If you want to go to graduate school

Great. Now let’s say you do need to take it. Unlike the ACT/SAT, which a lot of people didn’t bother studying for back in the day, the GRE tests you on what Educational Testing Services think graduate students should know before grad school. This means you will actually have to study. Remember probability, slope-intercept form, and all those equations from math you thought you were done with years ago? Remember analogies and memorizing flash cards and five paragraph essays? You better hope so, because the GRE brings it all back with a vengeance.

There’s four sections on this bad boy:

1. Verbal – Vocab. Lots and lots of vocab. Go buy some flash cards right now – they will be your best friends soon.
2. Quantitative – Not calculus, thank gosh. But they’re talking all the way back to math you learned in middle school. This includes arithmetic, algebra, geometry, and quantitative comparison.
3. Analytical Writing – Haven’t taken a writing class since freshman year? You may want to refresh your writing skills because you’ll have to write two essays in one sitting: one argumentative and one issue.
4. Experimental (maybe) – This experimental section might show up on your GRE exam, but it won’t count toward your score. ETS wants to do research on future questions on you, and they unfortunately do not let you know. So basically, you might end up taking two Verbal sections and not knowing which was the random experimental part that didn’t count. I was devastated to hear that I would be wasting my time in this manner, but there’s really nothing we can do about it.

Deciding which study materials to use is entirely up to personal preference. I bought three books to study with because I hate math, I need a great score on verbal, and I didn’t want to shell out the extra cash for a Princeton Review or Kaplan prep course. The reviews on Amazon really helped me understand how effective a book would be or how boring it might be before buying it – some are definitely easier to read than others. If it’s not your learning style, you obviously won’t learn as much. Oh, and make sure you’re buying a NEW book if they promise access to free online practice tests, or else the codes might not work!

In terms of freebies, all Windows users out there can also take advantage of free PowerPrep software from ETS. You should start reading the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, or sign up for Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Day emails to help expand your vocabulary. You can always do prep classes if you want to spend more money and if you need a more structured study schedule, but with a calendar and some willpower you should be fine!

One of the most important things you should do is familiarize yourself with how the GRE works. It’s a Computer Adaptive Test, which means that the difficulty of the questions change as you answer questions correctly or incorrectly. To get a feel for the test, you should do as many electronic practice tests as you can! For example, you need to be more cautious at the beginning of the test because those early questions have greater weight in terms of your score.

In terms of scheduling, you should know a few important facts:

• Most test prep materials recommend 1-2 months to study a few hours everyday
• Remember that you can’t take the GRE more than once a month
• On average, it takes about 4-6 weeks for scores to get to the grad school of your choice
• Your GRE scores are valid for five years after taking the test

Once you’ve got the test scheduled and you’re prepared, here are some tips for actually taking the GRE:

• Arrive to the testing site early and bring a legit photo ID
• Know which schools you want to send your scores to (the first four schools are free!)
• Bring a snack – four hours is a long time to go without food when your brain is working that hard
• Be careful on the early questions!
• Pay attention to time
• Answer EVERY question – on the GRE, guessing is always better than nothing
• Use your scratch paper wisely

Most importantly, don’t stress – they’re testing how well you can take a GRE, not how smart you are or how successful you will be in a master’s program. Grad schools realize this, and typically take your GRE score into account along with your GPA, resume experience, and personal statement.

Hope this helps you get ready for the GRE! What’s helping you study?

October is the best month of the whole year: apple cider, long weekends (Columbus day), and Halloween parties galore. Of course, the world is a cruel place, so amidst all the fun fall festivities, we also get crushed with the madness of midterms.

I think it’s about time we stop letting a few little exams ruin the best party month of the year, so I’ve put together a guide with everything you need to enjoy your midterms.

Study-Group Sloshfest

A lot of people find it more tolerable to study in a group, and a lot of people find it more tolerable to be in a group when they’re wasted. Why not combine the two? Set up a study group, ask each other questions, and anyone who gets one wrong takes a shot. When someone passes out, use their skin as notepaper to write out difficult facts or formulas. They won’t forget the answers next time!

The Best Friend/ Boyfriend / Boy-Down-The-Hall with Adderall

I can guarantee that someone you know has an Adderall prescription. Find them and get to know them; they are your new best friend. If you’re able to obtain a few (or fifty) Adderall, you’ll be able to put off all your studying until a night or two before your exams, leaving your weekends completely free for apple-picking and Halloween parties!

Catch Swine Flu

At my school, the administration is so paranoid about an outbreak that they don’t even want students with flu symptoms to go to the health center. If you have flu symptoms, you’re just supposed to call and report your symptoms, then stay quarantined in your room for days. Since you don’t need to show any proof, it’d be easy to catch the flu the day before, say, midterm week begins. I’d check to see if your own school has similar policies.

Exam Comedy Special

So you got too drunk to learn anything during study group, couldn’t find any Adderall, and your school requires you to actually see a doctor before they diagnose you with the flu. Don’t fret just yet; all hope is not lost. Make your professor laugh with clever answers and they’ll forget all about the fact that you have no idea what you’re talking about. If you aren’t clever enough on your own, there’s always the classic find x ditty to fall back on.

These tips may not help your GPA this semester, but they will protect your sanity. Do you have any more suggestions for making midterm season a little more bearable?

Farting is always inappropriate and embarrassing.  I will never support any form of butt cheek musicals.  However, I may be forced to change my mind after seeing this little piece of earth-shattering news: Tiger Woods farted.  He farted on the 18th hole of the Buick Open.  Oh yes people, this is news.  This is, in fact, the #1 most searched term on Google right now.  Shocked?  So am I.

However, if this story has taught me one thing, it’s that farting can overshadow more important events (like winning a golf tournament).  Sometimes that’s exactly what you need – a distraction.  Now I doubt that Tiger Woods farted to distract the world from him winning yet another golf thingy (yeah, I don’t care for golf), but seeing all this attention makes me wonder when else we could use a well-timed fart…

Cheating On An Exam – Obviously, you should never cheat on an exam.  But, if it’s at 8am on a Friday morning and you are wrecked from the night before, we’ll forgive you for not knowing the biological origins and genealogical history of lemurs.  You know, who does know that stuff?  That kid sitting right in front of you.  Uh-oh!  Your professor caught you leaning forward a bit too far and now has come to confront you.  What should you do?  Fart.  Fart right now so he’ll think you were just trying to shift around to make the fart silent.  Foolproof!

Breaking Up With Someone – Breaking up is hard to do (or so says Neil Sedaka) and is made even harder by all the different technologies on which we proclaim our relationships.  Still, breaking up face-to-face is the polite and acceptable thing to do (even though it’s awkward as balls).  What should you do to break that awkward silence and shift the attention away from the tense, heavy atmosphere?  Fart, of course!  He’ll be so distracted and surprised, you can both have a giggle and then part ways before he remembers what happened. (Or he’ll be so disgusted, you won’t be that difficult to get over….)

Interview - It’s a tough job market out there, so when you actually land an interview, it can be a pretty big deal.  You get new clothes, you make sure your hair and make up are appropriate and professional, and you prepare smart and informed questions about the job and the company.  Even after all this, interviews can be uncomfortable and extremely stressful.  Rather than sit through an awful silence while the interviewer eyes you with disinterest and you struggle to show them how brilliant you are, just let one rip.  This will break the ice and make sure that they won’t forget you when they’re looking at the four-foot high stack of resumes later.  Just make sure it doesn’t stink…

Bar Creeper – These dudes are notoriously hard to shake.  There is literally nothing you can do to throw off a bar creeper if he has his sights set on you.  “No” is a word that doesn’t seem to exist for them and you can forget about subtle hints that you want them to eff off.  You know what’s not so subtle?  Farting.  Even though I’ve never tried this particular tactic, I’m convinced that it will be effective.  Just make sure it’s loud enough to hear over the music (though, perhaps, not loud enough to be heard by everyone in the bar), otherwise your efforts will be wasted.  A smelly fart is also acceptable in this situation.

We’ve all done it. Whether it was “I’m too hungover to go to class” semester, or the easy freshman mistake of loving the lack of attendance policy way too much, at one time our GPA has clicked down point-by-point faster than the funds in our checking account after drunkenly opening a tab at the bar.

I may be only a freshman, but I’ve pretty much already declared my major in GPA Sabotage, with a concentration on Accidental Stupidity. Having been such an idiot my first semester of college, I speak from partial experience on the five unfailing ways to destroy your GPA like a Category 5 earthquake.

1. Racking up a big streak of absences for your class. It’s pretty obvi, almost to the point where it seems ridiculous to bring up, but it’s the most effective method for watching your GPA drop like an axe. Keeping up the good fight in your classes is all about resisting the incredibly tempting ability to skip class. Even if there is no attendance policy, chances are extremely good that you don’t want to miss what’s going on. Plus, catching up after a missed class is a massive headache for anyone with a decent course load.

2. Not participating in class. This is kind of a gray area, but for the most part it can be really destructive to your grade in a class if you just waste your time there. Classes are only worth the money they cost if you’re retaining the information presented, and the professor is there to make sure you do just that. Communicating with your professor and participating in class is definitely the way to get the most out of it, and it can make even a 9 AM lecture more enjoyable. Plus, if you make a big mistake in your class, your professor will likely be extremely helpful in getting you back on track knowing that you are invested in the course.

3. Sleeping through class sessions. This is a biggie. It can be actually painful to try and stay awake in class, especially when it’s one of the soulless 8 AM courses. It risks being mind-numbingly dull to stay awake, but if you sleep through class, you’re wasting your time even being there at all. I have definitely used classtime to catch up on some Zs and learned pretty quickly that it’s one mistake you absolutely don’t want to to make.

4. Blowing off studying for exams, or just the exams in general. The best saying I’ve heard about exams is the Murphy’s Law of College Exams: they are always based on the one class session you didn’t attend, and the chapter in the textbook you didn’t read. There is nothing like a screwed college exam to sink you about two letter grades, if not more. Studying is all-important, as is keeping track of your exam schedule so you don’t accidentally miss one. These two things can mean the difference between doing well in a class and scraping to pass.

5. Cheating/ Plagiarizing. It may be incredibly tempting, but as is largely well-known, either of those offenses are automatic one-way streets to being blacklisted from every college, and having your future resume incredibly tainted. Not only will your test or paper be an automatic zero if you’re caught, but your entire college career will be seriously affected by a brief lack of judgment. No test grade is worth the colossal slap on the hand resulting from cheating, and a paper that’s written with someone else’s words isn’t worth the ink you print it with. If you’re tempted to make either of these serious mistakes, resist them. Academic Dishonesty is one phrase you never, ever want associated with your transcripts.

The fear of my impending final failure sent me scurrying to the library for some quality study time and I have yet to leave (I’m considering having my mail addressed here). Sixteen hours straight in the library and you’re bound to start feeling loopy. In the search for something to concentrate on other than the chi-squared test, you also might start noticing some weird things going on…

Because people are so consumed with work and are therefore also residing in the library, they’ve moved their entire lives into their tiny study space: private phone calls, private conversations, eating habits that should be private (anchovies on top of pizza—blech). I’ve witnessed relationship mini-dramas in the stacks, stumbled across a couple taking a creative study break, and some surreptitious flask sippage. Alchol and sleep deprivation combined with a certain amount of desperation will lead to some interesting things, such as the three recent events that I consider evidence of what too much studying does to the college student’s brain.

1. The Naked Donut Run

This is a tradition at my school that was started a few years back by some very enterprising students. Also very brave ones. Every semester we have a reading week in which to prepare for the upcoming hell of finals. Every semester we have a group of students buy several dozen treats from the nearby Dunkin’ Donuts and hand them out to us poor harried creatures that once resembled students in the libraries. The twist? They do it in the nude. And considering most people are sitting at desks while studying, that puts you at a very interesting eye level.

2. The Absolute Quiet Riot

The Absolute Quiet Riot, a beloved tradition of three years, is the best study break I can imagine. It takes place in our Absolute Quiet Room, a completely silent space I’m sure everyone has at their school. At a prearranged time, a significant number (oh no, I’m thinking in stats terms!) of the students working in that room get up from their books and climb on to the tables and boogie. I’ve seen the swim, the lawnmower, and a variety of moves that should not be done without adult supervision, all in complete silence. It is the Absolute Quiet Room, after all.

3. The Band Playing Christmas Carols

I’m sure many people enjoy listening to music while working. I myself am a fan of having a TV show such as Sex and the City on in the background. This is somewhat detrimental to the work itself, but it does give me useful ideas on what shoes I will treat myself to when (if) I survive finals. However, I feel that noise of that calibre should be enjoyed through headphones. Last week I discovered that the Brown Band does not feel the same way. They marched on down to the basement of our Sciences Library and proceeded to play a rousing rendition of Jingle Bells, which was then followed by other carols. My ears are still ringing and I can’t use my calculator without thinking of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

These are some of the strangest things I have ever seen in a library, aside from our challenge (drink a shot on each of the 14 floors), but I’m sure you all might have seen something even weirder than naked people proffering sweets.

So, let’s hear it! What’s the weirdest thing you’ve witnessed during a late night at the library?

[photo source: http://agitprop.typepad.com/]

The student-teacher relationship gets completely morphed once college hits. Lecturers can be more laid back– the “hip” teachers wear jeans to class and drop curse words to express their points. In many cases, students and teachers can work closely, whether it be during office hours or on a collaborative research project. But, when it comes to student-teacher relationships, how close is too close?

Most of the “hot” teachers in college are probably shrouded in urban legends revolving around steamy love affairs in class. The profs who really connect with the students and relate to us on our level are targets for schoolgirl crushes. And once in a while, a professor comes along who takes full advantage of that. There are obvious taboos regarding student-teacher interaction in high school, thanks to some of the pedophilic educators who have made headlines over the past ten years, but in college, there are many shades of gray.

First of all, college students are of legal age to give consent. And the age gap is much smaller, especially when you throw TA’s into the picture, some of whom may still even be undergrads themselves. Still, can a romance between a professor and a student really blossom in college? Here are some factors to consider:

1. Who Makes the First Move?

It’s awkward enough following up with the cutie whose number you scored at Saturday’s Graffiti Party. If you are crushing on your professor or TA, you cross more than just the ‘friendship’ line by making a move. If he really was just giving you extra attention because you really needed extra help, then you’re going to get derailed by a freight train of anxiety after he turns you down…plus, you’ll still have to look him in the face for the rest of the semester.

The prof making the first move can be just as awkward: is he some kind of perv who hits on all the undergrads? Is he trying to use his status as your superior to his advantage? Keep in mind that a teacher hitting on a student is pretty much sexual harassment, so if Dr. Dreamboat actually makes a pass, he’s risking more than just mortification: he’s risking his job.

2. Are you on the same level?

Professors have way more life experience than we do. To be a university professor, they have to hold PhD’s and be published regularly. Not to mention have more than a few years on you. They’ve gone through the college party circuit; you haven’t. Can you really be on the same page about your torrid love affair?

You see him as older, mature, and booksmart sexy. But are you sure he doesn’t just see you as a naive, innocent schoolgirl?

3. If the Relationship is Outed, There WILL be Consequences.

Simply put: his career will be jeopardized and your academic integrity will be questioned. Who’s to say you earned those A’s, when you’ve been getting extra credit in the bedroom?

4. There May be Tension in the Classroom.

You hit on your prof and he turns you down – awkward.

You have a one night stand, and come Monday morning, you have to sit and listen to him lecture about how Eliot’s The Wasteland is a marvel of modern British Lit – awkward and boring.

You have to take notes, but all you can think about is scratching your nails down his back as he thrusted away last weekend – a little hot, but you need to focus on the notes!

You thought he actually liked you; he sees it as a one-night stand to be locked away with the other skeletons in his closet – a bruise to your ego, AND he still gets to grade your exams.

5. There are Plenty of Fish in the University Sea.

There’s a lot of wrenches that can be thrown into your education if you’ve hooked up with your professor or TA. You can’t go on public dates with your professor, or bring him to Lambda Chi’s keg party, or even cuddle with him in your dorm. So why risk all of the above by trying to be that girl? I admit, it’s a little different when you’re talking about a TA as opposed to a faculty professor, especially if the age gap isn’t too wide. But if you really feel like there’s a connection, why not wait until the semester is over, and see if anything blossoms?

In “normal” relationships, we often take things slow, so what’s the big hurry to jump in bed with a teacher? Just to play out a fantasy in real life?

I’ve had some pretty cool teachers in my life, but never pursued anything past intellectual conversation. Why? Because I liked that those professors appreciated my intellect and the hard work I put into their class. When it was time to grab some stellar reference letters, I knew I had never jeopardized my reputation with these professors, which was a plus. On the other hand, I’ve been a TA, and taught students only a couple of years my junior. Some of my students were cool as hell, and we sometimes let office hours discussions segue into semi-personal conversations (e.g. favorite music, politics, or other PG topics). Still, I never thought of them as anything more than my students, and if I continued to correspond with them after class ended, it always remained strictly platonic.

The student-professor love affair has been romanticized in books, TV shows, movies, and via word-of-mouth. Still, some things are better left to the imagination. I recommend sticking to your peers, rather than pursuing your profs.

There’s nothing wrong with knowing two languages. Actually it’s pretty cool. But if your professor teaches at a University in the U.S and they are not a fluent English speaker, and they aren’t teaching the language they are fluent in, you could be in for a rough time, especially if the class is science or math. The only thing more difficult then college level mathematics is college level mathematics from Russia (with love).

2) A complete lack of syllabus.

In college, stuff matters. Papers, grades, stuff that is trivial in High School gets more weighty once you sign away a few thousand bucks a semester. A syllabus is a contract between you and the professor to minimize f*ck-ups on both ends. With a syllabus, they can’t bust a giant exam on you and be all “I said!”, and you can’t claim you misheard the due date for the term paper (damn!). If your professor doesn’t come with a syllabus on day one, ask about it. If they don’t have plans for one, you may in some troubs. Write all important dates down.

3) Where did I put my…

People who forget stuff a lot can be cute. Unless you pay them to teach and grade you. Then it’s just annoying. We admit, teachers are people and forgetting stuff is fine, occasionally, but if your teacher forgets most of the stuff they were supposed to bring during the first week, you can bet on a semesters worth of waiting for AV equipment that wasn’t requested and photocopies that didn’t get made. Your assignments are at least slightly in your control, so make 2 copies and keep one for yourself.

4) Militant Political Views (In any direction)

It doesn’t matter if you agree with your new professor’s crazy theories, prof’s who bring their crazy into the classroom end up wasting your time. If you’ve got a super liberal, there is gonna be one Bushie student who never lets anything go. If you’ve got a right-winger, there’s gonna be a granola child who throws red paint on them. Crazy fem-nazis hate you because you have a boyfriend, and idiot chauvinists who won’t stop suggesting your ‘female chemicals’ make you irrational. It’s a free country, and you can believe whatever you want. But I don’t pay you to talk about those beliefs, motherf*cker!

5) Mr/Ms.Smiles

Every class has jerks. Kids who need the credit but don’t want to be there. They ask stupid, sarcastic questions, yell aloud, text and use the cell phone — I even had one girl bring her yippy dog to class. Jerk students are all around distractions, wasting everyone’s time. No one wants a Prof who’s mean, but you need someone who will check these offenders when the time comes, before the classroom devolves into some bizarre Lord Of The Flies type setting. Be wary of teachers who refuse to tell kids they are incorrect or out of line.

[Any other warning signs? Let us know!!]

Ew. January. So cold, so gray, so….ugh. You’ve been back in school for a few weeks now and there is no vacation in sight. Just days upon days of reading, writing and cramming. Not the most exciting outlook.You have probably already gotten to the point where you will do anything to avoid heading to the library: your room is spotless, you have emailed every member of your family to update them on your daily life and have changed your Facebook profile pic. Twice.

What else is there to do? How else can you put off studying now that lying out in the sun or taking a long walk are soooo out of the question?

And what about all those hours spent in lecture? How on earth can you pass the time until you’re back on your couch, cozily bundled and watching movies with the roomies?

Being a “real person” (meaning out of college and trying to survive the working world) I have learned a thing or two about passing time. I sit at a desk ten hours a day. Ten hours is a looong time to be looking at Excel spreadsheets and employee files, so I have had many a-opportunity to find some other things to pass the days.

So, being the generous person that I am, I will share with you some top-notch websites to pass time, avoid studying and just make your day.

Hotchickswithdouchebags.com: I just came across this site recently and it truly is one of the best things on the internet right now. The guy who runs the site finds pictures of, well, hot chicks with douchbags and posts them. New pics (and commentary) are being posted daily – along with a large archive – so this will keep you entertained forever.

Gofugyourself.com: Once you read this site you will want the Fug Girls to be your best friends. Instead of ripping apart celebs for speaking in British accents or heading to rehab, these ladies rip them apart for their fashion indiscretions. These girls are seriously funny. I have spent entire days flipping through their archives and it never gets old.

Thesuperficial.com: If you think Perez Hilton is funny it’s because you haven’t experienced true celeb-blogging hilarity. I am not sure who writes this site, but he is a genius. And he doesn’t ruin photos with white squiggly marks. Perez has nothing on this dude.

Addictinggames.com: Remember back in middle school when you had to memorize the U.S. map? Well, this game tests your knowledge. I know putting states on a map seems un-fun, but something about it is totally addicting. I can’t stop!

Craigslist.com: CL isn’t just for people looking for a couch. There are so many freaks on there looking for love, for wild sex and for that special someone that they didn’t have the courage to approach in person. They even have a “Best Of” section that is to die for. Best part: you have hundreds of cities to look through, so the fun never ends.

Got any other time wasters we should all know about?