing.  I will never support any form of butt cheek musicals.  However, I may be forced to change my mind after seeing this little piece of earth-shattering news: Tiger Woods farted.  He farted on the 18th hole of the Buick Open.  Oh yes people, this is news.  This is, in fact, the #1 most searched term on Google right now.  Shocked?  So am I.

However, if this story has taught me one thing, it’s that farting can overshadow more important events (like winning a golf tournament).  Sometimes that’s exactly what you need – a distraction.  Now I doubt that Tiger Woods farted to distract the world from him winning yet another golf thingy (yeah, I don’t care for golf), but seeing all this attention makes me wonder when else we could use a well-timed fart… Read More »

The royal GPA f*ck up.

We’ve all done it. Whether it was “I’m too hungover to go to class” semester, or the easy freshman mistake of loving the lack of attendance policy way too much, at one time our GPA has clicked down point-by-point faster than the funds in our checking account after drunkenly opening a tab at the bar.

I may be only a freshman, but I’ve pretty much already declared my major in GPA Sabotage, with a concentration on Accidental Stupidity. Having been such an idiot my first semester of college, I speak from partial experience on the five unfailing ways to destroy your GPA like a Category 5 earthquake.

1. Racking up a big streak of absences for your class. It’s pretty obvi, almost to the point where it seems ridiculous to bring up, but it’s the most effective method for watching your GPA drop like an axe. Keeping up the good fight in your classes is all about resisting the incredibly tempting ability to skip class. Even if there is no attendance policy, chances are extremely good that you don’t want to miss what’s going on. Plus, catching up after a missed class is a massive headache for anyone with a decent course load.

2. Not participating in class. This is kind of a gray area, but for the most part it can be really destructive to your grade in a class if you just waste your time there. Classes are only worth the money they cost if you’re retaining the information presented, and the professor is there to make sure you do just that. Communicating with your professor and participating in class is definitely the way to get the most out of it, and it can make even a 9 AM lecture more enjoyable. Plus, if you make a big mistake in your class, your professor will likely be extremely helpful in getting you back on track knowing that you are invested in the course.

3. Sleeping through class sessions. This is a biggie. It can be actually painful to try and stay awake in class, especially when it’s one of the soulless 8 AM courses. It risks being mind-numbingly dull to stay awake, but if you sleep through class, you’re wasting your time even being there at all. I have definitely used classtime to catch up on some Zs and learned pretty quickly that it’s one mistake you absolutely don’t want to to make.

4. Blowing off studying for exams, or just the exams in general. The best saying I’ve heard about exams is the Murphy’s Law of College Exams: they are always based on the one class session you didn’t attend, and the chapter in the textbook you didn’t read. There is nothing like a screwed college exam to sink you about two letter grades, if not more. Studying is all-important, as is keeping track of your exam schedule so you don’t accidentally miss one. These two things can mean the difference between doing well in a class and scraping to pass.

5. Cheating/ Plagiarizing. It may be incredibly tempting, but as is largely well-known, either of those offenses are automatic one-way streets to being blacklisted from every college, and having your future resume incredibly tainted. Not only will your test or paper be an automatic zero if you’re caught, but your entire college career will be seriously affected by a brief lack of judgment. No test grade is worth the colossal slap on the hand resulting from cheating, and a paper that’s written with someone else’s words isn’t worth the ink you print it with. If you’re tempted to make either of these serious mistakes, resist them. Academic Dishonesty is one phrase you never, ever want associated with your transcripts.

This semester, I am one of those suckers whose last final falls on the very last day of exam period. Adding to the pain is the fact that it is an exam in statistics, a subject I both loathe and am terrible at. On the midterm I got every answer wrong, but my compassionate TA gave me points for trying.

The fear of my impending final failure sent me scurrying to the library for some quality study time and I have yet to leave (I’m considering having my mail addressed here). Sixteen hours straight in the library and you’re bound to start feeling loopy. In the search for something to concentrate on other than the chi-squared test, you also might start noticing some weird things going on…

Because people are so consumed with work and are therefore also residing in the library, they’ve moved their entire lives into their tiny study space: private phone calls, private conversations, eating habits that should be private (anchovies on top of pizza—blech). I’ve witnessed relationship mini-dramas in the stacks, stumbled across a couple taking a creative study break, and some surreptitious flask sippage. Alchol and sleep deprivation combined with a certain amount of desperation will lead to some interesting things, such as the three recent events that I consider evidence of what too much studying does to the college student’s brain. Read More »

College is so liberating. We don’t need to ask for hall passes to use the bathroom. We don’t necessarily have to explain absences. We can leave super-crowded lectures early because the professor won’t even notice. Hell, some of us can even go to bars with our professors!

The student-teacher relationship gets completely morphed once college hits. Lecturers can be more laid back– the “hip” teachers wear jeans to class and drop curse words to express their points. In many cases, students and teachers can work closely, whether it be during office hours or on a collaborative research project. But, when it comes to student-teacher relationships, how close is too close?

Most of the “hot” teachers in college are probably shrouded in urban legends revolving around steamy love affairs in class. The profs who really connect with the students and relate to us on our level are targets for schoolgirl crushes. And once in a while, a professor comes along who takes full advantage of that. There are obvious taboos regarding student-teacher interaction in high school, thanks to some of the pedophilic educators who have made headlines over the past ten years, but in college, there are many shades of gray.

First of all, college students are of legal age to give consent. And the age gap is much smaller, especially when you throw TA’s into the picture, some of whom may still even be undergrads themselves. Still, can a romance between a professor and a student really blossom in college? Here are some factors to consider: Read More »

1) English is as hard for them as Algebra is for you.

There’s nothing wrong with knowing two languages. Actually it’s pretty cool. But if your professor teaches at a University in the U.S and they are not a fluent English speaker, and they aren’t teaching the language they are fluent in, you could be in for a rough time, especially if the class is science or math. The only thing more difficult then college level mathematics is college level mathematics from Russia (with love).

2) A complete lack of syllabus.

In college, stuff matters. Papers, grades, stuff that is trivial in High School gets more weighty once you sign away a few thousand bucks a semester. A syllabus is a contract between you and the professor to minimize f*ck-ups on both ends. With a syllabus, they can’t bust a giant exam on you and be all “I said!”, and you can’t claim you misheard the due date for the term paper (damn!). If your professor doesn’t come with a syllabus on day one, ask about it. If they don’t have plans for one, you may in some troubs. Write all important dates down.

3) Where did I put my…

People who forget stuff a lot can be cute. Unless you pay them to teach and grade you. Then it’s just annoying. We admit, teachers are people and forgetting stuff is fine, occasionally, but if your teacher forgets most of the stuff they were supposed to bring during the first week, you can bet on a semesters worth of waiting for AV equipment that wasn’t requested and photocopies that didn’t get made. Your assignments are at least slightly in your control, so make 2 copies and keep one for yourself. Read More »

Ew. January. So cold, so gray, so….ugh. You’ve been back in school for a few weeks now and there is no vacation in sight. Just days upon days of reading, writing and cramming. Not the most exciting outlook.You have probably already gotten to the point where you will do anything to avoid heading to the library: your room is spotless, you have emailed every member of your family to update them on your daily life and have changed your Facebook profile pic. Twice.

What else is there to do? How else can you put off studying now that lying out in the sun or taking a long walk are soooo out of the question?

And what about all those hours spent in lecture? How on earth can you pass the time until you’re back on your couch, cozily bundled and watching movies with the roomies?

Being a “real person” (meaning out of college and trying to survive the working world) I have learned a thing or two about passing time. I sit at a desk ten hours a day. Ten hours is a looong time to be looking at Excel spreadsheets and employee files, so I have had many a-opportunity to find some other things to pass the days.

So, being the generous person that I am, I will share with you some top-notch websites to pass time, avoid studying and just make your day. Read More »